How Could This Happen To Me?
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: She finally took a deep and calming breath. “Please, God,” she pleaded. “Please, don’t take him, and I swear… I swear I’ll take care of him. I’ll take care of him, and I’ll love him until the day I die. Please, don’t take him now. Please.”
1. How Could This Happen To Me?

Heya, everybody! This little idea began as a simple, one shot song fic, but you know how these things go... (shrugs shoulders) So, much to the prodding of someone who will remain anonymous... (glares at Essy) I broke this in half. It takes place right after Endgame, and the rating is subject to change, cause Alex has such a foul mouth... Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not mine! Not mine! (looks at Essy, who shakes head) Still not mine!

This chapter is dedicated to Essy, who poked and prodded at me to finish this, and cause she wants to see more of Alex's mental angst. Love ya, chicky!

Tears stung at his eyes as he sped down the highway. "Come on, Eames. Answer the phone," he pleaded, but she didn't answer. With a cry of frustration, he threw the phone onto the passenger's seat, then gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.

He didn't know where he was going. All that he cared was that it was taking him far away from everything. From the pain of his mother's death, from the anguish of not even knowing who he was, and from the guilt he felt for shoving away the only person who was even willing to help him beyond a pat on the back and an, "It'll be okay."

He saw the New Jersey state line, and he didn't care. He was exhausted, and even the moon seemed to glare down accusingly at him. His head slipped down. He was so tired.

Jerking his head back up at the sound of horns wailing and tires screeching, he saw the headlights coming straight at him. Too late, he grabbed the wheel and desperately clawed at it, willing the car to go in another direction. Any direction.

Suddenly the SUV swerved to the right, and all that could be heard was the squealing of the tires as the SUV disappeared over the steep incline on the side of the road. The vehicle rolled twice, three times. After the fourth, it jerked to a stop, and all was silent.

I open my eyes, I try to see but I'm blinded

By the white light

I can't remember how, I can't remember why

I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain, and I can't make it go away

No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes

Got nowhere to run

The night goes on as I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me?

"Bobby!" Alex cried as she bolted upright in her bed. Her room was dark and silent, and her chest heaved as she tried to clear her mind of the horrific nightmare.

In the dream, or nightmare, rather, Bobby had been driving down an empty strip of highway. Suddenly a car had traveled his way, and he had lost control of the SUV and skidded off of the side of the road. The vehicle had rolled several times before coming to a stop with terrifying silence.

She had never been a believer in the truth of dreams, but this one had her reaching for her cell phone.

Just as her fingertips brushed the familiar plastic, her house phone rang, making her gasp and then scold herself for the knee jerk reaction. "Eames," she said into the mouth piece.

_Good morning, darlin'_, Mike drawled, and Alex exhaled noisily. 

"What do you want, Mike?"

Ross needs us down at a crime scene.

She sighed and grunted her affirmation, then hung the phone up. Shakily, she climbed out of her bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and her sneakers, then grabbed her cell phone.

As she walked out her front door, she wondered where her partner was, and how he was doing.

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"There you are," Mike said as she walked up to the cordoned crime scene and ducked under the yellow tape.

She nodded briefly at him, then asked, "Where's your partner?"

Mike shrugged his shoulders and gestured his hands in the air. "Something about a sick niece. Anyways, we've got a thirty two year old male. His skull was crushed with what looks like a hammer."

She blanched and crouched down next to the body, but before she could get a good look at the body, her cell phone rang. With a somewhat relieved sigh, she stood up and dug into her pocket, retrieving the phone.

"Eames."

_Is this detective Alex Eames?_ a female voice inquired, and Alex's brow furrowed. 

"Yes. Who is this?"

This is Dr. Samantha Jensen, at Walker Hospital. I'm calling in regards to Robert Goren. Do you know him?

Alex's stomach instantly dropped to her feet, and she swallowed thickly several times before saying, "Yes, I know him. He's my… he's my partner."

Detective Eames, I'm very sorry-

"Oh God. Please tell me he's not dead. Please," she begged, ignoring the strange and worried glances she was receiving from Mike.

_Mr. Goren is in a very critical condition. Would it be possible for you to come down here?_ the doctor inquired. 

She didn't need to ask twice. "Where is he?"

As soon as Dr. Jensen gave her the address, Alex shut the phone and shoved it into her pocket. Then she took off to her car, leaving behind a very confused and worried Mike as she sped out of the parking lot.

The hospital that Bobby was in was over two hours away, and as Alex reached the New York state line, she gripped the steering wheel and began to pray.

"Please, please God, let him be okay," she pleaded, squinting against the light of the rising sun. Suddenly anger swelled within her, and she stared off into the horizon as she said, "God, you took Joe away from me. You can't take Bobby, too! You can't!"

She slammed her hands against the steering wheel and let out a sob. "Damn it, I can't lose him! I can't lose him!" She was quickly surprised and overwhelmed by her anger and possessiveness of the man that she had come to think the world of.

She continued to rant until her anger was spent, and when it finally was, she felt guilty for being angry with God, even if all she could see were the bad things that had been happing to her and Bobby lately.

She finally took a deep and calming breath. "Please, God," she pleaded. "Please, don't take him, and I swear… I swear I'll take care of him. I'll take care of him, and I'll love him until the day I die. Please, don't take him now. Please."

She sniffed and wiped the tears away, then continued to focus on the lines ahead of her. _I'm coming, Bobby, _she thought.

_Everybody's screaming, I try to make a sound_

_But no one hears me_

_I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread_

_I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered_

_And I can't explain what happened_

_And I can't erase the things that I've done_

_No I can't_

_How could this happen to me?_

_I've made my mistakes_

_Got nowhere to run_

_The night goes on as I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me?_

She barely remembered to turn the car off as she jumped out of the vehicle and nearly ran to the entrance of the hospital. Stepping through the automatic doors, she shivered slightly at the blast of cold air that greeted her.

Despite the fact that it was only eight in the morning, the hospital was incredibly busy. As she walked to the reception desk, she saw nearly a dozen injured or ill people out of the corner of her eye.

A warm receptionist looked up at her, and Alex said, "I'm looking for Robert Goren."

"Do you have any I.D., ma'am?" the woman asked politely, and after Alex flashed her badge, she quickly began tapping on the keyboard in front of her.

"Ah. Mr. Goren is in… I.C.U. I'm sorry," the woman said sympathetically. Alex's face dropped, and the receptionist quickly said, "Just take the elevator to the third floor. You'll be able to see it from there."

Mumbling a quick thank you, Alex headed in the direction of the elevator, stepped inside as someone stepped out, and quickly pushed the button for the third floor. The doors closed slowly, and Alex's eyes remained glued to the doors until they reopened, allowing her to step out.

The receptionist was right. As soon as she stepped out, she immediately saw the I.C.U. wing, and she walked quickly and with purpose. She was a woman on a mission, and nothing or no one would deter her. Finally reaching the nurse's station, she eyed a tired looking nurse before saying, "I'm looking for Robert Goren."

"And you are?" the tired nurse asked, and Alex gritted her teeth and flashed her badge.

"I'm his partner. Now, where is he?" she repeated, and the nurse looked at her ruefully before checking the computer in front of her.

"He's in room 318. Just over there. His doctor will be there to talk with you in a little while." The nurse pointed to a room about twenty feet away, and Alex spun on her heel and quickly approached the room, her heart rate increasing with each step she took.

She had always hated the sounds and smells of a hospital, but as soon as she walked through the door, everything else faded away. The room was fairly dark and filled with machines, but she was instinctively drawn to him. As though she had been there before with him.

Machines beeped incessantly, but the sound of her own heart racing as she looked at him for the first time drowned the sound out.

"God, Bobby. What the hell happened to you?" she breathed, laying one small hand timidly on his chest. He didn't stir at her voice or touch, and that terrified her.

"He was in a car accident," a deep voice stated, and Alex whirled around, but kept her hand on Bobby's chest in a sign of protectiveness. A white male in his forties appeared in the room, the white coat he was wearing telling Alex that he was Bobby's doctor.

"I didn't know," she stated softly, her hand remaining on her partner's chest. "I would have been here sooner."

The man took another step closer to Alex, extending his hand to her. "I'm Dr. Jacobs."

She shook his hand reluctantly. "Alex Eames." She released his hand and motioned to Bobby. "He's my partner, and my… my best friend." She drew in a harried breath. "I don't want to beat around the bush. I was told that his condition was critical. Is my partner going to be all right?"

Jacobs immediately liked the petite, five foot two inch, very protective woman in front of him. She seemed like a no nonsense woman, and he hated to have to tell her what he was going to tell her.

"All right, fair enough. You were informed correctly. Mr. Goren's condition is not very hopeful. From what we can gather, he lost control of the vehicle, and it flipped several times. The good thing was that he had been wearing a seat belt. If he had not, it is most likely that he would have been thrown from the vehicle and killed on impact."

Alex shivered as images of a morgue and identifying her best friend's body flashed through her mind. She steadied her fingers over his beating heart, allowing the steady rhythm to send a soothing calm coursing through her veins.

"He's suffering from massive internal bleeding. There were many complications during the surgery, along with head trauma."

"Is he in pain?" she asked suddenly.

The doctor looked over at Bobby, then rubbed his temple with his fingertips. "I'm afraid that that is all he's feeling right now, ma'am."

She shivered again, and her hand slowly moved from his chest down to his hand. As she bit her lip, her fingers curled around his hand, and she couldn't help but wonder if the contact was causing him more pain.

"Will he… Is he going to wake up?" she questioned softly, her thumb running along Bobby's knuckles.

The frown that appeared on his face sent her reeling, and he said bluntly, "We're not sure that he will, Miss Eames."

Suddenly the room began to spin, and she sank down into the chair beside Bobby's bed. "Oh my God, Bobby," she whimpered, her free hand reaching over to gently stroke his damp curls. She heard the doctor leave, but she didn't care. All of her attention was completely focused on the man in the bed beside her.

"Bobby."

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The chapel was surprisingly empty, and Alex felt a cold chill run down her spine as she thought of another time when she had stood in the chapel of a hospital. When she had prayed for the life of another.

As she walked down the center of the pews, she dragged her fingertips along the cool wood, keeping her eyes on the floor until she reached the front of the room.

When she finally had the strength to look up, she found herself face to face with a large crucifix. Suddenly the severity of everything slammed into her, and she dropped to one knee in front of the wooden cross.

Bowing her head, Alex felt herself repeating the same prayer she had said in the car. "Please, God. Please, don't take him. Just let him live, and I'll take care of him. I swear, I'll take care of him and love him for the rest of my life. I swear," she mumbled before rising unsteadily to her feet.

She stood there for a few more minutes, reflecting on the past seven years, on how her life had changed since a certain brown eyed, tenderhearted man had walked into it.

Glancing at the cross one final time, she turned around on her heel and walked out of the chapel, hoping that God had heard and answered her prayer.

_I've made my mistakes, got nowhere to run_

_The night goes on as I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me?_

TBC...

A/N: (ducks flaming left shoes and sporks) Eep! Don't worry, everyone! I've got the story almost finished, so don't worry! And the song used there is the Simple Plan song Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me?) Please review while I put Alex through more angst!


	2. Prayers In A Chapel

Whoa, ya'll really like this story! Well, I kinda goofed. I thought this was going to be just a oneshot, then it became a two shot, and now... well, now I just don't know! It's kinda taken on a mind of it's own! But I know right where it's going, so it should be finished before the weekend's out! Enjoy this new chapter, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not mine... Dang it.

Okay, I'd like to give a HUGE thank you to Infinity Star, who so graciously agreed to help me write out most of this scene. She's absolutely wonderful, and I'm so happy that I got to write with her. Thanks, Infinity!

Resting her head on his arm, Alex sighed and swallowed another sob that threatened to escape. Behind her, she could hear the voices of their colleagues just outside of the door. She had called them two hours after arriving at the hospital, including their former captain, Deakins.

She felt a hand on her back, and she didn't even have to turn around to know who was there behind her. "I'm not leaving him, Mike," she muttered, and she heard an aggravated sigh.

"Alex, you can't make yourself sick over this. You know that Bobby sure as hell wouldn't want you doing that," he stated, squeezing her shoulder.

"And I'm not leaving him," she snapped, lifting her head to glare up at Mike. "He's my partner, and I won't leave him."

"No one's asking you to leave him, Alex. We're just worried about you. You can't sit here for God knows how long and ignore your own needs, sweetheart," he said quietly. "Go home, get a shower, get some sleep and some food, then come back. I'll stay with him, alright?"

She didn't want to. She didn't want to do anything but stay with Bobby and watch him breath, see the proof that he was still with her and fighting. But Mike had a point. She would be useless to Bobby if she was exhausted and couldn't take care of him.

Heaving a sigh, she rose stiffly to her feet and leaned down close to Bobby's ear. "I'll be back in a few hours, Bobby," she whispered. "I promise." She straightened back up after a lingering moment, watching his passive face for a few seconds before walking away from the bed.

She took a step, then turned back to Mike and said, "Don't… don't let anything happen to him," she whispered, and he nodded firmly.

"Have a good sleep."

She nodded again and walked out of the I.C.U. room. But instead of heading for the exit, she walked back to the chapel where she had taken refuge the previous night.

How do I get through the night without you?

If I had to live without you

What kind of life would that be?

Oh, I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold

You're my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away everything

Good in my life

It was too much. Here she was again, sitting in the chapel and staring at the wooden cross at the front of the room. Why was this happening? It just wasn't fair!

A sob came from the other side of the room, and suddenly Alex was acutely aware that she was no longer alone. On the other side of the chapel was a lone woman, much like herself. Her head was bowed, and her shoulders were shaking. For some reason, Alex was drawn to the woman, and she slowly rose to her feet and walked over, closing the gap between them.

Strangely, she had no problem sitting down beside the woman. "Hi," Alex greeted her softly. "Are you all right?"

She turned to look at the petite woman who sat beside her and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be all right."

Alex leaned back against the cool wood, and she tucked her hands behind her head. "Why... why do you think people come here?" she wondered out loud, and for a second, she could've sworn that Bobby had asked that question.

"Desperation."

"Hmm." The answer made sense to Alex. But she wasn't there out of desperation as much as she was for fear and the sheer pain of possibly losing her partner.

"Why are you here?"

"My... my partner," Alex answered softly, wringing her hands in her lap. "He was in an accident. The doctors don't seem to think that he'll survive."

She studied Alex. "I'm sorry. Is he in Intensive Care?

"Yes," came her weary reply. "A colleague of ours kicked me out. He thinks I'm at home getting some sleep."

"Sometimes prayer is better than sleep."

"So I've heard. But I'm not so sure. I've been praying since I heard..." She inhaled deeply and fought to suppress her tears.

"And you haven't seen any improvement, so you wonder if God has heard you at all."

She looked at the woman in surprise. How could she know? "Y- yes," she admitted with a small amount of guilt. "How do you know?"

"I've been there."

"I just don't know what to do!" she admitted suddenly. "I can't lose him. And he's already been through so much pain... Why should he have to go through more?"

"Sometimes life seems unfair, but in the long run, it's really true that God rarely ever gives us more than we can handle."

"I'm not sure I believe that. He's... he's lost his mother, his brother might as well not even be his family, and now he thinks that he's alone in this world." She pressed her hand to her mouth and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "I can't even tell him it'll be all right, because I just don't know. I can't even imagine not having any family."

And tell me now, how do I live without you?

I want to know

How do I breathe without you?

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

She laid a gentle hand on Alex's shoulder. "What kind of accident was he in?"

"I.. I don't really know. He was... he just took off from the hospice, and from what the doctors can gather, he ran off the road. The SUV flipped a few times, but he was wearing a seatbelt. They say he would have died if he… if he hadn't."

"Do you think it was...intentional?"

"No," came her swift and firm answer. "He wouldn't do that. I know him. Besides..." Her voice trailed off, and she wasn't sure about telling the woman beside her about her dream.

"Go on," she encouraged gently.

"I..." She swallowed thickly. "I saw it happen. I wasn't there, but I saw it happen. I thought it was just a nightmare. Oh God..." She covered her eyes and bowed her head.

She slid her arm over the upset woman's shoulders. She didn't say anything; she just held her, offering silent support.

At the woman's supportive arm, she spun out of control and fell apart. "I just... I can't lose him," she repeated between sobs. "I love him so damn much. I love him, and I never told him!"

She drew her closer and held her as she cried. "So tell him now," she said softly. "It's never too late. Don't think he won't hear you."

"They say... they say we should be saying goodbye to him," she hiccupped. "How can I say goodbye to him? I can't!" And somewhere in her mind, she wondered if it had hurt him as much when she had been kidnapped.

Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky

There would be no love in my life,

There'd be no world left for me

And I, baby I don't know what I would do,

I'd be lost if I lost you, if you ever leave

Baby you would take away everything

Real in my life

"Instead of saying good-bye, tell him how you feel. Speak from the heart. You'll never regret that."

A few moments passed, and suddenly Alex sat upright and wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry... You probably have your own problems to worry about without a total nutcase crying on your shoulder."

She smiled a sad smile. "It's all right. Everyone needs someone to lean on from time to time. I don't mind."

She wiped her nose, then looked around the near empty room. "What about you?"

"I always feel better coming here. My son...was born with some problems. I've spent a lot of hours sitting here, alone in the world. Believe me, I know how you feel."

"I've been to the hospital more times than I can count, but this is the first time I've actually come to the chapel since... since my husband died," Alex stated lowly.

"I'm glad you chose to come now. He must mean a great deal to you."

"He does. I've never known anyone quite like him. Never."

She smiled. "That's how I feel about my son. He's about all I have in the world."

Alex favored her with a small smile. "I was pregnant once," she said wistfully.

"It's an amazing experience, isn't it?"

"Hmm... yes. It really was."

"Do you have a son or a daughter?"

"He was a little boy." She didn't mention to the woman that she had been pregnant twice. "I was a surrogate for my sister and brother-in-law."

She looked at her. "That was a very generous thing for you to do. You have a good heart."

"Thank you. Being pregnant with Nate was... entertaining to say the least. Bobby and I had been partners all of two and a half years, and he was the best."

"How long have you been together?"

"Almost nine years." Alex let out a small laugh. "Everyone was so certain that we wouldn't last the first week."

She smiled with her. "Why was that?"

"Bobby isn't exactly... orthodox. When he came to Major Case, his reputation for sniffing corpses and driving off every partner he's ever had had long proceeded him. Everyone warned me that he was crazy," she said with a smirk and a far away look in her eyes.

"Sniffing corpses? That's an interesting hobby."

"Ah, he's a very interesting man. I considered getting a new partner one time, but now I'm grateful every day that I didn't. I don't know what I'd do without him," Alex sighed, running one hand through her shoulder length hair.

"Tell him that."

Alex smiled at the other woman. "I'm just... I was always too afraid, I guess. The last husband I buried was a cop, too. After that, I swore I'd never be involved with another cop. So much for that plan."

"We can't always plan where our hearts take us."

Alex nodded. Wiping away a stray tear, she stared ahead at the large crucifix at the front of the room. "He may be a nutcase, but he's my nutcase," she said with a tender smile.

With another sad smile, she squeezed Alex's arm. "It doesn't matter why we love them. It just matters that we do."

Alex reached over and closed her hand over the other woman's hand, and suddenly a thought occurred to her. "My name's Alex," she stated. "And I'm really glad you were here. This really helped."

"I'm glad I could help. My name is Terry."

They both heard footsteps, and Alex swiveled her head around to see an out of breath Mike jog up to her. "Alex!" he gasped, and she immediately jumped to her feet. "It's Bobby!"

_And tell me now, how do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

Instantly her heart sank, and she looked at Terry and said, "It's my partner."

"Remember, Alex. It's never too late to tell him what you feel. I'll pray for him. Good luck."

She surprised herself by bending down and giving the woman a quick hug. "Thanks again, Terry. I will. I'll tell him I love him," she said into the woman's ear. Then she turned around and followed Mike out of the chapel.

"What happened?" she demanded, following Mike back to Bobby's room.

"He went into cardiac arrest," came Mike's harried reply, and Alex felt her legs nearly give out beneath her.

They reached Bobby's room, only to have their entrance denied by a large nurse. "I'm sorry, but you cannot go in there right now," she stated firmly, and Alex craned her neck enough to see over the nurse's shoulder.

Doctors and nurses were scurrying around the bed, and she felt an intense terror flood her as they shocked her partner's lifeless body over and over.

"No!" she suddenly cried out as she backed into a wall.

Please tell me baby

How do I go on?

"You can't take him! Damn it, Bobby, hang on!" she screamed, ignoring Mike as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest.

She slammed her fists against his chest, shouting between sobs, "He's mine! You can't take him! Please don't take him!"

Mike held her tighter, his body absorbing the blows of her small fists. He didn't know what she was screaming about, but he understood her not wanting to lose him. He knew that it would absolutely devastate her, and he didn't want to have to pick up the pieces if he did.

_God, I know you and I have never been on good terms, but I'm begging you. Don't take him_, Mike prayed silently as he held the sobbing woman in his arms.

Neither one of them knew if God was even listening.

_If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything_

_Need you with me_

_Baby cause you know that you're everything_

_Good in my life_

_And tell me now, how do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

_How do I live without you?_

_How do I live without you baby?_

TBC...

A/N: MWAHAHAH! Evil cliffie! (ducks flaming sporks, left shoes and knapknins) Don't worry, people! I'll update again soon! Oh, and I don't own the Trisha Yearwood song, How Do I Live? But it is a pretty song..


	3. Collisions And Revelations

Okay, okay, put down the pitchers and flaming left shoes, people! Here's the next chapter! It's a lot longer than the first two, but I'm very proud of it! I'm also bumping up the rating to T for all the nasty language and discussion of rape. So enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: They're not mine... darn it!

Once again, a HUGE thank you goes out to Infinity Star for cowriting this chapter. She's really amazing, and I am so happy that she agreed to write with me!

Two minutes and fifty seconds. For two minutes and fifty seconds, Alex had watched in horror as the doctors tried and tried again with the same results to resuscitate her partner.

Finally, just when she thought that she was ready to scream, she heard someone in Bobby's room shout, "Got a pulse!"

Another voice said, "He's back."

Alex closed her eyes and sagged against Mike's chest, and he tightened his arms around her and held her. "Shh, he's all right," he murmured, rubbing her back gently. "He's fine. He's fine."

Suddenly Mike stiffened, and Alex pulled away from his chest and looked up into his green eyes. But they weren't focused on her. Instead, they were narrowed and focused beyond her. Warily, she turned her head and looked down the hall at the arriving visitors.

She sucked in a furious breath and balled the front of Mike's shirt in her fist unconsciously. "No," she hissed.

Frank Goren swaggered down the hall, followed by Deakins, and Alex turned around and broke away from Mike's embrace. Her hands went to her hips, a gesture that alerted Mike to incoming trouble.

Coming closer, Frank smiled lecherously at Alex, and she felt a cold fury sweep through her. "Wow, two days, and you're already cheating on my baby brother," Frank said, a fake syrupy sweetness drenching his words.

Her eyes narrowed at his accusing words, and she ground out, "What the hell do you want, Frank?"

"I heard that my brother was hurt. I came to see how he is."

"Like you even care," Alex scoffed, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.

He scowled at her. "What makes you think I don't care about my little brother? He's the only family I've got left."

"What about your mother? You had her!"

"And now she's gone. All I've got is Bobby."

She narrowed her eyes at the man in front of her. "And where were you when he was caring for your schizophrenic mother, or any other time when he needed family?" she demanded.

"Hey, don't lecture me! I knew he'd take better care of her than I ever could, and I was right. Bobby has the patience and the heart for that shit. I never did." His eyes flicked from her to Logan and back. "At least I was always honest with him. I never let him think I was something that I'm not."

She swallowed thickly and shrugged off the hand at the small of her back. "That's... none of your business, you asshole. But Bobby's my business, and I'm not going to let you hurt him again like you did with that whole leaving his card in the jacket that he gave you which you sold. Probably to buy booze, you damn bum!" Now she was furious. "That's right, you're nothing but a bum in a fifty dollar suit with a two dollar hair cut! You know what they call scum like you in the courtroom? The defendant!"

Frank's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I may not have my brother's money or his style, but I'm not a criminal. I'm his blood, and the only blood he's got now. I care about him." Again his eyes moved suspiciously from her to Logan and back. "I'm up front, lady. I have never sneaked around behind his back. He knows where he stands with me and he always has."

"Well, you know what they say. You can't pick your family."

"Ain't that the truth...but I still would have picked him to be my brother."

"And knowing my partner... he would've picked you for a brother, for whatever twisted sense of duty he has to you. You're no good, Frank, and if you care about Bobby at all, you would just walk away. It would hurt him a lot less than you walking in and out of his life until you die."

"I don't think you have any business telling me about my relationship with Bobby. And you're a fine one to talk about hurting him."

Now Mike was getting angry. He took a step forward and stood beside Alex. "You can stop with the 'subtle innuendos'. Alex and I are not dating, together, or whatever you want to call it. So you can get that out of your little pea brain right now."

"Who said anything about that? You don't have to be dating to sleep around behind someone's back."

Alex's fists clenched, and she mentally counted to ten. When she reached ten, a strange sense of calm flooded her, and she said, "It doesn't matter what you think or say, Frank. I'm not sleeping with Mike, and everyone knows it. Especially Bobby."

Frank raised his hands in a gesture of surrender oddly reminiscent of his brother. "Yeah, okay, whatever. I just call 'em as I see 'em. You can't stop me from seeing my brother, little lady. I'll be back. I promise you that."

Angrily, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away.

The four remaining people watched him go, and as soon as he was gone, Alex turned to Mike with tears in her eyes. "God, Mike, what am I going to do?" she whispered chokingly. But before he could answer, Dr. Jacobs appeared from Bobby's room, and four heads swiveled in anticipation.

Someone cleared their throat uncomfortably, and Alex whirled around to face Dr. Jacobs. "How is he? Can I see him?" she asked, wringing her hands.

He silently stepped aside, and Alex quickly brushed past him and into Bobby's room, with Mike directly behind her. Ignoring everything else, she moved across the floor quickly and stood beside her partner's bed.

"That son of a bitch! How could he be so heartless?" she questioned, running her thumb along her partner's brow. Just the sight of Bobby, alive and breathing, calmed the raging fire in her.

Mike leaned against a wall, watching Alex lavish attention on Bobby. "I don't know."

She sighed and carefully perched herself on the edge of Bobby's bed. "How can… how can anyone so heartless be related to someone so…" Her voice trailed off, and she reached out and laid her hand on Bobby's chest, splaying her fingers over his steady heartbeat.

Suddenly anger flared up in her, and she reached down and curled her fingers around Bobby's hand, resting their entangled hands on his chest. "He's not coming anywhere near Bobby," she growled, and Mike nearly flinched at the animosity in her normally gentle voice. "I'll kill him before he lays eyes on my partner."

He wanted to laugh at the fierce protectiveness in the diminutive detective's voice. Suddenly she reminded him very much of a lioness protecting her cubs. Her fangs were bared and her claws were sharp. He would hate to be the object of her anger, because he knew that they wouldn't come out unscathed.

He watched as she leaned over Bobby's prone form and gently kissed his forehead.

Mike continued to watch Alex until a soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Motioning for Alex to stay, he stood up and walked over to the door.

Pulling the door open, he was ready to chase away whoever was invading this time that Alex had with her partner. But when he saw who it was, he froze, unable to speak or move for a moment

"Hi, Mike," she said softly, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Carolyn?"

The dawn is breaking

A light is shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you

She could see the shock and hurt written in his features, and she cursed herself for putting it there. "Yeah, it's me."

It was rare that Mike Logan was at a loss for words, but he was now. "Why...what...I mean...what are you doing here?"

"I heard that someone from Major Case was hurt, and I..."

His eyes narrowed as his anger once again took hold. "You thought it was me? Don't make me laugh."

He turned away from her and headed back into Bobby's room.

"Mike," she said softly, following her former partner.

He waved an impatient hand, dismissing her the way he felt she had dismissed him last year, when she left. "Forget it."

She wasn't about to be deterred that easily. "Damn it, Logan," she cursed softly. "Listen to me."

He turned on her, eyes blazing anger fueled by hurt and a feeling of abandonment. "Listen to you? Now? Forget it, Barek. It's too little, too late. Talk to Goren. He actually missed you."

The barb stung, but she tried to brush it off. "Mike, I know you think I abandoned you, but-"

"But what? You think anything you can say will make it better. You fuckin' left without so much as a 'Have a nice day.'" He stopped, taking a deep breath to calm himself. When he spoke again, his voice was calmer, quieter. "There's nothing you can say to make this right, Barek."

Her heart clenched at his words. "I didn't have a choice, Mike. Do you think I enjoyed being shoved undercover like that? And don't think I don't know why they did. To make room for that new detective because her family has strings to pull."

"Just... just go ...all right. I..." He drew in a deep breath and looked toward Goren. Neither of them had understood her sudden departure and they had both been hurt by it. "I don't want to hear it. Alex, if you need me, call. I gotta get out of here."

Alex nodded understandingly, and both of the women watched him go. Carolyn sighed and leaned against the wall, and that's when Alex saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Carolyn, you need to go after him," the smaller woman stated from her perch on her partner's bed. Carolyn stared at her for a moment, then nodded and quickly followed after Mike.

Logan had no patience for the elevators and he hit the stairwell. He was knocked entirely off balance by the sudden appearance of his former partner. He remembered the hurt and confusion her sudden departure had caused, both for him and for Goren. But Bobby still had a partner. He was the one who had to break in a new one. He felt the least Barek could have done was explain, but no. She just... left. How could she do that to them... to him? And he'd begun to think he actually meant something to her. What an ass he was...

Carolyn saw Mike's lanky form disappear down the stairwell, and she didn't hesitate to follow him quietly. She should have known that he wouldn't have reacted well to her reappearance. He had been abandoned all of his life by one person after another, and now... now she was just another person who had abandoned him.

Well, I'm opened, you're closed

Where I follow, you'll go

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

He heard footsteps behind him, and he knew Alex wasn't about to leave her partner's side. That left one person to come after him, and he really didn't want to talk to her right now. He was a man who hated showing weakness, and that was exactly what she would see in his eyes right now. He moved faster.

She noticed his increase in speed, and she tried to keep up with his long legs. But she missed a step and lost her balance, tumbling down the rest of the steps. "Shit!" she hissed, trying to regain her footing.

He heard her fall and he stopped, turning. "Carolyn?"

Climbing quickly to her feet, she laid her hand on the wall and bowed her head, trying to catch her breath. Her arm and knee ached, but she didn't show it. "I'm fine," she growled, raising her head proudly.

He wasn't sure what to make of her tone, whether she was annoyed with him or with herself, and his anger returned. She had no business being mad at him. He hadn't done anything to make her leave. He looked up toward her from near the bottom of the stairwell, a flight and a half below her. Less than a dozen steps and he would be gone. But somewhere along the way, he had lost his grip on some of the anger that had fueled his departure. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, but it wasn't the truth. Carefully, she held her left arm to her stomach and took a step back up. But as she did, her knee buckled, and she bit back a cry of pain. She would not show weakness. She wouldn't.

He headed back up the steps, taking two at a time until he was at her side. Gently he took her arm and coaxed her to sit on the steps. "You are hurt...Let me see your arm."

She reluctantly allowed him to touch her, and she was surprised at his willingness to help her. "I'm fine," she lied half heartedly, wincing at the pain his touch caused.

"No, you're not. You probably ought to get this x-rayed." New annoyance surged within him. "God, what an ass I am."

"You're not an ass," she hissed quickly. "I hurt you, and I screwed up. That's something I have to deal with. But I won't let you talk bad about yourself."

"You have a lifetime of conditioning to fight there, sweetheart."

In spite of the situation, she felt herself smile a little. There went that old Logan charm she had somewhat missed.

He leaned over to look at her. "Do I see a smile in there?"

She quickly shook the smile away. Realizing that her arm was still in his lap, she pulled it away. But the movement proved to be too much, and she was rewarded with a shock of pain.

He didn't miss her reaction to moving her arm. "We're going to get that arm x-rayed.

Suddenly she was too tired to argue with him. "Fine," she whispered, staring down at her shoes.

He touched her chin and brought her face back up toward his. "I'll go with you, and if you're a good girl, we can talk."

He grinned. "Maybe I'll get them to give you a lollipop."

This time, she couldn't conceal the smile that broke out on her face.

He returned her smile and helped her to her feet. "I don't say this to many people, Barek. I missed you."

A wave of warmth swept through her, and she said, "Believe it or not, Mike, but I missed you too."

"You must have been really hard up for company then."

She let out a soft laugh. "No, Mike. You just make my life very interesting. It's been boring for the last year."

"We can't have you being bored. You're like Goren. Boredom gets you into trouble."

"I'm not the only one," she teased back as she rose unsteadily to her feet.

He steadied her by grasping her uninjured arm and led her down the stairs. "It didn't take long for you to make an impact on me... again. Alex is going to think I did this."

"Why would she think that?" she asked, both curious and worried.

"Because I'm always screwing up. Ask her about Bobby's last black eye."

She didn't respond to that. Instead she concentrated on the steps she was taking, and the fact that little men with jackhammers had suddenly taken up residence in her head and were throwing a wild party.

He grabbed her when she faltered. "Hey...think you can make it or do I have to carry you?"

"You're not carrying me, Logan," she mumbled, holding a little tighter to his arm. "I'll be fine."

"Want me to hijack a wheelchair?"

She looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "Do that, and I'll be forced to kick your ass, headache or not."

His boyish grin returned. "Is that a promise?"

"It's a threat."

"Geez, Barek...you take all the fun out of it..."

"Yeah, that's me." Her vision blurred a little, and she blinked furiously to clear it.

"Killjoy... Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine!" she snapped, and instantly she regretted it. He was just trying to look out for her, and she was biting his head off.

He backed off. "Okay, fine," he muttered, and he didn't say anything more.

A few steps later, she spoke quietly. "I'm sorry, Mike. I know you're just trying to watch out for me... and I'm sorry."

"Sorry I'm trying to watch out for you?"

She quickly attempted to change the subject. "So, how's Bobby?" she asked.

His demeanor changed. "Not good, Carolyn. Not good at all. He...he coded. They lost him for almost three minutes."

Her heart dropped to her feet. "Will he... Is he going to be okay?"

"I-I don't know."

She fixed her eyes on the tiles that passed them as they walked. How could this have happened? He was Bobby Goren. He had to be all right. Involuntarily her thoughts returned to a time when she had called him hers, and she remembered it with a bittersweet love.

"He really did miss you, you know. He was as confused as I was when you left without saying a word. And as hurt."

"Mike, I don't know what else to say. I didn't want to go, but it was go or lose my badge," she muttered sourly, cradling her arm a little closer to her chest protectively.

"Yes." The word came out of her mouth before she could stop it, and guilt instantly flooded her.

He stiffened. "Okay, fine. I hope it makes you happy to know how much you hurt him... and me."

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she pulled her arm out of his to wipe it away. "I can find my way there myself," she said quietly. "I'm a big girl. Besides, you probably have somewhere better to be."

His eyes narrowed. "Yeah, sure. I do. See ya next time you deem me fit to bask in your presence. Good-bye, Barek." He walked away.

She watched him go, and with each step he took, the hole in her heart grew. "I may have gone, but I didn't stop loving you," she said softly, leaning against the cool wall. And she hadn't. She never had.

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

Somehow find you and I collide

Carolyn glared resentfully at the cast on her left arm as she walked back to Bobby's room. The painkillers were taking hold, but it still throbbed.

Finally finding the room, she quietly stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. On one side of the bed, Alex was curled in a hospital issued chair, sleeping fitfully. Carolyn was careful not to disturb her as she eased around to the opposite side of the bed and sat down beside Bobby's bed.

Even in the dim light, she could see the cuts and abrasions covering various parts of his visible skin. She swallowed thickly at the sight of the tube in his mouth, even if it was helping him to breathe. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so fragile, and she didn't care for it.

"Hi, Bobby," she said quietly, reaching out to cover his hand with her good one. She blinked at the tears in her eyes, and for a fleeting moment, she missed his tender touch. But it hadn't worked. They had sworn to remain friends, but she had broken that promise.

Even while she was seeing him, when she had his body, she never had his heart. She knew it wasn't going to work, but they'd given it a try.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Bobby," she finally whispered, praying that he could somehow hear her. "I was wrong. I should've called you. I shouldn't have left you, or Mike like that. I thought I had the perfect excuse to walk away. But all I was doing was running from the two… the two best men I'd ever known."

Tears dripped down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. "God, Bobby. What have I done? How could I have screwed everything up so badly? I should've fought it. I should've…" She shoved her fist against her mouth and screwed her eyes shut. When she reopened them, she wiped the tears away and leaned back in the chair, careful not to bump her arm.

Across from her, Alex stirred and settled back into the uncomfortable looking chair, and Carolyn wondered just how long Alex had been there.

_Probably since he's been here,_ she mused with a small sigh. 

The door opened and Logan came into the room. He quietly shut the door and turned into the room, freezing when he saw Barek sitting beside the bed. "What are you doing here?" he snapped.

Her bloodshot eyes flickered up, and she took in his rumpled appearance. "It's a free country, Logan," she hissed, resting her right hand over Bobby's forearm.

"Tell me what right you have to be here. Where were you when he really needed a friend? You were off doing God knows what while Alex and I were fighting to keep him from going over the edge when his mother died!"

Tears sprang to her eyes again, and she looked at Bobby before pushing herself awkwardly to her feet. Then she walked around the bed and shoved past Mike to get through the door before she broke.

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I found I'm scared to know

I'm always on your mind

Too angry to care, he added, "Maybe if you'd been here then, he wouldn't be here now!"

That did it. With a grunt, she grabbed the front of his shirt in her fist and forced him down to her eye level. She could smell the whiskey on his breath, and she glared at him for a moment before growling, "Go to hell, Logan."

He didn't flinch. "I've been there," he growled.

She held her glare for a second longer, then shoved him away with her good hand. "You're a bastard, Logan."

"Tell me something I don't fucking know."

"I loved you, Logan. I'll bet you didn't know that!" she snarled, shoving her finger into his broad chest.

"You sure know how to show it, Barek."

Her lower lip trembled, and she turned her back on him. "Screw you," she mumbled, pressing her palm into her eye.

"Maybe you had a chance once, but you blew it."

"Don't you think I know that?" she demanded, spinning around on her heel to face him. "Don't you think I know that I fucked up the best thing I've ever had in my life, twice? I know!"

Logan pointed at the figure on the bed. "He would still forgive you, do you know that?"

She didn't answer him. They both knew the answer to his statement.

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back we fall in time

Somehow find you and I collide

He continued to glare at her. "He's a better man than I am."

She wiped away a stubborn tear that had escaped. "But I loved you," she repeated, exhaustion replacing her anger.

His face softened a little. "You loved me so you slept with him? How was that fair to either of us?"

She sighed and ran her fingers through her thick curls. "I don't have to explain everything I do to you."

"No, you don't. Maybe you need to go back to whatever life you left behind. You weren't around when we needed you, so we don't need you around now. You found something better, go back to it."

"Go back? No... I..." She stumbled over her words. She couldn't tell him what had happened this past year. She wouldn't. "I'm not going back."

"Then move forward. Just leave us out of it. We're done."

She looked back at Bobby's prone form, then back into Mike's red eyes, and she covered her eyes with her hand. When she removed her hand, she took a step backwards, saying, "Okay, Mike. We're done. But like you said, Bobby's more forgiving."

"You didn't see how much you hurt him, Barek. If you had, maybe you'd think twice about hurting him again. You took off and I had to pick up the pieces. He's just not a bastard like I am. Even after what you did to him, he'd never hurt you like that. So yeah, I guess he is more forgiving. It's up to you to decide if you want to put him through that again."

"What do you want me to do, Mike? You tell me, right here, right now. Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to go?" she demanded. "I'll go if you want me to. But if I do, I'm not coming back. I lied to you, Logan. I knew what had happened, and I didn't come up here just to see Bobby. I came to see you, because believe it or not, I still care for you. I always will, and no amount of you being an asshole can ever change that."

He moved away from her and walked over to the bed to look at the bruised face of the man he'd gotten close to over the past year. Did he really want her to leave? No. But would it be worse to tell her to stay? "Why'd you come back?" he muttered.

"I told you why," she said softly, her right hand aching to reach out and touch him. "To make sure he was okay, and to see you."

Don't stop here, I lost my place

I'm close behind

"Well he's not okay, and you've seen me. It's been a real treat, I'm sure. But you are not putting this in my lap. Stay or leave, but not because I told you what to do. You do what you want to do. If you came back here to be with Bobby, then fine, if he'll have you back. But that's if he lives, and we aren't so sure about that at this point. If you're looking at me to play second string...I'm not so sure I'm up for that."

"I was stupid," she finally admitted. "But you were never second string. You were never second with me." She shivered a little. "Bobby... with Bobby, we knew what it was."

He looked at her with a puzzled frown. "You think he played you?"

"No," she said quickly. "I... I wasn't the love of his life, and he wasn't mine. We knew that from the beginning."

"So what was the point? You just needed sex?"

"What do you want me to say, Mike? That we were just in it for the sex? Would that help your damned ego?"

"Look, I don't give a damn why you were in it with him. But I do care about what you did...to both of us. Whether he was in it for love or not, he was good to you...probably better than I would be. I don't really know what I want. All I know is that I was okay, until I saw you."

She walked over to the chair she had occupied earlier and sank down into it with a quiet sigh. _Where did this go wrong? _she thought, rubbing her throbbing temples. _When did I lose him?_

He watched her sit down, noticing the defeated slump of her shoulders. He decided he hadn't quite had enough to drink to be okay with any of this. Finally, he said, "Stay or leave, it's up to you, but make damn sure that you know what you want this time. I'm not a guy who gives second chances. You know the saying: Once burned, twice shy. You burned me once. I don't know if I can take it a second time."

She leaned back in the chair, her right hand settling over her stomach unconsciously. "It wasn't supposed to be like this," she finally whispered.

"No shit."

For a moment, the memories swamped her, but she managed to shove them back into the black box in her mind. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve what I said."

"You weren't wrong. I am a bastard, and yeah, I probably did deserve it."

"And I deserved what you said. You're right." Her hand trembled, but she hid it from his sight by rubbing the back of her neck.

Even the best fall down sometime

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find you and I collide

Finally find you and I collide

You finally find you and I collide

He sighed heavily. "So what's it gonna be, Carolyn? I can accept either, but only if you really mean it. Don't think you can friggin' yo-yo in and out of our lives."

Her stomach turned almost violently, and she looked up at him with bright tears in her eyes. "I'm not... I'm not going anywhere," she finally stated firmly.

"So what's changed? You ran away from something."

"No, I didn't," she said a little too quickly.

He eyed her suspiciously. "Yeah, right."

She sank back in the chair, shaking her head. "I didn't run away from anything. The assignment was over. I was done."

"What assignment?"

"Classified."

He threw up his hands. "Okay. Whatever. And the next time you decide one of us has gotten too close, you can hide behind that word again. But if you leave again, when you come back, there won't be a next time."

The road I have traveled on

Is paved with good intentions

It's littered with broken dreams

That never quite came true

Her chest tightened, and she clenched the arm of the chair with her good hand. What was she doing? He was opening up to her a little, and she was basically slapping him in the face. He had the right to know, but was she strong enough to tell him? If she didn't, she could go on pretending that it had never happened. It wasn't real. She was still Carolyn Barek, Major Case detective.

"I'm done talking. Go home and ice your arm. Alex and I have it covered here, just like we did over the past year. Good night, Barek. If you ever feel like telling me the truth, come and see me, and maybe we can try again."

"I... You wouldn't understand," she finally managed, cradling her arm to her chest again.

"You're right. I don't understand. You used to trust me. I trusted you once, too. You betrayed my trust and now I'm the bad guy. Right...that makes a whole helluva lot of sense."

"I still trust you!" she blurted out. "I just... God, Mike, I can't do this! Never seeing you again would hurt a hell of a lot less than telling you!"

He was too tired to fight. His words were honest, but they carried no force; he was done being angry. Now he was just numb. "So leave. You already proved how good you are at that."

She rose to her feet again and slipped past him. Stopping at the door, she looked at him. He used to be her hero, but now? Now she just didn't know. "I... You would think that a cop could protect themselves, huh?" she asked bitterly, still clinging to the hope that she wouldn't have to tell him.

He frowned, confused. "You'd think. I was never very good at that though. That's why I got buried on Staten Island for ten years."

"I always thought that I could. I used to think that no man would put his hands on me and come out unscathed."

His frown deepened and he looked toward the bed. "Bobby... hurt you?"

She managed to keep from screaming at the thought. "No! Bobby could never hurt anyone!" She took a step backwards, her back colliding with the cold wall, and she relished the small shock of pain that went through her arm.

"Then...what the hell are you talking about?"

She turned her head to keep from looking into his piercing eyes. "I... was... raped..." she whispered, nearly choking on the words as she spoke them aloud for the first time.

When all of my hopes were dying

Her love kept me trying

She does her best to hide

The pain that she's been through

He felt the breath leave as though he'd been punched in the stomach. A slurry of emotion assaulted him and, as was usual for him, anger won out. "Raped? Someone did something like that to you, and you...you hid away from the people who cared about you most? I was your partner...and Bobby...what the hell...what was going through your head?"

She pressed her hand to her mouth and lowered her eyes to the floor. "I couldn't... I... It hurt too much! I was..." She desperately scrambled to find an answer to his question, but nothing would come.

"We would have protected you, helped you through it. We...we would never have let you fall."

She shook her head and slid to the floor, hugging her knee to her chest with her good arm. "I... I thought I was handling it. I thought I'd be fine."

He hesitated for a moment, then he went to her side, dropping to his knees beside her. "Do you think we'd have blamed you or turned against you? Hell, we're made of tougher stuff than that. I would never have stepped away. Neither would Bobby, or Alex...What were you thinking?"

"Do you think it was easy?" she demanded, resting her chin on her knee. "Did you think it was easy for me to just drop everything I knew? I had to! I couldn't..." Her voice dropped. "I knew that you would think I was weak. Fuck, Mike, I couldn't even stop a man from attacking me! I'm a cop, for God's sakes! What does that say? What?"

He stared at her, stunned. "What?" He sat back on his heels, looking for all the world like she'd slapped him across the face. "What the hell kind of asshole do you think I am? You think I could ever think you were weak? You were my partner for a year, Barek. I never thought you were weak. But you have your limitations. That's not a weakness. I may be a bastard, but I'm not a heartless son of a bitch. And I guess you never really knew the guy you were sleeping with either. Fuck, Carolyn. Thank for the faith."

She let her head fall back against the wall, and it dawned on her that coming there hadn't been the right thing to do. "Okay, Mike," she said tonelessly, the fight having suddenly been sucked out of her. "I... you were right. I shouldn't have come here. I should've stayed gone."

He shook his head. "If you can't trust us when it counts, why bother?"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

He was at a loss. He was hurt that she felt she couldn't trust him. or any of them, when she'd really needed them, but he wasn't certain he wanted to drive her away either. On the other hand, a simple apology didn't go very far with him toward mending fences. "You need to figure out what you want, Carolyn. No one else can do that for you."

Suddenly she moved forward and, in a gesture that surprised them both, wrapped her good arm around his neck and closed her eyes. "Please, Mike," she whispered, her heart breaking all over again. "I tried... I tried to tell. But I just couldn't. I couldn't even believe it myself. So I ran."

He didn't hesitate to fold his arms around her. "We'd have killed the son of a bitch." He kissed the side of her head. "You don't think we'd have gone all out for you?" That hurt more than he could say, but he sighed. That wasn't what she needed from him, and he hoped he could get past it. He tightened his arms around her and whispered, "I missed you, dammit."

"I missed you, too." She buried her face in his neck, inhaling the scent that was only him. "God, Mike, I was so scared... I thought I was going to die."

When she cries at night

And she doesn't think that I can hear her

She tries to hide

All the fear she feels inside

So I pray this time

I can be the man that she deserves

Cause I die a little each time

When she cries

He kissed her head again. "I-I'm so sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart." He left it at that.

Her head suddenly started spinning, and she wondered if he would have said the same thing had she come to him the night of the attack.

He remained kneeling beside her, holding her, and for the life of him he could not figure out what he had ever done that would have made her feel like she could not come to him when something, anything, in her life went so wrong.

She shivered again and held onto him a little tighter, praying that this wasn't just a dream. She desperately needed for it not to be a dream. She needed to know that he was really in front of her, and that she was really in his arms.

He rested his cheek against the side of her head, and he could not imagine ever turning her, or anyone he cared about, away. Hell, Goren had decked him the night after his mother's death but, being a glutton for punishment, he had gone right back in for more. A few bloody punches later, he'd made his point and broken through a more solid wall of resistance than any he'd ever encountered before. Helping Carolyn deal with a traumatic assault couldn't be more difficult than that...and he would never have turned her away.

She could feel his hot breaths against her hair, and suddenly the dam inside of her broke. She clung to him with a savage desperation as the tears poured down her cheeks and the sobs shook her entire body. "Please, please," she whispered over and over again between each painful heave of her chest.

"Shh," he hushed as he smoothed his hand over her hair. "It'll be okay."

"It hurt so damn much! I tried to get him off, Mike, but I couldn't," she whimpered as she trembled.

"You got lucky. They say fighting isn't the thing to do."

She could feel the man's hands all over her, and she continued to shake violently against him.

He tightened his embrace to try to still her trembling.

"I... When he- when he was finished, he asked me if he was as good of a... as good of a lover as you and Bobby," she hiccupped, screwing her eyes shut.

"He what? How the hell did he know about us?"

She's always been there for me

Whenever I've fallen

When nobody else believes

She'll be there by my side

"I don't know!" she whispered with the emotion of a scream. Suddenly she was aching everywhere, and the smell of cheap cologne and stale cigarettes invaded her senses.

"Okay, okay...it's all right. No one's gonna touch you know."

She bit her lip and sucked in a breath. "I can't. I just... Please, Mike, don't let him..." She nearly choked on another sob and buried herself further into his strong arms.

"No, no...I won't let him. I'll take care of you. I promise."

The night descended on her, and suddenly she was catapulted back to that dark and disgusting alleyway, surrounded by garbage and broken beer bottles. He was on her before she could pull her gun, and he grabbed her wrists with one beefy hand. No, not again!

He was at a loss over what to do, so he simply stayed where he was and held her.

He moved over her, yanking down her jeans and roughly grabbing her through her shirt. Where was Mike? Why wasn't he stopping this? Why was this happening? He pinched and bit her tender skin, leaving marks on her soul that could never be erased.

For the first time since he found out that Goren was sleeping with her, he wished he was Bobby Goren. Goren would know just what to say to the help her wounds begin to heal. Logan kept silent because he was more inclined toward making a small problem into a big one.

Her tears continued to fall as the man shoved her underwear down and shoved his fingers into her. God, no... She clung for dear life to the warm body holding her.

He couldn't imagine what was going through her head, but judging from the way she was trembling, it couldn't be good. He had a feeling she was reliving the attack on her. He gently kissed her head again and murmured softly to her. "It's okay, baby. I've got you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

I don't know how she takes it

Just once I'd like to make it

Then there'd be tears of joy

That fill her loving eyes

It hurt so damn bad. He pulled his fingers out of her, and she tried to scream when he jammed himself into her sore body. She pounded her fists weakly against his chest, but it didn't deter him. Then finally, after what seemed like years, he climbed off of her and left her lying there amongst the cigarette butts and broken beer bottles. That's all she was. Trash.

"Carolyn, talk to me..." His voice had a tone of pleading that was foreign to him. "Please."

"He... he raped me in a damn alley, Mike. Then he left me there..." She couldn't bring herself to lift her head and look him in the eye. She just couldn't. "I... I don't even remember how I got home..."

He words hit him hard. An alley...oh, God...and where was he when she was fighting for her life and her dignity? "Oh, babe...I am so sorry..."

She drew in a painful breath. "I... I couldn't even bring myself to... to file a report. I just went back... back to work like everything was fine. I thought- I thought if I just... ignored it, everything would be fine."

"But it wasn't. God, I wish you would have talked to me...to one of us...We'd have..." They'd have lost it. He was very familiar with anger and rage. "We'd have stood by you. Why did you think we wouldn't? You were my partner..."

"That's why I couldn't tell you. I thought... I knew you wouldn't see me as your partner anymore. You'd see me as- as a rape victim. I couldn't handle that."

He snorted. "No matter how hard I try, I don't think I could ever see you as a victim."

She didn't have a response to that. She just sat there in his embrace and hoping to God that he wasn't lying. "I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even tell my family. How do you tell someone something like that?"

"It's not something you usually broadcast, I'll give you that. But anyone who turns against you for something like that isn't worth keeping around. I know Bobby loves you--he'd have stood by you, and Alex, too. And you gotta know I'd have been there...don't you?"

She remained silent for a moment. "I know," she finally whispered.

He leaned his head down, placing a finger under her chin to tip her face up toward his. "Do you?"

Her dark eyes filled with tears again at the pain she saw in his green orbs. "I'm sorry," she choked out before laying her head on his chest again.

He closed his eyes. How could she not have trusted him, or any of them? That hit him hard, and deep. But he had to keep that from her. He just couldn't dwell on the fact that a lapse in judgment had cost them a year from their lives.

Her entire being ached, but from what she wasn't sure. She knew she had hurt him, all of them, and she didn't know how to get that trust back. A year was gone because she had decided to run instead of fight. Maybe that's what really made her weak, not the actual assault itself.

His face turned pleading. "Don't push me away. I'm not a creep, Carolyn, not really. I don't blame you, and I never would. Not ever."

She shivered and avoided his gaze. "There were... I had nightmares. You were there..." She coughed and rubbed her nose. "It was so real..."

He raised an eyebrow. "I gave you nightmares? I've heard that before...but not from someone close to me..."

"You didn't give them to me. You were just there..." She covered her eyes with her hand, then reached out her hand to him again.

He took her hand and pulled her back into his arms. "And what did I do?"

She shivered. "How does telling you that make either of us feel better?"

"I want to know."

"You... you helped me sometimes. But sometimes..." Vomit rose in her throat, and she swallowed at the acrid taste in the back of her throat.

"I was an ass," he said with certainty.

"Yes. You were... you blamed me." She didn't know whether to pull away from him or stay as she spoke the words. "You said it was my own damn fault. You said I deserved... everything I got."

He was stunned. "You...do you really think I'm that much of a bastard?"

"Why weren't you there, Mike?" she suddenly demanded, shoving herself away. "Why... why didn't you answer the phone? How could you not know something was wrong?" Her voice raised an octave, and she bowed her head and sobbed.

He didn't quite know what to make of her at the moment, but anger surged before he could swallow it. "Hey," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward the bed. "He's the mind reader, not me. And when the hell did you ever call me that I didn't answer?"

She flinched at the motion before she could stop herself.

He froze and pulled away from her. "You think I'd hit you? Me?"

Suddenly she felt sick. Shoving herself awkwardly to her feet, she pushed past him and darted into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she began heaving.

He got up and waited for her to come out. He was in shock, and he had no idea what to do about it. He leaned back against the wall, pressed her head back into it and closed his eyes. He was in a nightmare he couldn't waken from. Part of him wanted to resent her for coming back and bringing this with her, but a larger part of him wouldn't let him.

She gripped the toilet bowl until her knuckles turned white. She knew something was wrong, but she ignored it as she continued to heave almost violently into the porcelain bowl. "Damn it," she hissed as another wave of nausea shook her entire body.

He opened his eyes to look across the room toward Eames. She must have really been exhausted because she was still sleeping. He then looked toward the bed at Goren. "You got no idea how lucky you are, pal. Right now I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat."

After a few more dry heaves, she slid to the floor, but kept her arm around the cool porcelain. Her stomach still churned, but now there was nothing left to vomit, and it hurt even more. She reached out with her good arm and flushed the toilet, allowing the sound to cover her sobs.

Reluctantly he shoved himself away from the wall and crossed to the bathroom, knocking softly. "You okay in there?"

She wiped at her mouth and closed her eyes. "I'm fine."

He eased the door open and stood in the doorway. "What can I do?" he asked softly.

She couldn't answer him, but she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

He hadn't waited for an answer because he was afraid of what it would be. He stepped forward and dropped onto the floor beside her, wrapping his arms around her, hoping to convey comfort and not get himself slapped.

The bouts of nausea finally subsided, and she fell backwards into his arms. Why hadn't she seen this before? He had caught her. He would have caught her, and he would always catch her. She just had to let herself fall.

When she collapsed against him, he simply held her and gently kissed her head. "I'll never turn my back on you. You have to be the one to turn me away."

When she cries at night

And she doesn't think that I can hear her

She tries to hide

All the fear she feels inside

So I pray this time

I can be the man that she deserves

Cause I die a little each time

When she cries

"I can't turn away," she whispered finally. "I never... I never stopped thinking about you. I couldn't." She was a proud woman, but admitting the next words came all too easily. "I need you, Mike."

That was all he needed to hear. "I've always been here."

_Thank you, God,_ she thought, resting her head on his shoulder. 

He rubbed her back and held her. "Welcome home," he whispered.

The truth in his simple words touched her deeply, and she realized that he was right. Every place she had been this past year had been just that: a place. But here, right in his arms, was where she needed to be.

Gently, he helped her to her feet and led her out of the bathroom to the other chair beside Bobby's bed. Leaning back against the wall beside the chair, he gently stroked her hair and let out his breath. He wasn't sure what to say so he kept quiet and just stood there, feeling drained.

She felt his hand on her head, and she sank down into the chair and curled her legs under her body. Maybe she was finally safe. Maybe everything would be okay now. Maybe...

He wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but he was glad she did. He looked from her across the bed to Alex and then to Bobby. With a heavy sigh, he leaned over and kissed her head. "I may be an ass," he muttered into her hair. "But I love you."

_So I pray this time_

_I can be the man that she deserves_

_Cause I die a little each time_

_When she cries_

TBC...

A/N: Okay, there ya'll have it. The chapter was so long that I picked two songs for it. The first was Howie Day's Collide, and the second was Restless Heart's When She Cries. Thanks for reading, please review, and I'll be back soon with the next update!


	4. You Won't Ever Be Lonely

Wow, this story is just raging out of control! But it's been really fun to write. I had a lot of people comment that the rape was a good explanation of Carolyn's disappearance, and I'd just like to say that I'm really glad ya'll think that. Now, let me say right now, this story is far from done. And I'd also like to say that Infinity Star is pretty much the coauthor of this story, seeing as how much work she's put into this writing our boys! So thanks again, Infinity! Oh, and I've gotten a few of ya'll asking if Bobby will live, and if there will be any permanent damage. This chapter should answer those questions. Now, on with the story!

Disclaimer: They're not mine!

Okay, this chapter is dedicated to dexkaden, who reviewed while in the waiting room of a hospital. That really makes me feel special! Thank you, dexkaden, and I hope you feel better soon! This one's for you!

Sitting on the window edge with her leg hugged to her chest, Alex watched the people come and go on the streets below them. Her gaze occasionally flickered back to Bobby's still unconscious form.

A week had passed, and while he had been taken off the ventilator days ago, he still had not regained consciousness. The doctors couldn't explain that, and it frustrated her more and more. She knew that it was normal for him to retreat from his pain, and she didn't care if she was being selfish. She needed him to open his eyes, to look at her and smile that smile that he reserved only for her.

She sighed and rested her temple against the cool glass. Frank still had not reappeared, and she had no intention of telling Bobby that he was even there. She wasn't going to upset him with that news. But telling him that he had missed his mother's funeral would do that anyway.

She glanced at her watch. Mike and Carolyn had left the previous night, and would be coming back later that day.

Something was going on between them, but she wasn't sure what it was. She was surprised at Carolyn's appearance, and even more so at the dramatic change in Mike's attitude towards her the day after she had reappeared.

She was also surprised that, since the first night she had stayed with Bobby in the hospital, Mike had refused to go far. Instead of going back to New York, he had rented a room in a nearby hotel, and had been back every day since.

The sun shined brightly at her, but she shivered on the inside. Why had Carolyn come back? Or better yet, why had she left in the first place? Her gaze once more settled on her partner. He hadn't said anything, but she knew that her departure had affected him on some level.

She hadn't told him that she and Carolyn had talked on several occasions, and it left her feeling like a traitor to both him and Mike.

She and Carolyn had never been very close, but she considered the dark haired woman a friend. And when she had called, Alex had sensed the tension in her words, but didn't press upon the issue.

Now she was wondering if that had been the right thing to do.

With a tired sigh, she dropped her feet to the floor and popped her spine, then walked back over to Bobby's bed. "Everything's such a mess, Bobby," she murmured, trailing her fingertips along his cheek.

He didn't stir, and she traced his jaw with her thumb before leaving his side to pace the room.

"I don't know what to do anymore," she stated as she paced the cool tile. "I wish you'd wake up. You would know how to deal with all of this." Tears clogged her throat, but she forced them back down again. She had to be strong. Not just for him, but for Mike and Carolyn, too.

Suddenly she was angry. Turning around on her heel, she shoved her finger in his direction and said, "You cannot give up on us, you hear me?" she hissed, her left fist clenching. "I won't let you. You hear that, Goren? I won't let you leave me!"

Tears fell down her cheeks, and she stumbled backwards until she hit the wall. Her legs buckled, and she slid to the floor.

"I hear you... now quit yelling," he said softly with a groan as pain filled his head from the echo of his own voice.

For a split second, she was certain she was losing her mind. Raising her head slowly, she whispered, "Bobby?"

He squinted at her. "Hi, Alex..."

She shoved herself to her feet and ran to his bed, grabbing his left hand in both of hers. "You're awake," she breathed, not even registering the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

He blinked and studied her, reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Don't cry, Alex."

She covered his hand with hers and resisted the urge to hit him. "You... I..." She dipped down and eased her arms around his middle, holding him as tightly as she dared.

He rested his hand on her back and gently rubbed. ""It's okay," he whispered using what little strength he could muster to speak.

Life may not always go your way

And every once in a while, you might have a bad day

But I promise you now

You won't ever be lonely

"No, it's not okay," she muttered through gritted teeth. "Damn it, Bobby, do you know how close I came to losing you? That I actually lost you for almost three minutes?"

"L-lost me?"

She held him tighter at the memory. "You... you went into cardiac arrest. You were..." She couldn't bring herself to say the word.

"So that's why I feel like shit?"

She let out a dry laugh and ran her hand over his back. "Yeah."

"I-I am sorry...to have put you through that..."

She reluctantly released him as she said, "Just so you know, I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

He gave her a weary smile. "That's f-fine with me," he whispered.

She raised her hand and pressed her palm against his cheek gently. "I'm not giving you a choice."

He studied her through half-closed eyes and leaned his cheek into her hand. The struggle to remain awake against the pain was taking a toll on him, but he wasn't willing to leave her just yet. His hand still rested against her back and his fingers caressed her through the thin fabric of her shirt. "Y-you look tired," he observed.

She smiled, probably the first real smile in over a week. "Very observant." She suddenly bent down and pressed her lips against his forehead, her hand moving to bury itself in his hair.

He brought his hand up to gently cup her cheek, lightly stroking his thumb along her jawline. He didn't have any energy left to speak.

She could see him fighting his exhaustion, and she lightly covered his lips with hers. "Sleep," she whispered, pulling away slowly. "I'm not going anywhere."

His caressed her cheek and gave her another weak smile. With reluctance he gave in to his body's need for rest, and his eyes slid closed. His breathing remained even and steady, and he slept.

She continued to stroke his cheek even after he had drifted off, and she perched herself on the edge of his bed. "You're a mess," she whispered. "But you're all mine."

The sky turns dark, and everything goes wrong

Run to me, and I'll leave the light on

And I promise you now

You won't ever be lonely

Logan couldn't sleep. He was worried that Goren wasn't awake yet and the doctors couldn't explain why. But more than that, he was worried about Barek. She was still keeping a careful distance from him, and he was giving her the time and space she needed, even though every fiber of his being wanted to pull her close and never let her go...to protect her whether she wanted him to or not.

She was running. Her chest heaved and she could see her breath in the cold air. He was right behind her. She couldn't slow down... Suddenly she tripped and lost her balance as she tumbled down onto the cold and unforgiving pavement.

He stepped out onto the balcony and looked out toward the open ocean, taking a deep breath of the clean sea air. The moonlight sparkled like diamond on the waves and he relaxed, allowing himself to forget, just for a moment, the worries that weighed so heavily on his broad shoulders.

The hands grabbed her shoulders, and she felt herself being dragged into an alleyway littered with rotting garbage and the stench of booze. She scratched and punched, but to no avail. He easily pinned her wrists above her, then straddled her waist with his large bulk. "Get off me!" she screamed, and she was rewarded with a blow to her jaw.

He turned his head, listening. He thought he heard something, but the only sound that met his ears was the breaking of the ocean waves.

"Shut up, you little bitch!" _he hissed, and she struggled even harder against his grasp. But he was just too strong for her. She felt his slimy hands reach down and pull at her jeans, then underwear, and her head fell back as she screamed again. His hand connected with her cheek, slamming her head to the side. _"I said shut the fuck up!"

Now he was more certain. It sounded like a scream. What the...? He listened harder, willing himself to shut out the sounds of the sea.

"Was I as good of a lover as your precious Mike and Bobby?" 

There was no mistake now. Someone was screaming, and it was coming from the room next to his. Shit. He bolted through his room into the hall and hesitated only for a moment before he kicked in her door. He hurried to her bedside and sat down, pulling her into his arms. "Shh...It's okay, Carolyn. I'm here."

For as long as I live, there will always be

A place you belong, here beside me

Heart and soul, baby you own me

And I promise you now, you won't ever be lonely

She heard the banging on the door, and suddenly she was swept up into Mike's arms. "Shh...It's okay, Carolyn. I'm here," she heard him say as he clutched her to his chest.

He held her close and rocked her as he muttered softly into her hair, trying to calm her and get her to settle in his arms.

She shuddered violently, then pushed him away as she ran into the bathroom. Slamming the door behind herself, she heaved last night's dinner into the toilet. Once she was finished, she reached into the shower stall, then stepped underneath the spray of scalding water.

He sat on the bed and rested his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do. She needed help but he had no idea what to do about it. A year had passed and she still wasn't doing well. He was afraid to find out what she'd been like a year ago.

She cried softly so the water covered the sound, and she rested her head against the cold tile of the shower stall. Why couldn't she open up to him? Why did this have to be so hard? It was a year ago, damn it! She had put it behind her. The scalding water pounded against her skin, and she welcomed the pain, but kept her left arm away from the spray.

He knew from long experience that life wasn't fair, but why did something like this have to touch her? She deserved better. That was one reason he'd been glad to see her with Bobby. He knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would treat her right. When they broke up, he'd hoped she wouldn't hook up with some loser... and he'd counted himself in that group. Now, all he wanted to do was take care of her. A year can change a guy... and so could this.

Grabbing her shampoo, she awkwardly held it over her head and squirted some onto her scalp, then rubbed it in. Once that was finished, she grabbed a bar of soap and ran it over her body, stifling groans as her fingers brushed against healed scars. Not now. Not now.

He got up and began pacing. She'd been in there for a long time and he was starting to worry. But he was reluctant to intrude. He didn't want to cause her any further trauma by violating her personal space. So he paced and he paced...

Once she was finished scrubbing every inch of her body, several times, she rinsed the suds away and stood there until the water was cold. Then she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a soft towel around her body. She turned off the water, then moved to stand in front of the mirror over the sink. As she stared at her reflection, she wondered if she even knew the woman staring back at her.

He heard the water stop and he waited, but she didn't come out. Finally, his impatience won out and he knocked on the door. "Carolyn? You okay in there, sweetheart?"

His voice jolted her, and she answered distractedly. "Yeah, Mike. I'm fine."

"Uh...are you sure? Is there anything you want me to do?"

"No," came her quiet reply. She gripped the sink and leaned over it, squinting at her reflection. Her hair was knotted and in desperate need of brushing, dark circles accompanied the bags under her eyes, and she could see a small scar on the side of her neck. Too small for anyone to notice but her. She touched it with trembling fingers.

"If you're sure you're okay...I-I guess I'll just go then..."

She tightened the towel around herself, and, for the briefest of moments, considered going out there. But she remained in place. "When... when are we going back to the hospital?" she called softly.

"Whenever you're ready."

She glanced around the small bathroom, and a blush crept up along her neck and cheeks as she realized she had nothing clean to wear in there. "Uh, Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you... Could you grab me some clothes?" she asked timidly.

"Clothes? Oh...okay...hold on..." He opened her suitcase and found what she needed. "Don't freak out on me because I touched your underwear, all right... here."

She almost laughed at his words, and she cracked the door open and accepted the clothes. "Thanks." The door shut again, and she quickly tossed the towel away and pulled on the undergarments. Then she tugged the jeans on, buttoning them before pulling the shirt over her head. As she looked in the mirror, she realized with a small smile that she knew why he had picked that shirt.

She fingered the soft material with a sense of serenity. She knew he loved the shirt, and she loved it too. That's why she took it with her, no matter where she went. She had worn it to their first dinner, and the look on his face had been priceless when she told him that she had worn it just to freak him out. The shirt was the exact color of his eyes, sort of a foamy green, and it never failed to remind her of him.

She looked at herself in the mirror again, and for a brief moment, she caught a glimmer of her former self. Smoothing out the shirt, she took a breath and opened the door, then walked back out.

He looked up when the door opened, and he smiled. He loved that shirt. It brought back memories of a happier time. He'd been surprised to see it in her suitcase, and he wondered why she kept it. She seemed to have been intent on forgetting him. Otherwise she would have called, at least to let him know that she was all right. Chasing away his dark thoughts, he grinned at her. "Nice," he muttered, hoping his tone wouldn't set her off. God, he hated walking on egg shells. "Ready to go?"

She smiled at him, a real smile, and said, "Yeah, let's go." She could sense the tension in his body language, and she thought, _There go those partner senses again_. And for a moment, just a moment, her dark world seemed a little bit brighter.

She smoothed her hands over the front of the shirt again and smiled crookedly at him. "I know, but I couldn't get rid of it."

"Sentimental, Barek?"

She didn't answer him. Instead, she walked over to her suitcase and opened it fully, digging through the clothes to reach the bottom of the pile. Finally she reached her goal, and she handed him a folded picture. It was one of them dancing together, the one she swore that she had burned the Monday after that weekend.

He stared at it, caught entirely off guard. "I thought you got rid of this."

She smirked at the surprised look on his features. "Sentimental, remember?" The other object she kept behind her back. "I just told everyone that I burned it."

"Very effective."

"Ah, yeah." She blinked rapidly before fingering the small object in her palm. "I also held onto this." She held out her hand and allowed the cross to dangle from her fingers.

He stared at the silver crucifix and then looked back at her. "You kept that?"

A tear trickled down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away as she said, "Of course I did, Mike." Her fingers fumbled with the clasp as she attempted to fasten it around her neck.

He reached out and covered her hands with his, taking the chain from her and opening the clasp. Stepping around behind her, he reached around careful and let the crucifix come to rest against her skin. He secured the clasp and, on an impulse, let his lips gently brush the soft skin at the back of her neck.

She shivered beneath his touch, but didn't pull away. She had missed him so much. With a quiet sigh, she turned around and wrapped her left arm around his waist, then rested her head on his broad shoulder.

He closed his eyes and held her to him. "I missed you," he whispered, placing another gentle kiss on her head.

"I missed you, too," she said without reservation. Lifting her head, she looked up into his clouded green eyes, and she brought her hand up to rest against the back of his neck.

Tentatively, he leaned closer, lightly brushing his lips over hers, but hesitating long enough to let her know he would accept whatever she was willing to give him.

It's still gonna snow, and it's still gonna rain

The wind's gonna blow on a cold winter's day

But I promise you now

You won't ever be lonely

God, she had missed him. His touch, his smell, his eyes. Everything about him. His lips were gentle on hers, and she automatically parted her lips and closed her eyes.

With permission given, he closed the remaining distance and kissed her. He was careful to keep his hands still, one at her lower back and the other tangled in her hair. He couldn't suppress a soft groan and his arms held her closer, protectively. No one would ever harm her again.

Suddenly she broke the kiss and looked up into his questioning gaze. "Does this... does this mean you forgive me?" she asked quietly, her fingers running lightly through his hair.

"Of course I forgive you...but only if you can forgive me for being a jerk." He kissed her forehead and held her against his chest.

She let out a small, relieved laugh and kissed his chest. "Already have."

He was content to hold her. "I'm glad you came back. I've missed getting slugged by the best."

Shaking her head, she pressed further against him. "And I missed everything about you," she confessed.

"Even my boneheadedness?"

"Especially your boneheadedness."

"It's good to have you back, Barek."

"It's good to be back." She leaned up for another kiss, but the combination of everything caused her to lose balance, and they both tumbled down onto the bed.

He grinned at her. "You sure about this?"

She looked down at him, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted. Then she leaned down and brushed her lips against his.

He felt her body relax against his and he surrendered to her kiss. It was a long time in coming...

She shivered at his touch, but welcomed the heat that it created all throughout her body. She had waited too long for this.

He turned onto his side and pulled her against him, letting her snuggle into his chest. Gently, he played with her hair and rubbed her back. "It's at your pace, baby," he murmured. "All you gotta do is tell me to stop and I will."

His sweet words drew tears to her eyes, and she said, "I want to, Mike, but... I'm still scared..." She laid her head over his heartbeat and closed her eyes.

He caressed her gently. "It's fine. When you're ready. I'll just hold you, if that's all right." He kissed her head. "I'm glad you're back."

Her heart leapt with joy, and she craned her neck and kissed his lips softly. "Thank you, Mike," she murmured, stifling a yawn.

He pressed her head gently against him and rubbed her back, holding her until she fell asleep. He hated what she'd had to endure, but more than that, it pained him that she had to deal with it alone. Somehow, he'd made her think he was unapproachable, and he didn't understand that. So he resolved never to let her question him again, ever.

You're safe from the world, wrapped in my arms

And I'll never let go, baby here's where it starts

And I promise you now

You won't ever be lonely

Here's a shoulder you can cry on

And a love you can rely on

She sat by his bed, smiling as she held his hand with her right and stroked his hair with her left hand. Ever since he had woken up, she couldn't stop smiling. He was going to be fine. "You are definitely something else, Bobby Goren," she whispered, squeezing his hand.

He preferred the darkness, only because there was no pain there. But then again, the light had Alex...and he preferred her over anything else, so when the darkness began to fade, even though the pain returned, he let it go. When her hand tightened around his, he squeezed back.

She felt him squeeze her hand weakly, and she smiled and said, "That's it, Bobby. Open your eyes." She held her breath and watched him closely.

He struggled against the pain and, focusing on her voice, forced his eyes open. "Hey, partner," he said weakly.

Bringing his hand up to her mouth, she kissed his knuckles and said, "Hey, yourself."

He sighed softly at her touch, turning his hand around to cup her cheek. His thumb traced her lower lip. "I worried you," he whispered. "I am sorry."

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't apologize," she chastised him gently, reaching over to rest her hand on his steadily beating heart. "You're going to be fine. That's all that I care about."

"Wh-what happened?"

She sucked in a shallow breath. "You were in a car accident, Bobby. It flipped... Thank God you were wearing a seatbelt."

His mouth twitched. "I always wear a seatbelt. You know that." He swallowed and shifted his position, groaning at the pain that flared in his chest and hips. "Uh, I guess...the car...it was totaled, huh?"

She laughed weakly at his dark humor. "I don't know. I didn't see it."

"Hmm. Cars don't like rolling over..." He smiled. "They don't do tricks very well."

She clutched his hand tighter. "No, no they don't." Her prayers and promises floated back into her mind, and she closed her eyes and said a quick thank you to God.

"Alex?"

Her eyes popped open, and she smiled at him. "What, Bobby?"

"Thank you," he murmured, struggling against the pain.

"For what?"

"For...staying by me," he said softly, eyes bright with pain and something else. "F-for not...giving up."

For as long as I live, there will always be

A place you belong, here beside me

Heart and soul, baby you own me

And I promise you now, you won't ever be lonely

For a moment, she was stunned. "Bobby..." Her voice trailed off, and she reached out and pressed her palm to his cheek. "I could never, ever give up on you. Never."

He pressed his cheek more firmly against her hand. It was a struggle to stay with her. He drew in a deep breath and softly groaned. "Hurts..."

Her eyes widened, and she quickly pressed the call button to summon a nurse. "Okay, I'm getting a nurse, Bobby. Just hold on a second." She continued to stroke his cheek until a cherub faced nurse appeared in the room.

He settled a little as she continued to caress his cheek, trying to focus on her touch and away from his pain. When the nurse appeared at his bedside, he moistened his lips and softly muttered, "I, uh, I hurt..."

The nurse nodded understandingly and produced a syringe from her pocket. "This should help," she said cheerfully as she slid the tip of the syringe into his I.V. and slowly injected the contents into the tubing.

It didn't take long for the medicine to take effect, and he didn't have the strength to fight it. As the room spun toward the darkness, he squeezed his partner's hand where it rested in his and he slipped away.

She smiled at his sleeping form and leaned over to brush her lips against his forehead. She was disappointed that he was sleeping, but she brushed it off. He was breathing, smiling, and talking to her. That was all that mattered. Leaning back in the chair, she continued to watch him sleep peacefully. "I love you," she whispered, hypnotized by the rise and fall of his broad chest.

_No, no, no, no, no, no_

_No you won't ever be lonely_

TBC...

A/N: Okay, does that answer everyone's questions? Good. The song I used in there was You Won't Ever Be Lonely, by Andy Griggs. Thanks for reading, and please remember to review! I want fifty reviews before the next update!


	5. Crash And Burn

Wow, ya'll are great! 50 reviews! Well, since ya'll hit 50 for me, here's the next chapter of How Could This Happen To Me? Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

This chapter is dedicated to Maria, for being the 50th review! Thank you!

Alex sighed in contentment as she sipped at the scalding beverage in her hand. Bobby had been moved from Intensive Care to a private room, and she was ridiculously happy. The next step would be to get him back home. She took another sip of the black liquid and settled further down into the comfortable chair she had taken residence in.

Finally, things were looking brighter.

It was getting easier to find his way out of the darkness, and he didn't even mind the pain because when he opened his eyes, Eames was there. Her touch was gentle and soothing and her smile chased away the gray in his life. He had no memory of the accident, but his mother's death came back to him with sudden clarity after he was transferred to a regular room.

She noticed him stirring, and she put her coffee down and rested her elbows on the edge of his bed, waiting patiently for his eyes to open. "Well, hi there, sleepyhead," she teased him gently as his eyes finally fluttered open.

He smiled at her teasing. "Hey, baby," he teased back. "What's up?"

His smile melted her heart, and she leaned closer until she could feel his hot breath against her skin. "Nothing. Just glad that you're awake again."

He studied her face, so close to his own, and once again he was touched by her devotion. Every time he'd woken, she'd been right there. He shifted closer and gently kissed her cheek. That felt...right.

His soft lips against her cheek stirred something within her, and without a second thought, she turned her head and pressed her lips against his.

He was surprised to find her lips against his, but he made no move to withdraw. With a soft groan, he raised a hand and slid his fingers into her hair. Gently, his tongue grazed her lips.

_When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned it's back on you_

_Give me a moment, please_

_To tame your wild, wild heart_

She parted her lips instinctively, then carefully moved to perch herself on the edge of his bed. She was in heaven. God had heard her after all.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her against his side as his tongue explored her mouth. Oh, God...he groaned again.

She immediately pulled away, her dark eyes searching his face. "What? Are you okay?" she demanded, her right hand settling on his chest.

Her sudden withdrawal caught him off guard and he struggled for a moment. He had some trouble catching his breath, but he did, and he looked at her. "What? I-I'm sorry..." he said softly, not certain what exactly was wrong.

She let out a deep breath. "I... I thought I hurt you," she whispered, her eyes stinging with tears.

"Hurt me? With a kiss? Not a chance..."

She rubbed furiously at her eyes, then reached out and buried her hand in his hair. "I just... I'm sorry. I guess I'm a little out of it." She threaded her fingers through his soft hair. "I don't ever want to lose you like that again."

"Sorry I scared you. But a kiss won't kill me, Eames." His eyes were bright with mischief as he played with her shirt and smiled.

She gently swatted his hand away. "Bobby, please." The chapel ran through her mind again, and she remembered Terri's words. Tell him. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, and as she pulled away, she whispered, "I love you, Bobby. I love you so much."

He studied her face, but he found no sign of teasing. She was serious. He reached toward her and rubbed his thumb along her chin before sliding his fingers into her hair and drawing her closer once more. "I love you, too," he murmured a moment before his mouth covered hers once again.

She melted into his arms, thanking God over and over again that he was alive and in her arms. He was alive. She shuddered and buried her face in his neck, crying softly.

He was confused. Nestling his head against hers, he murmured into her ear. "Please don't cry."

She held him tighter, and for a brief moment, she thought it was too good to be true. But then she felt his heart beating, felt his chest moving with every breath he took. "You're all mine," she whispered against his warm skin.

He smiled. "You don't have to share me with anyone except..." He stopped, frowning. His mother. She...oh, God...she was gone. He leaned back against the pillows, suddenly not feeling so well.

She felt him slide back, and she turned on her side and laid beside him. "Bobby?" she asked softly, moving her head to rest on his shoulder.

"My… mom?"

She flinched. "I'm sorry, baby," she whispered, slipping her arms around him. "You were... you were unconscious for a week. You missed the funeral."

"I...what?"

She pulled him tighter against her, as though she could shield him from the pain of what was about to hit him. "I'm so sorry."

_I know you feel like the walls _

_Are closing in on you_

_It's hard to find relief_

_And people can be so cold_

He closed his eyes. He missed the funeral...the last good-bye to his mother. "W-was Frank...there?"

She froze. "I... no, sweetheart, he didn't go. I'm sorry." She ran her hand up and down his arm and kissed his temple.

"One of us...should have been there...Uh...did you go?"

She closed her eyes. "Yes, I went," she said quietly, not telling him how badly it had hurt to leave his side for one afternoon. He didn't need that, not right now. "It was beautiful."

Tears filled his eyes. Her devotion extended beyond himself. "Thank you."

She curled herself around him and pulled the blankets over the two of them, forming their own little cocoon. "It's okay to let go, Bobby," she whispered as she held him tenderly. "It's okay."

He wasn't sure he had anything left inside to let go of. His mother's final illness and death had taken its toll and he had taken it out on everyone around him, particularly this woman at his side, where she always remained, steadfast. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, letting out a slow, shuddering breath. "I love you," he murmured, refusing to release her as he tried not to feel like he had, once again, let his mother down.

_When darkness is upon your door_

_And you feel like you can't take anymore_

She stroked his thick curls fondly, running her hand over his skin as she said, "I love you too, Bobby. You have no idea how much. No idea."

He didn't respond. He closed his eyes with another deep shudder and let himself retreat from his pain, as was his tendency. Still recovering from serious injuries, it didn't take but a few moments for him to return to sleep.

She sighed quietly and held him for a few more minutes before climbing out of the bed and returning to her chair. "Baby, I don't care if it takes the rest of my life. I'm here, and I'll get you to talk to me. I'm not going nowhere," she swore vehemently, slipping her hand into his.

The door opened and Logan poked his head in the door. "Do I have to tell you that you scared the hell out of us?"

She jumped at the intrusive voice. "Logan, you ass," she hissed.

"You did a disappearing act with a guy they didn't think would live last week and _I'm _an ass?"

Sighing, she shook her head. "Sorry," she mumbled, squeezing Bobby's hand.

"He doing okay?"

She couldn't suppress the smile that came to her lips. "He's fine," she answered confidently. "He's been awake twice, and the doctor's say there's no permanent damage from the head injuries."

He nodded and stepped up to the bed. "Thank God. His color looks good."

"Yeah. But he's still... I mean, I had to tell him that he missed his mom's funeral..."

"Oh, man...I'll bet he didn't take that well."

"Would you?"

He raised his hands. "I was glad to tell my mother good-bye. He's more...sensitive than I am."

She shook her head. "Hey... I thought..."

"Forget it. Different story. Was he really upset?"

She looked at her partner's prone form. "Yes, Mike. And you know something? I think that the fact that his brother didn't go hurt him the worst."

"Frank's fuckin' worthless. You need to get him to talk about it. The worst thing in the world is to let something stew."

"I can't get him to open up right now. He's hurting and he keeps falling asleep. Give me a little time."

"No rush. He'll be here awhile. But he's gotta deal with it."

"I know that. Speaking of dealing." She turned in her chair to meet his eyes. "Where's Carolyn?"

"Right here," came a soft reply, and two heads turned to watch Carolyn walk into the room.

He reached out and laid a hand on her back. "We've been... dealing with things."

Alex was surprised, but not as much as she thought she would be. "I'm happy for you two."

Logan watched as Carolyn left his side and approached Goren's bed. He wondered what was going through her head, then decided it best if he didn't know. He stepped up beside her and stood by in silence, offering support with his presence and leaving her to her thoughts.

She felt his comforting presence beside her, and she reached out and slipped her hand into his as she watched Bobby.

Alex watched the two, and she wondered if whatever had made her leave the first time was really gone for good.

Logan's eyes strayed from one woman to the other and he gave up trying to read what they were thinking. Reading women wasn't something he'd ever developed a real skill for. So he quit trying and just stood beside Carolyn as she dealt with whatever she had to, seeing Goren laying in a hospital bed. All he knew was that it unsettled him more than he ever thought it would. Eames once told him the big guy thought he was invincible. Logan thought that, too...until now.

Carolyn unconsciously squeezed Mike's hand. He looked so... vulnerable. While he looked much better than when she had last seen him, it still made her stomach churn to see the great Bobby Goren lying in a hospital bed after fighting for his life. He was a great man, and him being there was a harsh reminder that no one was invincible.

Goren stirred at the sound of voices, no longer able to remain oblivious to his surroundings. He groaned and opened his eyes, blinking in confusion at the sight of Barek beside his bed.

Alex leaned forward in her chair, while Carolyn said, "Hey, there."

"C-Carolyn?"

She nodded and rested one hand on the side of his bed. "It's me," she confirmed quietly.

He looked from her to Eames and then to Logan before looking back at her. "What happened...to you?"

She looked at Mike for support. "I was... I went undercover," she answered.

He remained confused, not sure what to make of her return. "So...you're back?"

"Yes," came her reply. Alex looked at Mike questiongly, then leaned forward and slipped her hand into Bobby's.

He shifted his eyes from Carolyn to Alex, and his hand tightened around hers. There was no humor in his gaze, only pain. He didn't know what to make of this and he was too exhausted to try to figure it out at the moment.

Alex could feel his tension and hurt, and she ran her thumb along his knuckles. "So, Carolyn," she started, trying to break the tension in the room. "Work with any idiots while you were gone?"

She smiled in appreciation at the joke. "No, I got lucky."

Logan grinned. "I'm the biggest idiot in her life."

"Face it, Logan," Goren grumbled. "You're the biggest idiot in all our lives."

"Hey…"

The four laughed, and Carolyn slid down into the chair beside Bobby's bed, across from Alex. "Yeah, I'm not going to comment," she laughed.

Goren rested back into his pillows and looked toward the ceiling, letting his thoughts wander. He thought about the funeral he'd missed and his heart filled once more with fresh grief.

Alex looked at Mike and Carolyn and pulled herself up onto the bed. "Hey," she murmured, framing his face with her soft hands. "Hey, shh." He reached out to her, and she pulled him into her arms and held him to her chest.

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away with you _

_Into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

He needed the comfort she offered, but it didn't ease the pain he felt inside. A lifetime spent disappointing the woman who gave him life had culminated in one more disappointment. In his mind he could hear her voice, excusing Frank while accusing him. It was the story of his life.

A tear slid down Carolyn's cheek at the sight in front of her, and she reached her good hand out for the contact of her former partner.

Logan closed his hand around Carolyn's and sighed. He wasn't a total idiot. He tugged at her hand. "C'mon, Barek. Bobby needs to rest. We'll come back tomorrow."

That would give Eames a chance to talk to her partner, and maybe to soothe the raw pain of his emotional wounds.

She allowed him to pull her to her feet, but instead of following him, she paused before leaning down and hugging both Alex and Bobby awkwardly.

Goren didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around her. "I'm glad you're back," he muttered to her. "I missed you."

Alex also wrapped an arm around the dark haired woman, but didn't say anything.

"You roll a friggin' car and you still get all the girls," Logan grumbled, but there was a spark of humor in his green eyes.

Carolyn squeezed Bobby gently, then pushed herself off of the bed and walked over into Mike's arms. "Shut up," she muttered, playfully smacking his arm.

"Ow...God, I missed that." He looked at Goren. "Does that make me a masochist?"

Goren only offered half a smile, and that worried Logan. He was used to more of a response from his friend. "Cheer up, man. It really isn't the end of the world."

Goren's eyes narrowed. "Were you at your mother's funeral?"

"Yeah, but only because it never occurred to me to crack up my car to avoid it."

Alex grabbed Bobby and wrapped her arms around him, while

Carolyn closed her good hand around Mike's forearm.

"Hey, watch the nails," Logan protested.

She glared at him. "Mike." Her voice had a tone of warning in it, and Alex glanced over at her.

Logan recognized the tone. "I guess it's time to go, huh?"

"Yeah."

A soft noise caught the attention of the three, and Alex realized that Bobby was trembling in her arms. "Hey, hey, hey," she murmured, caressing his back.

_When you feel all alone_

_And a loyal friend is hard to find_

_You're caught in a one way street_

_With the monsters in your head_

_When hopes and dreams are far away and_

_You feel like you can't face the day_

He pressed himself back against the pillows and glared at the ceiling as if it had caused him the pain he was feeling. He groaned again, just as softly, trying to concentrate on the pain in his body to deflect the pain that tore into his soul.

Alex quickly pressed the small button that released morphine, and she glared at him. "Bobby, you know what the doctor said. You need the painkillers, baby."

He just shook his head, annoyed at the relief the painkiller gave him.

"You're not going to subject yourself to that, Goren," Alex growled, and Carolyn nodded in agreement

"She's right, Bobby. You can't do that."

"Don't tell me what I can or can't do," he snapped.

Carolyn flinched, but she should have known better than to expect a warm homecoming. "She's just worried about you. We all are."

"I..." He caught himself before he said something he would regret. "I just need to be alone for awhile."

Carolyn sighed deeply at his exclamation, but she nodded. Slipping her hand into Mike's, she led him to the door.

She reached the door first, but before she walked out of the room, she turned back around and fixed her dark eyes on Bobby. "Don't say welcome back if you don't mean it," she said softly, her voice full of hurt and sorrow.

He glared at her for a moment, every muscle in his body tense. "You take off for a year without so much as a word to any of us, and you expect us to welcome you back like nothing ever happened?" he exploded. "And then you team up against me to try to tell me what I should be feeling or not feeling! Don't tell me how to feel about losing my mother or missing her funeral! I'm absolutely fine with being the fuck-up she's told me I've been all my goddamn life!"

He struggled to keep it together, but the pain was too much and he couldn't breathe. He rolled onto his side and tried taking steady breaths, but the pain interfered with his attempt and darkness descended upon him before he was able to chase it away.

"Bobby? Damn it!" Alex hissed, pressing the nurse's call button as she leaned forward and draped her arm over her partner's waist.

Carolyn watched in shock, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shoved her good hand against her mouth. "Fuck..." A sob escaped her throat, and she fled the room before she lost complete control.

"Bobby? Bobby?" She gently shook his shoulder, but she realized that he had lost consciousness. "Not again..."

Logan looked at the door through which Barek had vanished, but he stayed, moving closer to the bed. "He doesn't look so good..."

"You think?" she snarled.

"Hey, don't take this out on me. I didn't do it."

"Yeah, Carolyn did it!" she nearly yelled.

"So how does that make it my fault?" he snapped back.

Before she could answer, several nurses appeared in the room. "What happened?" one demanded.

"He lost consciousness," Alex answered, refusing to move from her partner's side.

Logan stood back and watched for a moment. Once he was certain Alex would be all right and Bobby was in good hands, he slipped out of the room and went to search for Carolyn.

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away with you _

_Into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

Carolyn didn't know where she was going. The tears blinded her, and when she finally stopped running and bent over to catch her breath, she realized that she was standing in the chapel. The room was empty, and she found herself drawn to the large cross in the front of the room. "What have I done?" she whispered, dropping to her knee in front of the wooden crucifix.

She received no answer, and she bowed her head and tried to steady her breathing. Bobby hated her, Mike was still angry with her, and so was Alex. What was she going to do? Her hand went up to the crucifix around her neck, and she clutched it in her fingers and pressed it close to her heart.

"What do I do?" she asked no one in particular. "What do I do to make this right? I have to make this right."

"What do you need to make right?" came a familiar voice from behind her.

She jumped a little at the sudden voice, wiping at the tears furiously as she said, "My life. It's pretty screwed up right now."

He moved closer. "You suffered a huge trauma. That'd screw up anyone's life. I don't get why you didn't tell Bobby and Alex, because they'd understand if anyone would. But that's your call. But I still don't get what you think you need to make right."

"Like you said, Mike. I walked out without so much as a goodbye. I didn't contact you or Bobby, and I didn't..." She sighed shakily. "I've screwed up so much this year. I just... I don't know how anyone could forgive me for that."

"Hey, if I can forgive you, they sure as hell will. I'm the original grudge-keeper."

"But you saw how hurt he was, Mike! How can I even ask him to think about that?"

"You think that was all you? For chrissake, Carolyn...He wrecked his car and put himself in a coma long enough to miss his mother's funeral. He's not me--that kind of shit bothers him. Face it, babe, you, me and Alex...we're all he's got now. His brother is less than worthless and his mother's dead. He cares deeply about you. You need to decide now if you're in or out. He won't be able to handle another abandonment after this."

"Damn it, Mike. You know I'm in." The words flew out of her mouth before she could think, and she rested her head on her hand. After a few quiet moments, she asked softly, "Do you think Alex will let me back in?"

"Yeah, I do...if you give her a chance."

She rose shakily to her feet and dusted her shirt off with her good hand. "Maybe... maybe we should go back to the hotel. Give them a chance to cool off, huh?" she suggested quietly, her eyes still focused on the crucifix in front of her.

"Sure." He didn't have the heart to tell her they were still working on Goren.

Pushing her hair away from her face, she turned around and walked into Mike's arms. "I love you, you know that, right?"'

_Cause there has always _

_Been heartache and pain_

_And when it's over you'll breathe again_

_And the world has turned its back on you_

_Give me a moment please_

_To tame your wild, wild heart_

"Yeah. I know. I love you, too."

She smiled into his chest. "What have I done?" she laughed, resting her hand on his back.

"Like it or not, you caught me, baby. I hope you never regret it."

She laughed and pressed herself closer to him. "How many other women can say that they managed to tame the wild Mike Logan?"

"Not a one."

She smiled and lifted her head up, kissing him softly on the cheek.

"Call it an old superstition, but I think God might frown on us making out on the altar here, so how 'bout we go to the hotel now?"

Her smile turned playful, and she said, "You think that's making out? Boy, have you been missing out, Mike."

"So show me what I'm missing."

She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer against her. "Just tell me when and where, baby," she purred.

"Here and now." he murmured, losing all sense.

She kissed him softly, then said, "Hotel, now."

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away with you _

_Into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

TBC...

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it! The song I used in there is Savage Garden's Crash And Burn. Now, before I post the next chapter (which has smut!) I want to hit 75, okay? Now please remember to review, and I'll be back soon!


	6. So Beautiful

Wow, ya'll are awesome! Five chapters and seventy five reviews! Ya'll sure know how to make a girl feel special! Okay, here's chapter six. Now, here's fair warning. The first part of this chapter is pure **SMUT**!! So sensitives and people who don't like reading smut should turn back now! Now, enjoy this chapter, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: They're not ours! Not ours!

This chapter is dedicated to several people who reviewed several times in a row. Ya'll know who ya'll are. Thanks!

(And per Infinity's and someone else's request, here's my first note/story divider!)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

He offered no resistance as he followed her from the hospital on autopilot, saying nothing and concentrating on the feel of her hand in his.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet, but comfortable. She kept her hand on his leg as he drove, but let her mind wander over the past year.

_Don't wreck the car, Logan. Don't wreck the car_. He struggled to concentrate, but it was difficult with her hand resting on his leg. He had missed her and that was never more clear to him than it was right then.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the seat. The radio played softly in the background, and she found herself humming along with the long forgotten tune.

He glanced at her a few times before finally asking, "Are you all right?"

Her eyes snapped open, and she smiled warmly at him. "Never better," she said softly.

The look on his face turned curious and he raised an eyebrow, a corner of his mouth turned up in half a grin. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

He was almost surprised when he pulled into the lot and parked the car, safe and intact...well, the car anyway. Inside he was a wreck. He had a rare opportunity here, and he didn't want to blow it with some offhand remark. He couldn't count how many times he'd done that. Funny how he never seemed to learn...

She could tell he was thinking hard, and she slipped her hand into his again as they walked away from the car and to the hotel building. Her stomach was churning wildly, but the feeling was pleasant, letting her know that something special was certain to come.

He was caught off guard when her hand slid into his and he looked at her. He was so concerned about messing this up for good. She was in a fragile state and he had to tread cautiously. The next few hours would help her to heal or cause her irreversible harm, and it was all in his hands. That scared him more than a little.

She felt his pulse racing against her fingertips as they approached his hotel room, and she squeezed his hand. "Calm down, Mike," she murmured, stroking his knuckles with her thumb.

"Uh, I'm calm," he muttered, trying not to swallow too hard.

She suddenly spun him around and looked up into his clouded green eyes. "Mike, don't lie to me. Just relax." She reached up and ran her thumb along his jaw. "You're nervous, and it makes me nervous. It's just me."

_Just_ her? It was _just_ her? His former partner, his friend, who had been traumatized to the point of abandoning him for a full year, not trusting him to take care of her through the worst time in her life...

"I don't want to hurt you." he murmured.

That's what he was afraid of? "Mike... Oh, God..." She opened the door and pulled him in, then wrapped her arm tightly around him. "Mike, I want this," she said, her voice muffled against his chest. "I want you."

He kissed the top of her head. "Are you sure? I can't screw this up, Carolyn."

"And you won't," she tried to reassure him. "Just... let's just take it slow..."

_Slow?_ He wasn't sure he knew how to do slow...but for her he would try. _Just follow her lead, moron. Don't give more than she can take. Be gentle...and forget about yourself for once._

She pulled on his hand and led him to the bed, then sat down on the foot of the bed. "I know I told you this, but I missed you," she said softly, her fingers playing with the edge of his shirt.

He closed his eyes, concentrating on her fingers. He wanted to tell her how much it had hurt when she left without saying a word, but somehow he thought that would shatter the mood, and as much as he wanted to protect her, he didn't want to stop what she had started.

_Whether I'm right or wrong _

_There's no phrase that hits _

_Like an ocean needs the sand _

_Or a dirty old shoe that fits _

_And if all the world was perfect _

_I would only ever want to see your scars _

_You know they can have their universe _

_We'll be in the dirt designing stars_

She finally saw the surrender in his eyes, and she reached up and pulled him down alongside her on the bed.

Turning toward her, he searched her eyes and, finding no censure, he gently kissed her, allowing himself the chance to enjoy the contact. He braced himself for her withdrawal, and when it didn't come, he deepened the kiss.

Her hand suddenly came alive, and she reached under his shirt and ran her hand along his bare skin. "Mmm..."

He trembled, not only from the light caress but from the effort it took to hold himself back. He returned her caress in kind, along her waist, hesitating to venture further.

She reached down and covered his hand with hers, then brought it to rest against the bare skin of her stomach. She shivered and moaned softly at his gentle caress.

He turned toward her, placing light kisses along her temple, down the side of her face until he found her mouth. As he kissed her, he moved his hand slowly, tentatively, along the skin of her stomach upward toward her chest. He struggled to keep his touch tender yet still braced himself for the rejection he felt sure was coming.

Her heart pounded against her ribs, and she was certain that he could hear it just as loudly as she could. His large, calloused hand traveled upward along her stomach, and she closed her eyes and lost herself in his gentle kiss.

As his hand approached its destination, he could feel the rapid pounding of her heart. He drew back a little. "Are you all right? You sure you want this?"

Her eyes opened, and she raised her head and pressed her lips against his decisively. When she pulled away, she said, "Mike, if I didn't want this, you would've been flat on your back ten minutes ago, all right?"

_And darlin' you know _

_You make me feel so beautiful _

_Nowhere else in the world I wanna be _

_You make me feel so beautiful_

His lips quirked into a roguish smile and he pulled her back into his arms, covering her mouth once again with his and letting his hand continue its slow journey until it came into contact with the fabric of her bra.

She swallowed thickly and suddenly wish that her stupid arm wasn't in a cast. She glared at it resentfully, then concentrated on the dark green eyes in front of her. As his fingers made contact with her bra, she reached out and grabbed the edge of his shirt, rolling it slowly upwards.

A deep moan rumbled through his chest as she drew his shirt up. His fingers trailed along the fabric of her bra and, with a move he had long practiced until he had it down perfectly, he undid the clasp and freed her from its confining hold.

She almost laughed at how well he made the move, and suddenly she sat upright and pulled his shirt off completely, tossing it with a sigh onto the floor.

He quickly and smoothly undid her shirt and slid it from her shoulders along with her bra, his mouth quirked into an appreciative smile. "Nice," he murmured as he rolled onto his back and pulled her down on top of him, relishing the contact of skin to skin. A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him to go slow, and he once again struggled to comply. The last thing he wanted to do was spook her. When his hands cupped her breasts, he groaned and drew his thumbs across her nipples.

_Oh God, oh God,_ she groaned mentally as his fingers slid expertly across her nipples. _Mike Logan is touching me!_ A small moan slid from her lips, and she bowed her head and rested her face in the crook of his neck.

Her breath was warm against his neck and he tipped his head down for another kiss. Slowly, deliberately, his fingers moved in a gentle caress back toward her waist where he fingered the waistband of her pants, once again waiting for rejection.

His exploring fingers sent shock waves through her system, and she swallowed before lifting her head and reaching down to touch the button of his jeans. Her eyes searching his, she carefully, and somewhat awkwardly, undid his jeans.

He let out a soft groan when his jeans came undone and he gently slid her pants over her hips, careful to continue gently kissing her, hoping to offer reassurance that he would never cause her pain.

_Whether I'm up or down _

_There's no crowd to please _

_I'm like a faith without a clause to believe in it _

_And if all the world was smiling _

_I would only ever want to see your frown _

_You know they can sail away in sunsets _

_We'll be right here stranded on the ground _

_Just happy to be found_

Suddenly she was very aware that she was only wearing underwear, and that he was still in his jeans. With a smirk, she pulled away from his kiss and said, "Ah, you're a little... overdressed, aren't you?"

"I can fix that," he replied with a grin.

She returned his grin and rolled over onto her side beside him, watching as he rolled his jeans off of his hips and tossed them onto the floor.

"Better? Now...where were we...?"

She settled her hand on his back and guided him back on top of her. "This... is incredible," she whispered, her eyes fluttering shut.

He snickered softly, burying his face in her neck. "You have any idea what that does to my ego?" he murmured against her skin as he softly nibbled then licked the sweet flesh.

She shook her head and laughed. Not a fake laugh or a forced laugh, but a real one that shook her entire body.

He laughed softly with her and his hands moved over soft, yielding flesh. Bracing himself once more, he took the final step to remove the last bit of cloth that separated her from him.

She felt his hands on her underwear, and she reached down and covered his hand with hers. This was something that she needed to do. Slowly, she guided his hand, and they both pulled her underwear away from her body.

Acceptance and approval...he took her permission with a smile and finally relaxed. As his fear of causing her more pain slid away, so, too, went his hesitancy. With a self-assurance he struggled to keep from becoming cocky, he moved his body along the length of hers, kissing her softly, then with more passion as he waited for her to let him in.

_You make me feel so beautiful _

_Nowhere else in the world I wanna be _

_You make me feel so beautiful_

She felt him relax, and in return, she relaxed and finally let her guard down for the first time in nearly a year. Only with him... She suddenly realized that he was waiting for her, and she smiled and eased her legs around his waist.

With a quiet laugh, he claimed her mouth and slid past her defenses, watching and feeling for any sign of panic that his actions might possibly stir.

She stiffened a little, but she quickly relaxed again and parted her lips. His kiss was warm and demanding, and her eyes slid shut as his tongue explored the dark recesses of her mouth.

He lost himself in the taste and feel of her, and when he took that final step and gently slid inside her, his entire body felt overwhelmed. When she didn't deny him, he settled into a slow rhythm and made certain he was meeting her needs as well as his own.

When he slowly eased into her, she closed her eyes and balled the blanket in her fist, then dropped it and rested her hand on his back. "Mike..." she whispered, arching her back slightly.

He stopped and looked at her, concern and trepidation in his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked tentatively.

Her eyes shot open, and she said, "Don't stop... Please..."

He was confused but happy to oblige. "I wasn't going to...unless you asked..." he murmured against her neck as he kissed her and continued, hoping to soothe over her pain and bring her back to him.

His breath was hot and soothing against her neck, and she reached up and ran her fingers softly through his hair. His back tensed, and she kissed him again and said, "Not leaving again..."

_I have lost my illusions _

_I have drowned in your words _

_I have left my confusion _

_To a cynical world _

_I am throwing myself at things I don't understand _

_Discover enlightenment holding your hand_

"Not gonna let you," he murmured.

"Good." She arched her back, and the soft layer of hair on his chest tickled her.

He continued his pace for a while, letting the tension build and watching for her reaction. He was still afraid she was going to tell him to stop. But as he continued, and she responded to him, he relaxed, became more confident, and he let his body set its own pace. His gentle kiss became more demanding in response to his body's reaction to hers.

She could feel him move faster, and her breaths grew shorter as she closed her eyes and lost herself in his ministrations.

Her response drove him on, faster, more urgently until he crossed the threshold, burying himself inside her with a groan of release.

She felt herself being swept away, and when she came back down from her own high, she realized that he was half sprawled across her.

He rolled off her with a soft grunt once he had recovered and pulled her into his arms, cradling her in a gesture that was both affectionate and protective. He kissed her temple, cradling her body in the curve of his own. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, and he gave her another hug before he slept.

She felt his breathing even out, and once she was certain he was asleep, she turned in his arms to face him. His face was the picture of contentment, and she prided herself on being the one who put it there. Her body was deliciously sore, and she stretched lazily. Sleep was fogging her senses, and she pressed her lips briefly against his before settling her head in the crook of his neck to sleep.

_You are so beautiful _

_Yeah darlin' you know _

_That you make me feel _

_So beautiful _

_Nowhere else in the world I wanna be _

_Yeah you make me feel so beautiful_

Alex's hands trembled as she raised her cup of coffee to her lips and took a sip. Lowering the cup, she stared at Bobby's prone form and sighed. He was unconscious, again, and she was exhausted, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

She set the cup on the floor beneath her chair, then stood up and popped her spine, shivering as she did. Once she had the kinks worked out of her neck, she took a few steps to Bobby's bed and slipped her hand into his.

"You've got to stop doing this," she said quietly, her left hand gently moving across his cheek. "I want to get you home. I need to get you home."

She paused a moment before brushing her lips against his forehead affectionately. Then she squeezed his hand and sat back down in her chair, pulling the blanket a nurse had been so kind as to provide up to her chin. Her eyes slid shut, and she curled her small frame in the chair before sleep claimed her.

His chest was on fire and every breath made the throbbing, burning pain worse. He shifted his position, which was the wrong thing to do. More pain flared in his right side and he groaned. What the hell had happened to him? He remembered... oh God... he remembered yelling at Barek. What an ass he was! How could he do that? More and more he was starting to not like who he was turning into. Something had to change, and that change could only come from inside him.

He forced his eyes open, waiting for them to adjust to the dim light in the room. The familiar blur from the painkillers had settled in his head and he hated that. What had caused this new adventure in pain for him? It was still an effort to breathe, and the pain made him even less inclined to take a deep breath. When his brain forced his body into it, pain shot across his chest, radiating down his right side. He rolled onto his side, bracing it against the bed, and groaned again.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was his partner, asleep once again in the chair by his bed. He was filled with the contradicting emotions of guilt and gratitude. And love...

Leaning forward, he slowly reached out toward her, gently brushing her hair back from her face, and he managed a soft smile. He had no idea what his life would be like any more if she were not an important part of it, and he had no inclination to find out.

Through the fog of sleep, Alex felt a hand on her face, and she swatted at it before bolting upright in the chair. When she realized that Bobby's dark brown eyes were open and focused on her, she relaxed and leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on his bed. "Hey there."

He didn't answer her. He met her hazel eyes and closed the short distance between their faces to brush his lips gently over hers. "I-I'm sorry," he finally whispered after breaking the gentle kiss.

"What did you do now?" she asked softly, a smirk turning up the corners of her mouth.

His own mouth quirked into an amused smile. "I-I had no business...getting so...so angry..." He closed his eyes to battle the surge of pain, physical and emotional. Looking at her once again, he finished, "I shouldn't have...yelled at her like that."

_What you got if you ain't got love?_

_The kind that you just want to give away _

_It's okay to open up _

_Go ahead and let the light shine through _

_I know it's hard on a rainy day _

_You wanna shut the world out _

_And just be left alone _

_But don't run out on your faith_

Shaking her head, Alex rose to her feet and carefully perched herself on the edge of his bed, then reached out and pulled his hand into her lap. "Bobby... you were hurting, and you both lashed out." She gently traced the lines in his palm with her fingertips.

He looked ashamed. "I...never wanted to hurt her...ever."

Her eyes darkened, and she closed her hand over his. "I know you didn't," she whispered. "You would never hurt anyone on purpose. I know you wouldn't."

He shook his head slowly. "Where is she?"

"She's at the hotel with Mike."

He nodded. "I, uh, I need to talk to her...soon..." He unconsciously took a deep breath which he immediately regretted as fire burned hot across his chest. He groaned and swallowed hard.

She saw the pain flare up in his eyes, and she reached out and touched his cheek.

Comforted by the gesture, he leaned into her hand and softly sighed. It felt cool against his warm skin and he was grateful once again that she was there, tinged with a smattering of guilt that she had put her life on hold to sit beside his bed.

When he leaned into her touch, she felt overwhelmed by the emotions that struck her. Slowly, as if awaiting his rejection, she moved closer to him and settled down beside him, drawing him gently into her arms.

He relaxed in her arms, settling his head against her chest as an overwhelming array of emotion slammed into him. He wrapped an arm around her and held her firmly. When he spoke, his voice was uneven and barely above a whisper. "I love you, Alex."

"Love you, too, Bobby," she said softly, without hesitation. Sighing softly, she rested her chin on the top of his head.

When his tension dissipated, it took a lot of his pain with it. He closed his eyes, chasing sleep as he nestled comfortably in his partner's arms. Forcing his eyes open once again, he softly asked, "Did they tell you...what happened to me?"

"Mm? Oh, yeah," she murmured, running one hand through his unruly curls. "The doctors said that your liver was lacerated, which was aggravated when you and Carolyn fought, and that you have pneumothorax."

He nodded, accepting her explanation. Enjoying the path of her hand through his hair, he gave another soft sigh before he surrendered to sleep.

She realized that he had fallen asleep, and she looked around the room before realizing that she had no desire to leave him. So she leaned back against the pillows and nuzzled her face into his hair before closing her eyes and returning to sleep.

_Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing _

_Is just a grain of sand _

_And what you've been out there searching for forever _

_Is in your hands _

_And when you figure out love _

_Is all that matters after all _

_It sure makes everything else _

_Seem so small_

When he woke again, she was no longer snuggled with him. He felt like something was missing and he searched for her. She had helped him to relax and chased away some of his pain. Okay, if he was going to be honest with himself, she chased away a lot of his pain, not all of it physical. He spotted her sleeping in the chair again and he vaguely wondered why she'd gone back over there. He settled back into his pillows and concentrated on his breathing until he heard her say something. Turning to answer her, he was surprised to find her still sleeping. His face relaxed into an amused smile and he waited for her to waken.

Her mind was foggy as she felt sleep slip away, and she stretched in a very catlike way in the somewhat comfortable hospital chair. Wait a minute... How had she gotten back into the chair?... She rolled her head back, then looked at her partner, who was staring at her with an amused smirk on his features. She yawned, then said, "What?"

"You talk in your sleep," he replied easily.

A blush crept along her neck and up to her cheeks, and she shook her head. "No, I don't."

"Yes. You do."

She shook her head and rested her head in her palm. "Do not."

His smile widened. "Do, too."

A smile made her lips twitch, and she shook her head again. "I do not talk in my sleep, Goren."

He remained firm. "Yes, you do, Eames."

She threw her hands up in the air and sighed. "There's no arguing with you, Mr. Know It All." Then she mumbled under her breath. "Don't."

He laughed, groaning at the pain that flared with his soft laugh. "Do," he muttered just as softly.

Suddenly she busted out laughing, clutching her sides as she managed through the laughs, "We are so mature."

He laughed again. "You're gonna kill me here," he muttered, only half-serious.

She took a deep breath, tampering down the laughter as she crossed her ankles and leaned forward in her chair. "You sleep good?" she asked, her eyes softening.

"I guess. It still hurts to breathe." He shifted again. "What about you?"

"A lot better than I... have in a while," she answered truthfully, tilting her head as she reached out and gently smoothed back a stray curl from his forehead.

He was annoyed by his tendency toward fatigue and the absence of his normal energy levels. He had little patience for being incapacitated. But he was tired, and his annoyance wasn't going to change that. He shifted over in the bed and motioned to her. "Please," he said softly, moving the blanket to make room for her.

She smiled and climbed out of the chair, then lifted herself up onto the bed. "Comfortable?" she teased, scooting her body as close to his as she could.

He turned into her body, pulling her back snuggly against him. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head against hers. "Nice," he whispered, feeling himself falling once more toward sleep. "Eames?" he whispered sleepily.

"What, Bobby?"

"Yes...you do...talk in your sleep..."

She shook her head and rested it against his, her eyes drifting shut. "Do not."

_It's so easy to get lost inside _

_A problem that seems so big at the time _

_It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole _

_While you're sitting around thinking _

_About what you can't change _

_And worrying about all the wrong things _

_Time's flying by, moving so fast _

_You better make it count cause you can't get it back_

Logan rolled over in the bed, searching to draw a warm body into his arms, to snuggle against her and gently kiss her...but the only thing his hand found was empty air and barely warm sheets that had been abandoned by the woman he had fallen asleep with. Opening his eyes, he searched the room for her. It wasn't a big room and she was nowhere to be seen. Jumping out of bed, he went to the bathroom, which was as empty as the room. "Fuck!" he swore.

Carolyn stood hypnotized on the balcony, wind whipping through her tangled curls as she stared at the crashing waves below her. A loud curse interrupted her trance, and she glanced around her surroundings.

In the room, Logan began to pace, wondering where she could have gone to and, more importantly, why? What could he possibly have done to chase her off?

Turning on her heel, Carolyn walked back into the hotel room to a very confusing sight. Mike was pacing angrily around the room, and she tilted her head to the side and watched him. "Uh, Mike?"

He stopped in his tracks and whirled to face her, relief flooding through him. In two long strides he was in front of her, pulling her to his chest. "God, Barek...you scared the hell out of me!"

"Hey, calm down," she murmured, feeling him shudder as she wrapped her good arm around him. "I was just on the balcony. It's okay."

He buried his face in her hair, relishing the smell and the feel of her against him. "I thought...never mind..."

She pulled away from him and studied his tensed facial features. "You thought I left, didn't you?"

He nodded mutely, afraid to speak.

For a moment, she just stared at him. Then she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled his head down to rest in the crook of her neck. "I wouldn't... I can't leave you, Mike. I won't."

"Do you mean that, Carolyn?"

She sighed and squeezed him tightly. "Of course I do, Mike," she murmured, kissing his head softly. "I... I love you."

He relaxed and held her firmly against him. He knew no words to describe the feelings those words stirred in him and all he could do was hold her closer and whisper in her ear, "I love you, too."

She smiled into his hair, then pulled away from him. At his questioning glance, she slipped her hand into his and led him back to the bed. "It's late, Mike," she murmured, sliding under the covers.

He slid in beside her, pulled her against his chest and gave her a kiss, content to have her snuggled against him. Sleep was quick in coming.

She watched him slip easily back into sleep, but it wasn't as easy for her. He still didn't trust her. He thought she had left him in the middle of the night, like a one night stand. How was she going to prove to him that she was back to stay? How?...

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing _

_Is just a grain of sand _

_And what you've been out there searching for forever _

_Is in your hands _

_Oh, and when you figure out love _

_Is all that matters after all _

_It sure makes everything else_

_Seem so small_

Bobby sat against the pillows and looked at the little wooden tiles in front of him. His eyes shifted between the board and the letters he had drawn. His stomach rumbled and he frowned. "Isn't it lunchtime yet?"

Alex was sitting beside his legs, one hand supporting her upper body as she stared at the board, her brow furrowed in concentration. She opened her mouth, but her response was cut off by squeaky wheels and a young, cheery voice.

"Lunchtime!" a young nurse announced as she carried a lunch tray into Bobby's room.

He helped Alex clear the game from the tray table and watched the nurse set his tray down. He frowned. Jell-o, broth, coffee with no cream...damn...

She saw his lips turn in a frown, and she patted his leg and said way too cheerfully, "Eat up, partner. I want to take you home soon."

"Do you really expect me to get better eating broth and Jell-o?"

Her bright eyes danced, and she said, "Yes, I do. Now eat."

He was sorely tempted to refuse until they brought him food with substance, but his hunger was winning out. "If I'm going to fill up on Jell-o, I'll need more than this."

The all too cheery nurse piped up, speaking to him as if he were a small boy. "Clean your plate, and I'll bring you more." Then she spun around on her heel and walked back out. Alex snickered under her breath, then turned her attention back to her partner.

"You heard the woman. Clean your plate, Bobby," she laughed.

"Shut up, Eames," he grouched, not amused.

She swallowed her laughter, then eased his tray aside so that she was sitting by his waist, with her legs dangling over the side of the bed. Then she pulled the tray back to them.

He eyed her with irritation. "It's not funny. You can eat real food. I'm stuck with reconstituted collagen."

She shook her head. "Ah, how familiar I am with the reconstituted collagen," she said in a fake, wistful voice. Then she reached over and picked up the spoon, ignoring the confused and surprised look on her partner's face.

He watched with suspicion as she handled the spoon, resolving that if she really wanted his food she was welcome to it. He wasn't into a clear liquid diet and he was beyond annoyed that this was all they'd give him. Maybe he could bribe Eames into bringing him a burger...or a slice of pizza...

His mouth parted slightly, and she giggled and, figuring that he was imagining a nice steak or hamburger, pushed the spoonful of broth into his mouth.

He choked on the unexpected fluid that hit his throat as he took a breath. With every cough a band of pain tightened around his chest. As he caught his breath, the pain subsided and he glared at his partner with a raised eyebrow. "Are you trying to kill me, Eames?"

She had a surprised look on her face, and she dipped the spoon into the soup again, then brought it up to her nose. She sniffed it, then shook her head. "Just trying to get you home, Goren," she stated, shrugging one shoulder.

Annoyance settled in. His diet, putting it bluntly, sucked and he was not going to be spoon-fed by anyone. He took the spoon from her hand and set it on the tray. "You want me home? Get me some real damn food," he snapped.

She bit her lip at his anger, then rose up off of the bed. "Sorry," she said softly.

His irritation faded rapidly and he regretted snapping at her. "Alex...I'm sorry...I-I didn't mean anything..."

She crossed her arms over her chest and stood beside the bed. "Bobby," she began quietly. "I know... I know that this stuff isn't exactly the most delicious, but it's all that your body can handle right now. And I really don't want to sit here for another three days waiting for you to regain consciousness." She looked upwards at the ceiling, willing the tears away before she locked her eyes on him again.

He raised an eyebrow. "I-I'm sorry...I...I need something more than...this...if I'm going to recover..."

She chuckled and sat down beside him again, resting her hand on his arm. "I'll make you a deal, Bobby. I'll talk with your doctor and see if we can't get some real food in here, but if he says no, drop it, at least for now. Okay?"

He frowned, his mouth forming half a pout. "I don't have to like it," he grumbled.

For a moment, she could see a four year old boy sitting in front of her, and she chuckled warmly. "No, you don't."

He gently pushed the tray away. "I-I'm tired."

She scooted up closer to him and laid down on her side, her arm draping protectively over his chest. "Then sleep," she murmured, nuzzling her face in his hair.

He studied her for a moment, still fighting irritation over what he saw as unnecessary dietary restrictions. He knew that his body still had a lot of recovering to do, and he found that it was sleep that did him the most good. "Tell the doctor a burger would be good," he murmured softly, turning his head toward her. He rolled onto his side, keeping his body in contact with hers.

She felt him curl into her side, and she smiled and retrieved her novel from the chair by his bed. Opening the book, she quickly lost herself in the adventures of Buttercup, Westley and 'truuuuuuuue love'.

_Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing _

_Is just a grain of sand _

_And what you've been out there searching for forever _

_Is in your hands _

_Oh, and when you figure out love _

_Is all that matters after all _

_It sure makes everything else _

_Oh, it sure makes everything else _

_Seem so small_

TBC...

A/N: Yeah, we had to get some lighthearted fluff 'n stuff in there before we hit Bobby over the head with some nasty stuff. Hehehe. The first song in there, chosen by Infinity, was So Beautiful, by Savage Garden. The second song, chosen by me, was Carrie Underwood's newest song, So Small. Next up on the menu, emotional stress to the max! Thanks for reading this chapter, and we'll be back with the next one soon!


	7. Saving Me

Hey again, everyone. I'm back again with the next chapter of this little project. Now, I know that in the second chapter I told ya'll that this was almost wrapped up, but apparently I was very, very wrong. Infinity Star and I have been working on this for some two weeks, and we're only just getting started. And I'm not even going to say when I might be done, because it seems that every time I think it's finished, another situation presents itself and demands to be written.

I'm trying to stay close to canon, so unfortunately, this chapter begins Bobby's and Alex's conversation of his parentage and Brady. And of course, let's not forget Mike and Carolyn's situation. Now some people have been questioning the ships of this story, and I'm going to say here and now that it will be BA and MC. Yes, Carolyn and Bobby were once together, but that was very brief, and they are not going to get back together.

I guess that's finishes my ramblings, so enjoy the chapter and please remember to review. Oh, and I want to hit 100 reviews before I post the next chapter. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Nope, not ours.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Bobby stirred in his sleep, startled awake by movement in the bed beside him and a flare of pain as the heel of a warm hand bumped into his injured side. His eyelids fluttered open and he surmised not much time had passed since his last dose of painkiller. Most of his pain was lingering at the edge of awareness, which is right where it stayed for the first two or so hours after they dosed him.

He shifted his hips and looked toward the body snuggled into his side, smiling at the sight of the relaxed, peaceful expression on her face. He liked seeing that. She deserved peace in her life. He was certainly the cause of enough grief for her. Leaning over, he gently kissed her forehead and made himself more comfortable. He found that he liked to watch her sleep.

She was drifting pleasantly between wakefulness and sleep, but a steady gaze focused on her drew her back into awareness, and she rolled her head back and stretched. "You like watching people sleep?" she teased, closing her eyes again.

"No," he said softly. "Just you."

"Mm." She popped her shoulder, then rolled into his side and snuggled up against his warm, large body. "That's it, pal," she said sleepily. "You are officially my body pillow."

He draped his arm over her and leaned closer. "Does that mean you plan to spend more time in my bed?"

"Only if you want me there."

He studied her with warm, dark eyes. "No, Eames. Not if I want you there...if _you_ want to be there."

She trailed her fingertips along his side. "If we start that, we'll never stop. I do want to be there..."

"And I want you there," he murmured, trembling at the sensation of her touch along his side.

She moved her hand from his side to his cheek, moving her thumb along his jaw as she said, "Good. Because I'm not leaving. You couldn't make me go for anything."

He closed his eyes, enjoying her touch. When he opened them, he gave her a mischievous grin. "That's good, Eames. But you really need to quit drooling in your sleep."

She suddenly yanked her hand back, and a dark red blush covered her entire face. "What... what are you talking about?" she sputtered. "I don't drool in my sleep!"

He grinned at her. "Don't be so sure. You said you don't talk in your sleep either."

"And I stand by my statements. I don't."

He continued to smile at her, eyes bright. "And I'm telling you that you do."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not going to argue with you, you... you..."

"Bonehead?" he offered.

She let out a snort and raised herself up on her elbow. "Shut up."

He laughed softly and suddenly leaned closer, resting his lips gently against hers in a soft, affectionate kiss.

After a moment, she pulled away and glared at him playfully. "Hey, you're not getting off that easily, bonehead."

With a light, playful touch he tickled her side and nuzzled her neck, pleased that his movements didn't flare the dull ache in his side into full blown pain. "Bonehead, huh?"

She giggled, but when his hand touched that one ticklish spot on her side, she gasped and struggled in an effort to escape him. But, being the graceful one that she was, she accidentally fell off the bed and landed with a grunt on the cold floor.

He leaned over the side, looking down at her but not sure whether to laugh or apologize. On one hand, he was horrified that she'd fallen off the bed. On the other hand, she didn't seem hurt..."Are...are you all right?"

She shook her head and rose unsteadily to her feet. "Well, that'll sure wake a girl up," she said, her lips curling up in a smile. At his distressed expression, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his forehead. "Hey, I'm fine. There was a reason my parents didn't name me Grace," she joked.

He relaxed, returning her smile with a sigh of relief. "I never want to be responsible for hurting you," he said quietly.

Her smile faded, and she eased her arms around him, drawing his head down to rest against her breast. "The only way you could hurt me is by pushing me away, okay?"

He sighed, enjoying where she had placed his head. Resting his hand on her hip, he muttered, "I'll try not to."

She tightened her arms around him, loving how she was holding him. She had been held like that before, and it had never failed to bring a sense of security to her. She only hoped that it was doing the same for him. She felt his hand go to her hip, and she lowered her head and kissed his hair.

Before he realized what he was doing, he had teased her shirt free of her jeans and was lightly caressing soft skin. Another shudder coursed through his muscles and he softly groaned. Her skin was smooth and warm...wait...what the hell was he doing? Embarrassed, he pulled back, releasing her and stammering, "Uh, I...I'm sorry..."

She lifted one knee onto the bed and hugged him again. "Hey, don't you dare apologize," she growled, squeezing him gently. "I love you, and I can't wait to do that again. But we're going to have to, at least until I can take you home again, all right?"

He nodded, regretting his actions, but not just because of the inappropriateness of their current setting. "I, uh...I'll behave," he murmured, vowing to keep his word. "I am sorry..."

She cut him off by pressing her lips against his. "Shut up," she growled, her hand moving to rest against the back of his neck.

When she pulled away from him, he leaned back in the bed and fought to calm his pounding heart. The pain was advancing now and he was starting to struggle against more things than he could handle. He closed his eyes as his body calmed, then muttered, "Tired..."

She chewed on her lip briefly, then rested her hand on his chest. "Don't fight it," she whispered, her fingers drawing obscure patterns on the blanket covering his chest. "Your body's still recovering. Sleep."

Her gentle ministrations now served to relax him and he couldn't fight it. Sleep was only a few minutes away for him.

She watched him sleep for a few moments, then slid off of the bed and looked around. Coffee sounded really good to her, even if it was only the sludge she knew was served in the hospital cafeteria. She paused for a moment before brushing her palm against his cheek, then walking away from the bed. Closing the door softly behind her, she turned to walk towards the cafeteria- only to be confronted by someone who made her blood boil. "What the hell?"

_Don't play me no love songs _

_I ain't in love today _

_Don't play me no train songs _

_I ain't going away _

_Don't play me no gospel songs _

_The good Lord knows the truth _

_I'm in a real bad mood_

Hearing the exclamation, Frank turned away from the counter to face her. "Oh. It's you. How's my brother?"

Her fist balled at her side, and she narrowed her eyes and glared daggers at him. "He's fine," she growled through gritted teeth.

"Good. I was going to head up to see him as soon as I'm done eating."

"The hell you are."

His eyes narrowed. "You can't keep me from seeing my brother."

She crossed her arms over her chest and took a fighting stance. "Just watch me."

Turning away from his tray, he faced off with her. "He's my brother. I'm family--the only family he has left. So if you don't want a restraining order slapped on your ass, don't get between me and Bobby."

She shoved a trembling finger in his direction. "You think that would stop me?" She barked out a laugh. "I guess Bobby never told you that I'm not just a cop. I'm from a family of cops, and as far as everyone we know is concerned, I'm his family. You think that your little restraining order would last? Go right ahead."

"You have no grounds to keep me from seeing him. I have that legal right."

She took a step closer to him, her stare icy and her entire body tensed and ready to strike. "Your rights? Your _rights_?" She took a deep breath and mentally counted to ten. "You're so sure Bobby would be thrilled to see you? Fine, go on in there." Her voice lowered dangerously. "But if you say anything- one word- that upsets him, I'll have you thrown out and barred from his room so fast that your sorry ass won't know what happened!"

He didn't back down. "You can't do that. I'm his family." His eyes narrowed. "Unless you're closer family than I am, then I call the shots, girly."

She drew her arm back, but managed to keep from hitting him. "With you for family, who needs enemies?" she snarled.

Frank lifted his tray and started past her, stopping to lean over and softly say, "He ain't your cub, pussy cat."

She shoved her fists into the pockets of her jeans. "But he is mine," she hissed just as softly.

_Don't play me no rock and roll _

_I don't wanna dance _

_Don't play me no hillbilly _

_I'm too blue for grass _

_That cheesy easy listening stuff _

_Is for elevator fools _

_I'm in a real bad mood_

Frank didn't hear her as he continued toward the cashier and paid for his lunch. He struggled not to watch for his brother's partner as he sat down to eat. The longer he thought about it, the angrier he got. How dare she tell him he couldn't see his little brother! How many bruises had he gotten trying to protect Bobby from their father's rages? How often had he taken care of Bobby when their parents disappeared for days at a time? Dad wasn't around a whole lot, and Mom got unpredictable as time went on. Until Bobby was old enough to take care of himself, and Mom, he had stayed around, taking care of his little brother and watching out for him as best he could. And now this woman was telling him he had no right to see that little brother?

No way. As soon as he was done eating, he was going to see Bobby...and she was not going to stop him.

After paying for her coffee and a muffin, Alex took the items and sat down at a table, her blood boiling but her mind telling her not to return to Bobby's room until her temper was back under control. So she sipped at the scalding liquid and picked at the muffin until she felt her anger dissipate. When the muffin was gone and the coffee was cold, she dumped the trash and headed back up to Bobby's room.

She pushed the door open gently, shutting it behind her before she walked over to her chair and sat down. Crossing her ankles, she looked at her sleeping partner, and she wondered how such a kind, amazing man could be related to someone so... so...

Her rage was intensifying, and she reached over and slid her hand into his larger one. Even sleeping, he could calm her in ways that no other person could.

When her hand tightened on his, he stirred. Turning from his side onto his back, he groaned when the pain flared. It was closing on time for another dose of painkiller, he could tell as his mind stumbled toward wakefulness. His eyes flickered open and he frowned at her. "What's wrong?" he murmured sleepily.

Her eyes widened, but she quickly put on a smile and kissed his forehead. "Nothing, baby," she answered coolly, squeezing his hand.

"You can't lie to me, Eames," he replied. "You're upset...and tense...what happened?"

She shook her head and leaned forward on her elbow, resting her chin in her hand as she watched him. "Just some jerk in the cafeteria," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"What'd he do?"

Shaking her head again, she reached out and fingered a graying curl on his temple. "Don't worry about it, Bobby. It's nothing for you to get worked up over."

Never one to just let something drop, he pressed her. "But you're upset...I don't like that...what did he do?"

She sighed. "Bobby, please... just leave it alone, all right?"

He frowned, uneasy with her request. With a heavy sigh, he turned his eyes toward the ceiling and didn't answer her.

She reached out and laid her hand over his heart, and was about to say something when she sensed someone at the door. "No," she muttered under her breath.

At the same moment he sensed her tension, he also realized there was someone at the door. After giving her a fleeting glance, he turned his attention toward the door, surprised when his brother stepped into the room. His eyes shot back to his partner, accusing.

She quickly rose out of her chair and took three steps, effectively stepping between Frank and her partner.

"Get out," she ground out, making sure that her voice was too low for Bobby to hear.

Frank's eyes narrowed at her and he replied, making certain his brother could hear him. "It's up to you, little brother. Do you want me to leave?"

Alex tensed.

Bobby was confused, his eyes darting uncertainly from his partner to his brother. "No, Frank. You don't have to leave."

Tears stung at Alex's eyes, and she spun around and moved to lean against the wall. "All right, Bobby. If that's what you want. Have a seat, Frank." She kept her voice even. "He is family, after all."

As Frank moved into the room toward the chair Alex had indicated, Bobby's eyes went to his partner. He didn't understand why she was upset. This was his brother. He had no other family now. Okay, the guy had some problems, and his way of helping him deal with them was to turn a blind eye to them, which his mother had always interpreted as abandonment. But he'd never abandoned him by making him take ownership of his troubles. For whatever it was worth, he did love his brother.

Alex crossed her ankles and her arms, her shoulder nearly drilling a hole into the wall. He really had some nerve... Her fingernails bit into her palms, and she watched Bobby like a hawk.

_I'm in a funk, sunk _

_In a pool of pitiful _

_I've got the mange, I'm a chain _

_You don't wanna pull _

_You don't wanna cross _

_This old yard dog _

_If you know what's good for you _

_I'm in a real bad mood_

He could read tension and anger in every aspect of her posture. Her crossed arms and ankles, the grim look on her face as she glared at Frank, the scrutiny she gave him..._Just some jerk in the cafeteria_...Could that have been Frank?

He shifted his eyes back to Frank, who was watching him with an open, sincere face. "Hey, Bobby."

"Hi, Frank." Vaguely he recalled his partner saying Frank had not been at the funeral, so he asked, "Uh, did you make it...to Mom's funeral?"

Frank's face colored. "Um, no...something came up."

A surge of anger flared in Bobby's mind and he raised an eyebrow. "Something came up? What race or poker game was important enough to keep you away from Mom's funeral? Or was it the same 'something' that came up and kept you from going to Dad's?"

"Be fair, Bobby"

"Fair? Be fair?"

He was getting agitated now, and a band of pain tightened around his chest, but he ignored it. Frank raised a hand. "Calm down. I'm sorry. I just...I wasn't sure you'd want me..."

"Oh, no...you're not foisting this back on me. I'm not going to be the scapegoat for your inadequacies. This is all on you."

Alex shifted carefully and watched the two. _Bastard,_ she thought as she glared resentfully at Frank. _No good bastard._

_I don't want no beans and taters _

_I ain't got no appetite _

_And them cold store bought tomatoes _

_Lord, it just makes me wanna fight _

_Yeah, I wanna chew on something _

_And I ain't just a little uptight _

_I'm in a real bad mood_

Frank's eyes darted around the room, looking for some way to direct the subject away from himself. When his eyes fell on Alex, that narrowed and he seized the opportunity, just like his father would have. "Do you have any idea what goes on behind your back, little brother?"

The sudden change of topic caught Bobby off guard and he had no idea what Frank was referring to. "Behind my back? What are you talking about?"

"I mean her. You do know about her and that other cop, don't you?"

"Wh-what?"

_Oh, hell no,_ she thought, her hands trembling from anger. Shoving herself off of the wall, she took a step forward.

He didn't take his eyes from her, not certain what to make of what his brother said. "What other cop?"

Frank's lips curled into a grin, knowing Bobby wasn't looking at him. "The one she's sleeping with, little brother."

"Don't you listen to him, Bobby," she said softly, glaring at Frank. "He's trying to get you upset by saying that Mike and I are sleeping together. He saw Mike... he saw Mike hugging me when you were in cardiac arrest," she explained carefully.

Mike...taking care of Alex when he couldn't...that offered no threat to him. He turned angry eyes back toward his brother. "What's your game, Frank? Leave her out of this. My relationship with her is none of your business. She's free to sleep with whoever she wants to."

Frank was taken aback by Bobby's admission. How could he have read them so wrong? Had his brother changed so much?

She smirked at Frank's shocked and confused expression, then reached out and rested her hand on Bobby's shoulder.  
When her hand came into contact with him, he relaxed, reassured. But his eyes remained on Frank. "Well? What do you want, Frank?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. Honestly."

"Yeah, right," Alex grumbled.

_I'm in a funk, sunk _

_In a pool of pitiful _

_I've got the mange, I'm a chain _

_You don't wanna pull _

_You don't wanna cross _

_This old yard dog _

_If you know what's good for you_

_I'm in a real bad_

Bobby nodded. "Okay...I believe that. But what else do you want?"

"Well...now that you mention it...I, uh, I'm in a little trouble, and I wondered if maybe you could give me a hand."

Alex nearly lunged at him from across the bed.

Bobby leaned back into the pillows and looked toward the ceiling, a hard look on his face.

He concentrated on the ceiling tiles for a moment before he said, "Can't you ever show up without needing money?"

"It's just a small loan, Bobby..."

Bobby began shaking his head, and he focused on the pain in his chest, which was slowing increasing as he struggled not to get any more angry and upset than he already was.

"That's it," Alex snarled, stepping menacingly towards Frank.

_Funk, sunk _

_In a pool of pitiful_

_I got the mange, I'm a chain _

_Son, you don't wanna pull _

_You don't wanna cross _

_This old yard dog _

_If you know what's good for you _

_I'm in a real bad mood_

He heard Alex growl, and her movement drew his attention toward her.

He started to say something, but stopped. He had never seen a look like that on her face before and it surprised him.

She stormed around the foot of the bed and stopped beside Frank, her hand shooting out to grab the front of his shirt. "I knew you were no good," she hissed, yanking him out of the chair with surprisingly little effort.

"Hey--let go!"

"No!" She shook him and swallowed the urge to hit him. "You have no idea how lucky you are to be related to that man right there." She shoved her thumb in Bobby's direction. "Because if you weren't..." Her eyes narrowed to slits, and she put on a disturbing smile. "Let's just say, you don't want to know."

Fury flooded into Frank and he knocked her away from him. "Look, you little bitch..."

That tore it. With a grunt, she shoved her fist deep into his stomach, smiling in satisfaction as it knocked the wind out of him and sent him to his knees.

Bobby saw his father in the man advancing on his partner, and he gathered his strength to sit up, ignoring the pain that flared and radiated to every part of his body. "Frank!" he growled as his partner sank her fist into Frank's gut.

"Bobby, lay back down," she ordered, keeping his shirt balled in her fist.

As the wind was driven out of his lungs and he sank to his knees, Frank heard his brother's voice, filled with anger and warning. As air returned to his lungs, he turned his head to look at the man in the hospital bed, the gentle man who had always had a heart too tender.

Bobby dismissed her request with a shake of his head. He was going to deal with his brother. Frank, after all, was his problem, not hers. "Let him go, Alex," he said, fighting to keep the pain from his voice.

"I said lay back down!" She felt bad for yelling at him, but her fury was taking over her movements. She jerked Frank to his lousy feet and looked him dead in the eye. "Do you really want to try me? Bobby's the forgiving one. I'm not so inclined to do so. I'd much rather beat you senseless."

"Alex..." Anger was now creeping into his tone. "Let him go."

She raised one hand to silence him. "Do you?"

Yanking the IV out of the back of his hand, he got out of the bed, ignoring the pain that accosted every part of his body and the blood that dripped off his hand. He touched his partner's arm. "I'll deal with him."

She shoved Frank to the floor, but she was far from done. Grabbing her partner's forearms, she gently pushed him back until he was sitting on the hospital bed. "Idiot," she muttered, pulling the blanket around his waist. "Stay in the bed."

He grabbed her wrists. "Damn it, Eames..."

She snatched her wrists away from him and glared. "Goren, don't push me. Stay in this bed, or so help me, I will call Logan right now and have him help me keep your ass here!"

His eyes offered a challenge. He wasn't about to let her tell him what to do.

"Don't threaten me with Logan," he growled.

She grabbed his chin with her finger and thumb. "Then keep your stubborn ass in the bed, damn it!"

Frank watched them with interest as they argued, wondering if Logan was the other cop she had on her short leash. "Yeah, listen to her, little brother. You're gonna hurt yourself."

She snapped her head around so fast she thought she might have whiplash. When she saw the smirk on his features, she straightened up and curled her hand into a fist. She was tired of this pompous ass, and she was ready to take care of him. "Like you would even know," she snarled.

_Yeah, I wanna chew on something _

_Honey, anybody's ass'll do _

_I'm in a real bad mood_

Frank struck a defensive posture as Alex rounded on him. "I do know! I've been his brother for forty six years!"

As Bobby watched her advance on his brother, he realized that getting out of the bed was not the brightest thing he had done in a while, but yanking out the IV was even more stupid, if that was possible. The open vein continued to dribble blood and he felt light-headed. Ignoring the angry voices in the room, he got back into the bed before it was too late. As he settled his head back on the pillows, darkness flooded the room and the voices faded into oblivion.

She heard Bobby's gasp of pain, and she punched Frank dead in the jaw before spinning around to look at her partner. "Fuck, Bobby," she hissed, darting to his side.

Frank rubbed his jaw as he watched her run back to his brother's bedside. "Thanks, Bobby," he murmured as he got to his feet and left the room.

She heard him leave, but she was too concerned with her partner to go after him. Pressing the call button to summon a nurse, she held her bloody hand to his forehead and slipped the other into his hand. "You stupid..." Her voice trailed off.

The nurse that came charging into the room was frowning. Her frown deepened when she saw the blood all over the floor, the bed and her patient. "What happened in here?" she demanded as she grabbed his bleeding hand and applied pressure to the bleeding IV wound.

"His brother..." She backed away a few steps from the bed. "He got physical, and Bobby tried to stop him." Okay, so it wasn't the complete truth... "Is he going to be all right?"

The nurse was busy evaluating his breathing and the bounding of his pulse as she listened to her. Gradually, his pulse calmed, but his breathing was still staggered, and she realized he was in pain. "Go out to the nurses' station and tell them I need someone in here now."

Alex immediately followed her orders and walked out to the nurses station. Finding the closest nurse, she said, "We need some help." The nurse nodded and followed Alex back to Bobby's room.

This time, instead of staying in the corner, Alex went to the head of Bobby's bed and laid her hand on his forehead again.

The two nurses worked to restart an IV in the back of Bobby's other hand, after which they injected a syringe full of medicine. Once it had time to take affect, the first nurse reevaluated his condition. She nodded at her co-worker. "He'll be all right," she assured Alex.

She exhaled deeply and bowed her head. "Thank God."

The second nurse nodded at Alex's hand. "Why don't you let me clean that up and bandage it for you?"

She bit her lip and nodded reluctantly, then sat down in the chair beside Bobby's bed.

Once the first nurse had left the room, the remaining nurse worked on Alex's hand. "Do you want to tell me what happened? Bobby has never given us this kind of trouble."

She sighed and flinched at the pain in her hand. "It was his brother... and it was my fault, too. I hit him, and Bobby was trying to keep me from doing something I was going to regret."

"Why on earth would you hit his brother?"

"He... uh, was hitting Bobby up for money." She coughed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I didn't like it. Then he made the mistake of accusing me of sleeping with a colleague and calling me a bitch."

"How did his IV get pulled out?"

She thought for a minute, then sighed and rested her fingertips against his cheek. "Idiot must have ripped it out. I swear, one of these days he's going to kill me," she muttered.

The nurse looked concerned. "Excuse me? He's abusive?" Even as she said it she could not equate this man with that level of violence.

She stared at the nurse as though she had grown a second head. "No! That's not what I meant!" She sighed in exasperation and sank back down into the chair. "This man wouldn't harm a fly. He also won't stand up for himself. That's why I hit his brother. And I'd do it again, too."

The nurse nodded, relieved to find out her impression of the big, gentle man had not been wrong. "There you are," she said as she finished with Alex's hand.

"Thanks." She leaned forward in the chair and rested her arms on the bed, then rested her head on her arms.

Finished with everything she had to do, the nurse said, "Please call us if his brother returns."

"Okay," Alex answered, sliding her good hand into Bobby's and pulling them both under her cheek.

Smiling at the affectionate gesture, the nurse left the room. And Bobby slept.

_Prison gates won't open up for me _

_On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'_

_Oh, I reach for you _

_Well I'm terrified of these four walls _

_These iron bars can't hold my soul in _

_All I need is you _

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And oh I scream for you _

_Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

Carolyn awoke with a start, her eyes wide and her mind foggy. What had woken her up? She looked around the room blindly, and it dawned on her. No nightmares. For the first time in over a year, she hadn't woken at some point in the night from a horrific nightmare about her past.

Easing her upper body upright, she pulled one leg up to her chest and rested her chin on it, wondering why last night had been different. Then she saw it.

Mike was laying on his side to her right, his lips slightly parted and wisps of his normally perfect hair falling down into his eyes.

She eased herself back down onto the pillows and watched him sleep. That's why she hadn't had a single nightmare. Because he had been there.

With a small sigh, she reached out and smoothed his hair back, then traced his nose with her thumb. "What would I do without you, Mike?" she whispered, knowing already the hell that that had been.

He stirred a little beneath her touch, but continued to sleep. She allowed her hand to drift from his face down his neck and to his shoulder. She paused briefly before trailing her fingertips along his bare chest, and her hand came to a stop and rested over his heart.

"You have... such a good heart," she murmured as a tear fell from her eye. "You are a better man than you know. You gave me a second chance when I'm sure that I didn't deserve it. And I can't ever thank you enough for it."

Mike stirred again and slowly rolled onto his back. His eyes slowly opened and he studied her. Reaching out, he gently wiped away a stray tear that trailed down her cheek. "What's wrong?" he murmured.

She leaned into his hand and kissed his fingers, then said, "Nothing, Mike. I was just thinking."

He raised an eyebrow. "And you sprung a leak?"

She shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?" she teased, laying her head down closer to his.

"How many times have I been asked that question?"

She pretended to seriously contemplate his question.

With a smile, he rolled into her, nuzzling her neck.

She closed her eyes and smiled. "Cheater."

"How am I cheating?" he asked, his mouth against her skin.

"You're distracting me."

"From?"

Her eyes shot open, and she groaned. "Exactly. I can't remember."

He laughed and continued exploring her skin with his mouth. "So let's start over..."

"You know," she said softly, trying to keep her mind from melting into a pile of messy nothing. "I never thought I'd be this lucky."

"Lucky?" he snorted softly. "Baby, I'm the lucky one."

"That's where I say you're wrong." She shivered as his lips brushed against a particularly sensitive spot on her neck.

"Shh," he whispered as he found his way back to her mouth. "We can debate later..." His mouth claimed hers.

_Show me what it's like _

_To be the last one standing _

_And teach me wrong from right _

_And I'll show you what I can be _

_Say it for me _

_Say it to me _

_And I'll leave this life behind me _

_Say it if it's worth saving me_

The room was dark and filled with shadows when Alex startled awake, and for a brief moment, she wondered what had disturbed her somewhat peaceful slumber. Then she heard it again. A distressed whimper escaped her sleeping partner's lips, and she leaned forward and gently grasped his twitching hand. She said nothing. She just stroked his hand and waited patiently for his eyes to open.

He fought to surface from the depths of a dark nightmare. Slowly he opened his eyes and swallowed. His mind was still fuzzy from the medicine they'd given him as he struggled to remember what had happened.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked softly, laying her left hand against his forehead. "That sounded like a pretty rough nightmare."

"Y-you have no idea," he muttered, trying to suppress an involuntary shudder but not succeeding.

At his shudder, she rose out of her chair and perched herself on his bed beside his waist, her left hand curling around his and her injured right resting on his chest. "Talking helps," she offered gently, squeezing his hand.

He shook his head adamantly. No, talking would most definitely not help in this case.

"Hey, this is me," she murmured. "I thought we could talk to each other, remember?"

About most things, yes, he could talk to her, but not about this. "Let it go, Alex," he said softly.

Her annoyance grew. "That's... that's so hypocritical, Bobby."

He frowned at her. "Look, I just don't want to talk about it."

"Damn it, Bobby. I opened up to you about one of the most terrifying things in my life. I told you every detail! And you can't talk to me about a nightmare?"

He closed his eyes. How could he tell her that part of his nightmare involved telling her about the truth of his paternity? That it was exactly that which fueled his nightmares? "It's... different..."

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me _

_With these broken wings I'm fallin'_

_And all I see is you _

_These city walls ain't got no love for me _

_I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story _

_And oh I scream for you _

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And all I need from you _

_Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

Her voice immediately softened. "How?" she pressed gently, sliding her hand into his for support.

"I...I lived your kidnapping, Alex. I-it still haunts me. But this...this nightmare...it's...personal. It's my own demon, one I can't share--with anyone. I'm sorry."

Tears stung at her eyes. "You don't know how much you're hurting me," she whispered, pulling her hand out of his.

He swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. "I don't mean to hurt you, believe me. But this is one thing I have to deal with alone. You can't help me."

Suddenly anger rose in her throat, and her entire body stiffened. "The hell I can't. You told me that I couldn't handle my kidnapping alone, and you were right. And you can't handle this alone. I won't let you. You're my partner, and I'm going to help you, whether or not you want me to."

His own anger rose. "You don't know anything about this...and I'm keeping it that way."

"You are the most stubborn, pigheaded man I have ever met in my life! You refuse to let anyone help you, and you wonder why everyone leaves you!" She knew it was a low blow, but she was hurting. "I try to help you, and all I ever get is heartache! How is that right?"

He stared at her and blinked. "You really think people leave me because I don't look for help? Is that what's going to drive you away? I'm not enough of a burden?"

"Jesus Christ, Bobby!" She raised her injured hand and covered her eyes with it. "I just... I don't know how to reach you anymore! What can I do? What do I have to do to prove that I can help you? What, Bobby?"

"You do help me, dammit! Every day you help me and you don't even know it! I'll...handle this. The only thing I need from you about it is for you to let it go."

She shook her head and slid off of the bed. "Bobby... from the day I realized that I couldn't imagine not having you as a partner, I made myself a promise. I wouldn't let you go through anything alone. Now you're making me break that promise." She rested her left hand by his head and leaned over him. "I love you, but I just..."

"But..?" She was placing an exclusion on their friendship...or whatever it was. "You have a but?"

She picked up his hand and gently brought it to rest over her heart. "It hurts, Bobby. You know that pain. You know the pain of watching someone you love suffer, and knowing there's not a damn thing you can do about it." She sighed deeply. "How can you put someone through that pain? How could you put me through that?"

His eyes got hard and he withdrew his hand from her grasp, trembling again. "Would it be less painful for you to step away? Because that's exactly what's going to happen."

"Why?" she demanded, staring into his eyes. "Why would I walk away?"

"Y-you don't understand..." he muttered miserably.

She leaned over and pressed her forehead against his. "Why?"

"You went through an ordeal but it was caused by someone else. Th-this is...part of who I am." He pulled away from her. "It...changes everything."

She grabbed his face in her hands. "If it's part of you, it's part of me, Bobby. Because you are a part of me."

His control snapped and he couldn't stop trembling. "So which part do you prefer?" he growled fiercely. "The part came from a schizophrenic mother? Or the one that was fathered by a serial rapist and killer? Because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Eames. I'm just not sure which tree it's going to fall from." With a final exhalation that was a cross between a groan and a sob, he turned away from her.

_Show me what it's like _

_To be the last one standing _

_And teach me wrong from right _

_And I'll show you what I can be _

_Say it for me _

_Say it to me _

_And I'll leave this life behind me _

_Say it if it's worth saving me_

As soon as the words passed his lips, her eyes widened, and she shoved her fist against her mouth. "What?" she whispered in shock.

He didn't look at her. "You wanted to know; now you do," he replied miserably.

She inhaled raggedly and ran one hand through her hair. What should she do? Part of her told her to go to him, to hold him and never let him go. The other part told her to back off and let him have his space, as he was so inclined to request.

He had turned on his side, away from her, and his body still trembled involuntarily as he struggled to regain his control. Now he'd done it. In allowing his anger to get the better of him, he'd told her the very thing he never wanted her to know. That was it. He felt certain he had initiated the end of their friendship, if not their partnership. He knew that Eames would forgive him a lot of things, but this...this was unforgivable. He knew that for a fact, because he couldn't forgive himself for it, as irrational as he knew that it was.

Looking at her partner's trembling form, she finally made her decision. As carefully as she could, she pushed herself up onto the bed and rested her bandaged hand on his shoulder. "Bobby... I... I just..."

He pulled away. He knew what she was going to say, and he wasn't prepared to hear it just yet. He knew it was coming, but right now...he couldn't handle it. "Don't," he whispered, unable to keep his voice steady, even for that simple word.

She bit her lower lip and ran her trembling fingers along his skin. "Baby, please don't withdraw from me..."

His shook his head, but trembled even more when she touched him. He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, but still remained silent.

A tear fell, but she quickly wiped it away, pausing before she laid down beside him, her front pressed to his back. "I'm here for you," she whispered, easing her arms around him. She didn't know what else to say. What could she say that would ease the pain of knowing the truth behind his existence? And her own pain was eating away at her. It hurt to think that he thought circumstances beyond his control would make her think any less of him.

He didn't want her help; he had no control over that. He was more uncertain now that he remembered feeling in years, but he still found no reply for her. So he just laid there, still shaking uncontrollably as he tried to regain control of himself.

He continued to tremble against her, and she slid her arm under his neck and rested her head in the crook of his neck. "I love you... I love you so much that it scares me."

"I get that," he muttered, every word causing him pain as he said it. "I'd be scared of me, too."

_Hurry, I'm fallin'_

_All I need is you _

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And oh, I scream for you _

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

_I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

She stiffened. "No," she said firmly. "I'm not afraid of you." She ran her right hand along his chest, until she found his rapidly beating heart, and she settled it there. "It scares me because... because I've already lost one cop husband. And if I lost you..." She shivered at the thought.

He couldn't handle this; he had enough turmoil to deal with. "Please, don't," he begged. He was struggling hard against too much, but try as he might, he could not help relaxing in her arms as her hand caressed him. Anger and upset combined to sap the little strength he had left and he surrendered again to the darkness.

She felt him go limp in her arms, and she gently pulled her arm from under his neck, climbed out of the bed, then kissed his forehead. "I love you," she whispered chokingly before she turned around and walked out of the room. She didn't know where to go, she just knew that she had to go somewhere.

_Show me what it's like _

_To be the last one standing _

_And teach me wrong from right _

_And I'll show you what I can be _

_Say it for me _

_Say it to me _

_And I'll leave this life behind me _

_Say it if it's worth saving me _

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

Carolyn and Mike were walking through the hallway of the hospital, laughing and talking comfortably. But when they turned the corner that led to Bobby's room, Carolyn almost froze. "Mike, that's Alex," she murmured, pointing to the woman nearly running in the opposite direction.

"Something happened," he muttered. "I, uh, I'm gonna go and talk to her." He kissed her cheek. "I'll be right back."

She watched him go, and once they were out of her sight, she walked into Bobby's room. He appeared to be sleeping, and she sat down in a chair beside his bed. For all appearances, he seemed to be sleeping peacefully, and Carolyn wondered what could have sent Alex running from the room.

_Sometimes it's hard, you don't want _

_To look over your shoulder _

_Cause you don't want to _

_Remember where you've been _

_There'll come a time you'll die if you could only hold her _

_Cause I know that's where I am_

"Alex!" Mike called, trotting down the hall after her. He caught up with her and grabbed her arm gently. "Hey, talk to me. What's wrong? Bobby's okay, isn't he?"

At his touch, she pulled her arm away. "He's fine."

He frowned. "Hey, come on. I'm just trying to help. What's wrong?"

She sucked in a breath and suddenly took a step forward, needing the comfort that only a hug from a friend could offer.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's get some coffee."

She exhaled shakily and nodded against his shoulder.

Once they got to the cafeteria, he got two coffees and they sat down at a table in a corner, away from the rest of the room's occupants. "Okay, honey, talk to me."

She took a long drink of the beverage. "I... He..." She rubbed the palm of her injured hand against her eye. "He keeps pushing me away, Mike."

_So listen with all your heart _

_Hold it inside forever _

_You may find all your dreams _

_Have already come true _

_Look inside and find the part that's leading you _

_Cause that's the beat of the heart_

Mike sighed. He understood that very well because he was the same in many ways. But all he could do was tell her the best way to handle him. "Just don't give up on him. The more he pushes you away, the harder you push back. He's testing you, Alex. But once you get past that, he'll never test you again, because he'll know."

"I thought he already knew. I love him so much." She raised her hand and showed it to him. "I hit his brother because he had the nerve to hit Bobby up for money... Smart move, huh?"

He smiled. "But not unexpected. You should have let me do the honors. I'd have loved the crap out of that." He sighed and stared into his coffee. "Don't presume that he knows what he's feeling. Sometimes emotions get all jumbled until it's impossible to tell what's real and what's not. I'll bet a month's pay he's confused. Just...don't give up on him. Be gentle, but be firm and consistent. He'll come around."

He was speaking from experience. He had a few years on Bobby, and he knew how long it took him to get past the trauma in his life after his mother was gone from it. Once she was no longer around to stir old resentments and insecurities, he began to heal, but it had taken a very long time, and he hadn't had the benefit of a woman like Alex to fall back on. Bobby had no idea how lucky he was.

_Sometimes you'll drown it out _

_With all your rage and thunder _

_Sometimes you'll drown it out _

_With all your tears _

_There'll come a time you'll hear it and you'll wonder _

_Where in the world have I been?_

She favored him with a small smile. "Somehow, I don't think it will be as easy as that, Mike." She weighed the pros and cons of telling him for a minute before deciding. "He... he told me... You remember the Brady case?"

"Yeah. What a bastard."

"Well... He might be Bobby's biological father." She said it quickly, as though she were ripping off a Band-aid. But it hurt a lot more.

Mike stared at her, blinking in confusion. "His...you gotta be shittin' me."

"I wish I were."

"Oh, God. What a mind trip that must be sending him on."

She buried her face in her hands. "I've tried everything I know. I just can't reach him."

Mike sighed. "Alex," he said gently. "The best thing I can tell you is keep trying. Do just what you're doing and don't give up. If you quit on him, he might very well quit on himself."

"I'll never give up on him. It just hurts me to see him in so much pain, and knowing there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it."

"You're right about that, but don't dwell on his pain. Concentrate on staying with him and getting through that wall he's erected around himself. Once you get through, his pain will gradually go away. I know what it's like to think everybody's just gonna leave so why bother in the first place. It takes a hell of a lot to get past that. Bobby tries shutting people out from the get go. I dealt with it differently, but the end result was essentially the same. I wish I'd had someone like you ten or fifteen years ago. It would have made all the difference in my life."

_So listen with all your heart _

_Hold it inside forever _

_You may find all your dreams _

_Have already come true _

_Look inside and find the part that's leading you _

_Cause that's the beat of the heart_

She took another long drink of her coffee. "You know, Mike," she said slowly. "Sometimes you makes so much sense it's scary."

He grinned. "Yeah. I even scare myself sometimes."

She couldn't help but return his smile. "So, how's things with you and Carolyn?" she asked gently.

He couldn't help grinning. "Good," he said softly. "Very good."

"That's great. I'm glad for you two."

He laughed quietly. "I'm glad, too. I...was worried for awhile. I'm so used to screwing things up, I expected to screw this up, too, but she wouldn't let me."

"That's definitely Carolyn."

"She's acting more like herself again."

"That's good. Has she talked at all about what happened?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No, and I didn't ask. I had better things to do than get my ass kicked for intruding where I wasn't wanted. When she's ready, she'll talk. That's not an issue I'm going to force on her."

"I know it might not be my place, but she should probably talk to a therapist or something. It won't get better if she just ignores it. I know."

He nodded. "I know what you mean, and you're right. I was going to suggest that she talk to Elizabeth Olivet. I trust her."

"Good." She glanced at the watch on her wrist. "Maybe we should go back up there. I need to see him..."

"Face it, honey. You just need him."

"Yeah, I do," she answered honestly, crushing her empty coffee cup.

_No one can tell you how to get there _

_It's a road you take all by yourself_

"And he needs you, too, you know...even if he doesn't realize it."

"I wish he would," she said quietly.

"He does, trust me. He needs time, and he needs reassurance."

She tilted her head to the side and watched him.

"What?"

"Ah, nothing." Suddenly her stomach grumbled, and she blushed and covered it with her hand.

He smiled. "Come on, Alex. I'll buy you dinner."

Her smile faded. "I don't know..."

"Come on. Whatever you want."

She wasn't sure. "But what if he wakes up, Mike?"

"He's a big boy, Alex. He'll be fine. He knows your cell number and besides, Carolyn's there with him."

She started to argue with him, but his smile put her at ease, and she wondered briefly how any woman said no to him. "Fine. Let's go," she conceded, running one shaky hand through her hair.

His smile widened and he reached over and took the empty cup from her hand. "Good deal. Come on."

_So listen with all your heart _

_Hold it inside forever _

_You may find all your dreams _

_Have already come true _

_Look inside and find the part that's leading you _

_Cause that's the beat of _

_Oh, it's the sweetest sound _

_Cause that's the beat of the heart_

TBC...

A/N: Whew, that was one draining chapter. We rewrote it, and I think it turned out much better this time. The songs I used, in the order they were used, were Real Bad Mood, by the Wilkinsons, Savin' Me, by Nickleback, and That's The Beat of The Heart, by Sara Evans and Jon Bon Jovi. Thanks again for reading this chapter, and remember, 100 reviews for the next update. So please review!


	8. Baby Love

Heya, everybody! Well, here's the promised update. We rewrote this chapter at least three times (and most of the time, I was singing Diane Ross and The Supreme's Baby Love until Infinity threatened to smack me...) but this version turned out to be the best. It opened five new cans of worms at least... In this chapter, Carolyn reveals a secret that affects all of them... Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: They're not ours... yet...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Carolyn tucked her legs beneath her body and rested her elbow on the arm of the chair, then cupped her chin in her hand. The easy rise and fall of Bobby's chest put her somewhat at ease. "It's hard, Bobby," she whispered. "I want to open up to Mike. I do. But I just can't."

She sighed and rolled her head backwards. "He's being so good to me. I just... I can't tell him what happened."

He stirred restlessly and softly muttered, "Alex..." His breathing became more labored as his fought his internal demons and again called his partner's name. He twisted to the left and groaned deeply as the band of pain tightened around his chest like a vice. He opened his eyes in a full-blown panic. "Alex...?"

Carolyn leaned forward at Bobby's frightened voice calling for his partner. "Hey, calm down, Bobby," she cooed, reaching her good hand out to grasp his hand. "Just relax."

The voice was not Alex's but he felt his panic retreat at the familiar touch. "Carolyn," he said quietly. Then his face filled with remorse. "Carolyn, I am so sorry. I-I didn't mean to...I...I'm such an ass...Forgive me..."

Her heart clenched, and she leaned forward and tightened her grip on his hand. "Don't apologize, Bobby," she whispered. "I'm the one who needs to apologize. I took off on you and Mike, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry for that, too...whatever it was we did to chase you away..."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong, Bobby. Neither of you did. It was all me. I'm sorry."

He studied her carefully before his eyes strayed around the room. His heart fell when he didn't see Alex anywhere. He knew it was only a matter of time before he ran her off. So much the better...for her. She certainly deserved better... His eyes returned to Carolyn. "I have royally screwed up everything, and there's no way I can make any of it right, except with you. I had no business yelling at you like I did, and I'm sorry."

She saw his wandering gaze, and her hand squeezed his again. "She's down in the cafeteria, Bobby," she said, answering his unasked question. "Mike took her down to get some coffee."

He couldn't stop the relief that accompanied her reassurance and he met her eyes. "W-was she...mad?"

"Why would she be mad?"

He averted his eyes. "I...I was worse to her than I was to you."

She stood up and stretched. "Bobby... You didn't give me anything that I didn't deserve, so stop it. Please."

He watched her stretch and felt a cascade of memories flood his mind. He sighed softly. "I'm a bastard, Carolyn. I've been proving it time and again with her." Like father, like son, he chastised himself.

"I guess both of our lives are pretty bad right now, huh?"

"You have no idea."

She pulled her chair closer to his bed. "You'd be pretty surprised of what I have an idea of."

Not this, he thought. "It just...keeps getting harder," he murmured.

"I know," she said softly. "Believe me. There are some days where I can't even drag myself out of bed."

_In the calling out to one another _

_Of the lovers up and down the strand _

_In the sound of the waves and the cries _

_Of the seagulls circling the sand_

He frowned, his own concerns overridden by concern for her. "Why? What happened?"

She shook her head. "No, forget it. You have enough to deal with."

"You have no idea what I have to deal with. Talk to me."

"Bobby, you're still in the hospital. I'm not going to add to that, all right?"

"No, it's not all right"

She bowed her head, hiding her face with her good hand. "Look, Bobby, I can deal with this on my own," she muttered. "I'll be fine."

"That's why you ran away? Because you were fine? Bullshit, Carolyn." Reaching out to her, he placed his fingertips under her chin and turned her face back toward his. "This is me you're talking to, remember? Tell me what's wrong."

She blinked back the tears and pulled away from his touch, shuddering. "Look, Bobby," she attempted weakly. "I'm sorry for running, but I did it. I needed to get away for a while. Can't you understand that?"

"Getting away? Yes. Vanishing without a word to anyone? No."

She exhaled deeply, then an idea formed in her mind. "Fine. I'll tell you. But I want you to tell me why Alex was so upset that she was nearly running from your room."

It was his turn to look away. "Carolyn..."

She crossed her good arm over her chest. "You want me to open up? It's a two way street, Bobby."

He looked at his hands. "I..." He sighed heavily. "I don't know... it was an accident... that I even told Alex. I... was angry... I...I didn't mean..." He still would not look at her.

"What did you tell her?"

"I have your word...?"

She leaned forward and closed her hand over his arm. "Yes."

"You'll tell me...?"

"Yes."

He studied her dark eyes, so familiar. "I'm not what you think I am, Carolyn."

"What? Are you your evil twin?" she attempted to joke.

He was not amused. "In a manner of speaking, maybe I could be."

Now she was confused. "What?"

"M-my father...may not actually be...my father."

"Okay... And?"

"W-we just finished a case...a serial rapist and killer named mark Ford Brady--do you know anything about him?"

She thought for a moment. "No."

"He was a photographer. H-he raped some of the women he photographed...an-and he killed a few...He tried to get himself a stay of execution by leading us on a manhunt...by leading me on a manhunt...to find...myself..."

It suddenly clicked in her mind, and she sucked in a deep breath. "And you think he's your father?" she asked in disbelief.

"H-he had an affair...with my mother..." He swallowed hard. "An-and she never knew for certain...exactly...which man was my father."

She took a deep breath. "And you told Alex?"

"Yeah, well...I wasn't very nice about it."

"Oh. You pushed her, didn't you?"

"I never touched her."

"That's not what I meant, Bobby."

He shifted uncomfortably, looking for physical pain to pull his focus from his emotional torment. "Sh-she said that I was...part of her. So I asked her...which part she wanted...the part with the schizophrenic mother or the one with the serial rapist and killer father."

"What did she do?"

He had not yet looked at her, and he wouldn't. "She was shocked."

"But that's not why she left, is it?"

He shook his head.

"So, she didn't leave, even though you thought she should have, and expected her to. What does that tell you?"

"She has no sense."

She shook her head. "Yes, she does. She just loves you too much to walk away."

"And I just don't get that. What the hell is there to love? She deserves so much better."

"I love you."

He jerked his head up and looked at her, finally. "What did you say?"

"I love you. I know it didn't work between us, and that's fine. But you're still like family to me."

_In the fragments of the songs _

_Carried down the wind from some radio _

_In the murmuring of the city in the distance_

_Ominous and low I hear the sound of the world where we played _

_And the far too simple beauty _

_Of the promises we made_

He shook his head. "Why? Just give me one good reason why."

"Because you're smart, funny, sweet, and loyal. You have the biggest heart of almost any man I know, and you're an amazing person, whether you'll admit it or not."

He wondered who she was talking about, because he saw none of that when he looked in the mirror. Lately, all he saw was Mark Ford Brady's son... He turned away again. "Don't waste your heart, Carolyn. Find someone who deserves it..."

She slid her hand into his. "I have, but that doesn't mean that I have no more room for you. And you're an idiot if you keep pushing Alex away."

"I'm an idiot, yes. And Alex deserves so much better. She needs to find someone to love her who isn't all fucked up."

"Yeah? Well, she and Mike both need to find someone else who can."

He frowned and looked back at her. "Mike? What does he have to do with any of this?"

"He sure as hell deserves someone better than me, someone who isn't damaged."

"Damaged? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was raped!" she yelled, her entire body trembling. "So you think you're the only person who's screwed up? Think again!"

He stared at her, not quite comprehending what she'd said. As it slowly registered, he muttered, "That's why you left?"

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "That's why I left."

"My God..." he muttered, almost under his breath, before he reached a hand out toward her, not touching, but offering.

She saw his hand go out to her, but she couldn't bring herself to accept it. "I... I..." She wiped furiously at her eyes. "I'm sorry."

He did not withdraw his hand and he did not say a word, but his eyes filled with warm sympathy and raw pain.

"It hurts... so much. I couldn't even tell anybody... except Mike..." The tears suddenly blinded her, and she reached her good hand out and slid it into his.

He closed his fingers around her hand, gently stroking her palm with his thumb. "That's why you left?" he asked softly, curious, not accusing.

She took a hiccupping breath. "Y-yes."

"You...abandoned us, before we could abandon you." It was not a question. He understood what she had done and why. What he couldn't get a handle on, though, was why she ever thought they would turn against her, especially Logan.

_If you ever need holding _

_Call my name, I'll be there _

_If you ever need holding _

_And no holding back, I'll see you through _

_Sky blue and black_

She shivered and tried to draw a steady breath. "It hurt too much to stay..."

"And leaving was the right thing for you?"

She suddenly felt deja vu come over her, and she pulled her hand away and wiped furiously at her eyes. "I knew you wouldn't understand."

He was confused. Apparently he'd said the wrong thing, but he wasn't certain exactly why it was the wrong thing. "Carolyn..."

"If I had stayed, and if I had told you, any of you, I wouldn't have been the same person. I would've been the victim. And that would have hurt worse than leaving. So I left."

He sighed. "Victim..." he said, letting the word roll about in his head for a moment before he repeated the word and shook his head. "Not you...I...uh, don't get me wrong...you were the victim of a terrible crime...but I...I know you, Carolyn, and I don't see you as a victim..."

She took a quiet breath. "But I was. I... I tried to fight back, but he was too damn strong..." More tears flooded her eyes.

"Not your fault," he whispered, feeling her pain. He marveled once again at how much alike she and Eames were...small women, tougher than a lot of men he knew and entirely unaware, it seemed, of their physical limitations.

"I'm a cop! This is what I was trained for! I should've... I should've..."

He reached to her again, his hand gently stroking her shoulder. "No. It wasn't your fault," he asserted softly, reassuring.

She sank down into the chair, her chest hitching with every breath she took. Mike was right. Bobby had been much more forgiving. She screwed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the pain in her arm.

He brushed the back of his fingers across her cheek, then withdrew his hand. "P-please...don't cry," he whispered, wanting to draw her into a hug but uncertain his comfort would be welcome. "How can I help?" he offered.

She didn't tell him that she wanted Mike to hold her. She knew that that would only hurt him. She felt his hand against her cheek, and she paused before leaning forward into his embrace.

His embrace was warm, familiar, and comforting. But it wasn't the same... For a brief moment, she wondered where Mike was. "Looks like we're both in a mess," she finally said quietly.

He laughed softly and tightened his arms around her. "Yeah," he said softly. "I guess we are."

She couldn't help but laugh along with him. "I'm not sure how Mike and Alex manage to put up with us, either."

His smile faded. Alex... "Alex, I'm afraid, has a lot more to deal with. I...I don't make things easy for her."

"And you think I make things easy for Mike?"

He sifted his hand through her hair. "I'm sure you don't," he said with a soft chuckle. "But for him...getting close to you is worth it."

_Where the touch of the lover ends _

_And the soul of the friend begins _

_There's a need to be separate and a need to be one _

_And a struggle neither wins_

"You don't think it's worth all the heartache to Alex to get close to you?"

His good humor faded and he became serious. "No," he admitted in a quiet voice. "No, I don't."

She pulled away from him a little. "Bobby, we've all got our demons... Alex loves you. You'd have to be blind not to see it."

"I...I know she loves me," he admitted.

"Then why are you so certain that it's not worth the risk to her?"

"Be-because I know myself, Carolyn. Better than anyone. And I She...she deserves a lot better."

"But she has that and a lot more in you."

He looked into dark eyes, his own gaze guarded. "Now who doesn't understand?"

She glared at him. "That's like saying that Mike deserves better than me because I'm not a whole person anymore. I'm just used goods."

Anger flashed in dark eyes. "Don't say that."

She met his challenge. "Then don't say that Alex doesn't deserve you."

"'Used goods..."" he repeated. "Did you feel that way about me?"

"No."

"So why think that now?"

"I don't. You're not used goods. You're a good man. You were just a victim of circumstance. You couldn't have prevented what your mother did."

"You are just as much a victim of circumstance. You have no control over the actions of another." He dipped his head down to catch her eye. "It doesn't change who you are. It hasn't changed how I feel about you, and it won't change how Mike feels either. He's a better man than that." Reaching a hand out to brush long dark hair from her pretty face, he added, "If being raped makes you used goods, then what happened between us must have as well."

"What happened between us wasn't a mistake, or anything like that, and you know it."

"Then I don't want to hear you say that again. I loved you, and I still do. You need to heal, but at least you can heal."

"And you can't?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Because you won't let anyone help you." She sighed deeply. "The only reason I'm even starting to heal a little is because I'm letting Mike in. If you would just let Alex in, you could, too"

"It's different," he insisted. "Someone hurt you. With me...it's not something that anyone did to me. It's...it's who I am."

"So? Tell me this, Bobby. If you didn't know, if Brady had never told you, would it have made you any different?"

"It's not that it makes me different, Carolyn. Part of it explains certain...aspects of myself that I didn't understand before. It better explains some of the...rage...inside me...rage I feel is in excess of simply being raised by abusive parents. But...it's even more than that. It has to do more with loving Alex than with hating myself."

"What does?"

This was getting more difficult, and he could feel the effects of his last dose of medicine fading. But he'd gotten himself into this discussion. She had been honest with him--she had always been honest with him. "Alex wants children, Carolyn. And that's something I simply cannot give her."

"And you think that she'll realize that you're not enough for her, and she'll find someone else?"

He shook his head. "I'm not worried about losing her. I...I don't want to let her down. I want her to be happy, and I know I won't be able to make her completely happy."

She snorted. "Now that's just stupid. I've never seen her as happy as when she's with you."

He hung his head. She just wasn't getting it. "Never mind," he muttered.

"No, don't you start that bull. What is it? Why are you so afraid of this?"

"Because I know what kind of shit I carry inside me!" he insisted. He took a deep breath, grateful for the pain that was returning to his body.

_Where you gave me the world I was in _

_And a place I could make a stand _

_I could never see how you doubted me _

_When I'd let go of your hand_

She reached out and rested her hand on his arm. "Believe it or not, Bobby, I know how you feel."

He shook his head, but her touch helped him to settle. "You didn't watch her when she was carrying her nephew," he said miserably.

"No, but I know how it feels to worry for every second of every day what kind of genetics you'll pass on to your child."

He met her eyes again. They had never discussed having children. "What do you mean?"

"I just... I just worry about those things."

"W-why?"

She raised her head and looked into his questioning eyes, and she realized somberly that she couldn't keep her secret any longer. She reached into her pocket and retrieved her wallet, then handed him a small, worn photo.

He studied the picture, a beautiful little baby with dark eyes and dark hair beginning to curl. He looked back at her. "She's beautiful."

Her lips curled in a smile, and she said, "Her name is Kiska. She's my little angel."

His next question was hesitant. "Your...?" His heart rate increased. "How old is she?"

"She's three months old. I found out... I found out a few weeks after my attack," she answered quietly.

He did the math in his head and it did nothing to alleviate his sudden anxiety. "Uh...Carolyn...?"

"What?"

"The father..?"

She shook her head. The possibility... she hadn't even allowed herself to consider it. "No."

"No?"

"She's not yours. It's... it's not possible."

"How sure are you?"

"We used a condom..." Her voice was beginning to shake. "And it was only once that would have fit the time... No, it can't be."

"B-birth control...fails..."

Tears began stinging at her eyes, and she took the picture from his hands. "But... she doesn't... there's no..." she protested weakly.

He reached out and touched her cheek. "I...I'm sorry...I didn't..." He closed his eyes and turned his head away from her. A child? How could he have been so careless...

She leaned back in the chair and stared at the picture of her daughter. How could she be so certain? How could she tell him that she had slept with two different men and been raped, all within a week and a half? She didn't even know who her daughter's father was. "Oh, God..."

He turned his head to look at her. "What's wrong?"

The question sounded ludicrous, even to his ears. Everything was wrong...

_Yeah, and I was much younger then _

_And I must have thought that I would know _

_If things were going to end _

_And the heavens were rolling _

_Like a wheel on a track _

_And our sky was unfolding _

_And it'll never fold back _

_Sky blue and black_

She clasped the picture to her heart. "I just.. I've screwed everything up so bad... If it was just me, it wouldn't matter. But what about Kiska?"

He studied her carefully. "I-I'll help you...in any way you want me to..."

"No, Bobby," she said, shaking her head. "I mean..." She stared at the picture of her brown eyed girl. She brushed a tear away from her dark eye. "I miss her."

He reached out and touched her cheek. "It doesn't matter...a baby should have a father. Where is she?"

"She's staying with a friend of mine." Then it hit her. "What am I going to tell Mike?"

He raised his eyebrows and sighed. "He's not exactly kid-friendly."

She bit her lip. "But... but she might be his," she whispered, her entire body trembling.

He stared at her for a long moment. "You aren't sure? I mean, she could be mine...or Mike's?"

"Or the bastard who raped me... That's what I thought. I thought... I mean, I was so sure... she was his."

He leaned back and stared at the ceiling, carefully arriving at a conclusion in his mind. "Well...it, uh, it doesn't matter...if you need...I mean...You can count on me, Carolyn, if you need me. I mean, I..." He sighed. "I'd like to help..."

She rose to her feet and began pacing the room. "But, oh..." She pressed her fist to her mouth. "I left... I mean, I didn't know, but what if she is yours, or Mike's? How...?" She leaned against a wall and stared at her feet.

His voice was quiet. "Do you want to know?"

She raised her head and stared at him. "I don't know. God, I'm a horrible person! I'm being so selfish right now. I just..."

"Carolyn..." When she looked at him, he continued, "I'm telling you it doesn't matter to me. I'll still help you."

Her eyes watered. "Thank you," she said softly. "But I need someone else behind me, too."

He shrugged. "I can't speak for him, and I don't know how he'll react. But what's done is done. I won't lie to you. I'm terrified about passing anything...bad...on to a baby. But I won't back away from responsibility. And if she's not mine...and you still need someone...you know where to find me."

She nodded. "I know you wouldn't do that. But if she is Mike's, or... his..."

"You can still count on me," he assured her.

She pushed herself off of the wall and walked back to his bed, gathering him in an awkward hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her and lightly kissed the side of her head. And silently, he prayed that the little girl was not his, not because he would regret having a child, but because of the time bomb he felt he carried in his genes. If anything ever came about from what he could pass on, he would never forgive himself. And the guilt he felt for hoping her child belonged to one of the other men weighed heavily on him. He sighed sadly and settled into a mild depression. Damn...

_And I'd have fought the world for you _

_If I thought that you wanted me to _

_Or put aside what was true or untrue _

_If I'd known that's what you needed _

_What you needed me to do _

_But the moment has passed by me now _

_To have put away my pride _

_And just come through for you somehow_

His entire body was filled with tension, and she held him for a few moments longer, then released him. "She's a beautiful baby," she murmured as she slid her daughter's picture back into her wallet.

He nodded. "I can see that."

She paused for a moment, then sat back down in her chair. "So," she started warily. "Any ideas on how I should tell Mike?"

He managed a sad smile. "Sorry, babe. I have no idea."

She thought for a moment. "Maybe I should just let Kiska tell him," she mused.

"Teach her to say 'Daddy.'" He leaned back into the pillow. "That'll get him."

She let out a small laugh. "Oh, I can just imagine."

"He can't undo it, Carolyn. He has to face it..." And that was a nightmare he had never hoped to become reality for him. He tried to suppress a groan, but he wasn't entirely successful. Daddy...oh, fuck...

"Hey, calm down. We don't know that it's his, or yours. And knowing my track record, neither of you are the father," she said bitterly.

He cursed himself for thinking that might be her best bet. Neither he nor Logan were any particular prize in his mind, although, Mike was probably the better candidate. "If you're lucky," he muttered. "She'll be Mike's."

_If you ever need holding _

_Call my name, I'll be there _

_If you ever need holding _

_And no holding back, I'll see you through_

"I... I don't know. Both of you would be amazing fathers, if you'd just give yourselves a chance. I know it."

He trembled involuntarily. "Trust me, Carolyn. You don't want it to be me."

She closed her good hand over his arm. "And what if you are? What if she's yours?"

He sighed miserably. "I'll step up to the plate, you know that. And then I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to both of you."

She suddenly shivered. "This is a mess," she groaned, pulling her hand away and sinking back in the chair.

"Only if she's mine, Carolyn. Mike will be a great father once he gets used to the idea. And if neither of us is her father, you can count on me to take care of her...if you want me to. A baby should have a father...a real father."

"I don't think Mike will forgive me, if she is his. He was so hurt that I left, but if he knew that I left with his child..." She rubbed her temple. "I just don't know."

"He'll get over it. I'll make sure he does." He shifted uncomfortably. "No matter what, you're not alone."

"I know I'm not. I haven't been alone for the past year."

"I know...but you know what I mean. Tell me about her, Carolyn."

She looked up at him. "What... what do you want to know?"

"I-is she...a happy baby?"

She smiled. "Yes. It doesn't take much to make her smile."

He found himself wanting to know more about this child he fervently hoped was not his...although...no...he chased away any thought that having a baby would be a good thing. He wanted a child, but not at the risk of what he might pass on. God, this was depressing..."J-just tell me about her. Please."

She looked at him, slightly perplexed. "Well, her full name is Kiska Aleshanee. She was born on March third, and she's the light of my life."

"You have no idea how lucky you are," he murmured, now fighting strong emotions he never wanted to battle.

"I don't know about that."

"I do."

"I mean, don't get me wrong. She was born healthy, and she's a sweet baby. But what do I tell her when she gets older? That she was a product of a rape? Or that I didn't even know who her father was?" She sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be doing this."

Depression and anger welled up inside him and he fought them down. "She's the light of your life. Carolyn, you'll never be alone. You'll always have her to make you smile, always have her to love and to love you..." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "That's...that's something I'll never..." He closed his eyes, miserable. "That's something I'll never have."

_You're the color of the sky _

_Reflected in each store-front window pane _

_You're the whispering and the sighing _

_Of my tires in the rain _

_You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost _

_In everything I do _

_Yeah and I'll never stop looking for you _

_In the sunlight and the shadows _

_And the faces on the avenue _

_That's the way love is _

_That's the way love is _

_That's the way love is _

_Sky blue and black_

Anger flared up in her. "Don't even start that, Bobby!" she snapped. "You have Alex. You always will!"

He shook his head and turned away. "It's not the same."

She shook her head. "Only because you won't let her love you like that."

"No! That's not what I mean. I can't tell her not to love me, but someday...well, someday that's likely to happen. But a baby...a baby is part of you forever. It's a piece of your soul that you're glad to give up, and it...oh...forget it. I...I'm tired, Carolyn...very tired...I just...forget it...I can't explain it."

She leaned back in the chair. "All right." She heard footsteps approach the room, and she said, "I think they're back, anyways."

"Shit..." he growled.

She frowned at his response, but before she could call him on it, the door opened.

Bobby glanced at the door, but when he saw his partner, all he could think about was the child she wanted, one he wanted, but could never give her. It secured his depression and he didn't know how to shake it, so he turned away and withdrew.

As Alex stepped through the door, she saw the hurt and miserable look on his face, and her brow furrowed. Saying a quick hello to Carolyn, Alex walked over to the bed and carefully perched herself by his waist, laying one hand on his shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?" she murmured.

He just shook his head. How could he possibly explain it to her? How could he tell her how much it hurt to love her when he had to deny her the one thing she wanted most in life?

She frowned again, then squeezed his shoulder. "Okay, baby. But you know I'm here."

He gently took her hand and closed his eyes. How the hell could he tell her he loved her too much to let her waste her time with him? She had to be hearing her biological clock ticking. She couldn't wait forever. But did he have it in him to let her go? He had to...there was no choice for him...

She smiled when he wrapped his hand around hers, and she squeezed it and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "I love you."

Love wasn't supposed to hurt this badly, but for him, it always did. "I...I love you, too..." he muttered, adding more softly, "I'm sorry..."

She arched one eyebrow, then brushed back a stray curl with her free hand. "What for?" she whispered.

"You...you won't understand."

She smiled gently. "Then help me."

He swallowed hard. "Not the time," he muttered.

_Don't, don't you wish we tried?_

_Do you feel what I feel inside?_

_You know our love is stronger than pride _

_No don't let your anger grow _

_Just tell me what you need me to know _

_Please talk to me, don't close the door _

_Cause I wanna hear you _

_I wanna be near you_

"Okay." She rested the back of her hand against his forehead. She looked up at Mike and Carolyn, then back to Bobby. "I got you a surprise."

He shifted his eyes toward her, seeing the laughter and the love sparkling in her eyes. He managed a half smile. "You really shouldn't," he said, unable to keep all the bitterness from his tone.

"Ah, but what kind of partner would I be if I didn't once in a while?"

"And what do I do for you, Alex?"

"You're you," she murmured, kissing him softly.

"You need to set higher standards."

"But then who would put up with me?"

He shook his head and blinked back hot tears, turning away from her again. "You," he emphasized. "Are not the problem."

Her frown returned, and she absently stroked his hair. "But I can be," she tried to joke. "Just ask Mike."

He didn't respond. He was done talking. He knew she wouldn't understand and he didn't know how to explain it to her. So he gave up.

Mike watched the exchange between partners, unable to explain Bobby's sudden withdrawal and depression. He looked at Carolyn with questioning eyes.

She felt somewhat uncomfortable under his gaze, and she shrugged and turned away from his eyes.

He wondered what the hell was going on and decided it was time to throw a little fuel on the fire. "Hey, man, if you're ready to give her up, I wouldn't mind trading partners. Alex and I work well together."

Alex shot him a grateful look.

Bobby turned over and glared at him. "Fuck off, Logan," he growled menacingly.

"Bobby!" Alex gasped. "What's gotten into you?"

He glared at her, then at Mike and Carolyn. "I...I just need to be alone," he grumbled, vascillating now between anger and depression and not certain which he preferred, not liking either.

"Fine by me, asshole," Mike snapped, and he headed out of the room.

Carolyn looked at Alex, then rose to her feet and followed after her partner. Alex pushed herself off of the bed and glared at her partner. "What the hell?"

He bit his lip to keep from snapping at her, calming himself down and unintentionally drawing blood. "I-I'm sorry, Alex," he muttered miserably.

She tamped down her anger and returned to the bed. "Bobby, it's just you and me now. What's wrong?" she asked.

_Don't fight, don't argue _

_Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry _

_Just let me love you _

_Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go_

He rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "I...I just...Alex, I can't give you what you want. I'm so sorry, but...you...you really need to find someone who can."

"Bobby, what are you talking about?" she demanded, suspending her upper body over him and placing her hands on either side of his abdomen.

"I...I watched you...through your entire pregnancy. An-and I saw your pain...when you had to give him up..."

She arched one eyebrow, and suddenly it hit her. "Bobby," she breathed, kissing his forehead. "I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, and I won't lie to you. It did hurt. And I thought... I thought I could never love someone that intensely ever again."

"You can...and you will. When you have your own baby."

"No... no." She sighed and closed her eyes, then opened them again. "I already do."

He knew what she meant and he closed his eyes against the remorse and pain. "No..." he protested.

_No, don't, don't give up on trust _

_Don't give up on me, on us _

_If we could just hold on long enough _

_We can do it, we'll get through it_

"Yes," came her resounding, sure response. "Yes."

"Damn it, Alex...no!" Pain flared and he groaned. "No... because I...I have to let you go."

His words confused her, but she refused to listen to him. "No, you're not going to do this." She lowered herself down and turned on her side, laying her head on his shoulder. "You're not going to push me away. I won't let you anymore. Not anymore."

"You expect me to live the rest of my life regretting it?"

"No. I expect to live the rest of my life regretting losing you if you push me away."

"Then do something about it. Don't make me push you away. Just go."

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Would you listen to me, and use your brain to think this time. I can't give you a baby, Alex, and I know that's what you want more than anything. I will live the rest of my life regretting that if you don't leave. Can't you see that? Letting you go is less painful than letting you stay."

"And losing you would hurt me worse than anything. Don't you understand?" She pushed herself up on her elbow and stared at him. "You look me in the eye and tell me that everything you said, everything I felt these past two weeks was a lie."

_Don't fight, don't argue _

_Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry _

_Just let me love you _

_Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go_

He met her eyes. "I won't deny that I love you," he said softly. "And that's exactly why I have to let you go."

She stared at him. "Bobby... I don't care if you can't give me children," she said quietly. "I don't. These past two weeks have made me realize that I'd rather have you here with me and never have children than lose you and get married to someone else and have ten of his children."

He shook his head. "You can say that now, but someday you'll regret it. Logan's right. You deserve more...better...than I can give you. You just won't open your eyes and see that."

"And you won't open your eyes and see that I love you!" she growled, her eyes filling with tears. She pushed herself off of the bed and walked over to a wall, her back to him.

He let her go, cursing himself for causing her pain. "Just go, Alex. I'm a bastard and it's better you find that out now." He turned over, his back to her, and closed his eyes.

_Don't pretend that it's okay _

_Things won't get better that way _

_And don't do something you might regret someday _

_Don't _

_Don't give up on me _

_We can do it _

_We'll get through it_

She let the tears fall silently, her forehead pressed against the wall. "Bobby, I made a promise," she said quietly, but loud enough for him to hear her.

"Promises are made to be broken. Believe me, I know."

She turned and leaned against the wall. "I can't break this one."

"Try harder."

"No!" She nearly screamed the syllable, but she quickly lowered her voice again. "No." She didn't care if he wasn't looking at her. He needed to know this. "When I... when I lost Joe, I turned my back on God. No God was better than a cruel God who made me a widow after two years of marriage."

"The crueler blow was not taking me when he had the chance," he growled.

She wanted to lash out at him. She needed to. But she didn't. Instead, she went on with her story. "When I found out that you had been in a car accident, my first thought was, 'God, let them be wrong.' But they weren't, and I drove up here as fast as I could. That was the worst wait of my life. I thought it was... I thought it was hard with Joe. But I was wrong. No one would tell me anything, and all I could hope was that I would have the chance..."

She took a deep breath. "That was the hardest wait of my life. And... it was the first time I had prayed in a chapel since... since I lost my husband."

"What do you want from me, Eames?" he mumbled miserably. "Because you're asking for more than I can give you."

"I don't... I don't believe anymore, but there's obviously a reason you're still here with me." She walked across the floor and paused before gathering him into her arms. "I love you, Bobby, but if you don't want me here, I'll leave. But only because I love you enough to respect your wishes, even if I think they're stupid and ridiculous."

_Don't fight, don't argue _

_Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry _

_Just let me love you _

_Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go_

His gut clenched but he found the strength to say one more word. It was the most difficult thing he ever had to say in his life, but he knew in his heart it was the right thing to do. "Go."

Tears slid down her cheeks, and she pressed her lips softly against his. "I love you," she whispered again before walking away from his bed.

_Don't fight, don't argue (Don't give up on me)_

_Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry (say that I'm sorry)_

_Just let me love you (Don't give up on me)_

_Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go_

Bobby turned onto his side, now firmly in the grip of a depression he was certain he'd never shake. He had spent the last six and a half years fighting to keep her as his partner and now, he had succeeded in finally driving her away. He knew it was the right thing. He knew the only way she would find the happiness she deserved was by leaving him. But God, it hurt. In his entire life, he'd never known pain like this. He settled into the bed and fervently wished that he had not survived the accident, cursing doctors and a God who had always been too cruel to him.

Alex shut the door softly behind her, then sank down to the floor. "God damn it!" she sobbed, burying her face in her hands. After a few minutes, she stumbled blindly to her feet and walked away for the final time from the man she had spent the past six and a half years loving.

_Don't fight, don't argue _

_Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry _

_Just let me love you (don't give up on me)_

_Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go_

She followed his big frame out of the room, her mouth turned down in a frown and her fist clenched. "Mike, what was that?" she demanded, grabbing him by the shirt and forcing him to look at her.

"What was what? He's being a fucking ass and you're jumping my shit?"

She released his shirt and continued to stare at him. Finally her shoulders slumped, and she bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry, Mike," she murmured.

He touched her cheek. "It's not your fault. He's got everyone all keyed up. You know--if he wasn't in a hospital bed I'd knock some sense into him. That's what he needs. What the hell got into him?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. Probably all the pain."

"I'll give him pain. That was uncalled for."

She leaned closer to him and rested her head against his chest. "Something tells me it would be better if he would stop being such an idiot and let Alex in."

"Try telling him that. It's like talking to a wall."

She exhaled deeply. "You may have a point there."

"Got a wrecking ball? I'd give my left arm to do some damn wrecking."

She nuzzled her face into his shirt and shook her head.

He kissed her head. "Any idea where I can find one?"

"Not a clue."

"Hmph...guess I'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way."

She laughed a little. "Sure you will, Mike."

He growled. "God, he pissed me off."

"Hey, relax," she murmured, wrapping her right arm around his neck. "He hurt me, too."

He frowned. "What'd he do to you?"

"Uh, just the way he snapped. You weren't the only one in the path of destruction."

"Poor Alex. She'll get the full brunt of it."

A door closed down the hall, followed by the sound of someone sobbing. It caught the attention of both of them. "What was that?"

Mike walked back to the hallway where Bobby's room was. Softly, he said, "Alex...I'm gonna kill him..."

Carolyn gently tugged on his arm, then stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Go help her. I need to call someone."

"Does that mean I can't deal with him?"

She squeezed his arm and shook her head. "Not right now. Damage control."

"Before damage...right..."

"Go."

He kissed her and trotted off down the hall after Alex, fighting the temptation top take a detour through Bobby's room. He caught up with her on the stairs. "Alex...c'mon...wait up!"

She heard someone behind her, but she ignored them. She had to get out. She was tired of being hurt.

He ran down the stairs, catching her at the bottom of the stairwell, before she got to the door that opened into the hospital lobby. "Hey, what's the rush?"

"I can't do this anymore, Mike. I need... I gotta get out of here."

He didn't release her arm. "Look at me..."

She shook her head. "Let me go, please."

"Not a chance...not until you talk to me. What did he do?"

"He doesn't want me here, so I'm going home."

"Doesn't want you? You gotta be kidding me."

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" she snarled.

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of being a target here. For a change I didn't do anything wrong. Now, talk to me or I swear to God I'll go back up there and permanently relieve you of your partner."

For a moment, fear froze her entire body. She pulled away from him and took a step backwards. "Don't."

"Then you talk to me, because I'm this close to taking him out."

She shoved a trembling finger in his direction. "Just don't. I don't want to talk about it, and you had better not go up there and upset him." She hated herself for defending the source of the huge hole where her heart had been an hour ago, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Upset him?" He stared at her. "Upset him? Damn it, Alex...you know what, I've about had it. You don't want to talk about it, fine. Go ahead and run away. Go on home and cry in your damn pillow. But I am not about to stand by and watch him tear into you like this with no consequences. Go home."

He turned and headed back up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

She stood there for a minute, then took off after him, moving as fast as she could.

He didn't stop or slow down, and when he got back to the floor he wanted, he grabbed the door and yanked it open.

Alex darted down the hall, skidding to a stop as Mike's big frame disappeared into the room.

The door slammed open and Logan charged into the room like a wild bull. Bobby turned over to face him, dark anger spreading across his pale features. "What the hell do you want, Logan?"

"I want to kick the living shit out of you, that's what! What the fuck is wrong with you, man?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why the hell is your partner crying, and talking about giving up?"

Bobby closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. Quietly, he answered, "Have you ever done something so horribly wrong...you never thought you'd ever recover from it?"

Alex heard Bobby's soft voice, and she froze, unable to go inside.

"Damn near every day...why?"

"No, Mike. I'm not talking about general screw ups. I mean...ones that will fuck you up for the rest of your life."

"Oh...you mean like the one that got me sent to Staten Island?"

"Yeah...I did that...only worse."

The fight was gone out of Mike at the sight of utter misery on his friend's face. "What got into you? You're usually the sensitive one. You need to quit acting like me."

"I...I just want her to be happy. If she stays with me...she's only going to regret it."

"Why don't you let her make that choice, idiot?"

"And make her miserable? I-I can't do that."

"You're a stupid son of a bitch, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know."

"All right, pal. You pulled a Staten Island stupid stunt. I couldn't fix what I did. But you can fix this."

Bobby shook his head. "No...no I can't."

Mike walked to the door, knowing full well that Alex had followed him up the stairs. He opened the door and said, "Get in here or I'll pick you up and carry you in."

She smiled at him and hugged him briefly. "You big ox," she muttered affectionately, patting his shoulder.

"You're welcome," he answered with a smile. "I'll be right outside. If he misbehaves, you just call me, and I'll shoot him."

"I don't think so, Mike." She smiled softly at him, then walked back into the room hesitantly.

Mike stepped outside, closed the door and leaned against the wall beside it in the hall. He'd only been half kidding about shooting him.

Bobby watched her come into the room. As soon as she had closed the door, he'd realized he had made a colossal error. He still had trouble shaking his depression, but he didn't chase her away. He just watched her, silent, afraid to speak. He always said the wrong damn thing lately.

_It's three a.m. and I finally say _

_I'm sorry for acting that way _

_I didn't really mean to make you cry _

_Oh baby, sometimes I wonder why_

She stood at the door for a moment, then walked over to the chair beside his bed, wordlessly sitting down.

He'd royally screwed up and he saw no way to fix it. He leaned back into the pillow and stared at the ceiling, searching for words that simply would not come.

She saw his eyes fix on the ceiling, and she leaned back in the chair, still not saying a word. She wasn't going to. She was just going to stay there with him. Actions always spoke louder than words... right?

He continued staring at the ceiling. He was afraid to say a word. He'd already hurt her too much. He was not going to risk hurting her any more.

Spotting the blanket she had been using the nights she hadn't laid with him, she pulled it around her and curled her body in the chair. Sleep was getting the better of her, but she fought it with a vengeance.

He heard her move and glanced over at her. As she pulled the blanket around her, he groaned softly. He couldn't believe how badly he had treated her, when she had only given him love and support. But he only wanted what was best for her, even at the cost of his own heart. Should he apologize for that?

_Does it always have to come down _

_To you leaving _

_Before I'll say 'I love you?_

_Why do I always use the words _

_That cut the deepest _

_When I know how much it hurts you?_

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you?_

She rested her elbow on the chair and her chin in her palm. Her mind was pulling her in a thousand directions, but she remained silent and watched him carefully.

When she looked toward him, he didn't look away. His eyes filled with pain, and he wished it were physical. Physical pain he could handle. He was used to emotional pain, but right now, he was inundated by so much of it he had no idea how to handle it. He just knew if he opened his mouth, like Mike said, he'd end up out on Staten Island...

His intense stare caught her, trapped her, and she swallowed thickly. She was torn in half by anger at his actions and the intense love she felt for him. It was a cruel position, between a rock and a hard place. And if she didn't tread carefully enough, the ground was certain to give way.

What could he say to make things right? He wasn't certain the words existed. He sighed heavily, depressed and furious at himself. But every time he recalled how she was during that pregnancy, he felt more certain she would be happier with a child of her own than he could ever make her. And the pain in her face only increased his certainty. Anyone who could bring that much pain to her did not deserve her. He turned away again.

She watched him turn away from her, and she shook her head and pulled the covers tighter around herself. She didn't care what he said. She was staying right where she was. No one or nothing was going to move her.

He rolled onto his side, back to her. He was exhausted, another reason he found to be annoyed at himself. If he kept going this way he would never forgive himself...as he was certain she wouldn't.

_I know I'd never let you walk away _

_So why do I push you 'til you break?_

_And why are you always on the verge of good-bye _

_Before I'll show you how I really feel inside?_

Her eyes drifted shut, and she forced them open, then stood up. Silently, she pulled the chair closer to the bed, then sat back down. "Good night, Bobby," she finally whispered, resting her arms on the bed and laying her head on her arms.

He heard her, but couldn't bring himself to respond. His eyes welled up and he finally managed to whisper, "I do love you," certain she would not hear him.

_Does it always have to come down _

_To you leaving_

_Before I'll say 'I love you'?_

_Why do I always use the words _

_That cut the deepest _

_When I know how much it hurts you _

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you?_

She froze at his whisper, and she gingerly reached one hand up and laid it on his side. "I love you, too."

His entire body trembled at her touch and her softly spoken words. The tears spilled over and he couldn't reply.

She had finally broken through to him, or so she thought. She didn't want to push him any more, so she just kept her hand on his side, barely rubbing circles on his side.

He continued to tremble, unable to stop. He didn't know what to do, or say, and even if the words did come, he wasn't sure he could manage to say them.

_Why do I always use the words that cut the deepest _

_When I know how much it hurts you?_

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you?_

_Why do I do that to you?_

Her eyes slid shut against her will, and she snuggled her head further into her arms.

When her hand slid off his side, he trembled even more. He rolled onto his stomach, satisfied at the pain that flared across his chest and his hip. He groaned softly, but he couldn't bring himself to turn to face her. The pain began to escalate and he concentrated on it. His breathing became ragged and he closed his eyes.

The change in his breathing immediately snapped her back to wakefulness, and she reached over and laid her hand on his back. "Shh," she murmured.

He gradually relaxed and slept.

As soon as she knew he was sleeping, she carefully pushed herself onto the bed and draped her arm across his back. "You are too damn stubborn for your own good. But I love you," she whispered into his ear. He continued to sleep, and she curled into his side and joined him.

TBC...

A/N: Whew, that was quite a chapter. And now I'm very glad we rewrote this, cause originally, Carolyn miscarried her pregnancy. But that was too much to do to her, so... Well, ya'll know. The songs I used here in order of their appearances were Sky Blue and Black, by Jackson Browne, Don't!, by Shania Twain, and Why? by Jason Aldean. And I know that most of you are ready to smack Bobby. Breathe. He gets more stupid later. Mwahahaha... This story is oh so far from done... I hope ya'll enjoyed that chapter, and please remember to review! Oh, and if ya'll have any song suggestions, I'm all ears! I need some ideas... Oh, and before Paige shoots me, I'd like to say that it IS possible for Bobby and Carolyn to still be friends, despite their break up. And it's normal for Alex and Mike to be close without being sexually involved. IT IS! And after this chapter and the next, they're all going to need each other...


	9. And Baby Makes Five?

102 reviews! Woo hoo! Thanks, everyone. Now, as I said, we still have a lot more drama on the way. This chapter is strictly MikeCarolyn, with a big surprise tossed in for good measure. This chapter has no song in it, because frankly, I couldn't find one that fit neatly into the story. Grr... Anyways, enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Hahah, they're not ours...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Mike waited for twenty minutes, listening for shouts, but he was surprised to hear nothing. Finally, he opened the door and looked in. Alex was curled into Bobby's side and he smiled. It seemed they had accomplished something. He silently closed the door and headed out of the hospital.

Halfway to the motel, there was a diner that had halfway decent food. He stopped there and got two meatloaf dinners which he took back to the room. He was proud of himself for fixing whatever had gone wrong between Bobby and Alex. It was nice to be doing something right for a change instead of screwing it up. He was still annoyed at his friend, but they'd hash that out later. Idiot. He opened the motel room door and went inside.

The door to the motel room opened, and Carolyn looked up from where she was sitting cross legged on the bed. "Hey," she greeted him brightly.

"Hey, baby. I hope you're in the mood for meatloaf."

She smiled and took the container from him. "Smells heavenly," she said, opening the Styrofoam container.

"That diner's got pretty good food. So where'd you go while I was performing reconstructive surgery?"

She paused in the middle of digging her fork into the food. "Just talked to an old friend," she said casually.

"And I threatened to beat the crap out of my friend. It's been a good day."

She laughed and patted the bed beside her. "Any day you threaten someone is a good day for you, Mike," she teased.

"You got it, baby," he said with a grin as he sat beside her with his dinner. "At least I didn't have to follow through with it."

"Yeah, yeah. Be quiet and eat."

He took two bites of his potatoes and said, "You know, those two are painful..."

"Well, not everyone can be smart like us," she said half jokingly, nudging him with her elbow.

"I never made any claims to intelligence. Every once in awhile I don't screw something up."

She shook her head and took a bite of the meatloaf.

"Well, it's true. I set the standard for screw-ups."

She rolled her dark eyes. "No comment."

"Smart woman."

She leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder. "You know it." She suddenly put her food down and pushed Mike back onto the bed, then stared into his foamy green eyes.

"What? How'd I mess up this time?"

"Nothing," she assured him, kissing his jaw. "I just... The day I met you, do you know what my first thought was?"

He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but curiosity won out. "Uh, how'd I end up with this joker as a partner?"

She laughed. "No, not that. The minute I saw you, I said, 'Give him half a chance, and this one will break your heart.'"

He laughed. "And did I?"

"No. And I have never been so glad to be wrong."

"Were you wrong, or did you just not give me enough of a chance?"

She moved her head to rest just over his heart. "So far, I've been absolutely wrong."

"I'll have to remember that. I've broken a lot of things, but your heart is one thing I never want to break."

She smiled and turned her face into his chest, pressing a gentle kiss over his rapidly beating heart.

"Now...where were we?"

She smiled and peered up at him, then leaned over to press her lips against his.

He surrendered to her, fingering the hem of her shirt, waiting for permission to proceed.

She inhaled sharply when a loud knock announced a visitor at the door.

He frowned. "Who the hell could that be? I left Alex sleeping at the hospital."

She couldn't contain her smile as she leaned over and pecked his lips, then all but jumped out of the bed. "I'm coming," she called, quickly reaching the door. She pulled it open, and her smile widened. "Hey, Michelle," she greeted the woman in front of her.

Mike sat up on the bed and searched his mind for a face to put with the name 'Michelle.' Coming up blank, he figured this was a woman he had never met and he stood up, waiting to be introduced.

Michelle smiled at Carolyn and quickly drew her into a hug. "Is this him?" she whispered, and Carolyn nodded.

Ending the hug, Michelle walked over to Mike and grabbed his hand, shaking it vigorously. "Hey, Mike. How are you?" she chirped.

He raised an eyebrow as she pumped his hand. "Uh...fine."

"Uh, Mike, this is Michelle Benevidez. She's a good friend of mine," she stated, staying near the door.

"He's a bit more shy than you said," Michelle stated, eyeing Mike.

"Nice to meet you. Would you ladies like me to take off so you can visit?"

"No, Mike. Don't go anywhere," Carolyn said, motioning for Michelle to join her.

Michelle followed her out into the hall, and Carolyn shut the door behind her before leaning down in front of the car seat. "Hey, Kiska," she cooed quietly at her baby girl. Rising back up, Carolyn said, "Do you need a room? Or are you heading back tonight?"

"Nah, I'm heading back tonight. Those boys will kill C.J. without me," she laughed, referring to her four sons.

"All right. Thanks again so much for watching her. It means the world to me."

"Ah, think nothing of it," Michelle said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "She was a little darlin'. Bye, Kiska," Michelle cooed, waving at the baby. Carolyn hugged her friend again, then watched as she bounced down the hall and disappeared from her sight.

Mike was pacing as Carolyn came back into the room. He stopped when he saw the car seat in her arms. "She brought you...a baby?"

Carolyn froze, then shut the door with her foot. She sat the car seat down on the bed, then unbuckled the safety belt. "Kind of."

"Kind of? You didn't have a baby when I got here."

She sat down on the bed and lifted the little girl with her good arm, nestling her in the crook of her right arm. "She's... she's my daughter, Mike," she finally said quietly.

He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes drifting from her, to the baby, and back. "And...where's the father?' he asked tentatively.

She looked down at her daughter. "He... I... I don't know who her father is," she admitted in a torn whisper.

He let that sink in for a minute. "Uh...got any candidates, or am I gonna wish I didn't ask?"

Her mouth twisted in a dark frown.

He waved his hand in the air. "Wait--if there's more than two or three I don't want to hear it."

She tensed as though he had struck her.

"That's... that's not fair, Mike," she whispered.

"Hold on...you take off on me and disappear for a year without so much as a postcard, then you reappear because your ex-boyfriend flipped his car, pull a baby out of a hat, and I'm not being fair?"

"Okay, fine, you want the truth?" she hissed. "I don't know because I slept with two men and was raped by a monster within two weeks! That's what's not fair!"

He flinched. What an idiot..."God, Carolyn...I'm sorry. I-You just caught me off guard."

"Yeah, well..." She turned her eyes away from him and cuddled her little girl closer to her.

He watched her with the baby and almost smiled. "Uh, what is it?"

She frowned at him. "She's a girl."

"Oh. She got a name?"

"Kiska Aleshanee Barek."

He whistled softly. "That's a mouthful. Big name for such a little thing." He sat down heavily. "Geez...I think I need a beer...or two...or twelve..."

She shook her head at him, then exhaled deeply. "Jeez..." She stood up and carefully laid Kiska back in the car seat, then went to the door of the room.

He watched her, puzzled.

She opened the door, then picked up a diaper bag off of the floor before walking back into the room. She laid the bag on the bed, then reached into the bag and produced a small blanket. Laying it on the bed, she lifted Kiska carefully with her good arm, then placed her gently on the blanket. "We would've been in a lot of trouble without this, huh, baby girl?" she cooed, reaching into the bag for a diaper.

"Uh...do you...I mean...you want me to stick around?"

She almost smiled at his awkwardness. "Relax, you're fine," she muttered, deftly unfastening Kiska's diaper.

"You're not thinking of, uh, going anywhere, are you? I mean, you know, leaving me with, uh, Kitkat, there?"

She laughed at the nickname. "No, not now anyways," she assured him.

"Not now? Try not ever. I don't know squat about babies."

"Neither did I," came her soft retort.

"Yeah, well, I'm too old to start learning... "

She bit her lip and carefully fastened Kiska's new diaper, then tossed the used one into the garbage. "Doesn't that feel better, sweetheart?" she cooed, running her fingertips along Kiska's belly.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to get ignored...a lot?"

She looked up at him and shook her head, then picked Kiska back up and cradled her in the crook of her good arm. "Just drop it, okay, Mike?"

He raised his hands and got up off the bed. "You got it, sweetheart. I'm dropping it. I'll just go on out and get those beers and leave you and Kitkat alone to bond." He shook his head. "Now I wish Goren wasn't in the damn hospital. I am so going to kick his ass six ways from Sunday..."

"Mike..." She sighed and leaned back against the pillows at the head of the bed. "Look, it just hurt, all right? I wasn't exactly expecting you to accuse me of being trash."

He stopped at the door. "What? I never accused you of being trash!"

"I know that I screwed up. And now my daughter's paying for it. You don't think it hurts enough?"

He leaned back against the door. "How's she paying for it. You're great with her." He shifted uncomfortably. ⌠I wish my mom had been more like you."

Tears welled in her eyes. "Yeah, but what am I going to tell her? I mean... I slept with two guys, then I was attacked... Any way you slice it, she gets hurt."

"So why tell her anything?" You find out who her real dad is and then she never has to know."

"And what do I tell her when she comes to me asking why her daddy doesn't love her enough to be part of her life?"

"Don't tell me you slept with some asshole who won't step up to his responsibilities."

She shook her head. "You really don't remember, do you?"

He began to feel wary. "Uh, remember what?"

She stared at him. "I guess you don't. It only happened once... we were both drunk..."

His eyes widened. "_That_ was when...after you and Bobby...oh, no...no, no no...you mean...him...or me...oh, God...please tell me you're kidding..."

She shook her head.

"No, you're not kidding, or no, I'm being an idiot?" He was starting to panic.

"I'm not kidding, Mike. Look, I'm not saying that she's yours, and I'm sure as hell not saying that you are going to step up. Because I just don't know who's she is." She sank back against the pillows carefully. "I didn't know until after... until after I left. And I couldn't get an abortion. I wouldn't."

"But she might be mine. Or she could be Bobby's...oh, shit--is that why he had a meltdown?"

"Yes."

He ran his hands over his head and clamped them behind his neck. "You can't tell me he won't take responsibility."

"No. He's... he's going to be there for her, either way."

He looked up, his eyes darting from her to the baby. "Really? He doesn't care who the father is?"

"No."

He moved away from the door and looked out the window. "So why'd he freak out?"

"Because she might actually be his."

He frowned and looked at her, confused. "So he doesn't care who her father is, unless it's him, and that sends him into a panic. Yeah...that guy makes my head hurt."

"He's terrified of what he might pass on to any children he fathers. Can you blame him? I know I can't..."

Understanding dawned. "And that's why he chased Alex away, because she wants a baby of her own..." He shook his head. "Can I just hit him?"

"No, I don't think that will help matters any."

"So he's willing to be her father, no matter who her real dad is?"

"I don't know about being her father, but he says he's going to be there." Kiska started to snuffle, and Carolyn sighed.

"So what do you want from me?"

"Nothing, Mike," she answered, glaring resentfully at her cast.

"Fine." He walked over to the other side of the room and leaned against the wall.

"Uh, Mike? I need a little help," she muttered, nodding towards a now fussing Kiska.

"Um, with what?" he asked apprehensively.

She groaned. "Just... help me get my sling off. I have to feed Kiska."

"Oh, okay...where's the bottle?"

She glared at him. "I chose not to bottle feed her. I breastfeed her."

He raised his eyebrows and swallowed hard. "And just how do you expect me to help with that?"

She sighed again. "Just help me get the sling off. I can manage the rest... I think."

He approached her with caution, keeping one eye on the now-fussing baby. Gently, he slipped the sling off her arm. "Now what?"

She awkwardly raised her shirt, then gave him a hopeless look. "Could you... undo my bra?"

He gave her a grin. "Now you're talkin'. That I can do." He made fast work of the clasp of her bra.

She rolled her eyes and carefully laid Kiska in her lap. Quickly, she pulled her bra out of her shirt sleeve, tossed it on the floor, then settled Kiska back into the crook of her arm. Carefully grabbing a pillow, she slid it under her right arm.

Then she raised her shirt up and carefully adjusted her fussy daughter, and Kiska immediately latched onto her breast and began to nurse.

"Whoa..." Mike stared at the feeding baby. "She's really getting something out of that"  
"You're an idiot."

"Hey...none of my girlfriends were ever at the baby-nursing stage."

She settled back into the pillows carefully.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. It did the first couple of weeks, but it doesn't now."

"So what changed?"

"Nothing changed really. We just got used to it," she said, tilting her head to the side.

"You got used to having...oh...never mind..."

She smirked at him.

"I'm really gonna get myself in trouble here. You sure you want me around for this?"

"You're here, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah...and by the time you're done I'm gonna be in serious need of a cold shower."

She didn't know whether to laugh or smack him. "Shut up."

He sat down in the chair by the door and tried not to look at her. "Do you really think she could be mine?"

"We didn't exactly use protection, Mike. She could be."

"I...I'm really not good with babies."

"Neither was I." She looked thoughtful and guilty at the same time. "You know, I was going to give her up for adoption. I thought, 'I can't take care of this baby.'"

"You seem to be doing just fine."

"I wasn't when I brought her home for the first time. I was a mess."

He looked thoughtful. "I thought women just...you know, knew how to do it..."

She shook her head. "No, not quite."

"Some people just have a knack for it, I suppose. I am not one of those people"

"Neither was I. You should have seen me. I was a complete wreck."

"I don't believe it."

She laughed. "I was crying more than she was."

"Tough as you are? Shit...You can take down a perp but a baby does you in? You're kidding me."

She arched one eyebrow. "I guess it all just hit me after I decided not to give her up. I was responsible for this whole, tiny, completely helpless little baby, and I could barely take care of myself. Tell me that wouldn't make you cry."

"Hey, give me a beer and a burger and I'm good."

She frowned at him again. "Yeah, okay." She awkwardly eased Kiska to her shoulder, then patted her tiny back gently.

When she heard a tiny burp in her ear, she started to move Kiska to her other arm, then paused. "Mike?"

He turned from where he had moved to look out the window, hoping to keep himself out of trouble. "Yeah?"

A slight blush crept along her cheeks, and she paused before saying, "I need your help over here."

He groaned silently to himself. Of course she did...but he moved over to the bed without a word. "Help with what?"

"Look, I need to move her to the other arm, but it's useless..." Her voice trailed off, and she stared at him with pleading eyes.

"You want me to move...her?"

"Actually..." She leaned forward away from the pillows, then nodded to the space behind her. "If you could just... sit behind me and put your arm under my bad one..."

"And do what?"

"Just keep it there so I can keep feeding her."

He moistened his lips nervously. "I'll try."

She nodded and waited until his chest was behind her back before she leaned back again.

He slipped his arm beneath hers and slowly let out his breath as she relaxed into him. With his free hand, he gently brushed her hair to the side and softly began to kiss her neck.

She bit her lip and carefully moved Kiska to her left arm, then raised her shirt again.

"Aw, come on," he whispered into her ear. "Why should the baby have all the fun?"

She shivered. "Mike..."

He shifted to the other side of her neck and continued up to her ear.

Kiska suddenly pulled away and let out a long wail, and Carolyn exhaled. "See? She doesn't like sharing," she teased.

"Come on, Kitkat. I gotta share, too."

Kiska immediately quieted at his voice, and Carolyn's brow furrowed. "What in the world?..."

"What did I do?"

"I have no idea."

"I didn't break her, did I?"

She laughed at the question. "No, Mike. It's just, it usually takes me a while to get her to stop crying. You... all you did was talk, and she's as quiet as a mouse."

"Is she done eating?"

She lifted Kiska to her shoulder, and when she let out a burp, Carolyn nodded and nestled her in her right arm. "She's done. Thanks," she murmured.

"Sure thing. When does she sleep?"

"Whenever she decides she's tired," she laughed.

"Can she be tired now? 'Cause I'd really like to finish what I started..."

She shook her head again and carefully rose to her feet, then she began pacing around the room.

He leaned back against the wall and groaned. "I don't know if I like this sharing thing."

"You could try getting her to sleep," Carolyn suggested.

"Uh, thanks, but no thanks."

She shrugged. "Just try," she said, walking up to him. "It might make her go to sleep faster..."

"Oh, no. I told you. I'm no good with babies. I might break her for real." He jumped off the bed on the other side.

"You won't break her," Carolyn argued, walking around to the other side of the bed. She backed him up against the wall and carefully placed her in his arms, holding her right arm under his for support. "See?" she said triumphantly. "You're doing fine."

He froze, afraid to move. He just stood there against the wall, keeping his arms exactly where they were and praying the baby wouldn't move.

"I'll relax when you take her back, thanks."

"Keep holding her like that," she said quietly, looking down in amusement at her daughter whose eyes were quickly fluttering shut.

Mike watched the baby settle into sleep as well. "Yep, she's a woman. I bore her, too."

Carolyn sighed and gently lifted Kiska out of his arms. "Okay, sweetheart," she whispered, laying her in her car seat. "Sleepy time."

Mike relaxed against the wall. He was so not good at this, and he wondered why the hell Bobby actually wanted one of those. But he loved Carolyn, and this was her daughter. He was stuck with her, and he would have to get used to having a baby around. It was going to take a lot of adjustment on his part. Maybe Carolyn would even appreciate it...What had he gotten himself into?

After laying Kiska down, she stretched and arched her back, then fell backwards onto the bed.

Mike remained where he was against the wall.

"I can see those wheels turning. What are you thinking about, baby?"

"There's so much junk bounding around in my head I can't straighten it out. Maybe I need to go for a walk."

"Or you could come over here, and I could help you straighten it out," she offered, patting the empty space beside her.

"Sweetheart, that all disappeared when you put the baby in my arms."

She smiled and scooted up to the head of the bed, laying her head on the pillows. "I meant talk, you goof."

"Hell, I don't even know where to start. Do you know when I planned to have a baby in my life?"

"Never?"

"You got that right."

"Well, I never exactly saw myself with two kids and a Labrador."

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "No, you seem more the cockapoo type to me."

She laid her arm over her eyes. "The point is, I never saw myself as a conventional woman. With my childhood... No, there's no way."

"You're not conventional. But you are younger than I am. Hell, when I was a kid my grandfather was my age, not my dad."

She rolled over in the bed and pulled the covers over herself. "I couldn't believe it..." she murmured, stifling a yawn. "When that little stick turned blue..."

"Should she have been a boy then?"

"No," she laughed. "That meant it was positive... that I was pregnant."

He almost smiled, but he felt a little better hearing her laugh. He wasn't that much of an idiot, but he wanted her to be happy.

"I was happy when they told me she was a girl... Even though I was sure I was going to put her up for adoption. I guess I knew I was going to keep her. When they handed her to me, and I saw her for the first time..."

"Love at first sight?"

"Mm, yeah. She looked at me, and I swear she smiled."

"Tell me this, then, and be honest. Who do you want to be the father?"

She turned her head and stared at him. "I... I don't know. Either way, I hurt the both of you. I took off, and I didn't come back. I was so sure she was... she was..."

"Neither of ours."

"Yes."

"Look, Carolyn. I'll be honest with you. If you want to pursue this and I do turn out to be her father, I won't step away. But you need to remember that there is one big difference between me and Bobby."

"There's a lot more, but what?"

"He _wants_ to be a father."

"And if she is yours? Do you not want to be her father?"

"I never wanted to be a father and I really think I'll suck at it."

She bit her lip. "Well, then think about this. Are you telling me that you don't want that little girl calling you daddy, or taking her first steps to you? You don't want to put bandages on her knees when she falls off her bike, or beat boys away with a broom when she grows up to be a heartbreaker?"

He looked at the floor. "If I'm her father...she's going to hear a lot of apologizing, because the better man wasn't her daddy."

"Bobby's a good man, but you would be an amazing father. You'll screw up, that's only human. But..."

He raised his hand. "Don't go there. You have no idea what I'd be like. I do. Just think about what I said. I'm being honest. I need some air." He stepped away from the wall and left the room.

She watched him go, and when the door shut, she pulled the blankets tighter around her and buried her face in the pillow. She was suddenly very cold...

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICIC

She stirred and tensed when the door opened, and she raised her head slowly. He crept quietly across the carpeted floor, and she sighed inwardly.

Mike was very careful not to wake Carolyn or the baby. He'd found a bar nearby, but hadn't had nearly enough to drink to make any of this okay in his mind. He also found that drinking alone no longer held any allure for him whatsoever. But the doctors would likely frown on him showing up in Bobby's room with a couple of six packs, not to mention the fact that Alex would blow a gasket. He quietly got ready for bed and stopped in front of the sleeping baby. "Who would have ever thought that something so small and so cute could cause so much trouble, huh, Kitkat?"

She smiled into her pillow.

He climbed into the bed and put his arms around Carolyn. "Like mother, like daughter," he murmured, kissing her head. He sighed deeply and tried to stop his reeling thoughts so he could sleep.

His arms went around her, and she snuggled into his chest. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, she would have to get a DNA test. She couldn't keep going not knowing who was the father of her baby. Kiska deserved much better than that.

When Carolyn snuggled back into his chest, he murmured into her ear, "Are you awake?"

"Shh, I'm asleep," she muttered sarcastically. "Yes, I'm awake."

"Sorry I was gone so long."

She could smell the whiskey on him, but she ignored it. "I took a year. I'm not going to hate you for taking a few hours."

He kissed her head. "When you decide to drop a bombshell, sweetheart, it's a hell of an explosion."

She nestled deeper into his arms. "You know me. I'm all about the fireworks."

"Yeah, well, thanks for sharing."

She tensed. "Mike... what if she is yours?" she whispered, her voice muffled by his chest. "Are you going to be there? For everything?"

"I'll be scared shitless, but yeah, I'll be there."

"I'm getting a DNA test tomorrow. I have to know."

"Come hell or high water, I'm with you. But I kinda hope she's his. Then when she pukes all over the floor, I can get him to come over and clean it up."

"Either way, I hope you'll be around. I mean, if you're not Daddy, the kid needs an Uncle Mike..."

"I ain't goin' anyplace, sweetheart."

"Good." She yawned and closed her eyes. "That's... good..."

He kissed her head again. "I love you, Barek."

She smiled. "Love you too, Mike."

He closed his eyes and settled to sleep...and Kiska began to cry.

At her daughter's cry, Carolyn groaned. "I love this kid."

"Good, cause she's playin' your song."

She pushed his chest gently, then climbed out of the bed. "What's wrong, baby girl?" she cooed, carefully picking her daughter up.

"Wanna bet she's hungry? I would be if that was where my food came from."

She glared playfully at him. "Shut up, Mike." She checked her diaper, then sat down and looked at the crying infant, puzzled. "Shh," she murmured, rocking her gently.

He rolled onto his side, tucked his arm beneath his head and watched. "I'm ready," he said playfully.

She adjusted her daughter gently, her frown growing when she wouldn't nurse. "What in the world?"

"Not hungry?"

"No, she's not."

"Here...lay her over here next to me and let me talk to her. She's gonna wake the dead the way she's screaming and I've had too much to drink to deal with zombies tonight."

She laughed a little, then stood up and walked over to the side of the bed, laying Kiska down beside Mike before she laid on her side beside her.

"All right now, Kitkat, what's all the screaming for? It's way past your bedtime, and if you're not gonna eat, then I really would like to get some sleep."

Carolyn watched her tough as nails, no bull former partner talk to her three month old daughter, and she couldn't help but grin.

He gently rubbed the baby's stomach. "Now settle down, baby. It's dark outside, and that means sleep."

"Wow, Mike. You're a big marshmallow, aren't you?"

"Only if you can cover me with fudge. That's the only way marshmallows are worth anything." He snorted. "Otherwise you might as well chew air."

She shook her head. "Never tried that before."

"There's always a first time. I've never dealt with a screaming kid before."

She grinned. "Mike, she's not screaming anymore."

"How 'bout that. You wanna take her now so we can get some sleep?"

"Aw, Mike. She looks too adorable." She leaned over and kissed her daughter's forehead.

"Yeah, but I don't want to roll over on her. If you don't put her back in her chair there, I won't get any sleep at all."

She leaned over and kissed Mike softly, then climbed out of the bed and picked Kiska up again tenderly, placing her in the car seat carefully. She stood there for a minute, just watching her as she had done so many times before.

"When you're done watching her sleep, I'll be waiting," he murmured sleepily.

She shook her head, then climbed back into the bed and snuggled up against Mike.

"Too bad the kid doesn't like to share."

She rolled her eyes. "I would be very bored without you two."

"Can't have that now, can we? Good night, Carolyn."

"Night... Mikey," she mumbled, hiding her face in his chest.

"Mikey? You're lucky I love you there, woman."

She giggled and kissed his chest. "I know I'm lucky."

He smiled. He wasn't certain at all how he felt about the baby, but he knew beyond any doubt how he felt about the mother. He held her close against his chest, where he wanted her to be, and he drifted off to sleep.

Tomorrow would be the day. She would know the truth, but in her heart, she knew who she wanted to be the father of her child. She just prayed that for once, fate was on her side.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

Carolyn stirred from her sleep to the sound of her daughter's cries, and she looked at Mike, who seemed to be dead to the world. As carefully as she could, she climbed out of the bed, then looked out the window at the rising sun. Walking over to Kiska's car seat, she crouched down in front of her and said,

"What do you say we go for a little walk, baby girl?" Kiska continued to cry, and Carolyn eased the diaper bag over her left shoulder, then picked up the car seat with her right hand. "Love you, Mike," she whispered before walking out of the room.

Mike rolled onto his back and stretched. Pressing his hand to his temple, he moaned. Damn...He rolled toward Carolyn, but her side of the bed was empty. He sat up and looked around. No Carolyn, no baby...he was alone in the room. "Shit," he muttered, swallowing the panic that came with a feeling he'd messed up yet again. "What did I do now?"

He looked around the room for a note or something, but came up empty. "Damn!" he growled, hitting the wall.

Yanking on his shoes, he ran out the door, into the early summer morning.

Carolyn sat back in the booth of the cozy diner, her body turned slightly so she could watch Kiska. "Gorgeous baby," she cooed, stroking her tiny, booty covered foot. "My baby."

Closing in on panic, Mike hurried down the sidewalk, eyes scanning for any sign of Carolyn. As he headed past the diner, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of her in the diner and he skidded to a halt, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. He'd found her. Turning around, he headed into the diner.

Carolyn heard the bell as the door swung open, and she glanced up, a smile curling her lips as she watched Mike walk into the diner. "Look who's here, Kiska," she whispered. Kiska just stared at her with big eyes, and she glanced at Mike again. "He doesn't look too happy. Mommy might be in trouble."

He charged across the diner and slid into the booth opposite Carolyn and the baby. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead and he said, "A friggin' note would have been nice."

She reached over and covered his hand with hers. "Sorry, baby. But little one here was crying, and I didn't want to wake you up."

"So you put me into a full blown panic? Thanks."

She squeezed his hand, then pulled it to her lips. "Are you hungry?"

"No. I'm sick to my stomach."

She released his hand and slid her glass over to him. "Well, we've got a long day ahead of us."

"Why? You got plans?"

She tilted her head in Kiska's direction. "I'm taking her to meet Bobby and Alex, and then I'm going to get that DNA test done," she answered.

"You're sure you want to do that?"

She stared at him. "Mike, I have to know."

"Okay, it's your call. But I was referring to taking her up to see Bobby."

"Oh. Well... I thought she might cheer him up. God knows he needs it."

"Or seeing her could trigger another meltdown."

She bit her lip. "And if she's his, I'm not keeping her from him any longer."

"You got a point there. If he wigs, can I smack him?"

"Mike..."

"I think he needs a good pounding more than anything else, you know."

"You think everyone needs a good smack."

"It worked for me when I was growing up. Got me where I am today."

She shook her head and looked down at Kiska. "Don't mind him, sweetheart," she cooed, playing with her daughter's toes. "You'll get used to him... eventually."

He frowned. "Why do you keep shutting me out?"

"I'm not, Mike. But sometimes, it's a lot easier to talk to her." She looked at him and covered his hand with hers again. "I love you, you know?"

"So take the easy road and leave me out of it..." He almost pouted. "Yeah...I love you, too."

He crossed his arms and looked out the window.

She leaned over the table and kissed him softly. "You're cute."

"If you say so. Do I gotta go up to the hospital."

"I kind of need you to. DNA sample, you know?"

He grunted. "I just don't know if I can handle him _and_ a hangover."

She bit her lip. "Coffee might help," she suggested, sitting back in the booth.

"So would another six pack."

"Look, Mike, you don't have to do this. It's... Forget it." A waitress approached them with a plate, and Carolyn took her food and placed it in front of herself.

The waitress looked at Mike. "Can I get you anything?"

"Just coffee," he replied.

He studied his hands. "This isn't about the kid, Carolyn. I'll do the DNA thing if it's important to you. I just...I'm nervous about it, okay?"

She took a bite of the pancakes. "And you think I'm not?"

"If I was looking at me as a possible father, I'd be scared, too."

She frowned darkly at him.

"Don't look at me like that. I told you, you would both be a helluva lot better off if it's not me."

"Well, look at it like this, Mike. You'll be a part of her life either way, because I'm not going to lose you again."

"And I'm okay with that."

She took another bite of her pancakes. "Are you really?"

"Yeah. I am. She's cute. I just think she deserves a better father than I could be."

She shook her head, then turned to look at her daughter, who was watching her with dark eyes.

"Don't start talking to her about me again, dammit. Talk to me."

"I'm not talking to her, Mike. I have to check on her occasionally," she bit out. A smile crept across her face, and she relaxed. "Kind of like with you."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"Well, it's true."

He looked at the waitress when she brought him his coffee, then added, "If she's unhappy, she'll sound off. Then half the city will know it's lunchtime."

She couldn't suppress a smile at that. "Again, just like you."

"Hey, I don't announce it from the rooftops. I just complain until we stop to eat."

"So does she. Except she can't complain, so she screams."

"And then you gotta figure out why. She's a living jigsaw puzzle."

"All babies are like that, Mike."

_Which is one reason I never wanted one,_ he thought to himself. But he didn't say it. He didn't want to hurt her feelings. He took a drink of coffee and looked out the window again.

She reached down and grabbed a piece of bacon, then said, "Mike, eat a little. Do what you normally do and steal off my plate."

"No, thanks."

She took a bite, then pushed her plate away, her appetite suddenly gone, replaced with anxiety. "Come on, let's go," she said, laying down a twenty on the bill.

Silently, he got out of the booth and waited for her to gather the baby.

She picked up the car seat and diaper bag, then walked to the exit. At the door, she stopped and waited patiently for Mike.

He reached around her and pushed the door open, holding it open for her. "Here we go," he muttered.

"Yeah," she agreed, stepping out into the sunlight. "Here goes everything."

TBC...

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it. Next up on the list, a DNA test, some bonding, and some nasty surprises. Hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter, and please remember to review! Thanks much for reading!


	10. Fallout

Wow, this chapter turned out longer than expected. But we're satisfied with the way it turned out. This is probably the most intense chapter so far, so this is fair warning. There is going to be bloodshed, and plenty of drama, including the DNA test. We also see the events leading up to Kiska's birth, and why Carolyn left New York. Also, this is officially the longest story I have ever written, with over 350 pages and over 70,00 words so far. Wow. Anyways, we hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and please remember to review and let us know how we're doing!

Disclaimer: They're not ours. Only Kiska belongs to us... and she is a cute little baby...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

_God, this feels good,_ Alex thought drowsily as she nestled further against the big, warm body she was lying with. Suddenly the memories flooded her, and she sat up in the bed and watched Bobby sleep peacefully.

When she moved, he stirred. Groaning softly, he moved, then opened his eyes. With pain, he studied her, but still he remained silent. As he recalled the events of the previous day, his depression returned and he wondered why she was still there.

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly when she saw his dark brown eyes open.

His mind contemplated a reply and he couldn't think of any way his answer could do any harm, so he said simply, "Like hell."

She frowned. "Do you need me to get a nurse?"

He looked away. "Do what you want," he answered miserably.

His reply worried her. "Bobby, are you hurting?" she questioned, laying one hand gently on his shoulder.

"Yes," he muttered. At the moment, he couldn't remember what it was like to not hurt.

All of his pain, however, was not physical.

"Okay, just hold on a second." She reached over and pressed the call button to summon a nurse.

He continued to look at the wall, not speaking, not interacting. It was safer that way.

She kept her hand on his shoulder, moving her fingers gently over his skin. "What can I do?" she whispered achingly.

He closed his eyes. _Find someone who deserves you,_ he thought. But his only reply was to shake his head 'no.' There was nothing she could do for him.

A nurse bustled into the room. "Is everything all right in here?"

Alex turned her head and looked at the nurse. "He's in pain," she answered.

With a nod, the nurse answered, "I'll be right back with something to help him."

Alex nodded at her, then leaned over and paused before resting her head against his shoulder.

His mind filled with thoughts of how much he did not deserve her. But he'd sent her away once, and it was more than he could bear. He was so inclined to say the wrong things lately that he was afraid to say anything to her. So he didn't.

She moved her hand to rest over his heart, touching his chest gently.

Without thinking, he reached up and trailed his finger over her hand, stopping when he realized what he was doing. He no longer knew what was right and what was not, and he hated the uncertainty. His hand fell away from hers.

She smiled when his hand touched hers, but when he pulled away, she frowned and reached down, wrapping her fingers around his.

He let her hold his hand. She could do whatever she wanted. He wasn't going to protest. He had no fight left in him.

She pulled his hand up gently to her mouth, pausing a moment before kissing it. "I still love you."

"I know," he answered, again before thinking.

A moment of panic struck as he thought he had, once again, said the wrong thing.

She felt him tense, and she kissed his hand again. "Good, because sometimes I think you forget it."

"No, I don't."

"Good."

He felt her body relax against his, and he wished he could do the same, but he was anything but relaxed. On top of that, he felt nauseous and he was utterly miserable.

The nurse returned and came around the bed with a syringe. She watched him as she injected the contents into his IV. He didn't look right. "Is everything all right?"

"Fine," he answered, not looking at her.

She looked at Alex, waiting for confirmation.

Alex glared at him. "Bobby..."

He bit his lip and remained silent.

"He had a rough night," she supplied.

The nurse nodded, accepting her response. This patient had a lot of rough nights. "Try to rest," she told him. "Call me if you need anything." She eyed the untouched breakfast tray. "You really should try to eat, Bobby."

He grunted but that was his only answer.

Alex squeezed Bobby's shoulder gently, then kissed his cheek before climbing out of the bed.

Her withdrawal should not have had the impact on him that it did. He turned over, expecting to see her heading for the door.

She pulled the blankets tighter around him, then sat down in the chair by his bed. At his sorrowful look, she smiled at him and slipped her hand into his.

He couldn't find it in him to return her smile, but he tightened his hand around hers and looked at the ceiling.

She intertwined her fingers through his, then said, "Hey, smile for me. Don't make me start singing. That will drive out half the hospital."

He wouldn't look at her. He closed his eyes. _Smile for me_...he couldn't. Not even for her. The physical pain was now diminished, but the emotional pain was spinning out of control, and he had no idea how to stop it.

"Bobby, look at me," she requested. When he didn't, she leaned forward and growled, "Goren, look at me!"

Slowly, he opened his eyes and turned them toward her.

"Look, I know you're hurting. I can see it in your eyes. But damn it, I'm not going to stand by and watch anymore!"

He raised an eyebrow, struggling to fight down a surge of panic at the thought she was going to leave again. But he reminded himself that leaving was the best thing she could do for herself, even if it was the worst thing she could do for him. His own concerns were secondary, though. He only wanted what was best for her.

She saw fresh panic light up his eyes, and she said, "I'm not leaving, Bobby. I don't understand what goes on in that mind of yours, and I don't pretend to. But the way you're acting... You think it would be the best for me to just get up and walk away, don't you?"

Finally he spoke, his voice tentative and quiet. "You know it would be," he answered.

"No, I know you're wrong."

"Dammit, Alex..."

"No, Bobby, just stop it."

Emotional turmoil made his body tremble and he fought hard to keep a handle on his control. "I told you..." he trailed off. Did he really want to go there again?

"I don't care what you said, Bobby. Last night... you tell me that you didn't want me there."

Slowly, he shook his head. "I-I can't."

"Because you did want me there."

"Forgive me," he whispered. "Yes."

Tears stung at her eyes. "See?" she whispered.

"See what?"

She laughed softly. "You wanted me there, and I wanted to be there. And you just admitted it."

"Just because I want something doesn't make it the right thing, Alex."

"It can."

He shook his head. "Not this time."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Yes, because I've never felt anything more right in my life. How can that be wrong?"

"It just is."

Anger surged through her, and she pulled away, then rose to her feet and began pacing the room. "You are a stubborn jackass!" she snarled, pointing one shaking finger at him. "You run from anything that could make you happy! You have for as long as I can remember!"

His own anger surged. "It's not about me, Eames!"

"No, it is, Goren! I'm the one bending over backwards to prove how much you mean to be, and you don't even blink!"

"Because you're wrong," he snapped back. "I'm wrong! I know you care but you need to stop it and step away because I can not make you happy! You need to find someone who can give you what you deserve, Eames, and I am not that person!"

"Yes, you are! I'm not going to let you tell me that everything I've felt for six years was wrong, and I'm sure as hell not going to let you throw whatever this is between us away!" she growled, motioning between them.

His eyes blazed. "It never should have happened to start with!"

She froze for a moment, then stormed over to the bed, pinning him there with her stare. "You look me in the eye, Goren," she hissed. "You look me in the eye and tell me that you don't care about me. That you lied to me when you told me you loved me, or that I lied to you when I said that I love you!"

It wasn't a lie, and he couldn't tell her that it was. And he did care, more than he ever should have. But as he studied her face, hair disheveled, eyes blazing, skin flushed, it struck him that she'd never looked more beautiful to him, and something changed. Deep inside him, something snapped and he would never be the same again. He grabbed her roughly and pulled her into his arms. Transforming all his anger, despair and frustration into passion, he kissed her and he never wanted to let her go.

She tensed against him, but quickly wrapped her arms tightly around him. She gently deepened the kiss, her hands forming fists against his back.

He hands moved over her skin and he could not reign himself in. He pushed his tongue past her lips and struggled to breathe.

Finally she pulled away, resting her forehead against his as she said, "I won't let you."

He leaned forward, past her, propping his elbows on his knees and burying his head in his arms, still struggling to find his breath. He was completely overwhelmed and he had no idea how to find his way back. His body trembled under the power of emotions he could no longer control.

She kept her arms around him and repeated, "I won't let you push me away. I love you too damn much, even when you do stupid things."

He still could not reply, could not stop trembling, and he remained where he was. He could breathe now, but he was unable to settle. He knew what he wanted...but he was reluctant to cause a nurse to have a heart attack by walking into the room...Finally, he turned toward her again and, against his better judgment, he drew her into another overpowering kiss.

She was surprised by the intensity of the kiss, but she welcomed it. She knew he needed the contact, and she pulled him even closer against her. When she couldn't, she lifted one knee onto the bed and pushed herself up further against him.

He leaned back, guiding her with him, onto his body. Pain flared in his chest, but he channeled it into the kiss. He needed this contact, and he was reluctant to let her go again.

She pushed her arms out and suspended her upper body over his, breathing against his lips, "Bobby, you know we can't... Not now..."

"Shh..." He drew her back to him.

She let him draw her back down, and she pressed her lips against his again.

Turning slowly, he lowered her onto the bed beside him, pressing his body into hers and he groaned.

At the sound, Alex pulled away and eased her arm around him. "No, not right now," she murmured, gently pulling his head to rest on her chest. "I'm not too fond of scaring the poor nurses."

He breathed heavily against her skin and slowly calmed himself. As reason returned, he groaned again. "Alex...I...I'm sorry..."

"Hey, don't start that again," she whispered, kissing the top of his head softly.

"No---no...hear me out..." He turned onto his back, still breathing heavily. I was a...real ass to you...but you...you stayed...You...didn't deserve that..." He struggled again but maintained his control by sheer force of will. "I know...I can't give you what you want...but God help me...I can't let you go..."

She smiled tearfully. "And I won't let you."

"I don't know why...but...thank you..."

"No, thank you." She curled herself into his side and laid her head on his shoulder.

He kissed her forehead. "Can I ask you something?" he asked when breathing was easy once again.

She traced patterns on his chest with her finger. "Of course."

He closed his eyes, enjoying the path of her finger over his skin. "I-in ten or fifteen years...when it will no longer be an option...for you to carry another baby...are you going to regret it? Be honest, please..."

She thought for a moment. "No, I won't. Because, God willing, Mike will still be around to take care of," she laughed warmly.

He almost laughed. "When I imagined having a child, Logan was not exactly what I was thinking of..."

"But he's a big enough baby."

He smiled but it quickly faded. "I believe that you don't intend to resent not having a baby of your own, Alex. But I honestly think that's what will come about, eventually."

"Bobby..." She pushed herself up on her elbow and stared at him. "You can't drive yourself crazy with what if's. It'll kill you."

"Or you will," he replied. "One way or another."

She chuckled. "That too."

"Please...forgive me...for all my shortcomings and insecurities. But understand, I only want what's best for you."

She was touched. "Bobby, sometimes I think you think I'm perfect. I'm not. I've got all sorts of baggage. If you can accept that, I think we'll do fine."

"If you have baggage, what the hell do I have?"

"Baggage. Just like me. Everyone does."

He finally laughed, a soft, quiet sound. "More like a whole freight train." He sighed. "Just make sure you aren't settling, okay?"

"Settling would be me marrying anyone who's not you."

"And what would marrying me be?"

She snuggled into his side. "Wonderful."

He tightened his arms around her. "I have my doubts about that."

"I don't."

"Forgive me if I question your judgment."

She began playing with the blanket covering his chest.

He covered her hand with his, eyes bright. "Don't. Please."

She squeezed his hand. "Don't worry, baby," she whispered. "When we get home, I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"You have nothing to make up, but if you keep this up, we will be scaring the nurses."

"I think the nurses are pretty taken with you."

"Yeah, well, so is my partner, apparently."

She laughed and laid her ear over his heart. "Very."

"What are we going to do about that?"

"A lot... after I take you home."

He chuckled softly. "I'll hold you to that, Eames."

She smirked and inhaled deeply.

He sighed, content for the first time in far too long.

She felt him relax completely around her and opened her mouth to speak, but the sound of the door opening interrupted her. Raising her head, she saw Mike shuffle into the room, his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, guys," he muttered, stopping when he noticed they were both sitting on the bed. He raised both eyebrows. "Am I interrupting?"

She smiled at him and said, "No, Mike. What's going on?"

"I don't even know where to start." He looked at Bobby. "You talked to Carolyn yesterday?"

Bobby nodded. "Yes."

"That's some shit, isn't it?"

Alex looked questioningly between the two men.

Bobby didn't want to discuss it, so he simply shook his head and turned away.

Mike pressed on. "You gonna a submit a sample?"

"I have no choice," he muttered.

"A what?" Alex demanded.

"A sample," Mike repeated. "A blood sample."

Tension churned in her stomach, and Alex turned to Bobby. "What's going on, Bobby? Is something wrong?"

He wasn't sure exactly how to answer her. "N-not really," he replied evasively.

Alex let her head fall back, and she sighed tiredly. "Fine."

Carolyn waited in the hall with Kiska's car seat in her arms for Mike to call her in. Her stomach was twisted in knots, and she watched her daughter. "This is it, Kiska," she muttered.

Bobby watched Alex with concern. Why was it things could never go smoothly for him? "Alex, please..." he pleaded.

Mike watched them with concern. "If this is a bad time..."

"No, it's not. It would just be nice to be in the loop."

"Tell me when a good time would be, Logan!" Bobby snapped angrily.

"Hey, man...you're as much to blame for this as I am."

Curiosity was overpowering her anger, and Alex's gaze bounced back and forth.

"No," Bobby answered back, his anger mounting. "Only one of us is to blame. That's why we need to give blood."

Alex placed her hand on Bobby's chest. "Relax."

He shook his head. "I'll be telling you that in about five minutes," he grumbled.

"What?"

His mind churned as he tried to think of a diplomatic way to break the news to her, but it was a wasted effort. Mike filled her in. "One of us is a father, but no one knows which one."

"Dammit, Logan, I'm going to kill you..." Bobby growled.

"Direct is best, man."

Her jaw dropped, and she pressed her hand to her mouth.

Bobby watched her with concern. "Right, asshole," he growled.

She opened her mouth, but no words would form, so she remained silent. One of them had fathered a child... Carolyn's child...

"Alex?" His voice was gentle, filled with concern and trepidation.

She stood up and began walking around the room, one hand on her hip and the other pressed to her mouth.

That wasn't good. Bobby's stomach churned as he watched her. "Logan, I swear I'm going to kick your ass all the way back to Manhattan."

"That makes two of us, pal, 'cause I'm not too happy with you at the moment either."

"Come a little closer and let's settle it right now."

She finally forced a question past her lips. "Where are they?"

Mike looked away from Bobby, his reply stopped in his throat. "Uh, in the hall."

Bobby stared at him. "She has the baby with her?"

"Yeah."

She glared at him. "What are they doing out there?"

"In a moment of insightful brilliance she thought it would be best if I came in to break the news."

She stared at him for a moment, then brushed past him and left the room.

"We're screwed, man," Mike muttered.

"Seven ways from Sunday," Bobby agreed.

Alex shut the door behind her, then walked up to Carolyn and the baby. After a moment, she gently took the car seat and opened the door, wordlessly ushering her in.

The two men watched in silence, neither one of them brave enough to say a word.

Alex placed the baby's car seat on Bobby's bed carefully, then turned around and enveloped Carolyn in a warm hug. "We'll get you through this," she said softly, and Carolyn returned the hug.

Bobby's eyes were riveted to the car seat, where Kiska lay sleeping. Her baby...and maybe his... He wondered if Alex could forgive him for _this..._

Carolyn caught his eye, and she pulled away from Alex, then cleared her throat and said, "Bobby, Alex, I'd like you to meet Kiska Aleshanee Barek."

"Kiska..." he muttered softly.

Alex kneeled in front of the car seat and smiled widely at the sleeping baby. "She's beautiful, Carolyn," she murmured, and Carolyn blushed a little.

Bobby watched his partner fawn over the baby and his eyes filled with fresh pain.

Under all of the stares, Kiska's eyes opened, and Carolyn reached over and undid the safety belt, then lifted Kiska into her good arm.

Bobby's eyes shifted from the baby to Alex and back. He had no idea what to say or how to react.

Carolyn glanced at Mike helplessly, and Alex broke the silence.

Mike leaned against the wall, well out of harm's way. When Carolyn looked at him, he shrugged.

"She's... precious, Carolyn." She walked over to Carolyn and brushed her thumb along the baby's cheek. "And that's quite a name for such a little baby."

Carolyn laughed and relaxed. "Yeah, but I just call her baby girl for short."

Bobby bit his lip again as he watched Alex and the baby. There was no humor at all in his dark eyes.

Alex looked at her questioningly, and Carolyn nodded and carefully placed Kiska in Alex's waiting arms.

Mike watched his friend, then turned his attention to the two women. This could turn out so very badly...

Alex looked at Bobby and Mike, then back at the innocent child lying in her arms. "So... you two were talking about a paternity test."

"Yeah," Mike answered.

Alex looked at Carolyn. "And it's them or?..."

"The man who raped me," Carolyn supplied quietly.

Alex's eyes widened, and she nodded.

Finally Bobby spoke. "If she's lucky, Mike will turn out to be her father."

Mike's eyes widened. "You can't be serious."

Both women turned on them.

"I'm very serious."

Mike raised his hands. "Hey, I'll suck as a father."

"Don't sell yourself short, Mike."

"Both of you, shut up!" Alex ordered, gently laying Kiska in Carolyn's right arm again. She turned around and placed her hands on her hips. "You're both selling yourselves short, and if either of you do it again, I'll get your DNA sample the hard way."

Mike leaned back against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. Bobby turned his attention miserably toward the ceiling, once more uncertain with his partner.

"Now," she continued quietly. "Both of you are going to take that test, and by the grace of God, one of you will be the father. So just stop it and behave. Got it?"

"Fine," Mike grumbled. "But it's not going to change my opinion."

She glared at him, then turned around to face Carolyn. She looked down at the baby, and a smile spread across her face again. Without looking at the men, she said, "Both of you would be good fathers, and I know Carolyn would agree with me."

Carolyn nodded and shifted the baby. "I do, but they're both so thick headed. It's like talking to a wall."

"I know that feeling," Alex laughed.

_A good father_...Bobby knew he would be a good father. That was not his issue. He wanted to be a father, but the ramifications of what it meant for a child of his were what scared him.

_A good father_...Mike snorted audibly and walked over to look out the window. Neither woman knew what the hell she was talking about. They only thought they knew him, but he knew better than they ever would his true nature.

Carolyn watched Mike carefully, then offered the baby to Alex, who gladly cradled her to her chest and gently rocked her.

"Mike," she murmured, touching his side.

"We talked about this," he grumbled. "All the words in the world won't change who I am."

Her hand dropped, and she took a step back. "I'm... let's get the test over with. I'm tired of not knowing who my daughter's father is," she muttered. Even if he is a rapist... She had to know.

He raised his hands. "Whatever." He looked at Bobby. "I'm sure they'll send someone up to get your blood."

_If my partner doesn't draw it first_, he mused. "It doesn't matter," was all he said.

Alex frowned darkly at her partner. Handing the baby back to Carolyn, she sank down into a chair and pressed her hand against her mouth. If the DNA test said that Kiska was Bobby's... She swallowed thickly. Looking at the way Carolyn touched Mike, she instinctively knew that Carolyn wanted Mike to be the father. But would he? He had never talked about having children, and she sensed he was just as hesitant as Bobby about being a father.

Bobby noted the dark frown on Alex's face, combined with her posture, and he knew he was in trouble. Bitterly, he wondered if it was even possible for him to stay out of trouble with her. Glancing at Carolyn and the baby, he groaned deeply. He knew she was hoping he was right, that Mike would be Kiska's father. And he didn't blame her one bit.

Carolyn laid Kiska back in her car seat, then carried her to the door. "I'm... uh, going to go find out where I can get a paternity test done," she said softly.

Bobby didn't answer or look in her direction. Mike just nodded. "I'll wait here."

Bobby noticed that he didn't offer for Carolyn to leave the baby there, but it was not his place to make the offer either. The worst thing he could do was get attached. He would deal with the fallout of paternity if the tests came back to haunt him.

Alex looked at the change in her partner's expression, and she stood up and said, "Uh, why don't you leave her here, Carolyn? Give your arm a bit of a break?" she suggested, and Carolyn raised one eyebrow.

"Sure, Alex," she answered, handing the car seat to the petite blonde woman.

Bobby glared at his partner. What the hell was she thinking? Then it dawned on him. This was a baby...And he cursed himself once more for not being willing to give her one.

Alex accepted the car seat, and Carolyn kissed her daughter's forehead before walking out of the room.

Mike frowned at her. "What'd you do that for, Alex? Do you know what happens when that kid gets hungry?"

She laughed. "Let me guess. Carolyn breastfeeds, right?"

"Yeah, and unless you're still milking, no one here is equipped to meet that particular need."

"Relax, Mike. She'll be gone for fifteen minutes, at the most."

Bobby glared at his friend. "You're an ass, Mike."

"I know it, and you know it. Now someone convince Carolyn of it."

"Sorry, that's not going to happen," Alex said cheerfully, lifting Kiska out of her car seat.

"If it turns out your that baby's father, you'd better straighten your act out, or so help me I'll do it for you."

"Yeah, you and what army?"

"I don't need help to kick your ass."

"Today you do..."

"Hey, knock it off," Alex warned, rocking Kiska in her arms.

He started toward the bed, and Bobby braced himself for a fight.

Mike looked at her, holding the baby, and he backed off.

"You're lucky the kid's here."

Alex stepped between the two, alternating between glaring at each of them. "Don't make me beat both of you," she growled.

"You'd have to put the kid down first," Mike answered with a grin. "That's not gonna happen, is it?"

She shifted Kiska into her right arm and raised her left. "Nope."

Bobby settled back into the pillow and once again looked toward the ceiling. He was getting to know every crack and crevice in it. He didn't quite know what to do with the pain that held his heart in a vice.

Mike went back to the window and looked out across the city. He still hoped the baby wasn't his because he knew that Bobby would be a much better father than he could ever hope to be.

Her eyes bounced between the two, and she finally spoke up. "You two need to stop. Carolyn is hurting right now, and both of you are making it worse."

Finally Bobby addressed her. "Alex, just sit down and enjoy the baby, all right?" He didn't dare complete his thought out loud.  
"Bobby, knock it off. Would it be so horrible if one of you were the father? You two seem to keep thinking about your own faults and forgetting that she's terrified of her genes, too."

"You don't know what it's like to be beaten by a schizophrenic mother and an alcoholic father!" he snarled.

She turned away at his verbal lashing, and she said, "Maybe not. I don't know what it's like. But I know that there's a little baby right here, and while you two are worrying about your own pasts, have you once thought of how Carolyn might have felt? She couldn't have an abortion, and she didn't give her up for adoption. She loves this baby, regardless of who the father is. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine a child being born of your own rape?"

"Not really," he answered hotly. Then he added, "And I never turned her away, Alex. I told her that regardless of who the father is, I'm willing to take up the slack. What kind of ass do you truly take me for?"

He really wished he had something to hit. Finally, he bit out, "That baby will have a father."

Tears blurred Alex's eyes, and she looked down at Kiska. "You are a good man."

Mike didn't turn away from the window. "Yeah, he's a better man than I am and Carolyn know it."

Alex inhaled sharply and rose to her feet, then walked around the bed to where Mike was standing. "Logan, stop it!" she hissed, shoving her finger into his chest. "You are a good man, too. Where were you last night?"

"The truth? In a bar."

"For an hour, right?"

"Yeah, right...whatever you have to tell yourself, Alex."

"Where did you go after that?"

"Before or after debating about going back to New York? Don't kid yourself, honey. I don't have the guts to make the same offer your boyfriend did."

"You were in that hotel with Carolyn and Kiska. I'd bet my life on it."

"Yeah, I went back there and passed out. They were gone when I woke up."

"And you found them."

He looked at her. "What do you want, Alex? Okay, I won't abandon her. But don't think it didn't occur to me. Maybe I'm not a gutless coward, and I do love her, but I'm hardly the knight in shining armor you bagged for yourself."

Annoyed, Bobby snapped at him. "You just turn yourself into a bigger ass every time you open your mouth, Logan."

"Yeah, I'm good at that."

She decided to strike hard. "So, if both of you are the heartless assholes you make yourselves out to be, you wouldn't care if Carolyn left again and took Kiska with her."

Mike turned from the window and looked at her. "Do you really think that would be the best thing for her?"

A pillow slammed into his head and Bobby gave him a warning glare. He knew the tone of his partner's voice and Mike was about thirty seconds from getting himself tossed out the window, baby or no baby.

"You know I'd care," he told her. "And so would he. He's just scared and he's trying to cover it with the bravado of a true idiot."

Bobby met his partner's eyes. "I'm not afraid of being a father."

She turned her back on both of them and returned to the chair at the other side of the room.

He watched her sit down and focus all her attention on the baby girl in her arms. "Good going, Logan," he hissed.

"If you could get out of that bed, I'd be scared," Mike bit back.

Bobby turned his attention back to his partner. "Alex?"

She raised her hand to silence him.

He turned to glare at Mike again. "I am half a second from getting out of this bed and coming over there," he growled.

She snapped her head up and growled at him. "Shut up. I don't have the strength to deal with you idiots."

"Then take the baby and go for a walk," Bobby told her, but there was no malice in his voice. It was an honest suggestion...because once she was out of the room, friend or no friend, he was going to teach Mike a real lesson.

"I don't trust either of you, and I'm not explaining any broken bones to the doctors."

"You don't have to."

He nodded toward the door. "Go on. Fifteen minutes and you can come back."

"Not going to happen. And you're not going to make me."

"Then watch if you want. But someone needs an attitude adjustment and I'm going to adjust it for him."

"I'll adjust both of you if you don't watch it," she hissed.

"Then stop me," he challenged. Silently, he began to peel back the tape holding his IV in place.

She stood up and walked across the floor to his bed, grabbing his hand with her free one. "Do it and I'll kick your ass."

"No, you won't," he muttered. Tipping his head to the side, he withdrew his hand. "It's now or it's later. It's going to happen unless someone comes to his senses pretty damn quick about Carolyn and her baby."

She quickly walked over to Mike and placed Kiska in his arms, then returned to Bobby. Pushing herself up onto the bed, she stared him in the eye and said, "Don't."

His eyes filled with challenge. "Watch it...you may do something you'll regret."

Mike didn't know what to do. As he had the day before, he froze with the baby in his arms and ignored the couple on the bed.

"You move out of this spot and I'll do a hell of a lot more," Alex snarled, placing her hand on the other side of his waist.

Unexpectedly, he caught her mouth with his, kissing her hard, and then he softly growled, "Go ahead and get rough. I may like it...and then what will you do?"

Her eyes narrowed, and she pulled her head back, then said, "You do something stupid like that, and I'll walk through that door, for good."

He stopped cold, all teasing gone from his voice and his eyes. "Get off me, now," he snapped, hurt.

She pulled away and climbed off the bed. "Fine. I'm gone."

She walked back over to Mike and extended her arms. "Sorry," she apologized gruffly.

He caught the tail end of the discussion, and he didn't quite know what to make of it. So he kept quiet and let her take the baby from him.

Rocking the baby in her arms, she couldn't help but relax as she paced around the room, avoiding all eye contact.

Bobby ignored her for a long time, and when he finally spoke, his voice was rough. "Mike."

"What?"

"Find my fucking clothes."

Not looking at either of them, Alex said, "Mike, don't."

"Now," Bobby growled.

"Fine!" she shouted, forgetting the baby in her arms. "Go! If you're that stupid, just go!"

"I'm that damn stupid," he snapped.

Without hesitating, he ripped out the IV and threw it at the floor. "I'm done here, and I'm going the hell home."

Alex laid Kiska in her car seat, then sat down in the chair.

Mike watched as Bobby got out of the bed and found his clothes himself. Now he regretted even bringing them. "Uh, Bobby..."

"Shut the hell up," he snapped as he went into the bathroom.

Mike looked at Alex. "Um...now what?"

She had covered her face with her hand to hide her tears. "I can't stop him. He doesn't listen to me anyway."

"Oh, I can stop him. But it's going to involve bloodshed."

Her shoulders slumped, but she was tired of fighting. She couldn't do it anymore.

"Okay, honey. I'll stop him, but I'm gonna hurt him. Take that kid and get the hell out of here. Now."

She looked at him, then picked up the car seat and walked out of the room.

Mike waited near the door, arms crossed and feet planted.

When Bobby came out of the bathroom, fully dressed, he looked around. "Where'd she go?"

"She left with the kid and I'm going to beat the living shit out of you."

"Get the hell out of my way, Logan."

"Fuck you." And he stepped forward, swinging hard.

Ten minutes later, Mike found Alex in the hall. He had a black eye and his mouth was bleeding. "Alex, you better get a doctor in here. Now."

"Damn you, Mike!" she snarled, her hand forming a fist. But she quickly turned on her heel and headed in the direction of the nurse's station.

Grumbling to himself, Mike picked up the car seat and went back into the room. "I told her I'd stop him," he muttered to the baby. "I just hope I didn't kill him."

Alex returned to the room with several nurses and Carolyn behind her.

Mike stood off in the corner with the car seat at his feet and watched.

Carolyn walked over to Mike, digging a napkin out of her pocket as she grabbed his chin in her hand. Carefully, she wiped the blood away from his mouth, muttering, "I leave for fifteen minutes..."

"Hey, he was gonna leave. I just stopped him."

Alex's face drained of color at the sight of her partner, and her feet wouldn't obey her command to go to his side.

Mike watched her over Carolyn's head, and he felt bad for her, but damn it, Bobby had asked for everything he got.

The nurses pushed past her, and Alex walked back out of the room, sinking back against the wall.

A few minutes later, Mike joined her. "Hey..."

"What?" she sniffed, wiping at her nose.

"Seemed to me you were washing your hands of him. I couldn't let him leave and he wouldn't let me talk him out of it."

She swallowed thickly and rested her head against the wall. "I hope you know what you're doing..."

"Yeah. Me, too. I really hope I didn't kill him. He doesn't look so good."

Her stomach churned violently, and she swallowed a wave of nausea. She swallowed the acrid taste, then looked up into his stormy green eyes. "Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it wrong that I want that baby to be yours?" she whispered, leaning against the wall for support.

"To my mind, hell, yeah. You know he'd make a much better father. But why would you want that for that baby?"

"I... I don't know. I'm not her mother."

"Jealous?"

She bit her lip. "Maybe," she admitted, pressing her hand to her mouth.

"I get that. You're good with her. You'll make a really good mom. You really want a baby, don't you?"

"If it meant losing him? I just don't know..."

"You know...he really does want to be a father..."

She shook her head. "He told me earlier... He won't. How do I tell him that I want his children?"

"Very carefully."

She wiped at her eyes. "He tried to make me leave earlier. Said he wouldn't give me children, and that if I wanted a chance at them, I needed to find someone else."

"Yeah, well, he's an idiot. I think you can change his mind."

"I hate all of this. Why does he have to make this so hard? I love him, and he says he loves me. But he keeps pushing me away, doing the one thing I told him would hurt me."

"He's good at that. Look, Alex...never tell him I told you this. The guy talks to me, once I get enough alcohol into him. He does love you, very much. But he doesn't think he's good enough for you. He doesn't want to hurt you, but he thinks you deserve better. It really tears him up to think he can't give you the baby you want. Didn't you see his face when he was watching you in there with Kitkat?"

She pressed her knuckles to her mouth and let the tears fall. "I just... He's good for me. When Joe... when he died, I was sure that I wasn't going to find anyone else to love me. But then I met Bobby, and..."

"And you signed up for the roller coaster ride from hell."

"I guess I did..."

"If it makes you feel any better, it's worse for him. No one is harder on him than he is on himself."

"You know the worst thing?"

"What's that?"

"When... when I was abducted... he wouldn't leave me. He made me talk, and he said that it was his responsibility to be there."

"And he really believes that. You want to know something else?"

"What?"

"What he did in there? That was intentional. He knows how to piss me off, and he was seriously trying to take me out. If he was in better shape, he would have. He's hurting bad inside, and the best way he knows how to deal with emotional pain is by creating physical pain. I've seen him do it before. He was lashing out because he hurts so damn bad. As smart as he is, he doesn't know how to talk about what bothers him. He never learned how to do that."

That didn't surprise her. "He's stupid," she muttered.

"Yeah, sometimes..."

She shivered a little, then looked at the door. "Maybe I should go check on him," she said softly.

"Maybe you shouldn't. I hit him hard..."

She sighed. "I can't help it. I worry about him all the time."

"With good reason. He worries me, too."

"Yeah... I'm going in there. Carolyn's probably going to need you to go with her for the DNA test."

"Oh, goody..."

"Please, don't."

"She knows how I am and I told her how I feel. She loves me anyway. It's all good."

"Great. Good for you two."

"Don't be bitter, honey. That big ox in there loves you at least as much."

"I'm not bitter. I'm really happy for you two. She'll straighten you out."

"That's a tall order. Almost as big as the challenge you face."

"I don't know about that."

Alex started to retort, but the door flying open made her whirl around. "Alex!" Carolyn called, her eyes wide with fear. "It's Bobby! You need to get in here now!"

She felt as though someone had punched her in the gut as she willed her lead feet to move fast enough.

Mike groaned. "Oh, man...what are you doing, Bobby?"

Alex flew into the room behind Carolyn, fighting through the crowd of nurses to get to her partner's side.

_He's not breathing_, a cruel voice rang in Alex's mind. _He's not breathing._

"Bag him!"

Everything was moving in slow motion as Mike watched in horror. He really had not intended to do this kind of harm. Staten Island was going to be a picnic compared to where this was going to put him.

Alex pressed her hand to her mouth and watched in horror, and Carolyn hid her face in Mike's shoulder.

He wrapped his arm around her. "I didn't mean for this..." he muttered.

"Hang on, you stubborn son of a bitch," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "Hang on."

Visions of prison filled Mike's head. _A crazy ex-cop...killed his best friend_...imagine what he'll do to someone he doesn't like... "Now would be a real good time to start listening to her," he said. If the guilt didn't kill him, prison would.

Carolyn felt Mike's sudden tension, and she wrapped her arm tighter around him. All she could think was that they were losing him, and that idea made her head spin painfully.

Quietly, Mike whispered, "Was I supposed to let him walk out of here and hoof it back to Manhattan?"

She didn't say anything. Nothing would come to mind.

"I didn't want this..."

Alex stared at her partner's still form, fear gripping her heart intensely. Her eyes slid shut, and in her mind, she could see clips of their past, both of the good and the bad times. She saw him in the hospital when she had given birth to Nathan, and she saw him there after she had been rescued from that dark and damp basement.

His turned his eyes away from the bed, and they were drawn to a small pool of blood on the floor. "What have I done?"

Another voice came from those around the bed. "He's got a pneumothorax! Give me that chest tube kit!"

Long minutes passed before someone said, "Tube's in place...and he's breathing on his own again...let's suture the tube in place and re-start that IV. And get restraints on him this time."

A doctor who had come in behind the nurses turned to Alex. "He's going to be all right. What happened?"

She couldn't form words to answer the question, her relief was so intense.

Patiently, the doctor waited. Finally Mike came over to him. "I'm afraid I happened."

The doctor eyes him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he was going to walk out the front door and walked home to Manhattan. I did what I had to do to keep him here."

"If he decides to press charges..."

Mike shook his head. "He won't."

"The hospital can..."

Mike shrugged his shoulders. "Do what you think you have to."

Snapping out of her daze, Alex walked over and stepped between them. "Sir, I know my partner, and he got in his fair share of blows. He's not going to press charges, and I'd really appreciate it if the hospital wouldn't, either."

The doctor looked from her to Mike. "Let me talk with him when he wakes up."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

The doctor left the room and one of the nurses took Alex by the arm. "Listen," she said kindly. "I know you have stayed here with him, and he really does seem to do better when you're nearby. I can have a cot brought in for you. It will be more comfortable than that chair."

She nodded shakily. "Thanks," was all she could say.

Carolyn hugged Mike tightly, then walked over to Alex and hugged her. "He's okay," she whispered. "He's too stubborn to die."

Alex returned her hug and willed the tears not to fall.

Logan was standing off to the side, just staring at his friend's prone form and wondering what had ever possessed him to do what he had done.

"And he's more than stubborn enough to get himself killed," Logan lamented.

Alex sank down into the chair wearily, staring at the restraints on her partner's wrists. She didn't know who to be mad at: Mike, Bobby, or herself. She finally decided that she was just too tired to be mad at anyone, and she closed her eyes.

Unlike Alex, Mike had no trouble at all deciding who to be mad at. He was mad at Bobby for being so bull-headed, and he was furious with himself for letting him push him like he did. He muttered quietly as he watched the slow and steady rise and fall of Bobby's chest, using a string of phrases that would make a sailor blush.

Carolyn heard her partner's curses, and she touched him lightly on the back before turning around to pick up her daughter's car seat.

Alex looked at Mike. "No, don't go, Mike."

He stared at her. That was the last thing he expected from her. "What? Why aren't you chasing me out of here at gunpoint?"

"Believe it or not, I do trust you. You must have had a damn good reason to do this."

"Yeah. I'm a no-good bastard who can't keep a line on his temper."

"No, you're not, Mike," Alex growled. "Don't make me throw you out of that window."

"Please---do me a favor!" He threw his hand out in a gesture toward Bobby's bed. "The guy wrecks his car after his mother dies and I can't even wait until he's out of the damn hospital to pound on him for being an ass."

"Mike..." She took a deep breath. "What do you want me to say? That you're right?"

"About being an insensitive clod? Don't waste your breath. But suppose he'd died, Alex? Then what?"

She couldn't answer that. Instead, she leaned over and touched Bobby's hand, then sank back into the chair and covered her eyes with her hand.

"Yeah, I thought as much." He stepped away from the wall and walked out of the room without another look back.

Carolyn looked at Alex and Bobby, then picked up Kiska's car seat again and followed Mike. "Mike, wait!"

Mike heard her call to him and he fought the temptation to run. If it was good enough for her...but then he figured he had done enough damage for one day and he stopped to wait for her.

She finally reached him, then adjusted her strides so they were walking side by side.

"I just saw red, Carolyn. He pushed me too far and I saw red. And look what I did..."

She said nothing. Instead, she rested her head against his shoulder. "It'll be okay, Mike."

"Maybe he will. But I don't think our friendship can survive this."

"Didn't you tell me that you smacked him around after his mother died? And that it helped?"

"Carolyn, I gave him a black eye and a bloody lip. I didn't nearly kill him."

She nodded. "Maybe, but it seems like when Alex can't get through, you're the only one who can. And that's what he needs now."

He stopped and leaned against the wall, scrubbing his face with both hands. "God, I feel so _bad_ about this."

She stopped when he did, gently placed the car seat on the floor, then wrapped her arm around his waist. "I know you do," she whispered.

"A few beers made up for the last time. Somehow I don't think it's gonna be so easy this time. How the hell do I make this up to him?"

"I don't know, Mike. I just don't."

"That makes two of us. Look, let's get this test over with. I...need some time alone."

She tensed a little, then leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek softly. "All right, if that's what you want. Let's go."

Dejected, he followed her and Kiska down the hall.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

Carolyn stared at the T.V. in the motel room, watching the third or fourth rerun of one of her secret favorite shows, Full House. She had always sort of envied the imaginary family, but losing herself in the fictional world distracted her for a while. Beside her, Kiska gurgled and kicked her feet, and Carolyn smiled and gently rubbed the little girl's belly.

"I know, I know. The show's funny," she murmured with a laugh as she propped her own head up with her hand. As the audience laughed on the screen, her mind continued to careen back to the DNA tests that would determine Kiska's paternity, and she found a small part of herself wishing that she was, in fact, Mike's.

She looked down at her little daughter, and her mind floated back over the past two weeks. When she had gotten word of Bobby's accident, she had wasted no time in driving down to New Jersey. Despite rumors and innuendo, she still cared about him, even though their relationship had been brief. She had known what she was going into when she agreed to date him. Even though he denied it, she knew that he loved his partner, and always would. And when the relationship had ended, she had done the one thing she had sworn not to do, the worst thing she could have done in her mind at that moment. She had gone out for drinks with Mike, gotten drunk, and slept with him. He had been reluctant, but eventually she convinced him.

The day after, when she had realized the damage she had done, she had put in a request for a change in departments. In her own mind, she was certain that she had ruined the best thing she'd ever had, and she needed distance to regroup. Then the attack... She inhaled sharply at the memories. That night had been the worst night of her life, bar none, and it was not long after that that she had fled New York.

Six weeks after settling into her new life, she had finally visited a doctor after flu like symptoms continued to present themselves. One test confirmed her fear. She was pregnant. That night, after finding out, she had laid wide awake in her bed with one hand on her taut stomach. She was pregnant with the result of her own brutal attack. But it was her own fault. She hadn't gone to a doctor or a hospital afterwards. She hadn't gotten the morning after pill. What was she going to do? Abortion was not an option in her mind. Adoption, or raising the product of her assault. Those were the two options she was left with.

Eight months later, she had laid in the hospital bed, watching anxiously as her daughter was wrapped in a receiving blanket, then placed carefully on her chest. And from that moment, she knew that she wouldn't give her up. She didn't care how she was conceived. All that mattered was that she was healthy, and she was there.

Kiska gurgled softly, bringing her back to the present, and Carolyn smiled and carefully picked her up. Then she laid the infant on her chest and continued to watch T.V., her right hand resting protectively over Kiska's back.

Mike walked for a long time before he found his way back to the motel, but he felt no better. A call to Alex at the hospital did nothing to reassure him. A blow to the side had displaced one of Bobby's rib fractures and injured his lung, which was what had caused the pneumothorax that led to his respiratory arrest. Riddled with guilt but with nowhere else to go, he headed to the room he was sharing with Carolyn and, now, her baby, which left him with mixed feelings.

He didn't get why anyone would want him to be the kid's father. He was about as far from a desirable dad as a guy could get. He'd done some serious damage to his best friend. He didn't even want to think what kind of harm he could do to a little baby.

Opening the door he walked into the room and stopped to look at Carolyn for a moment. Then he laid down on the other bed. Never had he regretted his anger more than he did right then.

She heard him come into the room, but when the bedsprings of the other bed creaked, her brow furrowed. "Mike?"

"Yeah."

"Are you... feeling a little better now?"

"No. Not at all."

She sat up carefully, moving Kiska into the crook of her right arm. Then she stood up and walked over to the other bed, sitting down carefully beside his legs. "Anything I can do?"

"Not a damn thing, but thanks for asking," he muttered.

"Fine." She stood up again and returned to the other side of the room, carefully placing Kiska in her car seat.

Wallowing in his own misery, he paid no attention to her.

She then placed Kiska's car seat on the bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind herself.

"Hey! You forgot something!"

"I'm getting a shower, Mike!" came her somewhat angry reply.

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"Nothing!"

"I can handle that."

Carolyn adjusted the temperature of the water until it was hot enough, then stepped in and stood under the pulsating stream. She loved Mike, but he was a headache and more when he wanted to be.

He alternated between staring at the ceiling and looking toward the car seat, which was making little sounds that made him nervous. "Don't start screaming, kid. I got nothin' over here that you'd want."

When the noises persisted, he sat up and looked into the car seat. Wide awake, Kiska looked at him as she chewed on her fist. "You keep chewing until your mother's ready to give you more." He glanced toward the bathroom. "You better hurry up in there! I can't feed her."

She heard him shout, and she rolled her eyes and focused on the stream of water pounding against her skin.

He looked at the baby. "Somethin' tells me she doesn't care that I can't feed you. Your mother likes to torture me sometimes, you know that?"

He studied the baby. "You got your mother's hair, and her eyes...well, if I'm your dad, you do. Don't get too excited though." He sighed. "I wish I was something more to get excited about, but, you know, I never planned on having a kid to begin with. You really should have a dad who wants to be a dad." He sighed deeply. "But if I'm it...I guess we'll just have to make the best of a bad situation, huh, Kitkat?"

When the baby fussed at him, he yelled out again. "You done in there yet?"

_Damn it, Mike,_ she thought when she heard him shout... again. She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, then pulled a robe on over herself. After tying the sash, she opened the door, shivering against the cold blast that greeted her.

She turned around and grabbed a towel, then stepped fully out of the bathroom as she wrapped it around her dripping hair.

"It's about time," he complained. "I was running out of things to say."

"Surprising," she muttered, lifting her suitcase onto the bed and opening it to find something to wear.

"Hey, I don't know how to relate to a kid...at all."

She didn't answer him. Instead she grabbed a pair of jeans, a white button down shirt, a pair of panties and a bra, then shut the suitcase. Then she walked back into the bathroom to change.

He looked at the baby. "I don't relate any better to women, so that's two strikes against you, little girl."

A few minutes later, she walked back out of the bathroom, cursing in Italian as she attempted to put her casted arm back into the sling she was supposed to be using. Her hair, which had been neatly held up with the towel, was now falling, making her even more aggravated.

"Great...I forgot you're multi-lingual. I thought Goren's German was bad enough..." He stopped "Sorry...I'm boring and just know English."

She just glared at him and continued to fight with the sling.

"You need a hand?"

She stared at him, then finally nodded. "Yeah."

Getting up from the bed, he helped her with the sling. "There."

"Thanks," she mumbled, focusing her eyes on the wall as she sat down and used her right hand to dry her still sopping hair.

He laid back down on the bed, his few stressful moments of babysitting done.

A few unsuccessful minutes later, Carolyn dropped the towel and reached to the foot of the bed, pulling her daughter's car seat beside her. Then she reached in and lifted Kiska into her arm, cuddling her to her chest. Smiling at her wide eyed daughter, she began to hum softly to her.

He rolled over onto his side, seeking the release from his misery that only sleep could offer.

A few notes into the song, she felt tears stinging her eyes, and she looked over at Mike's bed. His back was facing her, and she swallowed the painful lump in her throat. Someone had to take that first step. "Mike, I'm sorry," she called softly.

"What for?"

"Snapping at you. I shouldn't have."

He shook his head. "Forget it."

"Mike, please. Don't push me away."

"I'm not. I'm tired and I just want to sleep right now."

"Okay." She carefully laid Kiska back in the car seat, then stood up and walked over to his bed. With a soft sigh, she lowered herself onto the bed and pressed her front to his back. "I love you," she breathed into his ear.

"Yeah. I love you, too." In his mind he added: _Unfortunately for you._

She ran her hand along his stomach, then stopped and laid her hand on his shoulder. She kept it there for a moment, then she kissed his cheek and rolled onto her back.

He didn't respond. He just closed his eyes and tried to sleep, without being haunted by the memory of what he'd done.

She stayed on the bed with him for a few minutes, then kissed his cheek and climbed out of his bed. After turning out the light and turning the T.V. off, she went to the other bed and checked on her daughter, then laid down. But sleep was elusive that night.

TBC...

A/N: Whew... That was all drama... We tried to get a little lightheartedness in there between Mike and Kiska, cause I love making him uncomfortable. Hehehe. Anyways, I know that that was a bit rough, but I promise the next chapter is even better, and much lighter. So review, please! Thanks for reading!


	11. Desperado

Hey again, everybody! We know that the last chapter was intense, but in this one, the drama is pretty much kept to a minimum. But there is plently of fun and Mike torturing, so enjoy that. In this chapter, we see a little more of Kiska, and plenty of male bonding... hehehe. Oh, and did anyone else see the USA promo for the CI premiere, Amends? Talk about DRAMA! Who else out there thinks that it was Bobby on that stretcher?... Well, I'm already writing a little something for that, called Borrowed Time, and maybe my predictions will be true... And there was a lot of electricity between Bobby and Alex during the whole promo. I honestly think we're going to see more emotion, angst, shippiness, and BAness in this first ep than we've seen in any other ep! (Well, other than Blind Spot, I'll bet) Well, enough of my insane rambling. Enjoy this chapter, and please remember to review and let us know how we're doing! Thanks!

Disclaimer: The songs used in this chapter, Desperado, by Clint Black, and This Woman And This Man, by Clay Walker, aren't ours. And the CI characters aren't ours, dang it! But maybe now that they're USA's... (grins evilly)

Thanks go to **deliriousdancer, Charlieboy,** and **LeaveIt,** for reviewing every chapter so far.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Alex inhaled deeply as she stretched out on the cot beside Bobby's bed. She rolled onto her back and grabbed her novel, flipping aimlessly through the pages, her mind refusing to settle long enough to allow her to concentrate. Finally she put the book down and turned on her MP3 player, placing one of the ear buds into her ear but leaving the other out. She flipped randomly through the songs, then settled on one and tucked her hands under her head. As she listened to the song, she once again thought about Mike, and for the hundredth time, she wondered why she wasn't furious with him. She should have been, but she just wasn't.

Those thoughts led to Carolyn and Kiska, and her hands trembled slightly. If Bobby was the father, and if they stayed together, she would also be a part of that baby's life. If they got through this, there was the possibility of her and Bobby being married, and then she would be Kiska's stepmother. She didn't know whether to be scared or thrilled with this. It was all so confusing. She looked over at Bobby, and one thought rang true in her mind. She did love him, and she was going to do everything she could to make them work.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

You've been out riding fences for so long now

Oh, you're a hard one, but I know that you've got your reasons

These things that are pleasing can hurt you somehow

She turned onto her side, her back to Bobby and her eyes focused on the window. Sometimes she wanted to kill him, and more times than he realized, she had shed tears over him. But it was the same at the end of every day. She was in love with him, and nothing was going to change that. Even if he chose to walk away, she would still love him.

Even if he wouldn't give her children, if he still wanted her, she would be there. She did want children. She had always wanted children. But if it meant losing him... She could give that up for him. She could, and she would, if that's what it took to keep him in her life... and her arms.

He groaned deeply and tried to move, but his arms wouldn't listen to him. He began to get agitated as the fog of the sedative let go of his mind. His breathing became staggered and he struggled.

Alex heard him groan, and she quickly pulled the earpiece out and pushed herself off of the cot, rushing to her partner's side. "Bobby, relax," she murmured, stroking his cheek gently. "Just relax."

Through the fading fog he heard her voice, and he stopped struggling. His panic subsided. She was still there. His breathing eased and he slowly opened his eyes. "A-Alex...?"

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy

She'll beat you if she's able

You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

But you only want the ones that you can't get

"Shh, I'm right here," she whispered, quickly pressing a button to summon a nurse. "I'm right here."

He searched until he found her eyes. "Y-You left..." he muttered hoarsely.

"I went out into the hallway, baby," she murmured, kissing his forehead. "I never left."

"I...oh, God...where's Mike?"

"He's at the motel with Carolyn and the baby."

"I...I goaded him...I...oh, God...Alex..."

"What, Bobby?"

"D-did I hurt him?"

She laughed softly. "He's got a busted lip and a black eye, but he's more worried about what he did to you."

"Did to me?" He shook his head. "I...I asked for it. You have...no idea..."

She smoothed her hand over his hair gently. "You two are idiots," she said affectionately. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you two."

"I-I need to see him..."

"All right. I'll call him and ask him to come, okay?"

"I, um, I can't move my arms."

Her smile faded. "They restrained you... and they're going to press charges against Mike..."

"What?!" He began to struggle again, trying to get his arms to move before he fell back against the bed, exhausted and swearing. "Charges? What charges?"

"Bobby, calm down!" she ordered, framing his face with her hands. "Your ribs can't take any more stress right now. Relax."

"Relax? Alex, you can't let them do that!"

"Shh, calm down. They're waiting to talk to you before they do anything. Please, relax."

"Then I need to talk to them. Now."

"Okay, the nurse should be in here any minute. Calm down and tell them, okay?"

"Get Mike...I..." His mind was a blur but the pain in his body interfered with the clarity of his thoughts, which only served to further irritate him. But he remembered...pushing her away...making her leave...and that was the last thing in the world he wanted, but it was for her own good...or was it? "Alex?"

Desperado, oh you ain't getting no younger

Your pain and your hunger are driving you home

And freedom, oh freedom, that's just some people talking

Your prison is walking through this world all alone

"What, baby?"

"Alex...I...I am so sorry...I...I didn't mean...I don't..." He groaned softly. "God, it hurts..."

She lowered her eyes and ran her fingers along his arm. "I won't say that it didn't hurt, but I hurt you, too, and I'm sorry for that."

Her eyes flickered back to the door, then focused on him again.

."I...deserved it...but you did nothing..."

"Bobby, I did. I lashed out at you, and I had no excuse."

He almost laughed. "You had every right to lash out at me..." He groaned softly as his lungs seared again. "I deserved it."

She laid her hands on his shoulders and pressed her forehead against his. "Take it easy," she murmured.

"Alex..." He studied her face, so close to his. Unexpectedly, he shifted his body and softly kissed her lips. "I am sorry..." he groaned.

"I know." She softly kissed him.

He let her kiss him and he relaxed. His breathing came easier and he closed his eyes.

"That's it." She kissed his cheek, then slowly pulled away.

"Don't," he murmured miserably.

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day

And you're losing all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes

Away?

"I'm not going anywhere," she softly assured him. She nodded toward her cot. "I haven't left, and I'm not going to."

He was feeling dizzy and the pain was escalating. "Hurts..." he murmured. He was fading quickly. "Mike..."

She looked around the room, then pressed the button again. Where was that nurse? "I'll call him, baby. Don't worry."

He closed his eyes, muttering softly, "Don't go," as he gave in to the darkness that took him away from the pain.

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she kissed his forehead and gently rubbed his arm. "I'm not going anywhere, Bobby. Not again."

After watching him sleep for a few minutes, Alex reluctantly sat down on the cot and pulled out her cell phone, then dialed Mike's number. "Mike? Yeah, it's Alex. Look, could you come up here?..."

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

Come down from your fences, open the gates

It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you

You better let somebody love you

Better let somebody love you

Before it's too late

Mike walked down the hall toward Bobby's room as two nurses were leaving it. "Uh, is he all right?"

They eyed him with disapproval and one of them said, "His girlfriend wants to see you."

He snorted and went into the room. His eyes first went to the bed. "Alex? They took the restraints off?"

She looked up from Bobby and said, "Yeah, they did. He wanted to talk to you, Mike."

"He was awake? And?"

"He was upset for giving you a black eye and a busted lip."

"What? What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, Mike. He says it's his fault for goading you, and I still say that you're both idiots."

"I agree more with you than with him. Okay, so he goaded me. I lost control. I shouldn't have let myself do that."

She sighed deeply. "Both of you... You think that everything's your fault... He wanted me to call you and get you up here so the two of you could talk it out."

"He still wants to talk to me?"

"Of course he does."

"After what I did to him?"

This was becoming exhausting. "Yes, Mike."

He sat heavily in a nearby chair. "I don't get him."

"I don't understand either of you most of the time."

"When's he gonna wake up?"

She looked over at Bobby, then sat down on her cot. "I don't know."

"Can you tell me why the nurses let me in without any grief?"

"I talked to them. Told them that Bobby wanted to talk to you," she answered.

"So we just hang out until he wakes up?"

"Yeah. He made me promise I'd get you up here."

"I can handle that. So...what do you want to do?"

She settled back onto the cot, and a smile spread across her face. "How about a game?"

"You name it, sweetheart. How 'bout Spin the Bottle?" he suggested with a wink.

She shook her head playfully, then motioned to a stack of games on a small table in the corner of the room. "The nurses were good enough to provide a few games. You pick."

"Hey, Monopoly...I get to be the hat."

She laughed again and walked over to the table, then began to set up the game. "I always pegged you as the dog, since you were always in the doghouse with Deakins."

He laughed. "I used to like the dog...until the captain got railroaded. Then I got tired of being a dog."

She smiled again at him and sat down in one of the chairs, then began to divide up the money.

"Bobby won't let me be the bank."

"I wonder why..." she teased, placing the chance cards on the board.

He chuckled. "Somehow, I always ended up with extra money."

She laughed outright at his confession, then handed him his money and the stack of deeds. "Fine, you handle the deeds. But if you wind up with Boardwalk and Parkplace..."

"Then I win."

She shook her head as she laughed again and placed the ship and hat pieces on Go.

As they played, Bobby groaned intermittently as pain penetrated into his awareness. When he finally succeeded in fighting off the sedating effects of the painkillers he'd been given, he was relieved to find Alex still there. And not only had she called Mike, but he had come back. He was also pleased to find he could move his arms. He watched them for a short while, and then he said, "Never let him be the bank..."

Her head jerked up from the game, and she immediately stood up and walked over to his bed, slipping her hand into his as she kissed his cheek. "How do you feel?"

Mike turned so quickly he knocked the game over. "Oh, shit...sorry." He quickly picked up the pieces, then walked over to the bed.

Bobby tightened his grip on her hand and answered, "Not so good." Then he looked at Mike. "Hey, man," he said softly.

Mike shook his head slowly. "Bobby, I am so sorry, man. I really hurt you bad, and there was no reason for it."

"I was at a disadvantage and I forgot about it. Otherwise I could have taken you."

"In your dreams, pal."

"You know I'm right."

"Dumbass."

She shook her head at the antics of the two men. "Behave," she muttered, but she couldn't stop the smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth.

Bobby squeezed her hand again and apologized, "I am sorry, man. I...was hurting, inside, and I used you to...well...you understand."

"The sad part about that is, yeah, I do."

Bobby extended his hand and Mike took it. They hugged briefly. The strongest part of their friendship was the fact that they were so much alike in so many ways. They understood one another on a fundamental level.

Alex smiled warmly as the two hugged, and once they were done, she released Bobby's hand and hugged Mike. "Thanks," she whispered into his ear.

"Don't thank me, honey. What I did wasn't okay."

She patted his shoulder, then turned around and wrapped Bobby in a warm embrace.

He slipped his now-free arms around her and held her as close as he could without flaring the pain in his chest. His fingers sifted through her hair and he pressed his lips against the side of her head. "I am sorry," he whispered.

She turned her head and pressed her lips against his. "Be quiet."

With a soft groan, he surrendered to her and kept quiet. Mike cleared his throat. "Okay, you two...get a room."

He grinned when they looked at him.

She reached for a pillow that was lying on her cot.

"Unless you plan to share..."

She picked the pillow up and tossed it at his head.

He caught it with a laugh and said, "I take it that's a no?"

She pulled herself up onto Bobby's bed and snuggled into his side.

Bobby sighed softly, still hurting but glad for the distraction she provided him. "Go for a walk, Mike."

"Yeah, yeah...I guess I could use some breakfast. I didn't eat much last night. Don't hurt him, Alex..." Laughing, he hurried out of the room.

She shook her finger at his retreating form, and once he was gone, she settled her head gently on her partner's shoulder. "He's an idiot."

"So am I."

"Maybe, but you're my idiot."

He smiled at that, rested his cheek against her head and closed his eyes. "Sorry, Alex..." he murmured sleepily as he faded off. His stamina faded quickly with his strength and limited supply of energy. The chest tube still in his side throbbed, and his ribs sent a stabbing pain through his chest with every breath. In sleep, he found relief and he could recover his strength when he slipped beyond the pain. And so he slept.

She felt him slip away, and she waited a few minutes before carefully slipping out of his arms and pushing herself off of the bed. "I love you," she murmured as she tucked the blanket around him and carefully settled his head back onto the pillow. Confident that he would sleep for a while, she kissed his forehead and walked out of the room, heading to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

Carolyn smiled in relief as she followed Mike into Bobby's hospital room. Setting Kiska's car seat in a chair, she walked over and paused before bending down to give Bobby a hug. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Don't ask," he groaned, giving her cheek a light kiss.

She released him, then sat down in a chair beside his bed. "Are you two going to be okay today?"

"Why wouldn't we be?"

She smiled. "Okay, I get it."

He grinned at her. "What do you get?" he teased lightly.

She shook her head. "Why must you two give me such a headache?" she complained theatrically.

Alex walked over to Carolyn and placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder. "They'll be fine, Carolyn. They have the diapers and the bottles, and there's a nurses station twenty feet away. They can handle this."

Bobby laughed, then groaned at the pain that flared. "She's a baby. Give me a break. How much trouble can she be?"

"Hey--" Logan piped up. "You haven't been around this one."

"And how many babies have you been around? She's three months old, Mike." He looked at the two women. "Go. Have fun and don't worry. We'll be fine."

Carolyn stood up and walked over to Mike, wrapping her arm around his waist and pulling him against her. "Have fun," she purred, kissing him softly.

"Yeah, right..."

Alex watched the two, then walked over to Bobby and pulled him into her arms, kissing him gently. "I love you."

He closed his eyes for a moment. Every time she told him that, he regretted the way he had treated her. "I love you, too," he answered, and he meant it. But he still hoped she knew what she was getting into.

She ruffled his hair affectionately, then slowly released him.

"Have fun."

Carolyn turned around and gently lifted Kiska's car seat onto Bobby's bed. "Let me show you two baboons how to undo the buckle."

"I can figure out a buckle," Bobby protested.

"Shut up," Mike snapped. "Show me."

She shook her head and laughed, then undid the buckle with ease. "There, nothing to it," she said, lifting Kiska into her right arm. She looked at Bobby, then at her daughter. "You... want to hold her, Bobby?" she asked softly.

He looked surprised. "Are-are you sure?"

"Of course." She walked over to the head of the bed and carefully laid Kiska in his arms. "Just like that."

His mouth quirked into a soft grin. "I've held babies before, Carolyn."

She smiled back at him, then kissed her daughter's forehead. "Bye bye, sweetheart," she murmured, touching her daughter's tiny palm so her fingers curled around her long finger.

"We'll be fine, Carolyn. Won't we, little girl?"

She rolled her eyes and stood back up. "Okay."

Mike gave it one more shot. "Are you positive you want to do that?"

"Mike... You two will be fine."

"Or you won't," Alex supplied jokingly. "We'll come back, and the two of you will be crying."

Bobby said, "Shut up and sit down, Mike. Or I'll let them sedate me."

"Don't you dare!" Mike threatened, mildly panicked.

Alex looked at Mike in amusement. "Breathe, Mike."

"As long as he's awake, I'll be fine. Otherwise you're getting a call."

"We get a call for that, and you're getting shot. Then the two of you can share a room," Alex threatened.

Bobby groaned. "What did I do?"

"Ha ha," Mike retorted.

"Okay, we're leaving," Alex stated, gently pulling Carolyn's good arm. "Take care of them, Kiska."

Bobby waited until they were gone before he turned his attention to the baby in his arms. "How can you be afraid of her, Mike?"

"You haven't heard her scream. I swear she's possessed."

"Pissed, idiot. Not possessed."

"You call it what you want..."

"You really are an idiot. Look at this smile."

"Smile? How'd you do that?"

"Try not freaking out when you hold her. Talk to her."

"And what do I say?"

"She doesn't care." He looked at the baby. "Do you, sweetheart?" He grunted softly when an excited little heel kicked him in the side. "Why don't you try?"

"I don't know...she's happy with you."

"And if you'll relax and just be natural with her, she'll be happy with you."

"I don't want to break her..."

"Break her? What are you planning to do with her?"

"She's so little...she's gotta be fragile."

"She's a girl, Mike. Carolyn's girl. What part of Carolyn have you found to be fragile?"

"You have a point."

"Look, Mike, as much as I would love to hold her all afternoon, I can't. And if she kicks my side once more, I might puke..."

"All right, fine. I'll try. You gonna take her back?"

"Yes, I'll take her back."

Gently, Mike lifted the baby from his friend's arms and looked at her. "I never said she wasn't cute. She's just...scary...like all women."

Bobby snorted. "Not if you handle them right."

"I don't need any lessons from you. I can get 'em pissed as hell at me without any help, thanks."

He sat down and Bobby stared at him. "She's not that heavy."

"No but she won't fall as far if I drop her."

"You're not going to drop her."

"That's why I sat down."

Bobby rolled his eyes. Kiska began squirming and turning her head toward him. "Hey, what's she doing?"

Bobby watched her. "I think she's getting hungry."

"Hey, hey, uh-uh...Empty there, babycakes. They did leave bottles, didn't they?"

"Yes, in the diaper bag."

"Okay, hold on a sec, there, Kitkat." He retrieved the diaper bag and pulled out a bottle. "I don't have to spit on it or anything, do I?"

"Actually, you have to stand in the middle of the room, turn around three times and jump twice. Then you can feed her."

"What does that do?"

"It makes you look like an idiot. Just give her the bottle and be glad I didn't convince you to waddle and quack like a duck."

"Man...if I wasn't afraid to smack you right now..."

"Just feed the baby."

Mike did fine until the baby threw up all over him. "Whoa... Mount Versuvius here...and just as much warning. Your turn, Daddy, or Uncle Bobby or who ever the hell she thinks you are."

Bobby took the baby and burped her. After two big belches, she snuggled into his arms and went to sleep. He settled her into the bed beside him. "There. Now she'll nap."

"Sweet. Is this the part where we get drunk?"

"Dumbass."

When the two women returned, Mike was in the chair and Bobby had Kiska curled into his side. All three were sleeping soundly.

"Wow. This I need a picture of," Alex said, digging into her pocket for her cell phone. She held it up and snapped a few pictures while the men slept.

Carolyn walked around the bed and gently picked up Kiska, cuddling her gently. "Hey, sweetie. Did you wear them out?" she whispered as her daughter's eyes opened. "We bought you all kinds of things that you're too young to appreciate."

Both Alex and Carolyn laughed softly at that.

At the sound of soft noises, and the sudden absence of the warmth at his side, Bobby jerked awake, looking for the baby with a worried frown.

Alex saw his reaction, and she walked over to his side, leaning down to kiss him softly. "We're back," she murmured. "How did everything go?"

He laid back into the pillow, relieved to see the baby with her mother. His eyes shifted toward Alex and he studied her face for a moment before he answered, "We were fine. And Mike was okay, too."

"Good." She glanced over at Mike's sleeping form, and a Cheshire cat like grin appeared on her face. "Hold that thought, Bobby."

He raised his eyebrows. "What are you going to do?" he asked suspiciously.

She raised her finger to her mouth, then walked back around the bed, until she had reached Mike's side. Her smile grew even wider, and she stepped behind Mike, then grabbed his sides. "Mike!"

Mike bolted out of the chair and hit the wall just opposite where he'd fallen asleep. "What the fuck...!?"

Alex clutched her sides in laughter that she couldn't control, falling back against the wall behind her.

Carolyn laughed right along with Alex, shaking her head.

Mike turned toward Alex, and his eyes narrowed. "Oooh, girl...you're asking for it now..."

"I'm shaking in my boots," she managed through her laughter.

He started toward her. Bobby didn't know whether to laugh or be worried, but he knew one thing. He wasn't about to let Mike do anything to his partner. "Don't you dare," he warned, his voice a low growl.

Mike glared at him. "Me? What did I do? She ran me into the friggin' wall!"

Her laughter faded, and she shot a worried glance at Bobby. "Hey, Bobby, relax." Then she looked at Mike and shook her head. "That was worth it."

Carolyn began laughing again at the look on Mike's face. "She did get you good, Mike."

His eyes shifted from Carolyn to Alex and finally to Bobby. His anger faded and he said one word. "Please."

Bobby studied him for a long moment. Solidarity...Mike had always been a good friend to him. He glanced at the two women, who were still laughing, and he gave Mike a brief nod.

"Sweet! I have permission, baby."

Alex's eyes widened, and she laughed even harder. "Traitor!"

Bobby's face finally relaxed into a smile as he leaned back and watched in silence as Mike bolted toward Alex.

When she saw him heading toward her, she darted behind Carolyn, trying to stifle her laughter. "Mike!"

Undeterred, he continued his advance.

Carolyn stepped away from Alex, leaning against a wall. When Alex glared at her, she shrugged and laughed.

Seeing an opening, Alex darted around to the other side of the bed.

With a laugh, Mike jumped across the bed, trying not to injure Bobby, and grabbed her around the waist, wrestling her to the ground.

"No!" she shrieked through the laughter shaking her body. She struggled against Mike, unable to control the fit of laughter.

Pinning her to the floor, he straddled her hips, rendering her mostly immobile. Bobby leaned over the side of the bed, watching silently, his eyes bright with amusement.

She suddenly stopped struggling, and when he relax, she flipped him off of her and scrambled onto the bed beside Bobby. "Ha ha!" she said triumphantly, waving one arm in the air.

Bobby shoved his body to the side with a deep grunt, struggling against an almost overpowering urge to wrap his arms around her. He braced his arm against his side and continued looking at her.

Playfully glaring at Mike, she gently pulled Bobby's arm around her and moved into his side, careful to avoid upsetting his injuries.

He groaned and, despite his deep feeling that things couldn't get more confusing, he moved his head closer to her, brushing his lips over the curve of her neck where it joined her shoulder. Another groan rumbled through his chest.

She shivered and closed her eyes, the laughter completely forgotten. She brushed her hand gently against his heart, then buried it in his hair.

"Alex..." he murmured softly.

She smiled, then kissed him softly. "Bobby."

Mike's advance came to a sudden halt and he snorted, "You don't play fair, Alex."

"When have I ever?"

Without taking his eyes from her, Bobby muttered, "You have no idea, Mike."

Her arms went around his waist, and she grinned up at Mike. "I know payback's a bitch, but it was so worth it."

He rubbed the side of his head and muttered, "Ow...that's gonna leave a mark."

Carolyn laid Kiska in her car seat and walked over to Mike, kissing his head softly. "Does that feel better?"

"Uh, no...but you can keep trying."

She stood behind him and wrapped her arm around his waist. "Behave, Tiger," she whispered.

"Behave? Why is it I'm always the one in trouble here? I'm the one who hit the damn wall."

"That is not what I meant, and you know it."

Alex raised an eyebrow and smirked at the two. "Forget giving the nurses a heart attack with our antics, Bobby. These two will give them strokes."

His mind took a sharp downward turn and landed right in the gutter. "You're going to kill me..."

She chuckled and gently touched his chest again. "Where would be the fun in that?" she purred.

"Everywhere..."

Suddenly Kiska let out a loud wail, making Carolyn jump slightly.

"Figures," Mike smirked. "Just when it was getting good..."

Carolyn ran her hand lightly over his side before releasing him and walking over to the car seat. "What's the matter, baby girl?" she cooed.

She picked Kiska up and rocked her in her arms, cuddling her close to her body. "Are you hungry?" she asked in a singsong voice. Sitting down in the chair, she looked at Mike and said, "Mike, hand me one of the bottles."

Mike pulled a bottle out of the diaper bag and walked it over to her. He glanced at Alex and pointed a finger at her. "I'm not going to forget that, you know. You aren't always going to have a gorilla to hide behind."

She tightened her arms around Bobby and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Maybe not, but I'm safe for now," she laughed, wrinkling her nose at him.

"Don't try being cute with me. That friggin' hurt."

"Don't be a baby, Mike," Bobby said lightly.

Mike started to say something, then remembered what he'd done to Bobby, and yet the man had not said a word to him in rebuke for hurting him. He shook his head and turned away, choosing a different chair to sit in this time and setting it firmly against the wall.

Carolyn crossed her legs, then rose to her feet. "Hey, I need to run to the little girl's room. Can somebody take over for me?"

Mike shook his head. "I had my turn thanks."

Bobby shot an annoyed glare at him. "Geez, Mike...she's a baby. She's not going to bite. Bring her over here, Carolyn."

She shook her head at Mike, then carried Kiska over to Bobby, laying her carefully in his arms. "Thanks, Bobby," she murmured, handing him the bottle.

"Any time," he replied with a small smile as he focused his attention on the baby girl.

She watched them for a brief moment, then walked away from the bed. Alex touched Kiska's cheek gently as Bobby held her. "So, did the three of you have fun while we were gone?"

"I didn't have a problem. And the baby was fine." He glanced over at Mike. "Someone needs more baby time."

"I'm good over here. You take all the baby time you want. I've broken enough people in my day. I'm not adding an infant to the list."

"You're not going to break her, stupid."

"Look, kids just don't care for me like they do you."

"Bullshit. She likes you."

"She doesn't know me yet."

"You have a point there..."

"Hey..."

Bobby laughed quietly, then groaned softly when pain flared in his side. "I still like you, so there's a chance for you with the baby."

"Well, I haven't figured you out and I quit trying. Maybe she's normal."

"Not with you for a father..."

"Let's not go there, bonehead."

"Whatever."

Bobby looked at Alex, now cuddled against him as she watched the baby in his arms. His heart clenched again. She wanted a baby of her own so badly...the only thing in the world he was reluctant to give her. He softly kissed her head and whispered, "I'm sorry."

She laid her head on his shoulder. This felt so... right. She loved him, and she wanted to have his children. Tears pricked at her eyes, and she blinked furiously. Why was he being so damn stubborn about it? She understood his fears and concerns, but it didn't take the pain away.

He felt her tense beside him and he felt worse. "Please... understand..." he whispered.

She forced herself to relax, and she leaned back against the pillows, letting one leg dangle over the side of the bed. Tucking one hand under her head, she looked up at the ceiling and let her mind wander.

He let her withdraw, and he felt sick to his stomach. Returning his attention to the baby, he felt himself settle some. Gently, he ran a finger down the baby's cheek. "Pretty girl," he said softly to her.

She smiled at his words, and she thought, _Bobby, if you only saw what I saw... _She shifted a little closer to him and brushed her fingertips against his back.

He shuddered at her tender touch. God, what he would give to be able to make her happy. But she had to understand that if she wanted to be with him, it would mean living the rest of her life with that emptiness. He knew that eventually her love would turn to resentment, and that would be the end of him.

Carolyn walked back into the room, the sling in her hand and a scowl on her face. "Not anymore," she growled, tossing it onto an empty chair.

Mike raised an eyebrow. "Uh, something happen between here and the bathroom?"

She shoved a finger in his direction. "Do you want another knot on your head?"

"Okaaay...I'll just sit here and be quiet."

"Good."

Bobby snorted. "Good luck with that."

Mike glared at him and thought about responding, but decided against it.

She walked over to the bed and held out her arm. "Is she finished eating?"

"Just about. I can burp her for you, if you want. It's a little easier for me."

"Go for it," she murmured, a smile curving up the corners of her mouth.

He handed her the empty bottle and set the dozing baby on his shoulder, patting her back firmly until she let out a huge burp.

"Holy cow..." Logan muttered. "Maybe she is mine after all."

Carolyn tried to hide her grin with a scowl, but it didn't work. "Mike..."

"I know, I know, shut up. Got it."

"You know, I kicked your ass once..."

"That won't happen again."

"I doubt that," Bobby retorted.

Alex laughed at the antics between the two, but it didn't ease her pain. She pushed herself off of the bed and stretched. "I'm going to go get some coffee," she said, running one hand through her hair.

"Alex..." Bobby began as she headed for the door.

She turned at the sound of her name, and she smiled at him. "I'll be right back," she said, giving him a little wave before she walked out.

He felt wounded, not reassured at all by her tight smile. He turned to Carolyn with pleading eyes. "I-Ill take care of Kiska...would you...please?"

She nodded and leaned over, kissing her daughter's forehead. Then she walked out of the room and followed after Alex.

Carolyn hurried after Alex, until she was side by side with her. "Okay, talk."

Alex looked at her strangely. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm going to get some coffee, and Bobby's being paranoid."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about, Alex," Carolyn murmured. "I saw the way you were looking at them."

Alex bit her lip. "He doesn't want kids, and I do. What else is there to talk about?"

"Alex… This is me you're talking to, not those clowns."

She pressed her fingers to her temple. "I just… I get so frustrated with him. I love him so much, and I want to have his kids. But he's terrified-"

"About what he could pass on to them," Carolyn finished.

"Right. It's almost as though he forgets that it's not just his DNA that makes a baby. It would be mine, too. He never developed schizophrenia, and my family has no history of it. And he's so good with children. I mean, just look at him and Kiska."

"He is good with her."

"Yes, he is. And I've seen him around other children, too. I see it in his eyes. He wants to be a father, but he's terrified of his genetics. I don't blame him. I just… don't know." She sighed deeply, then looked over at Carolyn. "How are you?"

The question startled her, but she said, "Better. Mike's been amazing."

Alex laughed softly. "So he's been taking care of you?"

"As much as I'll let him."

"That's great. You know, he really missed you when you left."

"So I keep getting told. I missed him too… all of you," Carolyn admitted softly, and Alex paused in her walk and pulled Carolyn in for a brief hug.

"We missed you too. And I'm glad you came back."

Carolyn returned the hug, and they continued their walk to the cafeteria in silence.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

Mike got to his feet, shaking his head. "Great, I can talk now. You know, for such a brilliant guy, you sure can be a stupid shit."

"Don't start."

"Well, someone needs to talk some sense into you. You obviously won't listen to her."

Bobby ignored him, gently settling the sleeping baby in his lap. Mike walked over to the bed. "Look at you, man. You're in love."

Bobby glared at him. "I'm not having this discussion with you."

"Fine. Don't talk. Just listen. You are so at ease with her. She scares the crap out of me--she's so tiny. But you...you just take her and handle her and give her your heart. I can't do that. I have to get used to her. Now by the time she's sixteen, I may be okay with her..."

"You're an idiot. Are you sure it's the baby that scares you?"

"Yeah I'm sure..."

"Maybe it's the responsibility that really scares you."

"Look, if I'm her father..."

"I'm not talking about that, Mike. I'm talking about being responsible for a life...entirely responsible. That's what's scary."

Mike leaned against the bed and looked at him. "Is that what scares you? Being responsible for a life?"

"No. I'm not afraid of raising a baby."

"Good, then you're not lying to me, because you're not scared of this one."

"You shouldn't be either."

"You haven't heard her in the middle of the night."

Bobby laughed softly. "Mike, all you have to do is pick her up. Change her diaper, feed her, cuddle her and let her know you love her."

"Change her what?"

Bobby narrowed his eyes at him. "She needs you to take care of her."

"She needs her mother..."

"...and a father. You grew up without a dad. So did I, essentially. Do you want that for her?"

"You think things would have been better for you if your old man was around?"

"No. But you're nothing like my father. Kiska is not going to suffer for having you as a father. But if you don't stop being a moron you will suffer."

"What do you think you're gonna do?"

"Not me, buddy. Carolyn. She has a baby now, and she's going to do what's best for this baby. Teaching you to behave, and take proper care of Kiska, is going to be a top priority."

"Now you're scarin' me. But suppose you're her father?"

"You still need to learn to take care of her. If you plan to be with Carolyn, Kiska comes with the package."

"And how involved will you be?"

Bobby frowned. "You have to ask?"

Mike sighed. "And if she's not yours?"

"Then it's up to Carolyn. I told her I'll help her, and I meant it."

Mike began to pace. "Suppose it's neither of us, Bobby?"

"Then she's going to need all the support we can give her. It doesn't change my position. What about yours?"

Mike shook his head. "I'll do what I can."

"You'll do what she needs you to, or she'll walk on you. Don't drop the ball, Mike. She doesn't need a half-assed effort."

"Look, I'll do the best I can. I'll try." Kiska made a small noise and Mike watched Bobby gently soothe her. She settled back to sleep. "Do you want to tell me why you're so insistent on causing Alex pain?"

Bobby looked up at him, a dark, stormy look on his face. "Watch where you're walking, Logan. You're going to get hurt."

"I'm not being a jerk. I'm serious. You couldn't see her sitting there, or you'd know why she left."

The storm faded and he was worried. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you have any idea how much it hurts her to watch you with Kiska, knowing you refuse to have a baby with her?"

"Don't you think I want children? But I can't. Don't you get that?"

"Actually, no. I never wanted kids because I know I'm not a baby person. But you're a natural."

"That has nothing to do with the decision. Mike, it's what I can pass on to a child...that's the risk I can't take."

"You're being stubborn and stupid. Did you even talk to her about it?"

"What's to talk about? My mind's made up."

"You're that willing to lose her?"

"If that will make her happy? Mike..."

"Yeah...I'm done talking, man. You're the idiot. I'll see you tomorrow."

Shaking his head, Mike left the room. Alone with the baby, Bobby looked down at her and gently rubbed her stomach. The thought that she might be his both frightened and thrilled him. But he couldn't get past his fears. Was it a risk he was willing to take, to have a child of his own? He touched a little hand, dwarfed by his, and looked at her perfect face. He hurt deep inside, and he had no idea how he could ever ease that pain.

Alex and Carolyn were laughing quietly as they walked into the room, and Carolyn arched one eyebrow as she looked around. "Where's Mike?" she asked. "I brought him some coffee."

"He left. I guess he got fed up with me."

She sighed and put the cup down, then walked over to the bed. "He probably went back to the hotel. I should go, too. I bought all of that stuff, and sitting in the sun can't be good for it." She held her arm out and smiled warmly at Bobby.

He gave her a small smile and gently lifted the baby from his lap. Placing a gentle kiss against her forehead, he placed her in the crook of her mother's arm. Running a finger lightly down the side of her face, he whispered, "Be good."

Carolyn's smile grew even wider, and she laid Kiska in her car seat, then carried her out of the room. "Behave, you two," she said in a mock stern voice as she walked out of the room.

Bobby leaned back in the bed and watched Alex in quiet apprehension. He knew he'd caused her pain, and he felt badly for it. But he had no idea what to say or how to make it right, so he remained quiet and just watched her.

"I think I'm going to go to sleep," he said quietly.

Tears stung at her eyes again, and she took another sip of the scalding beverage. "All right."

He was getting tired of feeling this way, of the guilt that stemmed from something he couldn't give her.

She stared into her cup for a moment, then put it down. Without saying a word, she crossed the floor to his bed, then carefully sat down by his waist. Still silent, she reached over and gently pulled his hand into her lap.

He slowly turned toward her, pulling her close and burying his face in her side. His hands balled into fists and his body trembled. He was no stranger to pain, but this was bordering on unbearable, and he wasn't certain there was any way to fix it.

Her arms immediately went around him, and she kissed the top of his head. She could feel him shaking, and she kept one arm wrapped tightly around him, while the other gently rubbed his shoulder.

Still trembling, he drew back. "How do I make this right?" he asked softly, his misery clearly evident in his voice.

Been trying so hard just to talk to you

Haven't heard half of what you want me to

I've hurt so bad over where we've been

Don't know how not to go back there again

I know what I wanna say

Can I get it through to you now in some other way?

She moved closer to him and shook her head, then rested it against his.

He saw her shake her head, and he wasn't surprised. He didn't think there was any way he could; now he knew for certain. He wanted so badly to push her away, but his need to have her close overrode that and he rested his head against the pillow, lightly rubbing her thigh because he had no idea what else to do.

Her hand found his, and she squeezed it gently. Then she sat upright in the bed, resting her chin in her other hand.

He remained where he was, reluctant to look at her. Seeing what he expected to find in her face would be too much for him.

"I think... I think I'm going to go take a nap," she murmured, squeezing his hand.

He nodded. He needed sleep as well, but his mind refused to allow him rest. He remained silent and continued to dwell on the issues that tormented him.

She leaned over and brushed her lips against his temple, then slid off of the bed and laid down on her cot.

After a few minutes, now certain she was withdrawing from him, he turned over.

She felt his intense gaze on her, and she rolled onto her side and looked at him. "What's wrong?"

He heard her move but remained facing the other way. "Never mind, Alex. I-it's not something I can get you, or anyone else, to understand."

"Because you won't even talk to me."

"I tried," he said, raising his voice in anger and frustration.

"No, you get mad and push me away."

He hated being confined to the bed, unable to work off the pent-up energy that was keeping him agitated. "You just don't get it."

"Because you won't help me!" she snapped.

He flipped over, a little too quickly, but he ignored the pain in his body. "I tried to tell you what you need to do, but you won't listen!"

Like there was this woman

And there was this man

There was this moment they had a chance

To hold onto what they had

How could they be so in love

And still never see?

Now nothing could be sadder than

This woman, this woman and this man

"Because I'm not going anywhere! Haven't I made that clear to you yet?"

"Alex..." He slowly shook his head, defeated. "Don't you see? That's the problem."

"No, the problem is that I want a baby, and you're terrified of having a child! That's the problem!"

"And that's what you don't understand."

"No, I understand. But you keep thinking that this is all about you! This kid wouldn't have just your genetics! It would have mine, too. Whatever chance of it developing schizophrenia or whatever you think you might pass on is almost nil! You constantly worry about all the bad things in life, and you only look for the negative. You even do it in our relationship, or whatever the hell this is between us!"

He buried his face in his hands and groaned. When he looked back at her, he had nothing left. "There is nothing in the world I would not do for you, except that. And it's that that will end up tearing us apart. You can say no all you want, but eventually, everything is going to get buried in a resentment you won't be able to hide forever. Trust me. You will end up resenting me. I know you want a baby, and you should have one. Just not with me."

She pulled her leg up and wrapped her arm around it, resting her chin on her knee. "I don't know anymore," she confessed softly. "I want to have your children. I want kids who have your eyes." She pushed herself off of the cot and made her way slowly to his bed. "Who have your smile." She reached out and brushed her thumb along his mouth. "Who have your heart." She laid her hand against his rapidly beating heart. "And if I can't, I don't want any children at all. I just don't."

He placed his hand over hers and closed his eyes. A tear escaped from the corner of one eye and rolled down his cheek. What the hell was he going to do?

She brushed his tear away, then sat down on the bed, pulling him into her arms. "I love you, Bobby. Nothing's going to change that."

He had no doubt that she loved him as he slid his arms around her and pulled her close. Desperation made him keep her close. "What do you want from me, Alex? What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not wrong. And the only thing I want from you is the only thing I've ever wanted. You," she murmured, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

He caressed her hair and explained, "Alex, the inheritability of schizophrenia is complicated. And it's something that destroys lives. I..." He groaned. "I have a responsibility to my children...to you..."

"You're not the only one who studies these things, Bobby. If someone in my family had a history of it, or if you or your brother had suffered from it, yes, I'd agree with you. But this... it was your mother. And from what you've told me, the only person in your family who ever suffered from it."

"That's not what I'm saying. Okay, we're going to try something." She reluctantly released him and took his hand. "I want you to tell me, right now, the worst thing that could happen if we had a child."

"It would live its live in an altered, disconnected reality."

"That's only if they were to develop schizophrenia. With the medicines today that weren't available to your mother, and early diagnosis, you know as well as I do that they could lead a healthy, productive life. What's another?"

"With the risk of schizophrenia comes an increased risk of other psychotic disorders, like bipolar disorder, and then you have the whole addiction issue...drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling..."

She turned his hand in hers so their palms were touching. "And there's also the chance that it's not at all genetic. There have been cases where it's developed with no history. So it might not even matter that your mother had it. I guess in all reality, I should be worried about bad genes. Not you."

"You? What do you have to worry about?"

She pulled away a little. "Strokes. And heart problems. My mother died of a stroke." She bit her lip and leaned back against the pillows.

He wrapped his arms around her, surprised to feel a weight lift from deep inside. He kissed her temple, trailing his lips along the side of her face before bending forward to capture her lips in a deep kiss. Was there anything this woman could not convince him to do? Drawing back, he looked into her eyes. "I-I'll think about it. And I'm sorry...for being so difficult."

Her arms went around him hesitantly, and she buried her face in his shoulder.

He ran his hand over her hair. "I do love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

"Can you forgive me...for being so...difficult? You...you deserve better."

She sighed and pulled him down gently, so he was lying across her. "There's nothing to forgive," she murmured, running her hand along his back. "Absolutely nothing."

He shuddered again, but found himself relaxing at her touch. "God, Alex..." he murmured.

"Shh," she murmured, resting one hand on the back of his neck. "Do you know how lucky and grateful I am right now, just to be arguing with you?"

"Not really...I am not a big fan of arguing with you."

"Bobby..." She wiped impatiently at a tear. "Do you know that it would have destroyed my world if I had lost you?"

"It wouldn't have done a whole lot for my world either."

She laughed bitterly, but it turned into tears. "Yeah, it wouldn't have."

"Shh...don't cry. It seems I've done nothing but make you cry since my mother died. I am so sorry. I hate seeing you upset."

She wiped her tears away, then kissed his head. "At least you're here. That's all I care about."

He sat up and laid beside her, turning onto his side to face her. He needed to get her feelings about something that had been troubling him. "Alex...what will it do to us...if I turn out to be Kiska's father?"

She paused for a moment, then kissed him softly. When she pulled away, she laid her hand against his cheek and said, "If she's yours, I know you'll be a wonderful father. You already love her."

"That's not what I asked. I don't have any insecurities about that. Answer my question, please."

"Well... If she's yours, and we stay together, I'd love her. Because she's a part of you."

"Do you think...we have a chance?"

She laid her hand on his side. "I'm in this for the long haul. I love you, and I can't imagine my life without you. What about you?"

"We-we're great partners. I can't imagine having a better partner. But stepping beyond that...that's huge. If you're asking me if I'm going anywhere, the answer is no. My biggest fear is somehow driving you away. I know I've been trying to do that, but I only want what's best for you, and sometimes, I convince myself that I'm not it. But if you want the bottom line...I don't want to lose you. And I will only leave if you ask me to."

She smiled slightly, then tucked her head under his chin. "Well, then I guess you're stuck with me, pal," she said teasingly.

He let his chin rest on her head and softly sighed. "I've never heard a better threat, baby."

She stretched carefully, then said, "I need some sleep. This bed is small enough as it is, and I want you to get some sleep, too." She slowly pulled away from him and sat upright.

Sleep...He sensed it was far away for him. "Go to sleep, then. I had dinner while you and Carolyn were out. They graduated me to soft food. Now I can have mashed potatoes and pudding instead of broth and Jell-o. I'll see you in the morning."

She leaned over and kissed him softly, then climbed out of the bed. Carefully, she scooted the cot as close to his bed as she could, then stretched out on her side and pulled a blanket over herself.

"Good night, Alex," he whispered.

"Good night, Bobby," she whispered back, reaching her hand out to gently squeeze his. "I love you."

Leaning over, he placed a lingering kiss on her palm. "I love you, too. And thank you."

A stranger's eyes in a lover's face

I see no signs of a better time and place

Have we lost the key to an open door?

I feel the need to reach out to you even more

It's a circle we're going round

If we don't get us out from under, it's gonna take us down

"For what?" she asked drowsily, folding her pillow under her head.

"For sticking with me...in spite of myself."

She chuckled and rested her forehead against his hand. "Bobby, I stuck with you because you are yourself."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You always make me feel better."

"Do I?" he wondered with a small smile. His thumb traced a soft line from her temple down to her lips. "How do I do that?"

"In more ways than one."

"Come on...tell me..."

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "When you smile like that... when I woke up in that hospital and you were the first thing I saw..." She yawned and moved her head forward, tucking both of their hands under her cheek.

He stroked her cheek gently. "Alex, you make my life worthwhile."

"Just like you keep mine interesting..."

"Interesting? Is that what you call it?"

"Hmm... and fun..."

He sighed softly and watched her through half-closed eyes. "I-I don't know what I'd do without you. When I was faced with that prospect...I...I had trouble holding it together."

"Just like I did."

"Are we okay now?"

"Are you going to stop scaring me like that?"

"I'll try but no promises."

Those words and the memories sent a shiver down her spine, and she pulled her blanket further around herself.

"Don't be upset," he pleaded.

"I'm not," she whispered.

"I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but the best I can do right now is tell you maybe."

Her brow furrowed, and she shook her head. "That's not what I'm afraid of..."

He frowned and shifted his position, looking for one that would minimize his pain. He couldn't suppress a groan when the pain in his ribs suddenly flared. He was trying to go without needing pain medication and it wasn't working. He moved again. "What are you afraid of?" he asked.

His movements didn't escape her attention, and she pushed her blanket off, then climbed back onto the bed, needing to feel him beside her.

He drew her against his body and held her. As he relaxed, his pain increased and he couldn't hold back another groan. He tightened his grip on her in an attempt to refocus as he waited for her response to his question.

Her arms went around him, and she reached over and pressed the button to summon a nurse to help with his pain. Then she settled her head on his shoulder, listening for his every breath.

See and there was this woman

And there was this man

And there was this moment they had a chance

To hold onto what they had

How could they be so in love

And still never see?

Now nothing could be sadder than

This woman, this woman and this man

He groaned again. "What'd you do that for?" he muttered.

"Because you're stubborn, and I don't want to see you in pain."

"I don't like taking the crap they give me."

"Well, I'd rather that over the alternative," she snapped a little.

He frowned at her tone, hesitating to say any longer. "Okay, fine," he murmured in surrender. At this point he was willing to agree to anything to keep her from being angry with him any more.

She instantly regretted snapping at him, and she gently touched his face. "I'm sorry, Bobby," she whispered, brushing her thumb along his jaw. "I just... You stopped breathing, twice... You were technically dead for almost three minutes." Tears fell down her cheeks.

"Alex...don't..." He wiped the tears from her cheeks and softly kissed her. "Please don't be upset."

She wrapped her arms tightly around him and hid her face in his shoulder. "I was there... They wouldn't let me in the room..." She struggled to catch her breath and tried to concentrate on him.

Her distress pained him more than his ribs did. "I'm sorry," he insisted, desperate to comfort her. The nurse came into the room. "What can I help you with?"

"Nothing," he replied. "I'm fine."

She looked confused. "You did press the call button..."

"I didn't mean to. Sorry to bother you."

Alex moved her head from his shoulder and took a breath. "Bobby, don't," she managed, wiping at her tears. Looking at the confused nurse, she said, "He has been in pain."

He looked away, remaining silent.

"Fine, I'll tell her." She looked up at the nurse and said, "He's been complaining about the medications. Is there anything else you could give him?"

"What's wrong with the medication?"

Alex looked at her partner. "Bobby, please. You've been in pain, and you said you didn't like the meds. Why?"

"I...don't like what they do. I hate being sedated and I don't like my mind feeling like it's wrapped in cotton."

The nurse sighed. "For the amount of pain control you need, just about anything we give you will have those kinds of side effects."

"Then forget it. I'll deal with the pain."

Alex glared at him. "Damn it, Bobby..."

"I mean it. I prefer the pain."

She pulled away from his arms and climbed off of the bed, then laid down on the cot.

The nurse said, "You really should..."

"No. I...I'm fine. Just...leave me alone right now."

He rolled over onto his side as the nurse left the room.

When she heard the nurse leave, she rolled onto her back and said, "Why do you have to do this?" He didn't reply, and she stared at the ceiling. "Let me ask you this: would you..." She had to word this carefully. "If I was the one in that hospital bed, would you be letting me do that?"

He was irritated and he didn't understand why she was giving him grief because he preferred to have a clear head. "It's just pain, Alex. An-and it hurts less than...oh, forget it. I told you, I'm all right."

"Fine," she said quietly, rolling onto her side. "Good night."

He laid in silence for a long time, fighting pain and depression. Finally, he made up his mind. He couldn't do a lot about his physical pain but... He turned over and studied his partner for a long moment. "Alex?"

"What, Bobby?" she asked softly.

"Don't be mad."

For all we've got to lose

There's so much to gain

If we come this far and leave it behind

There's only you and me to blame

She sat up on the cot. "I just don't want you to be in pain."

"Please...I can't take this any more. I...I can't handle you being mad."

She sighed deeply. "Just... please promise you'll tell me if it hurts too bad..."

"It hurts...a lot...N-not my ribs...deeper." For all his skill with words, he didn't know how to tell her what he was feeling, how much he was hurting.

She understood that pain too well. She rose shakily to her feet and stood by his bed. Then she rested one shaking hand on his chest.

He looked at her, eyes bright with deep pain. He touched her cheek. "I don't know how to make it stop."

"Then let me try," she murmured, sitting down beside him.

He took her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers. "What can you do?"

She laid her hands on his shoulders and gently guided his upper body from the pillows. With a soft sigh, she eased herself between him and the pillows, then said, "Just relax, and try to sleep."

He settled himself against her, curious. He caressed her leg and asked, "What are you doing?"

She began massaging his shoulders slowly, saying, "Why do you have to question everything?" Her own energy was fading. "Sleep."

Once more he felt himself relax, but only partly because of her ministrations. Her proximity, and her willingness to remain by his side in spite of his stubbornness and irritability, went much further toward easing his worst pain than anything the nurse could have brought him. Her breath breezed past his ear and he shuddered in response. As she continued massaging his shoulders and encouraging him toward sleep with a soft voice, he felt himself drifting. Finally, he gave in to her, and he slept.

She felt him nestle tiredly against her, and she slid her arms around his waist and laid back against the pillows. "I love you," she whispered as she relaxed herself and finally allowed sleep to overcome her.

_See and there was this woman_

_And there was this man_

_There was this moment they had a chance_

_To hold onto what they had_

_How could they be so in love_

_And still never see?_

_Yeah, we can get it back again_

_This woman, this woman and this man_

_Yeah, we can get it back again_

_This woman, this woman and this man_

TBC...

A/N: Alright, so I'll bet everyone feels a bit better, huh? Good... Now that we've given ya'll warm fuzzies, how 'bout clicking on that bluish purplish button and spreading the love? C'mon, you know you wanna...


	12. Scrabble And Playpens

Whew, after a night of premieres, here's the next chapter of How Could This Happen To Me? In this chapter, we get a little more MikeKiska bonding, some BobbyCarolyn bonding, and of course, plenty of BAness. Oh, and there's some smut thrown in here for good measure! So enjoy this chapter, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not ours!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Carolyn shut the door quietly behind her, and she carried Kiska's car seat through the hall as she walked to the elevator. Several minutes later, she was outside, and she walked to her car and opened the door, placing Kiska's car seat in the backseat. "There you go, sweetheart," she cooed as she fastened the seatbelt, securing the car seat.

"Hey, baby. Going my way?"

She started a little at his voice, then turned around and smiled at him. "Get in the car, Logan," she laughed, shutting the door and opening the driver's side door.

He slid into the passenger seat and asked, "Was he still being an idiot when you were there?"

"No, not that I saw," she answered, starting the car. "Why?"

"No reason. I got tired of listening to the sound of my voice bouncing off his thick skull."

She didn't say anything else until they reached the motel. Pulling into the parking lot, she turned the car off and climbed out of the car.

He watched her gather the baby from the back seat and head for the room. Following her, he said, "I wish I was half as comfortable with her as he is."

"Why?" she asked, placing the car seat carefully on the floor before returning to the car.

"Where are you going?"

She motioned to the car. "The stuff I bought today won't bring itself in."

"Want a hand?"

"Sure," she answered casually, and she walked back to the car and popped the trunk.

He stared for a moment at the contents of the trunk. "I thought you were just going to get necessities."

She tossed him a look. "These are the necessities, hon," she stated, grabbing several bags.

"Geez...I don't have this much stuff in my entire apartment." He grabbed more bags and remarked, "How does one little person need so much stuff?"

She smiled and walked back to their hotel room. "That's what I thought, too." Laying the bags on the bed, Carolyn glanced at her daughter, then returned to the car for more bags.

Mike studied the remaining contents of the trunk. "Boxes? What could she possibly need that comes in boxes?" he muttered to himself as he pulled the biggest box from its place in the trunk. "A play yard..." He carried it to the room. "Isn't she a little young yet to play?"

She stared at him. "Absolutely not, Mike," she said, dumping the contents of the bags on the bed.

He stared at the assortment of things that scattered across the bed. "I think I owe Bobby an apology," he muttered as he headed back to the car for the last box.

She followed him back to the car. "Why?" she asked softly. "What did you do now?"

"Having a baby is a helluva lot more involved than I ever imagined. I mean, I don't guess it's the bags and boxes he's afraid of, but all of it is...intimidating."

She closed the trunk and they walked back to the room. "Yeah, it definitely is," she agreed, shutting the door behind them.  
"I guess I kind of belittled how he was feeling, and that's not fair."

She looked at him. "You've both been under a lot of stress," she said softly. She sighed and sat down heavily on the bed. "And I still have to talk to him about all of this." She looked up at him, and a gleam appeared in her eye.

He looked suspicious at the sudden gleam in her eye. "What?"

She stood up again and walked over to him, closing the distance between them with a soft sigh. Wrapping her arm around his neck, she pulled him down for a long, slow kiss.

This woman made his head spin. "Whoa..." he murmured against her lips. "What'd I do to deserve that?"

She smirked and pressed herself against him. "Why don't you watch Kiska while I go talk to Bobby..." She kissed him again, this time harder. "And when I get back, you and I can play..."

"I...uh, aww...that's not fair..."

She laughed softly, running her hand through his thick hair. "Maybe not..."

"I had a hard time when you were in the shower..."

"All you need to do is set up the play gym or swing, and she'll be fine," she murmured, kissing his jaw softly.

He closed his eyes and groaned. His eyes narrowed. "If she starts screaming, I'm bringing her up to you."

"Deal." She leaned in for another kiss, then picked her cell phone up and tucked it into her pocket.

"Hurry up, dammit."

"All right," she muttered playfully. Leaning down in front of Kiska's car seat, she kissed her forehead and said, "Make sure he stays out of trouble, baby girl." Then she walked back over to Mike and hugged him tightly. "Love you."

"Yeah, yeah...I love you, too...and I hope I can still say that when you get back."

She laughed and kissed him briefly, then walked out of the motel room.

As she walked out to her car, she considered turning back, but she shook the feeling off and climbed into the car. She needed to do this, and it would only make things worse if she put it off.

Mike sighed heavily and looked at the baby, who was watching him with wide eyes from her car seat. "You and your mother put more faith in me than I do, you know that?"

She smiled at him and kicked her feet. He shook a finger at her. "Don't you go there. It's stuff like that that gets me into trouble to start with."

He shuffled through the items on the bed until he found a baby-sized quilt. "You can't be comfortable in that chair."

Spreading the quilt on the floor between the bed and the window, he carefully lifted her from her seat and set her on the floor. "There. And you're not screaming so I guess I didn't break you. You just stay there and I'll get one of these contraptions together for you to play with." He studied a colorful box. "Play gym...we'll start with this one...how's that sound, Kitkat?"

Another smile accompanied by a full body wiggle and kick. "All right, then..." He opened the box.

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Carolyn took a steadying breath before walking into Bobby's hospital room, and she smiled at the sight in front of her. Bobby seemed to be sleeping peacefully, cradled in Alex's arms, and she shut the door and settled herself in a chair.

Alex awoke with a start at the sound of someone walking into the room, and she unconsciously tightened her grip on her sleeping partner. Blinking rapidly, she looked around the room until her eyes settled on Carolyn. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked softly.

Carolyn leaned forward and said, "I needed to talk to Bobby, but he's sleeping." She tilted her head and looked at the blonde woman. "Why don't you go get something to eat and stretch your legs, and I'll watch him," she suggested.

Alex looked down at her sleeping partner, and she bit her lip. "Okay," she finally agreed reluctantly, carefully easing herself out from under Bobby's sleeping form. She stretched, then kissed his forehead. "I'll be back in a little while," she said quietly, and Carolyn reached out and gently touched her back.

"He'll be fine," Carolyn assured her. "I'll watch him, and if he wakes up, I'll find you, okay?"

"Okay." Alex picked up her purse and walked out of the room, turning to look at her partner one more time before she disappeared.

The door shut, and Carolyn looked at Bobby. "She really loves you," she said quietly. She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs.

The quiet voices and sudden absence of the warm body beneath him roused Bobby from his sleep. Opening his eyes and looking around the room, he muttered, "Alex?"

"Sorry, hon. You're going to have to settle for me," she joked quietly.

Looking around the room, he fought down a mild panic. "Where is she?"

"I sent her out for a while. She needed a break," she explained gently.

She needed a break...he understood that... "Is she coming back?"

Her brow furrowed. "Of course she's coming back, Bobby. Why would you think she wouldn't?" she asked curiously.

"You don't have to put up with me, Carolyn, or you wouldn't ask that question." He looked around the room again. "Where's the baby?"

"She's at the hotel with Mike."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? He stayed with her? Alone?"

She laughed lightly. "It required a little bribery, but yes, he's there alone with her."

"Food?"

"Not quite..."

"Sex?"

She laughed outright at his bluntness, ducking her head to cover her blush.

"Never mind." he said with a small, shy smile. He had his answer. "I hope he survives."

"You and me both. But I think he'll be okay."

"I guess. Kiska will take care of him."

"That's what I said."

His smile faded quickly. "So why are you here, Carolyn? Did Alex need to get away so badly you had to leave the baby with Mike?"

Her laughter was gone, and she tilted her head slightly. "No, I came here on my own. She looked like she might have needed a break, and she probably hasn't eaten in a while. So I told her to go, and I promised I'd watch you."

"So Mike's not the only one who needs a babysitter..."

"No, that's not it, either. I told her to leave because I wanted to talk to you, not just to give her a break. So you can stop, okay?" She kept her voice gentle, but anger simmered in her stomach.

"Carolyn...look, I'm sorry...but everything has been in such turmoil, especially inside my head...I..." He swallowed. "My mother died...and the next thing I know, I'm in the hospital, her funeral's over and I missed it, you show up out of the blue with a baby that might be mine after I have to tell Alex I'm not willing to have children...God...I...I don't know what the hell to do anymore."

She stared at him for a moment. "That's... actually what I came to talk to you about..." She rested her chin in her hand. "We just can't seem to stay out of trouble, can we?"

He ran a hand over his hair and groaned softly. "What isn't wrong? Sh-she wants a baby, Carolyn. She always has. Th-that's fine. I understand it. But it's my baby she wants, an-and she doesn't understand my reluctance to father a baby."

She nodded. "I can understand both positions. You are afraid because of your genetics, and she wants your children because she's in love with you and she's always wanted kids."

That was about a succinct as it got, and he nodded. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her...but...I don't want her to resent me later down the line...and she will. Someday, she will."

"You can't be sure of that. You tend to look for the cloud with every silver lining... You've always done that. Have you thought about this from her point of view?"

"Yes. And that's why I'm so damn miserable."

She chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully. "I don't really know what to tell you, Bobby. All I can say is that I know you two will find a way to figure things out, somehow, because you two love each other so much."

"So much it hurts..." he groaned.

"I know. It's not hard to see."

He had never been good at hiding his pain. "I-if I give in on this...and...and it turns out to be a big mistake...how can I forgive myself? How can she forgive me?"

"You will, and she will." She paused for a moment. "I know that we didn't work out, but the two of you... you two have the real thing. If you can't make your relationship work... no one can, Bobby."

He looked up toward the ceiling. He wasn't sure what it was about this woman, but he had always felt able to talk to her. And that had helped him to open up more to his partner. Carolyn had weakened his defenses and allowed Alex to find her way in. "What do you think? Honestly?"

"About what?"

He turned sad eyes toward her. "You know genetics. If Kiska is mine, how worried will you be...about her future?"

She smiled warmly at him. "I worry about her every minute of every day. And I'm going to for the rest of my life, no matter who her father is."

"Don't skirt the issue. I don't want a song and dance. You know what I mean, and I want an honest answer."

"I am being honest, Bobby. Do I worry about her developing schizophrenia? Yes. But I also worry about her being autistic, about her having learning disabilities, and I worry every time she coughs."

He shifted with a soft groan and paused to wait for the pin to subside. "Every parent worries. Will you worry more if she's mine?"

"No, I won't worry more. I really don't think it's possible..."

"I'm not comfortable giving Alex more to worry about."

"She'll worry either way. And you worry about her too, right?"

"All the time."

"See? Nothing's going to stop that."

"If we...if we had made it...how comfortable would you have been with me fathering your children?"

"I would have been completely comfortable, just like I am now if Kiska is yours."

He looked surprised. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course. Why else would I say it?"

"You and Alex both say things to make us feel better. Don't think I don't see that."

"Bobby, this is my child, and possibly ours. I'm not going to lie to you when it comes to her."

He sighed. "She's healthy?"

"Yes."

"Developing normally?"

"Yes. If you want..." She stared down at her hands. "If you want them, I have pictures and tapes."

His face softened. "I-I'd like that."

Her smile returned, and she reached into her purse and handed him a sonogram. "She was my first, so I went a little overboard," she joked.

He smiled and looked at the black and white picture. He could make out her face, and he sighed. "I...I wish you had...stayed..."

Here it comes... "I... I know. You and Mike both. And I'm sorry I didn't."

He handed the picture back and said, "Would you give me an honest answer to a question? No sugarcoating. Just an honest answer."

"Okay."

"Why did you leave?"

"I left because... because I was stupid enough to think that you and Mike... wouldn't understand. I thought that if I could get far enough away... I could forget." She shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "I didn't know... about Kiska. And I can't say that if I had, I would've stayed."

He raised an eyebrow. "You thought I wouldn't understand... about rape? How could you think I would blame you? And how was staying away...fair...to anyone? How did it change things, or make things better?"

"I didn't say that it was fair, or that I was thinking rationally. I was in pain, and I withdrew. I'm sorry, but I can't change what I did."

"I know...and I understand pain and withdrawal better than anyone..."

"I know you do. Look, Bobby, you have to believe me. If I had known there was a possibility that she was yours, or Mike's, I would have come back sooner. But I was so sure..."

"I know...You were fixated on that dark cloud behind the silver lining, huh?"

"Yeah... I guess I was. I'm sorry."

"Sometimes that cloud is all I see as well."

"You know, I really should be thanking you."

He was puzzled. "For what?"

"I was convinced that she was his. The timing, her birth... But you made me realize... I love my daughter, Bobby. Don't ever doubt that. But if there's a chance that you or Mike are the father... Well... do you understand?"

He nodded. "I do." He tipped his head to the side. "Can I impose on you for another honest answer?"

"You know you can."

"You want Mike to be her father."

She sucked in a sharp breath. "Bobby... I... I love Mike." She rested her head in her hand. "You want an honest answer, and you deserve one. It's the least I can do. I do want him to be her father. But that doesn't mean I'm going to resent you if it turns out to be you."

"I...I hope it's Mike, too," he muttered.

"Bobby, you are going to be an amazing father, whether to Kiska, or to yours and Alex's kids. Please, don't be mad."

"I'm not, Carolyn. And my reasons for not wanting to be her father are not what you think."

"I thought we already covered this..."

He sighed. "If she's my daughter, what will that do to Alex?"

She pulled back in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"She wants children...my children. And I have told her no. Now...I might have a child...with someone else. Whether it was by consent or by accident, I would have, with someone else, something she wants so badly. How can she not resent that? How can she not be hurt by it?" He turned onto his side to face her, groaning deeply at the pain that flared more intensely with every movement, every breath...pain that took longer to subside each time. He met her eyes when he opened his again. "Please don't misunderstand. She's beautiful because she's yours. I...I can't help...falling in love with her...because she's yours...not because she might be mine. You are beautiful and smart, and you've always treated me with affection and respect. But if I father any children...I...I want them to be Alex's...no one else's."

She let out a soft breath. "Well... at least I don't have to worry about feeling guilty for wanting Mike to be Kiska's father." She glanced briefly at him, seeking permission, then stood up and sat on the edge of his bed. "Thanks for being honest with me."

He rolled onto his back, closing his eyes tightly at the searing pain across his rib cage. Then he reached toward her and touched her cheek. "I've never lied to you," he said softly.

She shivered at the familiar touch. "So, how are you feeling? Are you letting Alex in?"

"I-I'm trying. It's not easy. And I feel...really bad..."

"I know you do. Maybe you should try telling Alex. I know she won't run," she murmured, gently patting his hand.

He ran his thumb gently along her jaw. "I want to make her happy, but that will never fully happen unless I give in and let her have the baby she wants."

"I can't say that I know if it will or won't happen, Bobby. I don't know. All I know is that she loves you, and she will either way." She eased her arm around him and hugged him briefly.

He closed his eyes as her body came into contact with his. He brushed his lips lightly across her temple. "I know what I'm talking about. It might not happen for ten or twenty years, if I live that long, but it will happen, eventually."

She tightened her arm around him. "Bobby, I had to watch her fall apart because she thought she was going to lose you. Trust me, I don't think she could ever resent you for that. For pushing her away, yes. But not for that."

The scent of her hair brought back a sudden flood of strong memories and he rested the side of his head against hers. "Well, if I give in to her and let her have her way, then we'll never have to find out, will we?"

She smiled at his reasoning. "I don't think you'll ever have to find out, either way."

"I don't think that's a chance I'm willing to take."

She shook her head, then slowly pulled out of his embrace.

"You think I'm being stupid, don't you?"

"No. I think you're in love," she smiled, affectionately ruffling his hair.

He shook his head. "They don't have a shot for that, do they?" he asked with a teasing smile.

She pretended to think about that. "Damn, I don't think they do," she sighed in fake exasperation.

He laughed, then caught his breath when a band of pain constricted his chest.

Her laughter faded instantly, and she leaned forward and gently grasped his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

He waited for the pain to fade, but it was taking its time. He wasn't getting over this as quickly as he wanted to, but he didn't want her to know how bad it really was. Mike felt bad enough about what had happened, even though he shouldered most of the blame for it. He just nodded in answer to her question.

She moved a little closer to him and gently laid her hand on his back, moving it in slow circles. "Just relax," she murmured.

Her gentle touch helped and gradually the pain eased and his breathing came easier. "Sorry," he murmured as he sat back.

"Don't apologize," she scolded him gently.

"I should be getting better, not worse," he complained before he realized what he was saying.

She frowned. "I know you, Bobby. You won't let them give you pain medications, right?" she demanded.

"I hate what they do to my head," he grumbled.

"And when your body can't relax enough to heal?"

He waved a hand impatiently. "I'll be fine," he muttered.

"Bobby..."

"Please...I'm sorry. I get impatient. I just want to get the hell out of here and back to work."

"You need to take it slow, Bobby. Your body has been to hell and back these last two weeks."

"And what about my mind...?"

She covered his hand with hers. "I'm sure. But you should try and take it easy for a while, give your body a chance to catch up." A smile crept across her face, and she squeezed his hand. "Just sit back and let Alex take care of you. I know she would love to."

A half smile touched his mouth. "I was seven years old the last time someone took care of me, Carolyn."

"Well, then you're long overdue. You take care of everyone else, now it's your turn to be taken care of."

"I'm not sure I know how to let someone do that."

She shook her head. "Just sit back and relax. You're probably going to be here for a while, and knowing Alex, she's not going anywhere. So let her help you."

His shoulders slumped and he gave in. "I'm too tired and in too much pain to fight it," he finally murmured.

"Good," a voice called from the door, and Carolyn watched Alex walk up to the bed and touch her partner's cheek.

He closed his eyes and leaned into her palm.

She sat down on his other side, her arms automatically wrapping around his waist. "He thought you weren't coming back," Carolyn mouthed to Alex, and the blonde woman's eyes closed as she rested her chin on the top of his head.

He slid his arms around her and drew her close, resting his head against her chest and letting a soft groan escape from his throat. He didn't want to let her go.

Carolyn slid off of the bed, and Alex murmured, "Okay, just hold on." Then she carefully leaned back against the pillows and laid on her side, running her hand through his hair.

He didn't say a word, but remained close to her, holding on as he would to a lifeline. It was a painful realization for him to make, but he was beginning to realize how vacant and meaningless his life would be without her.

Propping herself up on her elbow, Alex reached down and grabbed the blanket off of the edge of the bed, then pulled it over Bobby. Then she draped one arm protectively over him, kissing his temple.

His breathing had not eased and he had not fully relaxed; the pain would not let him. When she moved to grab the blanket, he tightened his embrace. He still had not said a word.

His entire body was still tensed against hers, and she moved closer to him, then began slowly stroking the back of his neck. "Relax, baby," she whispered. "If you don't, I swear I'll sing."

He groaned again, moving his head until his mouth found the curve of her neck where it met her shoulder. He set a series of light kisses and gentle nips against her soft skin.

She raised her head up, then gently poked him. "Baby... what did I say about traumatizing the poor nurses?"

He ignored her, continuing to move his mouth against her neck to the sensitive spot behind her ear. Now his hands were gently stroking and caressing her skin. He was desperate to show her just how much he had not meant all the trouble he had given her, and he really didn't give a damn who was around.

Carolyn saw what was happening, and she shook her head and rolled her eyes. Careful not to disturb them, she picked up her purse and headed out of the room.

"Carolyn," he called softly, taking a moment to look over Alex's shoulder at her. "Thank you."

She paused mid step and turned around, smiling as she said, "You're welcome, Bobby. Just keep what I said in mind, all right?"

He nodded and buried his face once more in Alex's hair, nipping her ear with another soft groan.

Alex heard the door open and shut, but her mind was distracted. "Bobby... come on. You know we can't..." she groaned, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck.

He silenced her with a firm kiss, pressing his body against her and gently probing her mouth with his tongue. His fingers strayed under her shirt.

She gently swatted his hand away from her stomach, then carefully wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms between them. "Bobby, I love you, but we can't do this here," she said firmly. "Your body is still healing, and the last thing you need is another reason for them to keep you here longer."

He knew she was right, but he was having a hard time settling his body and his mind. His breathing was ragged, but he pulled back and looked into her face. "I-I have b-been so unfair...to you..." He kissed her again. "I'm done, Alex. I...I'll give you any-anything you want." Sliding his arm loose from where she had it pinned, he wove his fingers into her hair. "If you...if you want a baby...you'll have...a baby..." He kissed her again.

She pulled away and studied his features. "Bobby, are you sure?" she whispered, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Absolutely. I...I can't risk losing you."

She snuggled into his arms and rested her head against his chest. "Thank you," she choked out, swallowing thickly.

"D-don't thank me." He pulled back and angled his head down toward her. He caught her mouth again, and for the first time he could remember, he felt really good about a decision. This one, in spite of his initial reservations, was right.

She sank into his kiss, her heart beating wildly as she gently closed her hand over his arm.

With great reluctance, he pulled back and ran a finger lightly down the side of her face, from her temple to her chin. "Do you feel right about this?" he wondered.

Her eyes watered, and she nodded. "Besides loving you, I've never felt something so right."

"What do you think our chances are for having a healthy baby?"

"I... I can't answer that. But I'll make an appointment..." She kissed him softly. "We'll find out... together..."

"Can you...forgive me...for all the pain...?"

"Baby, what did I tell you last night? There's nothing to forgive," she murmured.

"I hurt you..."

She silenced him with another kiss. "Already forgotten..."

A knock sounded on the door and it began sliding open. Bobby's doctor poked his head into the room. "Good afternoon, folks."

Alex jumped slightly, then sat up in the bed, but kept her hand on his chest. "Hi," she said brightly, unable to keep the grin off her face.

"How's everything this afternoon?"

Bobby groaned. "Do you want the truth or a clever lie?"

"Bobby..."

"I want to get out of here and go home, and that's the truth."

The doctor approached the bed. "Then cooperate with the nurses."

"I do."

"That's not the report I have gotten."

He looked at Alex. "What do you think, Alex?"

She raised her hands and leaned back against the pillows. "He never listens to me. But that's been going on for years..."

He looked at Bobby. "I don't prescribe medicine because I have nothing to do. You need to take the pain medicine so your body can relax and heal."

"I don't like what it does and I'm not going to take it," Bobby snapped back stubbornly.

"Then you're just going to delay your recovery, or force me to take stricter measures for your compliance. The choice is yours."

When Bobby didn't answer the doctor nodded. "Okay, then." He walked around the bed and pulled a syringe from his pocket, injecting the contents into a port in the IV.

Anger flared in Bobby's eyes. "What the hell was that?"

"Just relax. As your doctor I am going to do whatever I need to do to get you well and send you home."

Alex moved closer against his side and slid her arm around his waist.

The room began to swim and his head started spinning. He fought hard against the effects of the medicine.

She felt him fighting, and she gently pulled him down into her embrace, then laid back against the pillows, pulling him along with her. "Sleep," she said gently, stroking his head where it rested in the crook of her neck. "Just sleep."

He fought for as long as he could, but the sedative was overpowering and soon his body relaxed against hers. The doctor reached over and took his pulse. Gently, he raised Bobby's shirt to examine the skin over his injured ribs. "The bruising is extensive. Has he been resting?"

"No," she answered quietly. "And as you saw, he refuses to take pain killers. He's too damn stubborn for his own good."

"As his medical proxy, you can now override his refusal."

"For pain medications?" She thought for a moment, realizing that her concern for him was more powerful than his anger could be. "He needs them. He's constantly hurting..."

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes."

He nodded. "Good decision. The more he rests, the faster he will heal. The nurses like him, but they are frustrated that he can be so difficult about his treatment. I just gave him a potent sedative. He'll sleep through the night. Get some rest yourself, Alex. You look like you can use it."

She smiled at him. "I'll sleep better knowing that he's not in pain," she answered honestly.

The doctor smiled. "So will I."

She gently adjusted her sleeping partner in her arms, then draped her arm over him. "Thank you," she said quietly to the doctor. Then she brushed her lips against Bobby's temple and whispered, "I love you."

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Mike had put his attention into putting together the play gym and baby swing. Then he opened the box with the travel crib in it. "Crib, playpen, changing table..." He turned the box around. "Hmph...you'd think it would actually change the diapers, too."

It took longer than he expected to get the thing together. "Why can't they put these instructions in words instead of lousy pictures?" he grumbled.

"All this stuff for such a little person...what are you gonna do with all this stuff, Kitkat?" He leaned over to look at the baby on the floor. She wasn't there. "Kitkat?"

Dropping the unassembled playpen on the floor, he scrambled around to the empty quilt. "Kitkat? Where'd you go? Oh, lord...I lost the baby...your mother is going to kill me..."

He heard a noise and looked around the room. "You're not old enough to make me panic yet...come on, where are you?"

Stopping, he took a deep breath. "Okay, Mike, calm down. She has to be here somewhere. She's not walking yet. Now where could she have gone?"

Dropping to the floor he looked under the bed. The baby looked back at him and he closed his eyes in relief. Reaching under the bed he pulled her out. "Don't scare me like that!"

She giggled and he stopped. "Great...now you're laughing at me. Mommy will be thrilled to hear that you're a typical woman."

He picked her up and kissed her cheek. Gently setting her in the swing, he fastened the buckle around her waist and turned it on. It began to swing back and forth. "There. Now I can keep an eye on you."

He returned to the task of assembling the playpen/crib/changing table/should be changing the baby for you thing...

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The sun had long since disappeared when Carolyn pulled into the parking lot of the motel, and her hands trembled slightly from excitement as she climbed out of the car, shut the door, and walked to their room. Sliding the key into the lock, she announced, "Honeys, I'm home."

Mike looked up from where he was on the bed, watching the news. The baby was laying beside him on the bed, sleeping. "It's about time. Where'd you go? Canada?"

She smiled and carefully sat on the bed beside him, and she said, "Nope. Bobby and I worked some things out." She noticed her sleeping daughter on his other side, and she smiled. "Did she wear you out?" she asked, brushing her fingertips along his side.

"No, but she scared the shit out of me."

"How did she do that?"

"She disappeared on me."

Her fingers paused. "How did she?..."

"I have no idea. One minute she was on the floor on the quilt over there and the next minute she was gone."

"Where did you find her?"

"Under the bed." He looked down at the baby. "Little wiggleworm. But she's just like her mother. I pulled her out from under the bed and she laughed at me."

Carolyn's jaw dropped, and her eyes widened.

He got worried at her reaction. "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, no," she said quickly, pressing her hand to her mouth. "I just... I missed her laugh for the first time..." She looked at him. "How did you make her laugh?"

"I pulled her out from under the bed and told her not to scare me. Then she laughed at me...just like you do."

She laughed softly. "God..." She looked around the room, and her gaze came back to settle on him again. "Did you have fun?"

"Sure. I love assembling furniture with instructions that resemble road maps of China."

She laughed again and stretched out beside him, running the fingers of her injured arm along his stomach. "I'll bet you had a pretty good time," she whispered into his ear.

"It was all right. She's not a bad little mite."

She smiled and gently pulled him onto his back, then settled her head on his shoulder.

He kissed her head. "At least she doesn't hate me. How's the big guy doing?"

"He seems to be doing better. We had a good talk and got a lot of things off of our chests."

"Like what?"

She turned into his side and nuzzled her face into his chest. "He was worried that if he didn't give Alex a baby, she'd eventually leave him."

"I told you he's an idiot."

"I didn't think so. But I think he feels better about that. He's going to give her one."

"Really? How'd you manage that?"

"We just talked. He was holding a lot of things in that he didn't want to worry Alex with."

"So he's gonna quit being an ass now?"

She nestled closer to him. "I honestly think so," she said softly.

"Good. I still feel bad about pounding him."

"I know you do. Just like I still feel bad for leaving without a word." She pushed herself up and laid down on his chest, resting her chin on her right hand. "I am sorry about that, Mike. I really am."

"Yeah. I know you are."

"Really?"

"Really. Everybody makes mistakes. I should know. I've got more than my fair share under my belt. You can't undo what's done. So forget it. It's over."

She laid her cheek on his chest and stared absently at the T.V.

He settled his arm around her and watched the news. Maybe this time he really had said the right thing...

When his arm went around her, she relaxed completely against him. Her left hand drifted down, and she gently stroked her daughter's tiny back.

Kiska stirred and stretched under Carolyn's hand, and Carolyn smiled and gently pushed herself off Mike. "Hi, cutie," she murmured when a pair of dark brown eyes looked up at her.

She reached down and picked her up carefully, her movements now freed by the lack of her sling. "Did you have a good time?" she cooed, tickling Kiska's tummy.

Mike watched her with the baby, and when she looked at him, he said, "Hey, you little escape artist."

The baby's face broke into a bright smile and she cooed at him. He cooed back and she giggled again.

"Oh my God!" Carolyn laughed, a tear falling down her cheek. "That's... that's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard."

"She's cute."

Carolyn wiped her tears away and laughed again. "You must be really funny to her," she joked.

"She's the newest member of a very big club."

She smiled and leaned over, brushing her lips softly against his. "Thanks, Mike."

"For what? I didn't do anything, Carolyn."

She gently laid Kiska in Mike's arms, then kissed him slowly. "You sell yourself short, baby," she murmured, gently smoothing his hair back.

"So I'm told."

"Well, I love you." She looked down at her daughter, then back into his green eyes. "And she seems to like you."

"So it seems. Well, at least that won't be an issue for her no matter which of us is her dad. She likes us both."

"She does," she said quietly.

"So do you. Like mother, like daughter."

"Yeah..."

She realized that Kiska had dozed off in his arms, and she gently picked her up and pushed herself off of the bed, crossing the floor to the playpen Mike had set up. Carefully, she laid her little daughter in the playpen, then stepped back until the back of her legs met the foot of the bed.

He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, kissing her. "While the Kat's asleep, the rats can play..."

She smacked his chest playfully, then fell back against his chest, craning her neck until their eyes met. "Hi."

"Hi. Fancy meeting you here."

She laughed and fingered his shirt, glaring at the material. "I hate this shirt, you know," she said in a mock stern voice.

"Kitkat never complained about it."

"Wise guy, that is not why I hate this shirt."

"Oh?"

With surprising agility, she pushed herself up and pulled his shirt off of him, grinning cockily. "Much better."

With a laugh, he pulled her into his arms. "Now you're talking, sweetheart..."

She nestled herself in his arms, sighing contently as she rested her head against his bare chest. "You're very comfortable," she joked, gently poking his stomach.

"Ah, now I'm being compared to old furniture..."

"Hmm... if you were old furniture, it might be hard to do this." She braced her hand against his chest and, using the element of surprise, pushed him back against the pillows.

''True," he murmured. "That might break the furniture..."

She laughed and straddled his waist, her heart suddenly racing.

Eyes bright, he tickled her waist.

Caught off guard, she laughed and tumbled sideways.

He followed her, pinning her down. "I like the upper hand," he murmured, kissing her.

She growled playfully and wiggled out from under him. "That only counts in the interrogation room," she teased, shaking her finger at him.

"Not if I catch you," he growled back.

She scooted backwards, laughing as he inched towards her.

Without any warning, he dove at her.

In her effort to escape him, she fell off the side of the bed, shrieking as she hit the floor.

Laughing, he followed her to the floor, pinning her again and kissing her deeply. "Shh...the Kat's asleep."

She returned the kiss, then scrambled onto the bed, using a trick that always made Kiska smile. "You can't see me!" she said quietly, waving her hand in front of her face and giggling.

He laughed. "Let me take a shot in the dark then," he scrambled after her with a huge grin.

She laughed and allowed him to pin her against the pillows, her laughter slowly fading.

His laughter faded with hers and he kissed her deeply, deftly unbuttoning her shirt as he did.

She shivered slightly when he pushed her shirt away, revealing her skin to the cool air. With a shaking hand, she gently pulled his head down for a searing kiss.

He groaned and pressed his body against hers. Sliding her shirt from her shoulders, he caressed her skin and fondled her breasts as he continued the kiss.

She deepened the kiss as she carefully toed her shoes off, the sneakers landing on the carpeted floor with a thud. Then she pulled her hand away and threw her shirt onto the floor. "Pants. Off. Now," she growled, tugging impatiently at the zipper with her good hand.

He was happy to comply with her desperate request. Once his pants were on the floor he proceeded to finish disrobing her. Then he proceeded slowly.

She eased her legs around his waist and gently urged him on, her back arching slightly to press her body against his. "Wow," she whispered breathlessly.

He eased himself inside her and began a slow rhythm which steadily accelerated as she bucked beneath him. It didn't take long for him to finish with a shudder and a deep groan. "Oh, baby..."

She broke a second later, and when he tried to lift himself off of her, she wrapped her arm around him to hold him in place. "Stay," she whispered pleadingly, her fingers lightly tracing patterns on his back.

With another soft groan, he complied, burying his face in her hair and holding the bulk of his weight off her with his arms.

After a few minutes, she rolled onto her side and tucked her arm under her head, smiling as his arm went around her waist. "You are amazing..."

Easing himself down beside her, he muttered, "Yeah, I know..." and he drifted off to sleep.

She smiled and sat up, reaching for the blankets that had been pushed down to the foot of the bed. Then she pulled them over their entangled limbs and snuggled back down into Mike's warm and safe embrace. "Love you," she whispered as she tumbled into sleep with him.

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The sun was shining brightly into the hospital room when Alex opened her eyes. As she wiped the sleep away, she smiled when she realized that he had slept through the night, with the help of the sedatives. She carefully freed her arm and ran it through her hair, flinching at the oily feel of it. Oh yeah, a shower was at the top of the to do list. But it felt good to be able to worry about those things again. She looked down at her still sleeping partner, and a smile crept across her face.

Her body drew away from his, and he struggled to free himself from the lingering effect of the sedative, unaware that a recent dose of painkiller was riding on the tail of the sedatives. "A-Alex?" he murmured sleepily.

"Hi there, baby," she murmured, drawing him against her gently.

"God, I feel weird."

She paused, then began stroking his shoulder gently. "Well, what do you expect?" she attempted to joke. "You aren't Superman... unless there's something you haven't been telling me..."

Ignoring her humor, he muttered, "What did they do to me?"

Sighing deeply, she said, "They gave you something to help you sleep, baby."

"That was last night...I still feel weird. Was I really that bad?"

"Bobby, you haven't slept through the night since you were moved into this room."

He snorted. "What makes you think I ever sleep through the night?"

"I know you don't, but on normal nights, your body isn't trying to recover from you wrecking a car."

"Well...I don't do things half-assed. But...my head is all muddled. I-It's almost like...that damn medicine..."

Guilt prickled at her, and she draped her arm over him and laid her head on the pillows again.

He looked at her. "What now? Why are you upset?"

"No," she said quickly, pasting a smile on her lips. "Not upset." _Guilty, but not upset,_ she added in her mind.

"Don't," he murmured, fingers caressing her cheek. "You can't hide from me, Alex. Something's bothering you. What is it?"

Damn it... He was always able to read her. It was like she was an open book around him. She let out a deep breath, then said, "I let them give you pain medications."

He froze and his hand fell away. "You did what?"

"Bobby, please... Your doctor said that you weren't going to get any better if you wouldn't relax enough to let your body heal." She reached out and touched his cheek. "I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm tired of seeing you in pain like that, baby."

He did not withdraw from her touch, and he made the effort to take stock of his pain. It was manageable. He hated the way his mind felt, but he could not fault her for caring. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back into the pillows with a soft groan. Softly he muttered, "Was I not clear about how I felt?"

"You were, but I took a page out of your book and ignored it," she said bluntly, moving her head closer to his.

He snorted, his irritation gone as quickly as it had appeared. "I taught you well."

"Yes, you did," she confirmed, propping her head up with her hand.

He shifted his position and turned toward her, meeting her eyes. "Well, don't get mad if I sleep half the day away."

"Sleep as long as you want," she murmured, massaging his shoulder gently. A glint appeared in her eye, and she teased, "That way I don't have to lose at Scrabble fifteen times."

He leaned closer, teasing her lips with his. "Twelve times, then," he murmured.

"No, not happening," she said, shaking her head. "We can watch a movie or play another game, but no more Scrabble."

He kissed her again. "Three games."

"Not... happening." She groaned and kissed him deeply, forgetting their surroundings for a moment.

He slid his hand under her shirt, caressing her skin. "C'mon," he muttered with a soft groan. "Please..."

She shifted and rested her hand on his other side, pushing herself up so she was suspended over him. "No," she whispered against his lips.

He pushed his tongue past her lips, kissing her hungrily. His fingers skimmed the waistband of her pants. "Two," he managed.

She swatted halfheartedly at his wandering hand. "None."

He persisted, undeterred. "Just two...c'mon..."

His fingers skimmed her stomach, and her arms nearly gave out from under her. "Sorry, pal."

He strayed back to her waistband, determined to get his way with one thing or another. His tongue teased her mouth again.  
She shivered and broke the kiss, resting her forehead against his as she caught her breath. "Damn it, what are you doing to me?"

"Just playing. If you won't play Scrabble, you said we can play another game..."

She groaned and lowered herself down against him, careful not to put too much weight on his still healing body. "I didn't mean that," she said half heartedly.

"I do."

She glanced over at the machines beside them. "And how do you propose we explain your increased heart rate to the nurses who come running in?"

"You'll think of something."

She bowed her head and laid soft kisses along his neck, until she reached his jaw. "No, I won't," she pointed out. "You've already scrambled my brain by kissing me. I couldn't think of my name to save my life..."

He groaned at the line of kisses she laid along his skin, then replied, "Let me do some more scrambling..." He searched for her mouth.

She broke the kiss very reluctantly, then looked at him blankly as she said, "Damn it, Goren..."

He tried to look innocent. "What?"

She tried to glare at him. "Don't pull that innocent, who me? stuff. Doesn't work on me..."

He suppressed a grin. "Well, it's your choice, baby. We can keep going...or you can agree to playing three games of Scrabble with me..."

"Well?" he murmured, his voice husky in her ear.

She shuddered, then gently pushed his shoulder so he was lying completely on his back. "Fine, but only because I hate Scrabble," she teased, kissing him languidly.

He groaned and went to work on her shirt. It had been her insistence, after all, that he be given the medicine that held his pain at bay. His tongue curved slowly around hers.

She moaned into his mouth and slowly tugged at the blanket that covered the lower half of his body. After a moment, she abandoned the blanket and slowly reached under his shirt, her fingers playing with the soft hairs on his broad chest.

He had her shirt open and was fingering the waistband of her pants when the door opened and Mike wandered in. He stopped dead in his tracks. "Whoa! Floor show!"

The noise startled Alex so badly that she lost her balance and fell off of the bed, cursing as she hit the floor. "God damn it, Logan!" she snarled, carefully sitting upright.

"Uh, you may wanna button up there, sweetheart."

She grabbed the sides of her shirt and pulled them together, then stood up shakily, turning her back on them as she carefully rebuttoned her shirt.

Logan stepped up to the bed and nudged Bobby's leg. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I, uh, I wasn't...much...I was trying to convince her to play Scrabble..."

"What...is 'please' too conventional for you?"

"Tried that."

"So your alternative is to do her in a hospital bed?"

Bobby shrugged and looked at his partner. "Uh...is your answer still no?"

She glared at the both of them, crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you think?" Then she turned on Mike and shoved her finger in his direction. "And is knocking too damn conventional for you?"

"It's a friggin' hospital! I didn't think I'd walk in on anything x-rated coming into the room."

Suddenly the humor of the situation sank in, and she contained her laughter as she said, "And when have you ever known us to do anything according to regulations?"

"You definitely have a point there."

She reached over and smacked his arm, then sat down on the bed beside Bobby's legs.

Laying on his side, Bobby watched them through half-closed eyes. He gave his partner a sleepy smile, most of his energy spent.

She reached over and rubbed his side gently. "Hey, would it cheer you up if I went to your apartment and got some of your books... and those lovely Smithsonian magazines you love so much?" she suggested with a light laugh.

"Don't leave," he murmured. Then he trailed a finger over her ribs. "And it'd cheer me up if you'll play Scrabble..."

"Baby, I'm not playing Scrabble with you again," she murmured. She covered his hand with hers and kissed it lightly. "Wouldn't you like your slippers?" she teased.

He played with her lips. "I want you here," he answered. Then he frowned. "But if you want to leave..." he almost pouted, not sure what he felt beyond very tired.

She looked up at Mike and Carolyn, who had just entered the room, and a thoughtful smile appeared. "Alright, sweetheart," she soothed, gently pushing him back against the pillows. "I won't go anywhere."

Carolyn crossed the floor and stood beside his bed, already having made up her mind that she was going. "Is there anything in particular you want from your apartment, Bobby?" she asked warmly.

He smiled at her, teetering on the edge of sleep. "A beer would be nice," he answered as he finally gave in and closed his eyes.

Alex smiled and brushed her fingers against his cheek. "Any of his books, and his toothbrush. He's going to be wanting to get up and move around soon... Well, you know what he would need."

Mike grinned broadly. "Two beers, right?"

Carolyn nodded at her, and she looked thoughtful for a minute. "It's a long drive. Would you mind if I left Kiska with you?" Then she turned on Mike and smacked his chest. "Mike..."

"Ow...well, I could be crude and bring the box from the drawer in the nightstand next to his bed..."

Both Alex and Carolyn glared at him, and Carolyn smacked his shoulder twice. "Thank you, Carolyn," Alex said regally, and they both exploded into laughter.

Mike moved out of range and grinned even wider. "Okay...I'll grab those..."

"Michael Sean Logan!" Carolyn scolded him, shaking her finger at him.

He snorted, then said, "Right...my bad...can't get pregnant using those..." Preferring his body intact and undamaged, with a snort of laughter, he ran out the door.

"One of these days, I'm going to murder him. Want to be my accomplice?" Carolyn asked Alex with a serious face.

"Of course," Alex answered, standing up so she could cover Bobby with the blanket. Then she turned around again and said, "Thanks for doing this. I'd go, but as you can see..." She moved her arm in a sweeping motion towards her sleeping partner.

"It's not a problem," Carolyn assured her. "I'll bring her diaper bag by here in a little bit." They hugged for a moment, then Carolyn walked out of the room to deal with her partner.

Alex walked over to the car seat and crouched down in front of it. "Hey there, cutie," she cooed, playing with Kiska's tiny feet.

Carolyn shut the door behind her and walked into the hallway, glancing around but not seeing hide nor hair of Mike. "Mike?" she called softly.

He poked his head around the corner. "Where is she?"

She jumped a little at his sudden appearance, then said, "Kiska's staying with Bobby and Alex while I go get Bobby's things."

"I didn't really piss her off, did I?"

"No," she laughed, looping her arm through his. "But she is going to be my accomplice when I finally snap and shoot you."

"Oh...good...you'll have a cellmate then. Um, what would she do to me if I did what he asked?"

She looked at him. "What?"

"If I brought him a cold one."

"She'd bury you alive."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Can I take him out to get trashed after he gets out of here?"

"As long as I get to wake your drunk ass up in the morning," she said cheerfully.

"You ever seen him drunk?"

"Once. You're a more amusing drunk."

"Then he wasn't really smashed. God, it's a blast to mess with him."

"I'd think that Alex would have more experience in that department than me."

"Maybe. I don't think I've ever had a drinking buddy who cracks me up more. You get him in the right mood, he'd even make you laugh."

"You both make me laugh."

"Then you'll really have a good time going out with us. I'd bet money it'd take a fraction of what it usually does with those drugs pumping through his system..."

She shook her head and rested her hand against his side, untucking his shirt carefully as they walked. "So, Alex has Kiska... we're alone..." She trailed her fingers along his warm skin.

"Alone in a hospital corridor filled with people...uh, huh...he's the desperate, one baby doll."

She pulled away and gently pushed him. "For that, maybe I'll go by myself," she teased, scrunching her nose up at him.

"Fine...I'll go looking for that beer..."

She glared at him. "Do it, and they won't ever find your body," she purred in a threatening voice.

He snorted. "Then you'd better keep me where you can keep an eye on me."

"Fine," she said, reaching down to grasp his hand. "We need to go get the diaper bag and bring it to Alex, and it's off to Manhattan we go, baby."

"Sounds like a plan...though I liked plan A better."

She smirked and led him out of the hospital. Half an hour later, they were leaving the hospital again and en route to Manhattan. "You need to stop anywhere before we go? I'm not stopping ten times so you can have a potty break..."

"Hey...I may behave like a ten-year-old from time to time, but I can make it from here to Manhattan without having to tap a kidney. Can you?"

She guided the car out of the parking lot. "If I remember correctly, I lasted a lot longer than you on stakeouts."

"I have scenery now...and I didn't drink a gallon of coffee for breakfast."

"Scenery... hmm..." She reached over and turned the air conditioning on full blast.

"Okay, okay...I can take a hint, sometimes. I'll behave."

She smiled. "Good. Then I won't need to leave you in a cornfield somewhere."

"Baby, if you can find a cornfield between here and Manhattan, I'll stay."

"Well, if you just happen to doze off... I'm sure I can find somewhere."

"If I wake up in Nebraska, I might get a little ticked."

She laughed. "How about Alabama?"

"You're giving me a choice?"

She reached over and briefly squeezed his jean clad leg before returning her hand to the steering wheel.

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Several hours after Carolyn and Mike had dropped the baby off, Alex was sitting in the chair by Bobby's bed and cuddling Kiska in the crook of her arm. "Who's a cutie?" Alex cooed, tickling Kiska's belly. "You are!"

Kiska cooed and giggled at Alex, who smiled back at her. "Gorgeous baby." She looked over at Bobby's sleeping form, and a warmth spread through her entire body. They were going to have their own little baby... "You're going to have a little cousin in a year or two," she said softly to the giggling baby in her arms.

"You are so precious, sweetheart." Suddenly Kiska began to snuffle softly, and Alex reached into the diaper bag and retrieved a bottle. "I'll bet you're hungry, huh precious?" she asked, pressing the rubber nipple to Kiska's lips. She eagerly latched on and closed her eyes, and Alex smiled and leaned back in the chair.

As she watched the baby, she began to hum softly, tapping her foot against the floor.

"You know, nobody knows I sing," she whispered to Kiska. "I know you can keep a secret, right? Right."

_My wish for you is that this life becomes _

_All that you want it to _

_Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small _

_You never need to carry more than you can hold _

_And while you're out there getting where you're getting to _

_I hope you know somebody loves you _

_And wants the same things too _

_Yeah this is my wish_

She kept her voice low and soft, her foot tapping along with the beat of the song. "And no one knows that I like country music," she said as she finished. "So shh..."

Bobby stirred, still on his side, and opened his eyes. Irritated that he still felt groggy from the effects of the painkillers he presumed the nurses were giving him on a regular schedule, he felt his irritation fade at the soft, lilting sound of his partner's voice. He watched her with Kiska, imagining her rocking and singing to her own baby. It was an image that came easily to him. And the thought that her baby would also be his, instead of filling him with dread, lightened his heart. Amused at her comment to the baby, he murmured, "Busted."

She froze and looked at him guiltily. "Please tell me you didn't hear that..."

"Uh...okay..."

"Dang it..." She sighed and gently pulled the bottle out of the sleeping baby's mouth, then settled her onto her shoulder. "Okay, so you now know all of my secrets."

"All of them? Somehow I doubt that."

She smiled at him. "All right... did you know you're my best friend?"

He watched her with bright eyes and smiled. "I do now."

"There. That was the last one. Happy now?"

"Almost."

She stood up and laid Kiska in her car seat, then settled herself on the bed with him. "Almost?"

He nodded. "Almost."

She reached over and braced her arm on the opposite side of him, suspending herself over him. "Why almost?" she asked curiously.

"Because you need to turn a little stick blue...I want to see that look of total contentment and adoration on your face for a baby of your own."

She stared at him in amazement and awe. "You are absolutely amazing, Bobby," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him softly.

He gave himself over to the kiss with a soft groan. When she pulled back, he gave her a small smile. "Don't give me more credit that I'm due," he murmured. "I have ulterior motives. Don't think I don't."

"I'm sure you do. And unfortunately, we're in a hospital, with a three month old baby in the room. So you're out of luck, baby."

"Does that mean the Scrabble game is on?" he asked, hopeful.

She sighed in resignation, then climbed off of the bed and retrieved the game. "You're damn lucky that I love you, Goren," she muttered, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"I know. I love you, too, Eames," he responded sincerely, adjusting his position in the bed.

She glanced over at him, then began setting up the game, a ridiculously large grin on her face.

"What are you grinning at?" he murmured.

"You," she answered, sitting down by his legs.

"Oh? What'd I do now?"

"Nothing. You just make me smile."

"I, uh, I hope I can always do that."

"Seven years. I think you're doing fine."

"I still have room to improve."

She thought for a moment. "Stop pushing me away... that's all I can think of. But I can definitely live with that."

"I have spent a lifetime learning to hide, to keep everyone out."

"And I've spent my entire life being strong for people I love."

""That's a tall order with me, you know."'

"A challenge I accept every day."

"And I'm grateful for that, every day."

She smiled warmly at him and reached over, taking his hand in hers.

He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it.

She reluctantly pulled her hand away, tracing his mouth softly before she returned her attention to assembling the game.

He leaned back into the pillows with a soft groan. "So tell me, do the nurses intentionally sneak in here while I'm sleeping to give me that damn medicine?"

She bit her lip and looked at him guiltily. "Yeah..."

"I scare them that much?"

"No, you're just that stubborn, and they all like you. They don't want to see you in pain any more than I do."

"Do you understand why I refused it?"

"Yes. Do you understand why I let them?"

He nodded, restlessly rearranging the small tiles on the little wooden stand in front of him.

"Okay." She reached over and closed her hand around his again. "Think of it this way. The sooner we get through this, the sooner you can go home," she said, gently pulling his hand up to her lips.

"And?"

She smiled. "Sorry, that's my biggest goal right now, baby. To get you home and away from here."

"It sounds good to me. I'm getting tired of being interrupted with you by Logan."

She snickered. "Something tells me that he would've gotten popcorn and pulled up a chair."

He looked around the room. "Where is Mike?"

Her brow furrowed slightly. "He went with Carolyn, remember?"

"Where did she go?"

"She went to Manhattan to get some things from your apartment for you. Don't you remember? I would have gone, but you asked me to stay."

He shook his head slightly, saying, "I remember asking you to stay... but that's it." He leaned back against the pillows. "What is Carolyn going to get?"

"Your toothbrush, clothes, and whatever she decides you need."

"And what about what Logan decides?"

"He thinks he's going to sneak you a beer. But Carolyn and I already have an arrangement in place."

"What kind of arrangement?"

"She's going to kill him, and I'm her accomplice."

"Ah...think it's going to take two of you to take him out?"

"No, it's just more fun that way," she laughed.

"So no beer?"

"Nope. Not a chance, big guy," she said affectionately.

"Damn."

She leaned over carefully and kissed his cheek, then returned to her letters. Almost every one of them were vowels, and she scowled and said, "Damn it, not again."

"What?" he asked, concerned he'd inadvertently done something.

She glanced at him and said, "Not you. The Scrabble gods hate me."

He laughed softly, punctuating it with a soft groan. "I don't have a whole lot here, either, unless you'll consent to letting me use a Polish word."

She glared at him.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Damn straight. It's bad enough that you beat me using the language I speak..."

He grinned. "So...can you start?"

She groaned, then laid down three tiles. "Eon. Yeah, I'm so good."

He built on the 'e' and spelled out 'brevity,' leaving him with a lone 'z'.

She groaned and shuffled the little tiles around. "Did I ever say how much I hate this game?" she grumbled, even though she loved the smile it brought to his face.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you for playing it with me?" he replied.

She rolled her eyes, and the game continued.

TBC...

A/N: Hehehe, that was a much lighter chapter, huh? And I just know that a lot of ya'll are thrilled that Bobby has finally relented and started listening to his partner. The song Alex sang to Kiska was Rascal Flatt's My Wish. In the next chapter, Bobby and Carolyn get a few very nasty surprises, and a crossover presents itself! Hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter, and please remember to review!


	13. Of Boxes And Shattered Memories

Alright, people, here's the next chapter of How Could This Happen To Me? Now, like I mentioned in the previous chapter, there are a few nasty surprises in store for Bobby and Carolyn, and we have a few guests show up to surprise our favorite detectives. Oh, and there's going to be some smut at the end of this chapter. You have been warned! So enjoy this chapter, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: They're not ours, and neither are the Gremlins... heh...

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Carolyn guided the car into one of the parking spaces in front of Bobby's apartment building, turning off the car before she turned her head to look at her partner. He was sleeping, his head lolling to the side and his lips slightly parted. "Mike," she murmured, gently poking his side. "Wake up."

Mike stirred, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "What? Yeah, okay, I'm up. Where are we?"

"We're here." She touched his cheek briefly before climbing out of the car. "Did you have a good sleep?" she asked, stretching her stiff limbs.

He unfolded himself from the front seat. "Great. I dreamt I was being attacked by a horde of hungry babies."

She laughed and walked around to his side of the car, wrapping her arm around his waist. "They just love you, Mike," she teased in a sing song voice.

"How about making me a little less popular."

They headed up the steps into the apartment building. Once in front of Bobby's door, Mike pulled out his keys and found the right one, sliding it into the lock and turning it. He pushed the door open and they stepped inside.

Mike came to a dead stop and stared, blinking in disbelief. "I know he was upset the last time he left here, but something tells me _he_ didn't do this."

The normally immaculate apartment was trashed. Books were scattered around the floor and the coffee table was upended. When he took a step forward, Mike stopped at the sound of glass crunching under his shoe. "Fuck..." He pulled out his cell phone and called in a robbery, making certain dispatch knew that it was a cop's place that was involved.

"What the hell happened here?" Carolyn asked in disbelief as she sorted through what was left of his books.

Mike slid his phone into his pocket. "They're sending someone over. I don't have gloves with me, do you?"

She shook her head, then walked into the kitchen, using her shirt as a barrier as she opened a drawer and produced a box of latex gloves. "Here," she said, tossing him a pair.

"Someone was seriously pissed when he went through this place," Mike commented, finding the shattered remains of one of the very few pictures Bobby displayed in his living room.

Carolyn fumbled with a glove for a moment, finally managing to slide it onto her right hand before she walked back into the living room. The sight of all of his books torn and destroyed tore at her heart. "He loves these damn books," she said quietly. She looked at them for a moment longer, then walked into his bedroom reluctantly, afraid of what she would find.

Surveying the floor, Mike muttered, "Yeah, I know." He shifted his eyes to the couch, which someone had taken a knife to and unstuffed. "Damn...that was a comfortable couch..."

Tears welled in her eyes as she stepped through the door and into his bedroom. The mattress had been pulled off of the bedsprings and now rested against the wall. On the floor, pieces of pictures were scattered everywhere, ripped beyond repair. In the corner of the room, the blankets and sheets had been ripped with a knife and tossed onto the floor.

Mike came up behind her. "Shit...Something tells me this was more than a robbery."

She didn't say a word. With a trembling hand, she reached out and slowly opened the door to his closet. "Oh... damn it..."

"What?"

"His suits... Everything..." She looked down at the shreds of cloth that were once his wardrobe, and she stifled a groan. "It's all ruined..."

"Damn...I don't think the guy owns a cheap suit."

She took an unsteady breath, then crouched down and carefully pushed all of the shredded cloth to the side. "Please... let it be there," she muttered. "Please."

Mike looked around at the contents of the dresser and the upended drawers that were scattered over the floor. He turned back to her. "Let what be there?"

"He doesn't like to display everything... You know how private he is," she said, reaching behind a loose board. She let out a sigh of relief when she found the small box, and she stood up and opened the box carefully. Inside of it were several pictures and other small keepsakes, and a smile spread across her face.

A thought occurred to him and he walked over to where his bedside nightstand lay on its side. He rummaged through the trashed contents, swearing a hot streak when he found an empty box of ammunition. "We got a problem here, Carolyn."

"What?"

He walked to her and looked over her shoulder at the small box she was lovingly sifting through. "Unless his back-up piece is in that box, it's gone, along with the ammo he had for it."

She paused and looked at him, her smile gone.

"Alex has his duty weapon. They found it in his car. But he kept his backup piece in the nightstand."

"Great..." She carefully closed the box and held it tightly. "Who would have done this, Mike?" She looked around at the tattered remains of Bobby's possessions. "They had to have known how much... how much those books and the pictures meant to him..."

"Yeah...big brother comes to mind..." Voices in the living room caught his attention. "Our boys in blue are here..." He looked around the room again. "God, his insurance company is gonna love him."

She touched his arm, then followed him out of the bedroom.

As they left the room and headed down the hall, he said, "Are you sure I can't bring him that beer now...or a couple of 'em?"

"No, Mike." She exhaled deeply. "We should probably call Alex..."

"Be my guest. I'll talk to the boys."

She pulled her cell phone out and dialed Alex's cell phone number shakily, then walked into the hall.

Ten minutes later, she closed the phone and breathed deeply, resting her head against the wall.

Mike came up behind her and touched her shoulder. "How'd it go?"

"Not very good. He's sleeping, so I only had to deal with her... right now." She pressed the heel of her hand into her eye, then looked up at him. "She wants us to go by her apartment. There's a few of his things there, and she wants us to bring them back with us."

"And what are we bringing him from here?"

She looked around the apartment, then at the box she had tucked under her arm. "There's not a lot to bring, except this," she said softly.

When the responding officers had finished what they had to do, Mike shook their hands and thanked them, asking them to forward their report to him at Major Case. He'd made very sure they knew about the missing weapon. "Ross is gonna have a cow."

He took one more patrol of the ransacked apartment and looked at Carolyn. "We need to get the place in order before he comes home. I don't want him seeing it like this." He looked once more at the ruined couch. "I'm really gonna miss that couch."

"Mike, look around," she sighed. "Almost everything is going to have to be replaced... all of his clothes are gone, his pictures, his books..." She bowed her head. "That's really going to hurt. Some of those books were irreplaceable, like the pictures."

"I know, Carolyn. I know. It's gonna be a blow. But it'll be an even bigger blow if he sees it."

She nodded her agreement. She looked around again. "How do you propose we go about doing that?"

"Do you think we should take care of it or hire a service? Personally, I'd feel better, and I think he would, too, if it was us taking care of his stuff..."

She smiled at him, then walked into the kitchen and grabbed a box of garbage bags. "Then let's get to work."

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Alex's hands trembled as she closed her cell phone and slid it back into her pocket. Everything... destroyed. His books, his clothes. She groaned softly and buried her face in her hands.

She had been to his apartment before, and she knew that he prided himself on his book collection, among other things. According to Carolyn, his few pictures had been destroyed, along with every article of clothing he owned. A tear squeezed through her fingers. There were a few things of his at her apartment, but it was a couple of suits, a pair of jeans and three t-shirts, and a toothbrush, for when they pulled all nighters at her home.

She stood up and began pacing the room, her hands clasped behind her back. Even if he decided to go back to the apartment, it would never be the same for him. She froze mid step, her mind drifting to a small box hidden in his closet, and she wondered if it was still there. If it was gone... The items in that box were his most prized possessions, he had told her. He had even shown it to her a couple of times, and it reminded her of her own shoebox that contained pictures and other memorabilia.

She looked at her sleeping partner again, then slipped out of the room for a few minutes. Reappearing in the room with a cup of coffee and a soda, she set them down carefully, then sank back down in the chair. How was she going to tell him?_ Hey, Bobby, someone broke into your place, and now everything you own is gone._ She choked on the thought.

Breathing deeply, she rested her chin in her hand and looked at him. _You have to be strong for him_, she reminded herself. _He needs you now more than ever. You have to hold it together, for his sake_.

She popped her neck, then leaned over and rested her arms on the bed. Then she laid her head on her arms and watched her sleeping partner. He had gone through so much in the past month, and now this. For a brief moment, she wondered if she even had the strength to help him through this newest blow.

_Of course you can,_ she snapped at herself. He _was strong enough to get you through your abduction, you can get him through this._ She rested her hand on his stomach, drawing comfort from his steady, even breaths.

Bobby stirred, raising an arm above his head to stretch. The now ever-present fog in his head irritated the crap out of him, and it was a huge struggle for him not to take it out on Alex. He drew his hand over his face and groaned softly before opening his eyes. As had become his habit, he searched the room for her, relaxing when his gaze settled on her. But his relief was short-lived. Something was wrong. "Alex? What is it?"

She blinked and struggled against the flood of emotions his concern stirred inside of her. She was going to have to tell him... he would find out sooner or later, but it would be crueler for him to learn about it from a stranger. "Scoot over," she murmured, carefully pushing herself up onto the bed with him.

He complied without comment, snuggling his arm around her to hold her close. He couldn't explain his sudden need to have her close, a need that had nothing to do with desire. He pressed his forehead against her arm and took as deep a breath as he dared.

She snuggled into his side and pulled him into her arms, kissing his head softly. She couldn't believe how she hadn't seen it sooner, how much he meant to her. And it had taken all of this to make her realize it. Holding him a little tighter, she said quietly, "Bobby, we... we need to talk."

He didn't like the sound of that, and his gut clenched. _We need to talk..._that never proceeded happy news. What could he possibly have done now? "Uh...I...okay...and I'm sorry..."

She frowned. He thought this was his fault... Shaking her head, she rubbed his shoulder gently and said, "No, Bobby. You didn't do anything."

"Uh...then-then what...?"

She closed her eyes and thought for several moments. Finally she said quietly, "Your apartment... Someone broke in... They destroyed everything, Bobby."

A dark look clouded his face and a sick feeling settled into the pit of his stomach. "E-everything?"

She tightened her grip on him as her stomach churned. "Y-yes, Bobby. I'm so sorry."

He stared at the ceiling and groaned softly. Everything... he turned his eyes toward her. "The box...in the closet...?"

"I don't know." She reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand, stroking it gently. "They're going to go to my place and get the clothes and things you keep over there." She kissed his forehead softly.

He didn't know how to cope with this, how to feel or what to do...so he shut down. He closed his eyes and shut out the world.

She saw his eyes close, and she carefully moved his IV, sliding between him and the pillows so she could hold him better. His head went to her shoulder, and she eased her arms under his and rested her hands on his stomach. "I am so sorry," she repeated, kissing his temple.

He shuddered involuntarily and settled against her, accepting the comfort she offered. He remained turned into himself, but he let her try to soothe his pain, even if he gave her no response.

She gently rubbed his stomach, softly murmuring into his ear. "I love you, Bobby. And I'm here for you."

His only response was to tighten his arm around her, but he kept his eyes closed and struggled until finally, his body relaxed as he returned to sleep.

He slid into sleep in her arms, but she didn't move from her position. He needed her, and for once in their partnership and friendship, she was going to protect him. She gently raised one arm and stroked his hair slowly as she thought.

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"Ah, another day, another senseless case of mindless, depraved violence that humans commit on each other," Munch announced as he draped his jacket over the back of his chair.

Fin looked up at his partner. "One of these days somebody's gonna go all depraved on your ass, John."

Munch frowned at his partner over the tops of his sunglasses as he sat down and turned his computer on. "I love you too, Fin," he snarked.

"Don't do me no favors."

"Oh, we're sure feeling the love in here today," Olivia called as she walked into the middle of the squadroom. "Don't make me get the hose on you two."

Munch smiled charmingly at her. "And what has got you in such a warm and fuzzy mood, Liv?" he asked as she sat down at her desk.

Elliot replied, "We just got the ballistics back from that rape and double homicide we drew last week. They found a match."

"And?" Munch asked. "Do we need a drumroll?"

"The bullet came from a cop's gun."

"No shit?" Fin asked.

"And not just any cop," Olivia stated, glancing at Munch and Fin. "A Major Case detective."

Munch's jaw drop, and Olivia shot him a dirty look before he could spout another "theory".

Fin raised his eyebrows. "No way. Which one? Logan?"

Olivia looked at Elliot and crossed her arms over her chest. "No. Goren."

"You can't be serious," Fin frowned.

Olivia nodded regretfully. "It's definitely his piece."

"He can't be involved," he asserted.

"Why not?" Munch asked curiously, sensing another conspiracy.

"Look, I know Bobby Goren. There's no way he'd get messed up in a rape and two murders."

"People change," Munch remarked. "How long has it been since you've seen him?"

"I worked with him on a sting in 1999, and I'd stake your life on his innocence."

Munch grabbed at his heart. "Thanks for the love, pal."

"There's more where that came from, so keep it up." He looked at Olivia and Elliot. "Seriously, guys...if you're looking at him for this, you're barking up the wrong tree."

"You can't argue with evidence, Fin," Elliot insisted.

Olivia stepped between them. "Hey, we don't know anything yet. For all we know, his gun might have been stolen," she suggested, casting a glance at her partner.

Elliot frowned. "From what I've heard it's just a matter of time before the guy snaps. Maybe he finally snapped and Marjorie Clements caught the fallout."

"Whoa, Elliot," Olivia said, anger creeping into her voice. "I know the two of you have never been on good terms, but that doesn't give you the right to decide his guilt or mental stability."

"I'm not deciding anything, Liv. I'm just stating general knowledge."

She glared at him and shook her head. "I'm going to go look over the reports," she stated, turning on her heel.

As she walked away, Munch peered over his glasses at Fin and whispered loudly, "Lover's quarrel."

Elliot glared at him. "We're going to talk to him this afternoon over at 1PP."

"Have fun, and remember to play nice," Munch said with a smile.

Fin scowled at him. "He ain't what you think, Elliot."

Elliot waved a hand at him and as he walked away, he said, "We'll see."

Munch watched Elliot leave, then turned back to his partner. "Bit touchy, isn't he?"

"He doesn't get along with Goren. They've butted heads before."

"Stabler butts heads with everybody. What's different about Goren?"

"You've never met Bobby, have you?"

"No."

"He's unconventional, to put it mildly, and that doesn't sit well with a lot of people."

Munch smiled a little. "Sounds like you know him pretty well."

"We worked together for a year...yeah, I know the guy."

Munch nodded. "And there's no way he could have done what they're saying?"

"No way. Not Bobby."

Munch stood up and grabbed his coat. "Then why don't we go talk to him ourselves?" he suggested.

Fin gave it some thought before nodding. "Every once in a while, you have a good idea." He got to his feet. "Let's go talk to Bobby."

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"Wow, these people sure are busy. When do we ever see this much excitement, Fin?" Munch questioned as they walked amongst the sea of scurrying detectives.

"I don't wanna see this much excitement, man."

Munch shook his head. Pointing to a door at the far side of the room, he said, "That must be the captain's office. Let's go."

"After you."

"Brave, aren't you?" Munch asked as they crossed the floor. Reaching the office, he knocked on the door and waited patiently for permission to enter.

At the captain's 'come in,' they crossed the threshold into the office.

Danny Ross looked up from his desk and said, "How can I help you?"

"I'm Detective Munch, and this is my partner, Detective Tutuola," Munch introduced them, motioning his hand towards Fin. "We're from Manhattan's Special Victim's Unit."

"Sit down."

They sat down as directed.

"Now what can I do for you, detectives?"

Munch glanced at his partner, then said, "We actually need to speak with Detective Goren."

Ross frowned. "What about him?"

"His gun was used in two homicides and a rape."

Ross raised his eyebrows. "Really? When did these go down?"

"Last week," Munch answered coolly.

Ross looked thoughtful. "Are you looking at Goren as a suspect?"

"We have to. His gun was the murder weapon."

Ross sighed. "Sorry to burst your bubble, guys. Goren has an alibi."

"What?"

"His mother passed away last month, and he was involved in a single car accident three weeks ago. He nearly died and is still in a hospital in New Jersey."

Munch looked at his partner, then back at Ross. "All right... Uh, thanks for your time."

Fin's brow knitted in concern. "Uh...he's gonna be all right, Captain, isn't he?"

"Yes, detective. He'll be all right.."

"Thanks."

They headed out of the office.

"Well, we need to go tell Elliot and Olivia. This ought to be fun," Munch muttered.

"You spend too much time havin' fun, you know that?"

"Yes."

They returned to their squad and hunted down Elliot and Olivia.

Olivia saw Munch and Fin walk into the squadroom with serious looks on their faces, and she threw a paperwad to get her partner's attention.

Elliot looked up with a frown. "What?"

"Fin and Munch are back," she answered, standing up.

"Where'd they go?"

"No need to get up on our accounts," Munch said, approaching their desks.

"What did you two find out?" she asked, resting against her desk.

"Bobby's not your guy," Fin said.

Elliot frowned at him. "We have his gun as the murder weapon."

"Down, Elliot," Munch said. Then he turned to Olivia and explained, "Goren's in New Jersey."

"So how does that exclude him as a suspect?"

"He's been hospitalized for the last three weeks. There's no way he could have done it," Munch stated with an air of finality.

Elliot looked back at the papers on his desk with a frown. Fin raised an eyebrow. "Sorry to disappoint you, Elliot."

Olivia ran her hand through her hair. "So, we have a murder and another rape homicide on this gun, and no suspects."

"Who said life's not challenging?" Fin asked. "You guys want us to go to Jersey to talk to Bobby for you?"

Olivia looked at Elliot, then back to Fin. "You know Goren. He'd probably talk more to you."

Elliot looked up. "Just watch out for that pitbull of his."

Munch shot him a questioning look. "What?"

"Just ignore him, John. Alex is cool...as long as you behave."

Olivia smiled at Munch's worried frown. "I met Alex once. Just don't touch _her_ partner," she said with a laugh.

"Yeah," Fin agreed with a grin. "You can look, but don't touch. And be careful what you say."

Munch shifted uncomfortably. "I think I've heard this before. And don't feed him after midnight, right?"

"He's not a gremlin, ass. She's just really protective of him. He's a big guy, but he doesn't usually stick up for himself."

Elliot had disappeared, and Munch peered over his glasses at Olivia. "Protective like he is of you?" he asked, and Olivia grinned.

"Much worse, I'm afraid."

Fin grinned. "And don't think he doesn't do his share of protecting her."

"Maybe I should just stay here with Liv. You know, entertain her with the wild days of my youth."

Olivia rolled her eyes, but she couldn't hide the smile. "Oh yes, John. I definitely need some new bedtime stories."

"Just come on. I ain't driving into Jersey by myself."

Olivia waved at Munch. "Bye, John. Have fun." Then she looked at Fin and said, "Keep him out of trouble, Fin."

"That's a tall order, Liv."

She shrugged. "Well, if you can't, make sure they don't find the body," she said casually.

"Got it covered."

She laughed as she sat back down at her desk.

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Time passed indeterminably as Alex laid in the bed with her partner. The T.V. was on, but she wasn't paying any attention to it. All of her attention was focused on Bobby, who was still sleeping in her arms. She hadn't moved from the bed since he fell asleep, and now she was using one arm to hold him to her, and the other to rub circles slowly on his chest.

As she laid there with him, her mind wandered. When he left the hospital, where was he going to go? Would he go back to his apartment? She bit her lip at the thought of the empty living quarters. That's all they would probably be to him now, now that almost all of his personal effects had been destroyed. Like living in a motel.

She thought about her apartment, and the extra room that he occasionally occupied when she had to pick him up from a bar because a worried bartender had called her. Would he even consider it? She knew how he felt about her, and she was sure he knew how she felt about him. But was he ready for that big of a step?

She had no doubt in her mind that she wanted him living with her. Not just in an empty guest room, but in her room. She wanted to come home with him each day and share the same bed with him every night. But what did he want? And she didn't want to scare him by moving too fast.

But what was moving too fast? They loved each other, and she was going to have his child. Moving in seemed like the next logical step.

She felt him sigh in his sleep and snuggle deeper into her arms, and she kissed his hair softly. She loved him. She smiled as that thought rang in her mind. Nothing could ever change that. A few seconds later, she had made up her mind. When he woke up, she was going to ask him to live with her, and pray to God that he didn't laugh at her on the spot.

An hour later he stirred. He felt her arms around him and nestled deeper into her embrace. He groaned softly and tried to stretch without flaring the pain in his side. He'd been giving the nurses a hard time when they came in to get him out of bed, but it didn't take long for his partner to set him straight. So he allowed them to continue tormenting him, only because she insisted he behave, and it would get him out sooner. Slowly, the news she'd given him about his apartment penetrated the fog of the painkillers that seemed ever present in his head. He groaned again.

"Bobby?" She couldn't see his eyes, but she sensed that he was waking up.

"Hmmm┘" he groaned, grasping her hand and squeezing it.

She returned the squeeze and laced her fingers through his.

"Are you hungry?" she asked softly.

He shook his head. "No," he muttered.

Her brow furrowed, but she left it alone. She rubbed his chest gently. "I want to ask you something," she finally managed, taking a deep breath.

He closed his eyes with a soft sigh, enjoying her gentle touch. "Hmm," he grunted.

"What do you... What do you think about moving in with me?" she asked in one breath.

He tensed. "Wh-what?"

She sighed, her confidence gone. "Move in with me," she murmured, kissing the top of his head.

He struggled to relax but couldn't. Neither could he settle the anger that surged inexplicably from deep inside. "I don't need pity, Eames."

She tensed. "Bobby... this isn't pity. I want you to live with me."

Her tone troubled him. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Bobby, don't apologize. I've been thinking about it for a while. I... thought you'd say no. But I had to ask."

He didn't reply, and he didn't relax. Everything seemed to be caving in on him again and he was powerless to stop it.

"Bobby?" She tightened her arms around him carefully and softly kissed his neck. "The offer still stands, whenever you're ready, okay?"

He lowered his head and groaned again. "I...it's a bad time, all right?" He craved contact with her, but would not ask for it. He wanted her close, yet he kept pushing her away. He was so confused, and he had no idea how to straighten his head out.

"Okay. I shouldn't have asked right now. I'm sorry," she murmured, shifting carefully in the bed.

His couldn't stop his hand from grasping her leg, tightening his grip. If she withdrew from him now, he wasn't sure what it would do to him.

Sensing his agitation, she said, "Bobby, I'm not going anywhere. My..." She coughed slightly. "I've got an itch."

He turned onto his side, nestling against her and wrapping his arm around her waist. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip, not intending to let her go.

She carefully moved her arm and rubbed her back, then wrapped it back around him. "Comfy?" she asked in a warm, teasing voice.

He turned his head, kissing her stomach and nuzzling his face into her abdomen. Gentle fingers found soft skin and caressed lovingly. When he spoke, his soft voice was muffled by her body.

She shivered when he kissed her stomach, and she retaliated by gently sliding her hand under his shirt.

He groaned and shuddered, all anger gone as he slid himself up along her body to find her mouth.

She returned his kiss with equal passion. "There goes that scrambling again," she groaned when she pulled away.

He didn't let her get far, reclaiming her mouth as he stroked her skin, desperately seeking salve for his unrest.

"Bobby," she whispered, reluctantly pulling away from his kiss. "Slow down. You know what happens every time this happens."

"Don't care..." he murmured against heated skin.

She rested her hand on the back of his neck and drew his head down gently to rest on her shoulder. "I know you don't," she murmured, stroking his back.

He nipped softly at her neck. "I just...want to forget...for a little while..."

"I know you do, baby. But we're not alone, remember?"

He swore softly against her skin. "Can't we just get the hell out of here? I-I want to go home."

She flinched a little. "I know you do," she soothed, kissing his head. "Believe me, I know you do."

"So let's go."

She smiled. "We can't. Not yet."

"I'd rather be...anywhere else."

She snuggled against him. "I don't care where I am," she whispered. "As long as I'm with you."

He kissed her again. "All I can do here...is sleep..."

"And before you know it, we'll be back on the streets and complaining about paperwork and over priced coffee."

"Works for me."

She laughed softly. Exhaling softly, she shifted a little and carefully pulled him closer against her. "I love you," she murmured, laying her hand over his heart.

He let his hand begin to stray again as he held her close. "Love you, too," he murmured, distracted.

They laid there like that for a few more minutes, until she frowned and shifted uncomfortably. "Bobby, I need to get up," she groaned, gently squeezing his shoulder.

"Uh, uh," he protested, tightening his arms around her.

She groaned again and gently pulled away. "I need to go to the bathroom, baby," she explained, biting her lower lip. "Let me go. I'll be right over there, okay?"

With another groan, he reluctantly released her and watched as she slid off the bed and crossed the room.

She shut the bathroom door behind her, but left it unlocked. A few minutes later, she washed and dried her hands, then walked back out of the bathroom. "Miss me?" she teased, feeling a lot better as she walked to Kiska's car seat.

"Yes."

She smiled at him and looked at Kiska, who was sleeping peacefully. Sighing contently, she walked back over to the bed and carefully perched herself on the edge.

He sifted his fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I...why I can't..." He took an uneven breath.

She covered his hand with hers. "It's fine, baby. I'm not going anywhere, anyways."

He snorted. "You'll have to leave my sight eventually."

She titled her head to the side. "But for right now, I don't."

He huffed softly. "I...I'll get over it. I'm sorry..."

"Hey, it's not a one way street. I don't want to take my eyes off of you, either." She reached out and touched his hair tenderly. "Look what happens every time I do," she said quietly.

"I don't do it intentionally."

"I know." She cleared her throat and forced a smile to her lips. But before she could say anything, a loud knock on the door announced visitors.

Bobby let his hand fall away from her as he said, "Come in," anticipating more medical staff to give him grief.

"Hello, Detective Goren," Munch greeted him cordially as he stepped into the room. Seeing Alex, he nodded at her and said, "And hello, Detective Eames."

Bobby frowned darkly. "Detective Munch?"

Alex glanced at her partner, reaching her hand discreetly to squeeze his leg. "What can we do for you, Detective?" she asked coolly.

He took another step towards the bed. "We need to speak with you, Detective Goren."

Alex arched one eyebrow and frowned at Munch. "About?" she inquired.

Bobby noticed another person enter the room and he shifted his position to get a better look at the newcomer. "Fin?"

"Hey, Bobby. How're you doin'?"

Bobby accepted his outstretched hand. "I've been better. You?"

"I've got him for a partner. What do you think?"

Munch bristled. "Hey..."

"You know you're a pain in the ass, John. Be quiet."

Alex relaxed, but only a little. She knew that Fin and Bobby were friends, but with the events that had transpired within the past month, she was unusually wary of almost everything and everyone. She relaxed her grip on his leg and shifted a little.

Bobby appreciated his partner's proximity as he studied the two SVU detectives. "What brings you guys all this way to talk to me?"

Munch glanced at Fin, then warily watched the petite blonde. "Do you know where your gun is?" he asked bluntly, shifting his eyes from the glare he was receiving.

Bobby frowned. "Eames has it."

"Do you have a second piece?"

He nodded. "My back-up piece. It's at..." His face suddenly paled and he had trouble catching his breath. "Oh...shit..."

"Bobby?" Alex reached over and clasped his hand gently. "Relax."

"My back up piece was at home...Alex..."

She tightened her hand around his, then glared at Munch. "His apartment was broken into. Everything was destroyed. Why do you want to know?" she demanded.

Munch paled a little in the face of the diminutive detective's fury.

"Forget it," Fin replied, raising his hands. "We found out what we need to know. Let's go, John."

"Fin!"

Fin stopped in the wake of Bobby's raised voice and turned.

"What's going on?"

Fin looked at his partner and lowered his head to look at the floor. After a moment, he looked at his friend. "Somebody used your piece, Bobby. Stabler and Benson caught the case. We're just helping out."

Bobby's face paled. "Used it...for what?"

Fin looked at Munch again. He knew exactly how this was going to sit with him. "A double murder and rape."

"No..." Bobby whispered, the remaining color gone from his face. "My weapon..."

Alex scooted closer to the head of the bed and rested her hand on his chest. "Bobby, this wasn't your fault," she stated firmly.

He folded one arm across his chest and swiped his eyes with the fingers of the other, pinching the bridge of his nose. "My gun..." he murmured softly.

"That someone else stole and used. Not you," she growled, smoothing her palm over his cheek and hair.

Fin wasn't surprised by Bobby's reaction, but he was surprised by Alex's response to him. "We're gonna get going, man. When we recover your piece, I'll let you know."

Bobby waved a hand. "Thanks, Fin."

Munch shuffled awkwardly under Alex's penetrating stare. "Sorry we had to meet under such... unpleasant circumstances," he said to Bobby.

Bobby nodded at Munch.

Munch glanced at his partner and started towards the door, a tad eager to leave.

The door swung open before Munch got there and Mike burst into the room. He glared at Munch and Fin. "What are you clowns doing here?"

Munch rolled his eyes. "I am getting too old for this," he muttered.

"You keep harassing this guy, Munch, and you won't be getting any older."

"Mike, back off," Bobby muttered. "It's all right."

"The hell it is. You don't need any bullshit from them."

Alex smothered a grin at Mike's words. At least she had some help... She reached over and slid her hand into Bobby's.

Mike jerked a thumb toward the door. "You can go back to Manhattan now, boys. You're sniffing around the wrong tree."

Fin glared at Logan, meeting him in the eye. "Just 'cause you're runnin' with the big dogs, Logan, still don't make you anything more than a mutt. Come on, John. I'll catch you later, Bobby. Get well."

Carolyn walked up to the men, a frown on her face. "Knock it off," she growled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You tell 'em," Mike encouraged, still glaring at the two SVU detectives.

She touched his arm, pushing him back towards the room. "You too, Mike."

Munch stifled a snicker, earning him a glare from Carolyn.

The confrontation had Goren on edge, tense and frustrated. "Mike, I asked you to back off. It's all right."

Alex started to slide off of the bed to deal with the men. But when Bobby's hand tightened around her wrist, she settled back down beside him. "Shh," she said softly.

He found himself unable to settle, but he needed her close by. "Please, Mike..." he muttered. "Drop it."

With a knowing grin, Carolyn grabbed Mike's wrist and pulled him into the room. Then she lifted her daughter into her arm and carefully placed her in Mike's arms.

"Oh, man...Carolyn..."

Bobby looked at Fin. "You have to excuse him. We're still teaching him manners. Let me know if my piece turns up, Fin."

"Will do, pal." He shoved his partner toward the door. "Come on. We need to get back."

"What? You think the place will burn down without us there?" Munch demanded as he was pushed through the door.

"Just shut up and keep moving."

Alex smirked as the two men disappeared, and she relaxed and leaned back against the pillows, dangling her leg over the side of the bed.

Bobby turned into her and buried his face in her hair, struggling to calm himself.

Her arm automatically went around him, hugging him to her. She could feel his heart racing wildly, and she moved her hand over his back.

Carolyn could see Bobby's distress, and she paused for a moment before walking over to his bed. "We do have some good news," she murmured, reaching out to touch his shoulder gently.

He turned his head far enough to see her. "Don't play games with me," he muttered.

"I'm not," she said, smiling softly. Reaching into her purse, she retrieved the box and handed it to him. "Found this."

He sat back and took the box, closing his eyes and trembling again.

Alex pushed herself upright and eased her arm around him, pressing herself into his side. "Are you all right?" she whispered, resting her temple against his.

He shook his head tightly. No, he definitely was not all right.

She bit her lip and gently touched his cheek, applying pressure until he was looking at her. "Do you want to be alone?" she asked softly, moving her thumb along his stubbled jaw.

He nodded again. He really did want to be alone...except...he didn't want her to leave. But he needed time to himself.

"Okay." She kissed his cheek and carefully pulled her arm away, then slid off of the bed.

Carolyn slid her purse and the diaper bag back over her shoulder, then picked up the car seat and looked at Mike. Alex caught her look, and the two women exchanged knowing smiles.

"I swear, if you walk out that door and don't take her from me, Bobby's never gonna be alone."

She laughed, but didn't move towards him. Instead she headed toward the door. "Then come on," she said, glancing back at Alex. "Let's go see what kind of trouble we can find."

When he didn't move, she looked at him and said, "One foot in front of the other, Mike."

"Aw, man...if I drop her..."

Bobby shook his head. "You're not going to drop her, Mike. Just hold her securely and you'll be fine."

"You heard the man, Mike," Carolyn said confidently.

Alex smiled at the two, then walked back to Bobby's bed. Leaning over, she kissed his forehead and slipped his cell phone into his hand. "Call me when you're ready for me to come back," she murmured.

Before she could pull away, he slid his hand behind her head, pulling her back in for a deep kiss. "Don't go far," he murmured once he felt ready to let her go...for a little while.

She smiled and ran one hand through his hair. "I won't. I'm just a call away," she said in a soft, teasing voice. "I love you."

He closed his eyes. "I love you," he murmured.

Her stomach tightened, and she forced herself away from his bed before she found it too hard to go. Smiling at Carolyn, she said, "Let's go."

Carolyn returned her smile, then opened the door. "Mike?"

With a glance at Bobby, who shrugged, he walked carefully toward the door, as if balancing delicate china on a tray in his arms. This was so not cool. As he walked through the door he said, "I really wish one of you would take her..."

Walking down the hall to the cafeteria, Carolyn kept her left hand in the small of Mike's back. "You're doing fine," she assured him, and Alex nodded in agreement.

"Just be quiet or take her," he growled, measuring every step so as not to miss one and drop the sleeping child cuddled against his chest.

She smiled and didn't say anything else until the four of them reached the cafeteria.

"Okay, we're here. Now will one of you please take her so I can friggin' breathe again?"

Alex laughed, and once they found a table, Carolyn set the car seat down and took Kiska from his arms.

"See? You're both fine," she chuckled, laying her daughter in the car seat.

"Ha ha, very funny. I don't suppose they have anything stronger than coffee in there, do they?"

Alex sat down across from the two. "Nope, don't think so, Mike," she said, smiling.

"Of course not. Say, how much longer they gonna keep him in here?"

Her smile disappeared. "I'm not sure. Those setbacks really messed him up, and he still tries to fight the painkillers."

"He fights anything that disturbs his clarity of mind. Even you."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, he does."

"So they're not saying how long he'll be here?"

"No, not yet." She stretched, then rose to her feet again. "I'm going to go get something to eat."

He jumped to his feet and looked at Carolyn. "You want something?"

She smiled at him. "Just get me whatever you get," she answered, rocking Kiska's car seat slowly.

He followed after Alex. "He doesn't want to stay, does he?"

"Of course not."

"So how do you plan on making him stay put?"

"He's staying. Don't worry about that."

Mike snorted. "But I do worry. You couldn't get him to stay last year."

"Well, he and I talked, and he knows that he needs to stay, at least for a couple more weeks." She took a deep breath. "And he knows I'm not going anywhere, so that helps."

"Yeah, I noticed that he's afraid for you to leave now."

She nodded. "He wants me nearby. He's lost almost everyone else."

"Well, I'm not going anyplace either...although he may not find that so reassuring right now." He glanced over his shoulder. "I don't guess Carolyn's little disappearing act last year did him any good either."

"No, I don't think so."

"I know her reappearance played hell with both of us."

"I don't doubt it." She reached over and picked up a sandwich, a bag of chips, and an apple.

He grabbed a ham and cheese sandwich for himself and tuna for Carolyn, along with two bags of chips, a banana and an orange. He got orange juice for her and coffee for himself. "Have they discussed transferring him to St. Vincent's?"

"No." She got an apple juice, then walked up to the register, pulling her money out of her purse.

"Am I bothering you, Alex?"

"No, Mike. I'm just thinking," she answered, paying for her lunch.

He reached out and took the bills from her hand, motioning to the clerk to include all three lunches on the same tab. "Talk to me."

He handed her bills back to her as they stepped away from the register.

"It's just a lot to deal with. I'm worried about him, and now this double murder and rape..." She shook her head. "He's going to blame himself, no matter what anyone says."

"Because it was his gun."

"But he didn't pull the trigger. Of course, that's not going to matter to him."

"You know how he works."

"Too well." She smiled at Carolyn as she sat down across from her.

Mike set the food he'd gotten for Carolyn in front of her and then sat down with his own food. "I didn't get anything for Kitkat. I wasn't sure what she eats, well, other than...never mind."

Carolyn grinned at him and accepted her food. "She's three months old, Mike. What else would she eat? A burger?"

"I guess not...be hard to chew with no teeth."

"Very good." She unwrapped her sandwich and took a bite.

Alex chewed her sandwich in a thoughtful silence.

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Once they were gone from the room, Bobby swallowed the irrational panic that assaulted him and set the box in his lap. He ran his hand over the smooth stained wood and was grateful that it had not fallen into the hands of whoever had ransacked his place.

Opening the box, he looked through the pictures, some from his childhood, the one his mother had given him before she died, a few he had managed to get of his partner. Setting them aside, he looked through the remaining keepsakes, the few possessions he had that meant anything to him. A couple of army medals, including his purple heart, a citation for bravery "above and beyond the call of duty" that the mayor have given him for what he'd called a "selfless act of bravery" in saving the life of a child in the middle of a drug deal gone bad during his stint in Narcotics, his wedding band--the one he wore when he and Eames went undercover...perhaps it shouldn't mean so much to him, but it did.

A small handful of items were all he had to show for forty six years of living. He would deem it pathetic if he dwelled on it, which was something he chose not to do. Suddenly, being alone was not such an attractive option and the pain in his chest had escalated as he struggled with his emotions. Damn. He reached for the phone.

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Alex jumped slightly when her phone rang, and she quickly pulled it from her pocket. "Hello?" A worried frown crinkled her forehead. "Okay, I'm coming. I'll be right there, okay?" She closed the phone, then grabbed her purse and stood up. "That was Bobby," she explained quickly.

"Something wrong?" Mike asked.

"No, he just wants me up there. I'll... I'll see you guys later," she said, walking away from the table.

"You sure he's okay?"

"I'm going to go see," she said over her shoulder.

"Call me!"

She nodded and walked out of the cafeteria. Once she was gone, Carolyn took another bite of her sandwich and moved a little closer to Mike.

"That guy's giving me ulcers," Mike grumbled. "And I can't explain why I actually give a damn."

"Maybe because you care?"

"Hmph...who would have predicted that?"

She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "You're a better man than you give yourself credit for, Mike."

"So you keep telling me."

"Because it's true."

"Shh. It's a carefully kept secret."

She laughed softly and leaned up to kiss his cheek. Then she returned her head to his shoulder and focused her attention on the news that was running.

A few minutes later, she was reaching for her drink when she saw it. She dropped the cup, barely managing to whisper, "Oh... my... G-God..."

Mike looked around. "What? What's wrong?"

She struggled to remember that Mike was beside her, and she reached out and clutched his arm, trying to keep her panic under control. "Mike..."

"What?"

"T-that's him... H-he raped me," she whispered, her whole body beginning to shake.

He jumped to his feet, ready to tear someone apart. "Where?"

She pointed at the T.V. with a shaking hand. "God... Mike..."

"What? Where? Give me something to go on here!"

"The T.V.," she choked out.

He looked up at the screen, which showed a headshot photo of a man and a woman above the words "Killed By A Cop?"

Carolyn shut her eyes tightly and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Mike's here, she thought, desperately trying to stave off panic. He's not going to let anything happen to you. Another violent shudder went through her body.

"Hey, sweetheart, calm down. Looks like the bastard's dead."

She hugged herself tighter, biting her lip to keep the tears from coming in a flood. Raising her head slightly, she looked at the T.V., at the face of her rapist. With a groan, she pushed herself out of her seat. She had to get out of there.

He watched her run from the room in a panic and started after her, hurrying back when he remembered the baby. "C'mon, Kitkat. Alex'll watch you while I run out and find Mommy."

She stumbled out of the cafeteria and took off down the hall, her eyes blurred with tears. She couldn't breathe, but she couldn't stop running.

Finally she was outside, and she ran to her car, shoving the key into the lock. After fumbling with the lock, she finally flung the door open and shoved herself inside. Then she slammed the door shut and locked it. Drawing a stuttered breath, she finally allowed the tears to fall as she rested her head against the steering wheel.

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Alex hurried down the hall to Bobby's room, not even bothering to knock before she walked inside and over to his bed. "Are you okay?" she asked breathlessly, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

He could not explain the relief that flooded through him when she came through the door. He slipped an arm around her when she leaned in to kiss him. "I am now. They, uh, they just gave me another dose of painkillers, so the pain's not so bad."

"Good," she murmured, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"If you say so."

She raised her knee up onto the bed and breathed deeply.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You just had me worried," she admitted, carefully pushing herself up onto the bed with him.

Hit by a pang of guilt, he looked away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

She reached over and cupped his cheek, gently turning his head. "It's okay," she murmured, pressing her lips to his. "I guess I just... really didn't want to go." She chuckled weakly.

"You could have stayed."

"But you needed to be by yourself. And that's fine."

"Maybe I need to be alone less than I need you nearby."

She moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's nice to be needed," she said with a soft smile.

"I do need you."

"Just like I need you." She gently laid her hand over his, then pulled both of them into her lap.

He groaned softly, turning his hands over to grasp the hem of her shirt. "You're killing me here," he whispered.

She shook her head and gently clasped his large hand between her two smaller ones, and she couldn't help but marvel at the difference.

He leaned over to look into her face, then closed the distance for a soft kiss. He was feeling very unsettled, and this woman calmed him in a way no other person had every managed to.

She felt her breath hitch when his dark eyes focused on hers, and she slowly pulled her hand away and brushed her fingertips against his cheek. "What are you thinking?" she asked quietly.

"Just about how much I want to get out of here."

Her lips curved up in a smile. "I should've known."

He laughed softly, then groaned. "Damn ribs," he growled.

Her smile faded, and she kissed his cheek, then slid off of the bed. "Why don't we watch a movie?" she suggested, pulling the blanket over him.

"Whatever you want, but I can think of something I'd rather do."

"If you say Scrabble... so help me, Bobby..."

He laughed, and instantly regretted it. "Now you are trying to kill me," he groaned. "Actually, you do owe me another game...or is it two? But that's not what I was talking about."

She grinned at her ability to make him laugh, then settled into the chair by his bed. "No such luck, partner."

"Damn," he grumbled.

The door banged open and Logan came hurrying into the room. He shoved the car seat toward Eames. "Uh, you don't mind do you?"

She automatically took the car seat, then looked at him strangely. "What's the matter, Mike?"

"Beats the hell out of me. We were sitting in the cafeteria one minute and the next she was running out of the place all upset."

"What did you do?" Bobby asked, studying his friend.

"Nothing! I swear! Not this time..." He began pacing. "I think it was something she saw on the news. I dunno. But I gotta go out and find her. Talk about a needle in a haystack."

"She won't go far, Mike," Bobby reasoned. "Not if she left Kiska behind."

"Behind with me...something really spooked her."

Alex shifted her gaze from the baby to Mike. "We'll watch her. You go find Carolyn."

"Yeah...go find Carolyn...wish me luck." He hurried out the door.

Alex carefully placed Kiska's car seat on the floor by her chair, then looked at Bobby. "I wonder what that was all about," she mused, her brow furrowed in thought.

"Something tells me he's not overreacting. Did he leave the diaper bag?"

She looked around. "Yeah, he did." Leaning over, she unbuckled the car seat and gently lifted Kiska into her arms.

Bobby watched her with the baby and felt none of his previous regret. But a level of concern did rear up in his mind. "Alex?"

"What, Bobby?"

He tipped his head over to better see her face. "How will you feel if the tests show that I'm her father?"

She raised her head and looked at him. "Bobby," she started softly. "I already told you. If she's yours, it won't change anything. I'd love her, because she's a part of you."

"Is it...different now? Because...because you'll have one of your own?"

She smiled. "Not one bit," she assured him.

"But you are...happier..."

"Yes. I'm not going to deny that. But if she is yours, that just means there will be two." Her smile widened a little. "Could you handle that?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

"I-I don't know. I'm still hoping she's Mike's. Honestly."

She chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip. "Things would be less complicated if she were," she admitted carefully.

"I wasn't even thinking about that."

She looked down at Kiska, who was sleeping soundly in the crook of her arm. "Whether or not she's yours, I'll still be here. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I do. And you're right...our lives really don't need any more complication. I make things complicated enough without any help."

She offered him a smile. "Sometimes."

He returned her smile with a soft one of his own. "Don't lie, Eames. Your nose is going to grow."

"Really? Damn."

"Imagine the fun Logan and I could have with that."

"Oh, I can see it already."

"To be honest with you, I kinda like your nose the way it is.""

She touched it with her fingertips and shook her head. "You're the only one."

"Ah, come on, Alex. You're beautiful. If our baby looks like you, I promise you'll hear no complaints from me."

She shook her head. "That's where you and I are going to have problems. Because I want her to look like you."

"Her?" He raised an eyebrow. "And why?"

She laid Kiska carefully in her car seat, then settled back into the chair. "Because. I can just see a little brown eyed, curly haired little girl running around," she answered with a smirk.

"You have an active imagination, Eames."

"Maybe. But with you as her father... She'd be a gorgeous baby."

"You will have a big hand in that, you know. I'll give our baby all the physical features you want if you give him mental stability."

She laughed. "He, huh?" she chuckled.

"Just trying to be fair."

She thought for a moment. "Be honest." A smile appeared on her face again. "Which would you rather have?"

He shook his head slowly, a smile touching his lips. "It doesn't matter to me. I'll be happy either way."

She rolled her eyes. "I know that. But deep down, you must want one just a little more, right?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

Pouting, she stuck her tongue out at him and teased, "Your nose is the one that's growing, pal."

"I'm serious, Eames. And if you want me to do something with that tongue, come over here and do that."

She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in the chair. "Nope."

"Aw, come on," he cajoled. "Please..."

She shook her head. "You can plead all you want. I'm immune."

"Suppose I said I'll come over there if you don't come over here?"

"Get out of that bed, and I'll put you back in it. And not the fun way," she growled playfully.

He snorted. "Then get your ass over here," he growled back, trying a different tactic.

She crossed her ankles and leaned her head back. "No. My ass is staying right here."

He narrowed his eyes. "Okay, fine. Be stubborn and stay over there." He leaned back in the bed, crossed his arms over his chest, and watched her out of the corner of his eye.

"Reverse psychology works on Mike and Nate, not me, baby."

He raised his hands. "It's not reverse psychology. It's letting you have your way. That's called status quo."

She threw her hands in the air. "Finally, your training is complete!" she exclaimed.

He couldn't suppress a smile. "You've been asserting for years that I can be taught."

"Yes, and you fought me every step of the way."

"I blame that on testosterone."

She let out an exasperated sigh. "And here I thought it was just Logan's bad influence on you."

"As tempting as it is, I can't blame everything on Logan."

"Really?"

"Really." His demeanor suddenly changed. "Alex?"

"What?"

"Would you please...come over here?"

The change in his tone worried her, and she stood up and sat down beside him. "What is it?"

He gently pulled her closer, giving her a deep, prolonged and intense kiss. Then he murmured, "I love you."

When she pulled away, she arched one eyebrow. "I love you, too. What was that all about?"

He couldn't suppress a grin. "Nothing. I just love you. And I got you over here."

She groaned and pushed at his chest, but settled back down beside him. "I will get you back for this," she threatened.

"Promise?" he murmured against her hair.

"Oh, I promise. And it won't be pleasant."

He trailed his finger down the side of one breast and brushed his thumb firmly across her nipple, wishing intently that there was no fabric between their skin. "And in the meantime..." He leaned over and lightly bit her earlobe, then soothed over it with a warm tongue.

"Bobby..." She groaned and moved away from him. "There's a baby in the room, remember? Shame on you," she teased lightly.

"She's three months old and sleeping. If you want a baby of your own, it's not going to magically appear in your womb..."

She shook her head. "No, but we're in a hospital room, which you seem to keep forgetting. Now, when we go home... it will be a completely different story."

"Is that another promise?"

"Yes."

He drew her back in for another earth-shattering kiss and groaned. "It's going to be painful, you know."

"I know. But if you would just behave, you can get out sooner..."

"I don't want to behave any more. I just want...uh, you."

She slid off of the bed. "I know. But we can't do much about that right now."

He groaned deeply at her withdrawal and let slip a soft curse. "Uh, sorry..."

She smiled at him. "Don't apologize. It's my fault." She reached over and took his hand in hers. "I have to behave, too."

He sighed and hung his head in defeat. "Yeah...I know...but I don't have to like it."

She reached over and gently smoothed his hair back. "You're cute when you pout," she teased.

He reached out to rest a hand on her waist, caressing the skin that peeked out between her shirt and slacks with a finger. "You're going to see a lot of that between now and the time you spring me from here."

"I imagine." She eyed him carefully. "If I come back over there, do you think you can behave?"

"No, if you want the honest truth."

She settled back in the chair, but didn't release his hand. "Okay. Then I'll stay here for right now."

"Are you sure?"

"We're not going to do anything in here. Every time we do, someone walks in. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is."

"Too bad the damn door doesn't lock..."

She laughed lightly. "And if it did?" She thought for a moment. "No, never mind. I already know the answer."

He grinned at her. "Hey...the bathroom..."

She glared at him. "Not on your life, smart ass," she retorted.

He shrugged. "It was worth a shot."

She stood up and stretched, then walked over to the pile of board games. "I don't know what to do with you," she sighed in mock annoyance.

"Oh, yes you do," he answered. "Just not here."

She tried to hide her smile with a glare.

His grin widened. "Not working, Eames."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

Then his face became serious. "All you have to do is tell me you're not interested..."

She almost dropped the game she was holding, but quickly recovered. "What?"

"Seriously...w-well, I don't mean never...but right now..."

She put the game down and walked over to the bed, placing one hand by his head as she leaned over him. "That is not the case, and you know it, Goren," she said lowly.

She reached out and touched his cheek gently. "I do want you. More than you know. But we both know that we can't do anything right now." She sat down beside him. "I know you want this, and I do too. But it doesn't have to be right now."

He sighed. "My head knows that. It's the rest of me I'm having trouble convincing."

Touching his arm gently, she smiled at him and said, "How can I make it up to you?"

"I know you don't mean that," he answered, his sly smile back.

She rolled her eyes. "Maybe I don't. But I'm trying to do something nice, so take advantage of it."

He waved a hand. "All right. I'm open to suggestions."

She knew what he wanted, and she sighed. "You know, if you were anyone else..." She stood up and picked up the Scrabble game.

"Then what? Just tell me you wouldn't be interested."

She scowled at him. "You know, I could just get Candy Land from one of the nurses. That'd be fun..."

He feigned interest. "I'm sure you have a lot more experience with it than I do. Of course, I could put a twist on it and you'll never be able to play it with your nieces and nephews again..."

She groaned and shook her head.

"What? You offered..."

"Keep it up, smart guy. One phone call, and I can have half my family in here harassing you."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you that anxious for me to behave? Of course, one push of a button and I can be so damn medicated I won't care."

An evil smirk appeared on her face. "Oh yes, then I could have plenty of fun." She pretended to think for a moment. "But then I wouldn't be able to torment you... Tough call."

"You can torment me all you want. It's a matter of remembering it."

"Yes, you're plenty of fun like that. And you talk..."

He raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "I talk? About what?"

She shook her head. "Why would I ruin my fun by telling you?"

"All right...Now you have me curious."

"Uh oh... that's never a good thing," she muttered playfully.

"No, it's not. What have I told you?"

"That's between me and medicated Bobby," she laughed.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Uh...no?"

"Uh...yes"

"No..."

"Yes."

"No. And you're not going to win."

"Oh, I beg to differ."

She shook her head. "Beg all you want. My answer's the same."

"I have no intention of begging."

"Yeah... well, it's still no."

"I'll bet I can change your mind."

"It's not happening." She walked over to the side of the room and rested against a wall.

"It will," he promised.

"No, it won't."

"You wouldn't want to bet on that, would you?"

"Fine. But you're not going to win."

He grinned, both challenged and intrigued. "Place your bet."

She thought for a moment. "I win... and no more Scrabble for the rest of your delightful stay here." She paused. "And you behave yourself."

"All right. I win...and we take a break in the bathroom."

Her eyes widened. "And when one of your ribs snaps, or you pass out?"

"Not gonna happen. I'm healing. And I'm not looking for gymnastics, or anything I can't handle."

"Fine, you're on."

"But you gotta play fair---I can't exactly chase you. Unless you're afraid to come close."

"The chair is as close as I'm coming, cheater."

"Cheater? How am I cheating if I just want you close enough to touch?"

"Because I know you."

"Afraid to get that close, Eames?"

"No, I just know you too well, Goren."

"Afraid you'll lose if you come too close?"

"I'm just smart."

"Explain how."

"You think that if you can touch me or kiss me, you can get me to say anything."

"I won't kiss you."

"Fine." She walked over to the bed and sat down by his abdomen. "Here I am."

He let his eyes peruse her and he kept a small smile on his face. He liked the stakes being offered up here.

"What are you-" She growled. "I'm going to wipe that smirk off of your face, partner."

"You're welcome to try, Eames."

She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "Not while you're in this bed. I'll just wait until you're released and there are no witnesses."

"Another promise?"

"Yes."

He reached toward her and ran the backs of his fingers down the side of her face. The look in his eyes changed, became softer.

She nearly melted at his touch, but she did her best to hide it. "So, just how do you intend to win the bet?" she questioned.

He didn't answer. His fingers continued their caress along her neck.

She chewed on her lip, and an evil smile curled her lips. If he wanted to play like that... Careful not to upset any of his injuries, she moved into his side and laid her head on his shoulder, sighing contently.

His hand continued its path along her body, traveling around one breast and then the other. His body shuddered. Maybe this wasn't the best of plans, after all.

She felt him shudder, and it sparked a bit of worry in her. But he had started it... and she didn't have it in her to finish it. Lifting her head, she softly brushed her lips against his neck.

He groaned and shuddered again. Definitely, this was not a good idea, but he kept going.

She rested her hand against his cheek and gently turned his head until she saw his eyes. Then she kissed him, innocently at first, then harder, until she was dizzy from lack of oxygen. And only then did she pull away.

His breathing was staggered; she took his breath away. When she withdrew he groaned again, not wanting her to leave.

She laid her hand on his chest, just over his racing heart. And without thinking, she leaned over and gently kissed it. "I love this," she murmured, lifting her head again.

"Wh-what?" he managed.

"Your heart," she answered, rubbing that spot slowly as she kissed him again.

He drew her into his arms, and he let his hands roam, seeking what they would, caressing and stroking, as his mouth worked over hers. Okay, he'd said he wouldn't kiss her, but dammit she started it, and he couldn't stop himself.

"Cheater," she grumbled as she broke away for air. "I win."

"I don't care," he returned, pulling her back in for another kiss.

She chuckled and eased her arms around his neck. "You are going to be the death of me, Goren."

"Shh," he growled. He had no interest in talking at the moment.

"Don't shh me, pal. I won. You have to behave," she argued half heartedly.

He groaned. "I don't want to behave," he complained. "And you started it."

She glanced in the direction of the bathroom, but quickly killed the idea. That would be the death of her. She wanted to take him home, where she could take advantage of him in the privacy of her home. "No, you started it."

"Did not. You kissed me first."

She shrugged. "So?"

"So? I wouldn't have lost if you hadn't cheated."

"But you lost." She ran her hand over his chest. "And besides, that bathroom's probably too small."

"We'd manage."

She tilted her head to the side and looked at him. "I'm sure."

"Sure you don't want to try?"

"Damn it..." She leaned over and kissed him. "Why do you have to be so hard to say no to?"

"Why do you have to insist on saying no?"

His mouth found its way to her ear and he muttered, "The chest tube is gone and you made sure I get the pain medicine you think I need regularly. I'm healing. And you're killing me here..."

She groaned as she realized that all of her resolve was steadily crumbling. "Bobby."

He silenced her with another kiss, and he cupped one breast again, brushing his thumb over her nipple over and over.

She pulled away from him, then slid off of the bed and walked over to the bathroom door, crossing her ankles as she leaned against the wall and swiped one hand through her hair. "If you can make it over here... Well, you lost the bet, but you'll still get the prize," she smirked.

He stared at her for a moment, not sure he was hearing her right. He jerked his head toward the IV pole. "Give me a hand?" They'd been getting him up every day for the past week or better and he knew he was steady on his feet. They didn't even make him wear the hospital gowns any more.

"No. This is all you, big guy." She scrubbed her hands through her hair, wincing at the oily feel of it. "And I do need a shower. My hair feels like I dipped it in a deep fryer."

"Take a shower, then. I can wait ten minutes. Let me know when you're done."

She tilted her head to the side and shoved her hands into her pockets. "Really? Are you sure?" she grinned.

He grinned at her. "Every time you leave the room, I get up and walk around. I'm stronger than you think I am, Eames." Then he shrugged. "Surprise."

"Didn't think I left that much."

"You need coffee...and food...and a break..."

She walked over to her suitcase and pulled out a change of clothing. "Damn. All right, I'll take it by myself."

"Sorry, baby. They won't let me shower yet. I asked. So you shower and I'll watch the baby."

"Okay." Tucking her clothes under her arm, she walked back to the bed and kissed him softly. "Besides, you'll have plenty of time to make it up to me later."

"Count on it."

She smiled and kissed him again, then disappeared into the bathroom.

He eased himself out of the bed and walked over to the window. Then he came around to look at the sleeping baby. He smiled. She looked so much like her mother.

He sat back on the bed and waited for her.

Fifteen minutes later, she walked out of the bathroom, feeling refreshed and more awake. Stuffing the dirty clothes into a bag, she put that into the suitcase and closed it. Dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt, she felt much more comfortable, and she walked over to his bed. "I'm human. Who knew?" she joked, touching his arm.

He pulled her close. "Is the bathroom still out?" he whispered as he nipped her earlobe.

She framed his face with her hands and kissed him, then walked back to the bathroom door. "Same deal," she said, brushing her wet hair back.

He got up carefully and, drawing the IV pole along with him, he came up behind her, placing his hands on her waist and kissing her neck. He drew his tongue up along her neck to her ear and he groaned.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, mindful of his injuries. "So, is this all I had to do to get you to cooperate?" she teased him, gently pulling him closer to her.

"Tease the living crap out of me? I guess."

"I'm not teasing now."

He covered her mouth with his and backed her through the door.

The room was still hot and filled with steam, and she pulled away for a moment to rest her head against his chest.

"Don't stop," he growled softly, fingers deftly unbuttoning her shirt.

She smiled and looked up into his dark eyes. "Slow down," she murmured, kissing him languidly.

His body shuddered from the effort to slow his pace and calm his desire. "Don't wanna slow down," he muttered against her lips, undoing the button and zipper on her jeans and pushing them down over her hips.

She ran her hands through his hair. "Bobby..." She groaned at the fire his touch ignited. "We have... the rest of our lives to go fast. Slow down. Enjoy it."

"God... I..." He trailed off and kissed her again. He slid her shirt off her shoulders and undid her bra, backing her toward the far wall next to the shower. "I am enjoying it," he said absently.

"Well..." She returned his desperate kiss. "Never mind," she finally groaned, grasping his shoulders.

He didn't make a sound as she pushed his sweats down over his hips and he supported her with the help of the wall when she wrapped her legs around his waist, carefully settling her onto him. His mouth kept hers prisoner and he groaned when she began moving against him. He was on fire, and he knew it was not going to take much to finish him off. Teasing did that to a man.

She moved her mouth from his and trailed soft kisses down his neck, then back up again. He pushed deeper inside her, and it took everything in her not to scream. Instead, she shut her eyes and held him tighter.  
He groaned when she tightened her arms and legs around him and began to move. She knew intuitively that there was still only so much he could do, and to prevent the risk of further injury to his ribs, she willingly picked up the slack. It was all he could do to delay his release, waiting for her to get closer to her own.

He pushed her to the edge, and she bit down lightly on his shoulder as her release sent her reeling.

He was right behind her, shuddering as a groan rumbled through his chest. She eased off him and he dropped to his knees, pressing his forehead against the cool tiles of the wall.

She slid to the floor beside him, her chest heaving as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her.

He rolled over to sit and wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you," he whispered into her hair.

She smiled and tightened her arms around him. "No, thank you," she corrected, running one hand gently through his hair and over his neck.

"For what?"

"For this." She kissed him slowly. "For not dying on me." She pulled away and rested her forehead against his. "For lots of things."

He sighed and trailed his fingers over her moist skin. "Um... maybe one of us needs to get back out there with the baby..."

She rose reluctantly to her feet, then offered her hand to him.

With more of a struggle than he wanted to admit, he got to his feet and then pulled himself back together, eyeing the IV pole with annoyance. "I'll be glad to get rid of this thing."

"You and me both," she said softly, leading him out of the bathroom.

Without any protest, he got back into the bed and settled back. In spite of the fact that he struggled against it, he was soon sleeping. He wasn't as well as he wanted to be, but he was getting there.

She adjusted her jeans and shirt, then carefully tucked the blankets around her partner's sleeping form. "Love you," she murmured, kissing his forehead quickly before she settled into the chair by his bed again.

TBC...

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it. And now he's gotten something he wants, Delirious, so he can start getting better. Heheheh... Thanks for reading, and please remember to review. 150 reviews before the next chapter! Thanks, everyone!


	14. And The Daddy Is?

Okay, ya'll are absolutely wonderful! 151 reviews! Please keep 'em coming! And because ya'll are so great, this chapter is a bit longer than usual, the identity of Kiska's dad is finally revealed in here! We know that ya'll have been dying to know for weeks, and now ya'll will finally have the answer! Read, enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: They're not ours. But oh the fun we would have if they were...

A huge thanks goes out to Delirious Dancer, for being the 150th review. Thanks!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Mike left Bobby's hospital room, worried about Carolyn, but proud of himself for remembering the baby. He bypassed the elevators and charged down the stairs to the main lobby. He ran out of the hospital into the summer day and looked up and down the street. He wasn't sure where to start, so he decided to make sure she hadn't left in the car. If she had...well, he'd never find her. If she took off again...what was he going to do with a baby?

When he saw the outline of her head and shoulders behind the wheel of the car, he felt a relief he couldn't define. Approaching the car, he lightly rapped on the window and waited for her to acknowledge him

She heard the rap at her window, and she jumped. God, this was it. It was over. More tears poured down her cheeks, and she finally forced herself to look at the window. Mike? She groaned and swiped at the tears, then slowly unlocked the door.

He pulled the door open and squatted down beside her. Not sure what the right thing to say was, he settled on "What happened?"

She tried to take a normal breath, but she couldn't. Instead, she curled herself in the seat and looked at Mike. "I... I thought I could handle it," she finally whispered, wishing that she could reach out and hide in his embrace. Nothing bad ever touched her there.

"Handle what? And speaking of handling things, you left something behind."

"I know. Oh God..." She pressed her hand to her mouth. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. We coped."

"I just... I... couldn't breathe. He was there..." She shuddered involuntarily. "I saw him."

"Who was where?"

"The bastard who raped me!" She drew her leg up to her chest and wrapped her arm tightly around it.

He sighed. "The guy on the news?"

"Y-yes." She shivered, suddenly very cold despite the warm weather. She scrubbed at her red rimmed eyes.

"It looked to me like the bastard's dead."

He couldn't explain the disappointment he felt at that. He would have liked nothing better than to take the guy out with his bare hands.

She swallowed thickly, desperately attempting to tamp down the relief that flooded her. "Dead?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Killed by a cop. I can make some calls, find out for sure..."

She reached out to him and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"Is that a yes or a no?" he asked, folding his arms around her.

She nodded and buried her face in his shoulder, holding onto him as best as she could.

"Okay. I'll make some calls. You want to stay out here in the car or can we go...someplace else?"

She didn't want to let go of him, but she reluctantly did and slid over into the passenger's seat, handing him the keys. "I'm tired," she finally said dully. "Can we just... go back to the motel?"

"We gonna leave Kitkat where she is?"

She flinched and pressed her fist to her mouth. "No- I mean, we should... Let's go get her." She turned her head and looked around. "Where... Oh, shit... where is she, Mike?"

"I left her with Bobby and Alex. What else was I gonna do with her?"

She sighed and let her head fall back. "Sorry..."

"For what?"

"For running... for leaving her with you. I'm sorry."

"At least I remembered she was there and I took her someplace safe. I'm not a total idiot. Just partly..."

"You're not an idiot. I'm the idiot." She pushed the door open and stood up unsteadily. "Let's go get her. I just... I think I need to lay down..."

"You want to go lay down and I'll go get her?"

She shook her head. "No, I need to see her." She took a step, then another. "I can't believe I did that."

"Forget it. I took care of her."

"She's my daughter. You're still not that comfortable with her." She leaned against the car for a moment, then headed back toward the building.

He followed her. "Hey, she might be mine. And even if she's not, I'm going to be around her a lot. You have to break me in sometime. I think I passed this test."

She nodded and shoved her hands into her pockets. "I... appreciate that, Mike. More than you know."

"I have to take responsibility some time."

They walked back into the hospital, and she didn't say anything else until they reached the door to Bobby's room.

He reached for the door handle and started pushing the door open. "You better be behaving in there," he called. Looking at Carolyn, he said, "I keep interrupting them."

That brought a smile to her face, which widened when she heard Alex call, "Shut it, Logan."

He hesitated and answered, "The door?"

"No, your big mouth!"

He laughed and pushed the door open. He was surprised to see Bobby sleeping. "He okay?"

She smiled brightly at him. "He's fine. But that doesn't mean you can be loud and wake him up. I just got him to settle down."

Logan grinned. "How'd you manage that?"

"Very carefully."

"Did Kitkat give you any problems?"

"Of course not. You're the one who gives me problems."

"And I'm very good at it." He walked over to the bed to look at his sleeping friend. "They medicate him again?"

"Nope. He was just tired."

"Tired from what? They don't let him do much. I thought he was getting stronger."

"He is." She smiled at his sleeping form. "He just needed to sleep."

"Well, I'm glad I didn't interrupt you guys again. I was beginning to get a complex. One more time and I would have brought the popcorn."

She rolled up a magazine and smacked him with it.

"Ow...You wouldn't hear any complaints from me."

She smacked him again, this time harder. "Don't make me get out of this chair, Logan," she growled threateningly.

He moved away from her. "Do that again and I will wake him up," he threatened with a playful grin.

She leaned back in the chair. "Wake him up and see what happens," she said, looking at her fingernails. "I won't hold him back."

"He's never gotten pissed at me for waking him up."

She grinned. "Then go for it. I've got popcorn here somewhere..."

He raised an eyebrow. "I've never taken you for an exhibitionist, Alex."

She nearly choked on the air in her lungs. "W-what?" she sputtered.

He laughed. "You said you have popcorn..."

"Oh... popcorn. Yeah, I do," she stated coolly while discreetly fanning her face. The last thing she needed was him finding out. They'd never live it down...

He watched Carolyn squatting down in front of the baby. "The baby didn't cause any problems, did she?"

"No, she was an angel. Which is more than I can say for you or Bobby," she grumbled, sinking back in the chair.

"What can I say? What kind of trouble did he cause?"

Alex turned on Mike again. "Uh, just giving me trouble about sleeping. That's about it."

"A right hook helps if he gives you too much trouble."

Carolyn gave Alex a small smile and picked up Kiska's car seat. "Thanks for watching her," she said quietly.

"It's fine, Carolyn," Alex insisted with a wave of her hand.

Carolyn glanced at Bobby's sleeping form, then walked out of the room. Alex watched her go with a worried frown.

He frowned when Carolyn left the room. "Uh, I'd better go. See you later, sweetheart."

"Bye, Mike," she said, nodding at him.

He ran out the door after Carolyn.

Alex turned to Bobby's sleeping form and sighed. "I'll never understand those two."

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Carolyn unlocked the door to their motel room, then stepped inside and placed her daughter's car seat on the bed. Realizing she was asleep, she carefully picked her up and laid her in the playpen that Mike had assembled. "Sweet dreams, baby girl," she murmured before walking back to the bed. Her head had begun to pound, and she moved the car seat to the floor before laying down on the bed.

Mike had not followed her into the room. He remained outside, pacing as he talked on the phone, seeking the information he had promised Carolyn he would find. Snapping the phone closed, he went into the room. He studied her on the bed for a long moment before he sat down on the edge of the other bed and let out a heavy sigh.

She heard Mike sit down on the other bed, and she turned her head and looked at him. "What is it?"

"Do you know his name?"

"Who's name?"

"The scum who hurt you."

She shivered involuntarily. "No, Mike. I don't."

"I'm not attacking you. Don't get defensive. His name was Brad Cummings. He raped and murdered a woman yesterday and died in a shoot-out with police. His family is screaming murder so of course the press jumped on the bad cop bandwagon."

She buried her face in her pillow. He really was dead. She could move on. Relief coursed through her, and she raised her head a little and looked over at Mike. "Could you... come over here?" she asked quietly, tightening her arm around the pillow.

Without hesitating, he shifted from the bed he was on to the edge of her bed. He laid a gentle hand on her hip. He didn't know what to say, so he kept silent and he watched her, waiting.

She reached out and covered his hand with hers, then pulled him down. She just wanted him close to her. She had already wasted a year, and she wasn't about to waste another minute.

He let her pull him into her arms, relaxed when she melted her body against his, yielded when her lips covered his. He began to respond...and a baby's wail shattered the moment. His head dropped back against the pillow. "Dammit."

She sighed and rolled onto her back. "She has my timing," she joked, sitting upright.

He grunted. "Yeah. Impeccable."

She stood up and walked over to the playpen, murmuring softly as she picked up Kiska and held her in the crook of her right arm. "She's hungry," she stated as she returned to the bed and leaned back against the pillows.

"Of course she is. That's the only time she tries to wake the dead."

Carolyn rolled her eyes. "You're just as bad when you're hungry," she muttered, raising her shirt and adjusting Kiska so she could nurse.

"I know," he replied, unsettled by the comparison. He was still hoping, for the baby's sake, that Carolyn was wrong, that her desperate longing was unfounded.

Her smile disappeared, and she looked down at her daughter. What _would_ she do if she turned out to be Cumming's daughter? She shook her head. She was so much like Bobby and Mike in so many ways... She closed her eyes and settled back against the pillows.

Silently, he watched her feed the baby, watched her close her eyes and settled back. He decided not to disturb her peace and he remained quiet, waiting for her to change the moment and draw him back into it.

She finished nursing Kiska, then moved her to her shoulder and gently patted her back. "I was... so afraid when I found out I was pregnant," she said quietly. A burp sounded in her ear, and she gently laid Kiska on the bed. "I didn't know how to be a mother." She paused for a moment. "It was... unreal for me. Until the first time she kicked."

His silence encouraged her to continue. His eyes shifted from her face to the baby and back. _Keep talking,_ he urged in his mind. _Let it out._

A smile came to her lips as she remembered. "It was the strangest thing. I was in my bedroom, listening to music, and this song came on. And suddenly, she just started kicking like crazy." She carefully brushed her fingertips along Kiska's back.

"What song?" he asked, accepting the invitation to rejoin her.

She smiled. "It was just this silly song. I've always had this... obsession with the Beach Boys. The song was Kokomo."

He smiled. "Little girl was a beach bum even before she was born."

She laughed. "Yeah..." Looking at him, she asked quietly, "Is there anything you want to know?"

He wanted to know everything...and nothing. His mind was such a maelstrom of conflicting emotion, he didn't know what to think. He needed to talk to a cool head, one that was good at figuring things out. But first, the most important question. "Are you all right?"

She exhaled deeply. "I'm not going to lie to you. I'm getting there."

"Until you get those test results back."

She nodded and stretched out on the bed, careful of her sleeping daughter.

"Will you be okay now, for a little while?"

"All things considered? I think so."

"I'm gonna go out for a little while, okay?"

She froze. "Uhm, okay. I'll just... I think I'm going to go to sleep."

"Good. It'll help you. I'll be back in a little while." He leaned over and kissed her softly. "If you need me, just call."

She nodded and sank back into the pillows. "I love you," she muttered softly.

"Love you, too, doll. I'll be back."

She watched him go, and when the door shut, she reached down and pulled the blanket tightly around herself. "He's strange, but he's a good man," she murmured to Kiska's sleeping form.

He pulled the door closed and stood there for a moment. He walked slowly away from the room, thoughts churning. Then he grinned and headed off toward the hospital, making one stop on the way.

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Alex couldn't keep the grin off of her face as she snuggled closer to her sleeping partner and hugged him to her. Even in his sleep, he recognized her, and his arm wrapped around her and held her. She sighed contently, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but think that this was the most comfortable and happiest she could ever remember being.

He stirred, drawing in a deep breath which made him groan at the pain that flared again in his chest. But it was improving. It didn't hurt as bad as it once had. Fortunately, his fight with Mike had really not set him back too far. He opened his eyes, and the sight of Alex snuggled beside him made him smile. "Hey," he said softly, placing a loving kiss against her temple. "S-sorry about that."

She smiled at him. "Don't be. I like using you for a pillow."

He smiled. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I just...I was so tired all of a sudden."

She snickered. "Hmm, I wonder why..."

He chuckled softly. "God...I needed that," he murmured.

She leaned up and kissed him softly. "I did too."

He kissed her mouth. "Bad," he added, bringing her in for another kiss. He could be gentle now. His body lacked the desperation that had been driving him for the last few days. He was almost content.

She eased one arm around his waist, then broke the kiss reluctantly and rested her head on his chest.

He sighed, sifting his hand through her hair. Pressing his cheek against her forehead, he exerted a little pressure until she turned her face back toward him and he could kiss her again.

The door opened and Mike came strolling into the room. "Hey, guys...oh, geez...Why is it every time I don't knock..."

Alex started, then turned her head to glare at Mike. "Where's that damn magazine?..."

Bobby snorted, meeting Mike's eyes and smiling. Mike raised an eyebrow. He seemed a lot less uptight, almost relaxed. "Did they change your medicine?"

Bobby shrugged. "I have no idea what they give me."

"You look...a lot better."

She smiled at Bobby, then looked at Mike again. "I'm good at taking care of people I love," she said, a hint of pride in her voice.

Bobby kissed the back of her neck, squeezing her waist.

Her smile widened, and her hand found his.

"Before you two go at it again...Alex, can I borrow him for a little while?"

She arched one eyebrow. "What for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I just want to talk to him."

Her eyes narrowed, and she turned her head and looked at her partner. "Bobby?"

He nodded. "I'm okay with it, if you don't mind."

She leaned over and brushed her lips softly against his, touching his face gently. "Okay. I'm going to go get some coffee. Do you want anything to eat?"

He shook his head. "I'm good."

"Let me rephrase that. I'm going to get you something to eat, and I want you to at least try. You haven't eaten all day."

"Whatever," he said with a smile. "I'll try."

"Good." She kissed him again, then slid off of the bed. "Don't give me another reason to get that magazine, Logan," she threatened as she walked to the door.

"I'll be good," he promised, watching her walk out the door. Then he grinned. "Yeah, right..."

"I heard that," she called, but she didn't turn around. She'd get him later.

He laughed and turned to Bobby. "She got some kind of radar?"

"No. She just knows you."

"A little too well," he said with a grin. He approached the bed as he reached into his pockets, producing a bottle of beer from each pocket. He placed one on the tray table at Bobby's bedside and opened the other. He pointed the bottle toward his friend. "Something happened."

Bobby took the beer from the table with a smile and opened it. "What are you talking about?"

"Something's different. She left the room and you didn't panic."

"She's coming back."

Mike shook his head. "It's more than that...she..." His eyes narrowed. "You dog..."

Bobby smiled. "Get out of the gutter, Logan."

Mike shook his head and laughed. "I know you, man. I...no...you _did_! And I didn't walk in on it...That's a minor miracle. Did anyone walk in on you?"

Bobby took a drink and shook his head. "What did you want to talk about?"

Mike laughed again. "No wonder you were sleeping. She wore your ass out."

"Mike..."

"All right, all right...I need you to help me sort through some stuff."

"About Carolyn?"

"Yeah."

"Like what?"

"I don't know what to do, what the right thing is, you know? What she needs."

Bobby sighed. "She needs you to understand as much as you can about what she's been through. Be supportive."

"I've been doing that. But...she asked me what I wanted to know. I thought that if I knew everything, maybe I would understand her better. But then, part of me doesn't want to know anything. I'm afraid if I do...I might feel...differently about her. That scares me, man."

Bobby took another drink and thought about what Mike had said. He asked, "Would any of it change the way you feel about her?"

"I don't know."

"You need to find out, man. Because if your feelings can be changed by something that happened to her that she had no control over, maybe you need to rethink how you really feel about her."

Mike gave that some thought. "You have a point. You know, I think I may be more afraid of me."

"In what way?"

"The whole thing just makes me feel so damn angry. We just found out that the guy who did it was killed in a shoot out with police. So I don't even get the satisfaction of a jailhouse visit."

Bobby's face was solemn. "That would have been satisfying." He almost grinned. "I would have gone with you."

Mike laughed. "Talk about police brutality. It would even have been worth another stint on Staten Island...and I'd have had company this time."

"Afraid not. I would never have survived that. Alex would have killed me. But I admit, it would have been worth it."

Mike laughed. "So what do you think I should do? I want her to get over this, and I'll help her in any way I can. But I don't want to make it worse. I don't want her thinking anything negative inside me is related to her."

Bobby met his eyes. "So tell her. Don't try to cover it. Be honest with her, Mike. Then you have nothing to worry about. If everything's out in the open, there's nothing sneaking around to bite you in the ass."

"You think that will make any difference?"

"Absolutely. Let her understand you."

"Do you know how scary that is?"

"I sure do. I understand you."

"I know you do. And it makes me worry about you."

Bobby laughed, finishing his beer. Mike held out his hand for the bottle after draining his own. "I'll just take these with me. You don't need to explain an empty beer bottle in the trash to your nurse."

"Or my partner."

"Or your partner what?" Alex questioned, carrying a bag and two drinks as she walked into the room.

"Nothing," Bobby insisted, meeting Mike's eyes.

Mike grinned. "Thanks for the advice, Bobby. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good luck."

"You, too. Bye, Alex."

He headed out the door.

She watched him leave, then turned to face her partner. "I'll never understand him," she sighed in fake exasperation as she set the drinks and bag down.

"He's harmless."

"That's what I keep getting told." She started to sit in the chair, but instead opted to sit down on the bed beside him.

"So what did you get to eat?"

"Food," she teased, digging into the bag and handing him a sandwich.

"Thanks," he said with a smile. His head was spinning a little from the effect of the beer combined with the medicine in his system, but it wasn't a bad feeling. It probably hadn't been the smartest thing to do, but one beer wasn't going to do any harm. Enough of the edge was now gone from his pain that he felt able to eat and keep it down.

She watched him curiously as she ate her own sandwich, but didn't say a word.

His eyes shifted intermittently toward her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything go okay with Mike?"

"Fine."

"He didn't... suspect anything... did he?"

"About what?"

She cleared her throat. "Us. He's a freaking blood hound when it comes to those things."

"Us? Oh...that...yeah, well..."

She groaned and shifted in the bed, then laid against his side. "Damn it... That's it. I'm going to shoot him."

He kissed her forehead and laughed. "What did he do?"

"You know, for such a smart guy..." She shook her head and let her leg dangle off of the side of the bed. "I'm looking forward to going back to New York. Garbage trucks, car alarms..."

"Is the peace and quiet getting to you?"

"More than you know. But that's not the only reason."

"Don't like Mike walking in on us all the time?"

"If it happens again..." She let her voice trail off.

He snickered. "Don't let him get to you, baby. He's not the type to find out and tell."

"He had better not. They'll never find his body."

He sighed and leaned back into the pillows. "Don't worry. He knows you well enough to be afraid of you."

"Good." She leaned back against him and gently pulled his arm around her, resting her hand on his arm.

He enjoyed her closeness even more than the buzzing in his head. He kissed her temple and closed his eyes.

"You know," she said softly. "Now that I know what a good pillow you are, you're not allowed to go anywhere."

"Not planning to go anyplace," he murmured.

"Good." She yawned and turned over, draping her arm over his waist and snuggling into his side. As she breathed deeply, she caught the scent of something, and she froze against him. "Bobby..."

"Hmm?"

"He gave you beer, didn't he?" she growled.

"Uh..."

"Damn it, Bobby..."

"What? One beer's not going to do any harm."

She pushed herself upright, frowning at him. "And what if it interferes with the meds?"

"It won't interfere. Beer doesn't have a lot of alcohol in it. All it's done is take more of the pain away and make my head spin a little more...like I've had a few more than I did. But I feel fine. Don't freak out on me."

She glared at him for a few more moments, then slowly settled down beside him again.

He tipped his head forward and gave her a lopsided grin. "Come on"

That smile... He knew that she couldn't stay mad when he smiled at her like that. She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest, resting her back against his side.

He leaned even further, gently tickling her side. "Come on, baby," he encouraged, nuzzling her neck. "Really...I feel good."

She pushed his hands away half heartedly, then pulled his arm around her. "Another stunt like that, Goren, and Mike's won't be the only body they'll never find."

He nipped her ear and gently sucked on it, trailing his tongue through the sensitive hollow behind her ear. "It's been a good day for me," he murmured softly. "A really good day..."

She shivered and pulled her leg up onto the bed. "Yes, and now I'm going to sleep," she murmured, curling herself into his side again.

He snuggled against her and slipped his hand under her shirt, stroking her skin and murmuring, "Okay. I'll find a way to entertain myself."

She groaned and pushed at his hand. "Guess so."

Not to be easily deterred, he found another pathway through her clothes to her skin, bringing his fingers into light contact and stroking his way closer to her chest.

"Bobby..." She sighed. "You're not going to let me sleep, are you?"

"If you can sleep, go right ahead."

She closed her eyes and rested her arm over his chest, then pressed her face into his shoulder.

"Hey," he complained, unable to find access to his intended target. So he reached around to her waist and slid his fingers into her waistband.

She groaned and slapped his hand. "Are you going to be this bad when I get you home?"

"Worse," he promised.

"And I'm not going to get any sleep there, either, am I?"

"Nope."

Her face took on a thoughtful expression. "Good to know..."

"Want to go back into the bathroom?"

"Will you let me sleep?"

"Wear me out," he laughed.

"I did, but before I could go to sleep, you were up again, all bright eyed and bushy tailed."

He laughed again. "I had a nap."

"I didn't."

He sighed in resignation. "All right. I give. Go ahead and go to sleep. The nurse will be coming in pretty soon anyway. She might take issue with my chosen extracurricular activity."

She laughed at that, then gently poked him. "After my nap, and if you behave yourself, okay?"

"Promise?"

She snuggled into his side. "Promise. And don't breathe on the nurse..."

"Right." He pulled her close and snuggled into her. "Go to sleep, baby. I'll be good."

"Mm..."

By the time the nurse came in to take his vitals and give him his medicine, both of them were sleeping.

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Mike let himself into the room and smiled at Carolyn's sleeping form. On the far side of her, he saw a little hand waving in the air, and then two little feet kicked.

He walked over to the bed. "Look at you," he said.

She smiled at him and cooed. Reaching over, he lifted her into his arms and sat down on the other bed. "So what do you think, kiddo?"

She kicked her feet and giggled. He nodded knowingly. "Yeah. That's what most women tell me. You know something...there's three of us in contention to be your father, but only two of us really deserve it. Well, I'm not so sure about me, but in any event, no matter who it is, you got two of us you can count on whenever you need us."

She wiggled on the bed and cooed at him. He waved a finger at her. "And it's stuff like that that gets me in trouble to start with."

She giggled again and yawned. "It's been a long day."

He lifted her again and laid her in her playpen. He covered her with her blanket. "Good night, Kitkat."

She groaned softly as Mike's voice pulled her back into awareness, and she rolled over onto her side, her hand seeking out her daughter's little form.

"She's over here."

She relaxed and exhaled softly. "Mike?"

"Were you expecting someone else? I told you I'd be back."

She opened her eyes and looked around the room, relaxing when her eyes settled on him. "Are you coming back over here?"

He crossed the room and sat beside her, leaning down to kiss her.

She returned the kiss, then pulled him down beside her and rested her forehead against his chest.

"Had a beer with a buddy and worked some stuff out. I'm better."

"What buddy?"

He fidgeted a little. "Uh...Bobby."

She groaned, then sighed. "I don't even feel like yelling at you. I'll let Alex do that."

"What?"

"You gave him a beer, Mike." She shook her head.

"One beer isn't gonna hurt him. He's not an idiot. If it would do him any real harm, he'd have said no."

Closing her eyes, she muttered, "Forget it. Anything else?"

"No. We just talked. That's all. Oh, and...did you ever take either one of them as risk takers?"

She arched one dark eyebrow. "No, not really."

"Me neither. And I didn't walk in on them...damn."

"What?"

"Let's just say they started working on that baby she wants so bad."

She groaned and buried her face in his chest. "Well," she said, her voice muffled by the material of his shirt. "Guess that proves one thing."

"What's that?"

"They're either really brave... or very stupid."

He laughed. "Or really, really desperate."

"Yeah, that too."

"That's my bet, at least for him. He's gotta be feeling better. It did him a world of good, too."

"I'd imagine."

"He didn't panic when she left the room."

"Good."

He sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Yeah. It's good. We'll be going home pretty soon. I could have used a couple more beers."

Home... That was a concept. She closed her eyes and moved closer to him. The place she lived wasn't in New York, and she hadn't felt at home anywhere in over a year. "I'm sure you could've," she said distantly.

"Hey...what's wrong?"

She pulled away from him a little and rolled onto her back, deciding to just come out with it. "I have to find somewhere to live... if I go back," she said quietly.

He sat up, frowning darkly. "If? If? What the hell do you mean, if?"

She sat upright with him, then reached out and touched his cheek. "Let me rephrase that. Do you want me to? And are you going to want to help me find a place and move?"

"Yes, yes and yes. And I'm not the only one."

"All right." She leaned over and picked at the blanket in front of her. "I just needed to know, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess...I suppose you wouldn't want to make presumptions. But don't scare me like that, will ya?"

"I'm sorry."

He leaned over to kiss her. "We'll get you moved and settled."

She nodded and laid back against the pillows. "That should be fun."

"Me and Bobby, heavy furniture and a case of beer. It doesn't get much better."

"Loads of fun." She tucked her arm under her head and looked up at the ceiling. Tentatively, she said, "I have videos... and pictures..."

"Of the baby?"

"Of everything. Michelle loved to sneak up on me with the camera and the camcorder, at all hours of the day."

He snickered. "Good for her."

She gently poked him. "It made for some very... raw footage..."

He grinned. "You mean, like...for my eyes only kinda stuff?"

"No," she laughed. "More like, me before any coffee. Except I wasn't allowed to have coffee, anyways."

"Maybe we can remedy that?"

"The coffee? Of course."

"That's not what I meant."

She shrugged innocently. "Really?"

"Come on...maybe?"

"On tape? You're out of your mind."

"Can't blame a guy for trying."

She shook her head and stretched. "Only you, Mike. Only you."

He sighed. "But you love me anyway, for all my faults. Don't you?"

"Do you even have to ask? Of course I do."

"Well...you had to ask if I wanted you to move home to New York. I guess we're full of stupid questions tonight."

She rolled onto her side and looked at him. "Any more?"

"Not me. I've met my quota of stupid questions for tonight."

"I meant did you have anything else to ask me? You've got something buzzing, and it's not the beer."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Are there things you really want to tell me?"

She swallowed thickly. "How about... we go one question at a time?"

"There's something you have to understand first. I understand that what happened was out of your control, and you have to know I don't blame you and I don't hold it against you. Not one bit. But I am very angry that it happened at all, and I'm even angrier that I can't do anything about it. That bastard got off easy, but I'm left with no one to hit for hurting you. I need you to understand that. None of that anger is against you. None."

She stared at him for a moment, then reached out and wrapped her hand around his. "Thank you, Mike," she murmured, gripping his hand tightly.

"For what?"

"Everything." She slowly turned over and pressed her back into his side. "Let's get this over with," she said quietly.

"Look, if you aren't ready to talk about it, that's fine. I'll still be here when you're ready."

"No!" She took a steadying breath and waited for his arm to go around her waist. "We can't... we won't be okay... until you have your answers."

"What makes you think I'm that curious?"

"I can almost hear it. You have questions, whether or not they're about _that_. And you deserve the answers. You've waited for a year."

"You don't have the answers I need."

She closed her eyes. "I'm... I'm glad he's dead," she said finally.

"I get that. The only reason I'm not is because I wanted the pleasure of doing it myself."

She stiffened against him. "Don't even say that, Mike. Just don't. Please."

"I thought we were being honest."

"I am. And if you had... I really would have lost you..."

"Let me tell you something. Bobby and I would have both gone to Riker's to pay the asshole a visit. I would have ended up on Staten Island and Alex would have killed Bobby. But it would have been worth it to both of us. We may not fit in among polite society, but no one, and I mean no one, hurts someone we care about."

She pulled his arm tighter around herself. "And I would have lost two of the most important people in my life."

"Well, it's not an issue any more."

"That's good to know."

"What about you? How are you feeling?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "I don't even know... I'm glad that he's dead. But I almost... can't believe it." She turned over and looked up into his eyes. "I spent a year running from him. I guess it just seems too... neat. I know it sounds stupid, but I keep thinking... that I'll see him on the street, or in the hospital..."

"Or on the television after playing cops and robbers with the right people...the ones with real bullets."

"He's dead, but..." She shook her head. "I'm just being paranoid, I guess. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Never apologize. It minimizes how you feel, and that's not fair."

She smiled a small smile. "Tomorrow we find out," she murmured, squeezing his hand.

"Uh...find out what?"

"About Kiska." She raised her head and looked at her daughter's playpen. "These past couple of weeks have been killing me."

"You mean about which one of us is responsible for her?"

"If you want to put it that way. I like to think of it as we find out who 'daddy' is."

"All right, Carolyn. Suppose it was him? Then what are you going to do?"

She shook her head. "She's my daughter. I guess it'll just mean that... that there won't be a dad in the picture."

He stared at her, visibly hurt. "You think it takes genetics for a man to be a dad?" He got up from the bed, his anger growing. "Ask Bobby about that. Ask him about how great his dad was. It takes a hell of a lot more than sperm to make a man a dad." He ran a hand over his hair, agitated. ""I thought you knew better. I thought you had a higher opinion of me...of the both of us. God...I can't believe how wrong I was."

Turning, he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

She moved off of the bed and threw the door open, hurrying down the hall to catch him before he was gone. "Mike," she said, grabbing his arm and pushing him against the wall. "I didn't mean it like that. I love you, but I'm not going to push you into being a dad if you don't want to be. And I'm not about to do or say something that could push you away. I'm not." She took a breath and continued to hold his eyes. "I don't know what you want, but I do know that I love you. If that bastard turns out to be her father..." She shook her head. "I want you to be her dad. I do. But what do you want?"

He put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arms' length. "You have two good men--all right, one good man and a halfway decent one who's willing to try hard--telling you that regardless of what that test shows, your daughter will have a father. Do you think we've been fucking blowing smoke? Do you think we're just trying to get you back to New York for...whatever? If you can't trust what we tell you, what I tell you, then what the fuck's the use? Why should I even bother? Go on back in there to your daughter, Carolyn. I...I need some air. I'll see you tomorrow." He released her and walked away.

"Mike." She watched him go, then walked back to the room. Kiska watched her with wide eyes as she gently picked her up and laid her in the car seat. "You and I are going for a little ride, baby," she murmured, fastening the buckle. She grabbed the diaper bag and slung it over her shoulder, then picked up the car seat.

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Mike threw open the door to Bobby's hospital room and marched over to the bed. Ignoring Alex, he shook Bobby roughly. "Hey, man, wake up."

Bobby jerked awake, turning too fast and groaning when his ribs protested the movement. "What the hell...?"

"Get up, man. You and I gotta talk."

Bobby rubbed his eyes and tried to chase the sleep from his mind. "What the hell..? What's wrong with you?"

Alex stirred at the voices, and she opened her eyes and glared at Mike. "What're you doing, Mike?" she demanded.

Mike walked over to the overnight bag he had brought from his apartment with clothes for Bobby, tossing him a shirt. "Come on. It's about time you went for a walk out of this room." He glared at Alex. "I'm taking him for a walk. And don't you dare try to stop me."

Her eyes narrowed in anger. "You need to cool your ass off and start explaining," she snapped.

"That's why I'm fucking here. Come on, Bobby. Before I explode."

Bobby pulled on the shirt and leaned over to give Alex a kiss. "Shh. It'll be okay. I'll find out what's wrong."

She leaned into his kiss. "You'd better," she whispered before leaning back against the pillows again.

He touched her cheek and slid out of the bed. Stepping into his sneakers, he said, "You push the pole. And if you don't calm down we're gonna have another round and you won't win that one."

"Just come on. I don't want to fight. I need to talk."

Bobby looked at Alex. "We'll just be in the cafeteria. I'll be fine."

She nodded, unconvinced.

"Don't worry." He gave Mike a shove toward the door. "You're lucky I didn't slug you, waking me up like that. Idiot..."

Alex sat in the bed, fuming as she stared at the wall. But her attention was drawn away from her anger when she heard someone at the door, and she growled, "Mike, so help me..."

Carolyn walked into the room, looking like she had lost her best friend, and Alex's anger dissolved instantly. "Carolyn, what are you doing here?"

"Mike and I... we had an argument." She looked around the room. "Where's Bobby?"

Alex patted her hand against the bed, and Carolyn gently placed Kiska's car seat in the chair, then sat down on the bed beside Alex. "Mike stormed in here and kidnapped my partner," Alex said, glaring at the door as if it were Mike. "What happened with you two?"

Carolyn sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "We... we had a fight, and he left. I guess this is where he went."

"Yeah, he came up here and woke us up," Alex grumbled.

"Sorry about that."

Alex shook her head dismissively. "Forget about it. He's the one I want to strangle."

Carolyn leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "He makes me so mad sometimes... Why do we even put up with it?"

Laughing softly, Alex said, "For the same reason they try to understand us. We love them."

"I try, Alex. I really do. But sometimes I say the wrong things at the wrong time."

"It happens to the best of us," Alex assured her softly.

"I don't want to lose him. I don't. But he asked me what I would do if Kiska winds up not being his or Bobby's, and I said that she wouldn't have a dad." She groaned and covered her eyes with her hand. "I want him to be her dad, but I don't want to push him. And sometimes, he acts like he doesn't even want to be around her."

Alex shifted on the bed until she was side by side with Carolyn, and she hesitated before hugging her. "Carolyn, I don't know how he thinks, and I'm not even going to pretend to. But I do know one thing. He loves you, very much."

"I know that, but it's not just me. It's me and my daughter." She groaned. "I really screwed things up, didn't I?"

Alex took a deep breath. "He loves you, Carolyn. And as far as I've seen, he loves that baby, whether he knows it or not. I think you're worried that if he's not her father, things won't turn out like you hoped they would."

"I just... I want to know where he stands. If he wants to be here, I want him to be. But if he's going to walk away..."

"And risk hurting Kiska, you think it's better for him not to be around at all," Alex concluded quietly.

"My baby comes before anything, Alex. You're all family to me, but if I thought it was better for my daughter, I would leave right now and not come back, no matter how much it hurt."

"I believe you. But Carolyn, you know that Mike... he's the real thing. Anyone who looks at you two can see it. He would walk away if you asked him to, because he loves you that much, and he wants you to be happy," Alex murmured. "That man would die for you, and I'm not exaggerating. He'd do anything to make you happy."

Carolyn felt a tear fall down her cheek, and she wiped it away. "I wish he would just tell me. If we stay together, he's going to be a big part of her life, no matter her paternity. In a way, he'll be daddy no matter what. That's if I haven't screwed everything up too badly."

Alex drew her in for another hug. "I seriously doubt you have. If you had, he wouldn't have come here and woken up Bobby just to talk," she said reassuringly.

Carolyn returned the hug. "You're probably right."

"You know I am," Alex said, half teasingly.

Sighing, Carolyn slid off of the bed and moved Kiska's car seat, then settled in the chair. "Now what?"

Settling back against the pillows again, Alex stretched her limbs and said, "Now's the fun part. We wait. They'll be back soon." She thought for a moment. "If they're not, I'll hunt them down and rip them both new ones." They both shared a small laugh.

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Bobby watched Mike pace in the elevator, wondering what could have happened to upset him this badly. Mike looked at him. "I don't suppose you can take that out so we can leave the hospital, can you?"

"Well, I could, but the doctor might not be too happy, if there was anything left of me after Alex got through with me."

"I guess coffee will have to do then."

"Mike, I can't drink more than the one I had earlier. You know that."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, coffee it is."

"I'm usually the one bouncing off the walls. What's up?"

"I am so pissed, man." They got off the elevator and Mike pushed the pole toward the cafeteria.

Bobby tried to keep up with him, but it started hurting too bad. "Slow down, dumb ass. If I go back to the room in pain, Alex will have your head on a platter."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot about your ribs."

They walked in silence until they got to the cafeteria. Bobby sat down while Mike got two cups of coffee. Then he sat down. "What did you tell Carolyn about the baby's paternity? Did you say anything about what you'd do if you aren't her dad?"

Bobby frowned in confusion. "I told her it didn't matter to me, that Kiska would have a dad, no matter what."

"That's what I thought. Do you know what she told me?" He didn't wait for an answer. "She said if that scum is the baby's father, then she'll grow up with no dad!"

"Calm down, Mike. Did you misunderstand her?"

"How many different ways can you interpret 'then she'll grow up with no dad'?"

"Mike, you haven't exactly been chomping at the bit to interact with Kiska. She doesn't want to shove the baby down your throat."

"Look, she's the one who turned up out of the blue. She had nine months to prepare for it. I didn't. I'm doing my best. I'm not a natural with kids like you are."

Bobby took a drink of his coffee. "You didn't talk to her, did you?"

"No. I was so mad I left. I didn't want to say anything that would make matters worse. I know that they come as a package deal. I'm not stupid but she treats me like I am sometimes."

"Well...sometimes you are."

Mike narrowed his eyes, then laughed. "Like bringing you a beer?"

Bobby laughed. "Not your brightest idea, but I did appreciate it. It got me in a little hot water, thanks."

"I'm doing you a favor by keeping her riled. Makes the sex better."

"You're an ass."

"I know."

"Stop doing me favors, will ya? I can get her riled without any help from you."

"Do you blame me for getting mad?"

"No. It kind of hurts that she seems to think so little of us. I don't get that. But what I think doesn't matter to her. She cares what you think. So you need to talk to her."

"Why bother if she won't listen to me?"

"Keep telling her until it sinks in that you're not going anywhere. It shouldn't matter who her father is if you're going to be with her. Regardless, you're the one who's going to be there all the time. Make sure she knows you're there by choice and not out of any sense of obligation."

"I thought we were past this. Is it going to be an every other day thing?"

"It could be for right now."

Mike groaned. "How am I going to survive that? I'm going to be pissed all the time."

"So work harder to get her past it."

"She's really going to have a meltdown if that guy is the baby's dad."

"She'll really need you then."

"Yeah, okay, I get that. But shooting me down when I didn't do anything wrong is just not cool."

"Tell her."

"I did. I'm running out of ways to reassure her."

"Then repeat yourself. Don't give up unless you're ready to lose her." Bobby sighed heavily. "Can I go back to bed now, Mike? I was sleeping good."

"Oh, yeah...sorry about that. I didn't know what else to do, and I knew you'd be a voice of reason for me."

"I appreciate that you feel that way. But don't ever wake me up like that again."

"Gotcha. Come on, buddy. Let's get you back to bed."

He dropped the two cups in the trash and they headed back toward the elevators.

Alex jerked her head up when she heard the door open, and she quickly slid off of the bed and walked over to the door, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at the two men.

Bobby's eyebrows raised and he did his best to look innocent when he saw the look on his partner's face. "Uh, oh..." he muttered.

"Yeah, uh oh is an understatement. Get your ass back in that bed," she growled, gently grasping his elbow.

"I can do it," he grumbled, annoyed that she was mad at him when he hadn't done anything wrong this time.

She waited until he was settled before leaning over to kiss him deeply.

His annoyance slid away quickly as he lost himself in the deep kiss, returning it with ardor. Once again, she took his breath away and sent his head spinning, making him forget everything in the world, except her.

As she pulled away, she rested her forehead against his and whispered, "Do that again, baby, and I will have no choice but to torture you for the rest of your life. Got it?"

"You can torture me any time," he murmured.

She sighed. "That didn't work. Damn it." Then she turned around and faced Mike, putting her hands on her hips. "Want to explain now?"

He sighed. "Can't you just drill him? It'll make great sex talk."

She turned around and shot a pointed glare at her partner. "What'd I tell you, Bobby?"

"Hey...I didn't tell him. He just...knew."

She threw her hands in the air and shook her head. "Forget it. I'm getting a headache already."

"He's not lying," Mike replied, sticking up for him. "But it wasn't hard to figure out."

She began pacing and muttering to herself.

Bobby looked at Mike. "She's talking to herself. That's not good."

She raised her head and looked at him. "Sometimes, I think I'm the sanest one here."

Carolyn heard voices, and she washed her trembling hands and dried them slowly. She looked at her reflection and washed her face, then dried it, throwing the paper towels away before she opened the door and walked out.

Mike was surprised when the bathroom door opened and shocked when Carolyn came out. He just stared at her.

His stare made her nervous, and she tried to shrug it off by saying, "I needed to get away, too. We think too much alike."

"No. We don't," he answered.

The corners of her mouth fell, but she nodded. "Right."

He walked away from her, to the window on the far side of the room, placing both Bobby and Alex between them. He leaned against the window sill and folded his arms across his chest.

Carolyn chewed on her lower lip for a minute as she stared at Mike's back. She had a choice, and she had to choose. She could walk away with Kiska and stay gone, or she could take that first step and reach out to him. All of this was her fault, too, and she had to find a way to make it right.

Finally she took a step, then another, until she was behind him. Then she reached out and tentatively laid her hand on his arm, almost expecting him to pull away.

When a hand came to rest on his arm, he tensed, struggling with himself. Part of him wanted to demand to know how she could ever have said that. Another part of him didn't want to create another stir within this hospital room. He did have some sense, when he chose to acknowledge it. So he chose not to move.

When he didn't move, she came a little closer, slowly closing her hand over his arm. "I'm sorry, Mike," she finally whispered, moving her thumb slowly over his skin. "I didn't mean it."

He kept his face turned from hers. "So why did you say it?"

She slowly allowed her other hand to settle on his side. "Because I didn't want to scare you off. Would you rather I had said, 'Yes, Mike, you're going to be her dad either way?' I know you. That _would _have sent you running." She began moving her hand slowly over his arm. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

He started shaking his head. "You were wrong."

"I know."

"What you said drove me away faster that what you could have said. But what you should have said was the truth. Either way, no matter what the DNA shows, Bobby and I are here for her. Always will be. You could have at least acknowledged that. He _told_ you Kitkat would always have a dad, and I thought I made that clear to you as well."

"I know that." Her hand fell away, and she tilted her head back and sighed. "I screwed up, and I said I was sorry. What else can I do, Mike? Tell me."

"Just say it, Carolyn. I've never heard you say it. Forget the fucking pity party. Just say it."

She gently grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her. "She'll have a dad, no matter what," she said softly. "I'm sorry for not seeing that, and I'm sorry if you thought in any way that I didn't want you right here."

"Tell me what else I need to do to prove it to you and I'll do it. But never say that to me again, or I really will walk."

The thought of him leaving for good made her stomach sink, but she nodded at him. "I'm sorry," she repeated quietly.

"Go back to the motel, Carolyn. I still need to calm down."

"Fine." She turned around and walked away stiffly, picking up Kiska's car seat. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

He leaned against the window again. He was not the bad guy here, he wasn't in the wrong, and he was not going to be made to feel guilty for something he did not do.

Alex moved closer to her partner and slid her arm around him. "Get some sleep, Bobby," she murmured.

Bobby looked from her over toward Mike. He understood why he was hurt. He wanted to say more, but he had no energy left to offer anyone. He shifted sleepily and looked back at his partner through half-open eyes. The room was slowly spinning and he was close to sleep.

Alex couldn't help but smile at the sleepy look on her partner's face, and she reached over and pulled the blanket tighter around him. "Sleep, baby. And remember our deal."

"Deal?" he asked blearily.

She grinned and shook her head. "See? I told you you're fun like this," she teased, kissing his temple and gently smoothing his hair back.

Her gentle touch did him in and he couldn't fight it any longer. He slipped into oblivion.

She gently kissed his forehead, then looked at Mike. "You staying or going?" she questioned, resting her head against her partner's.

"I'll stay if you don't mind, at least for a little while."

"Fine." She draped her arm over her partner and gently pulled him into her arms. "Take the cot if you need to."

"I know I'm a pain in the ass, and I annoy the crap out of you. Sometimes I'm convinced you don't even like me much. But what did you tell her?"

She sighed tiredly. "Mike, I do like you. Hell, I even think of you as family. If I didn't, you wouldn't be standing after that little tiff you had with my partner."

He looked at the floor. "I still gotta make that up to him."

"That's between the two of you. I'm not saying anything else about it."

"Yeah. We'll be fine. But tell me, what did you say to Carolyn?"

"Mike..."

"Just tell me...you didn't try to convince her that I'm wrong, did you?"

"No, I didn't. Why would you think that?"

"Like I said, sometimes I just think you don't have a high opinion of me." He raised a hand to silence her. "I know...I'm not the best catch in the sea. And I don't take things seriously most of the time. I'm a hothead and I can be an ass. But I am sincere about this. I can't believe she would think I'd leave her in a lurch just because some damn blood test said I'm not her biological father. It doesn't take biology to make a good dad. And you don't need genetics to be a dad."

Alex looked at him for a moment, then carefully slid out of Bobby's embrace and stood up, walking over to Mike. "That," she murmured, "is probably the smartest thing I've ever heard you say."

"What? That I'm an ass? You just don't listen to me."

She smiled at him. "You're a good man, Mike, and I know you wouldn't walk away from her unless she asked you to. And even then, you would fight it. You love her and that baby, even if you're not exactly comfortable with her yet. But that doesn't matter, because you will be. I have no doubts about that. That's what I told Carolyn."

He stared at her as if she had grown a second head and was sprouting a third. "You're serious?"

"No, Mike. I just like hearing myself talk," she muttered sarcastically. "Of course I'm serious."

"I...I never knew you thought...I mean..." he sighed. "I thought you just put up with me because Bobby and I are friends."

She arched one eyebrow. "Are you serious? Mike, I would think that you know me better than that. Especially with everything that's happened this past month."

"I'm not a profiler, Alex. I never pretended to be one. I can't read people like your boyfriend can. I'm used to people...not liking me."

"And it takes a hell of a lot to make me dislike people."

He held his hands out. "It doesn't take much for me to turn people off. I still don't know for sure how he puts up with me."

"Think about it for a moment, Mike. I trusted you enough to get through to my partner when I couldn't. Name one other person I would trust to do that."

He laughed quietly. "I appreciate that, Alex. But can you think of another person who would even have a chance of getting through to him?"

"Other than us? Not one."

"I came to the same conclusion."

She smiled at him. "Other than you, I don't think I could trust anyone to reach him. I almost took off Munch's head because he was upsetting Bobby."

Mike sighed. "Okay, now that we're square about where you think I stand with Bobby...what about Carolyn? I really don't try to upset her...but this time...this time I didn't do anything wrong. For once I wasn't being an ass and I didn't deserve what she said."

She rubbed the back of her neck, then sat down in the chair. "Mike, I don't know what happened between the two of you. All I do know is that Carolyn was very upset when she came to me, and she was positive that whatever had happened, it was her fault."

"She hit that nail on the head. But you questioned that, or you should have, if you know me."

Rubbing her temple slowly, she said, "Mike, I don't know what happened between you two, so I couldn't jump out and say that she was wrong, that you had done everything. So I just told her what I know."

"I don't think I want to know what that was."

"I already told you what I told her."

He studied her face. "Bobby's a lucky guy, Alex. I always thought that." He touched her cheek. "Maybe I'll get going. I'm sorry I woke you guys up, but I really needed his...calm, and his insight. Good night, Alex."

He headed past her and headed for the door.

She watched him go, then called softly, "You're a good man, Mike. Don't forget that. And whether or not you want to believe it, I care about you. You would've been dead a long time ago if I didn't."

He stopped for a moment, then chuckled and turned to look at her. "You know...I believe that."

She grinned at him. "Good. Because I would've had to smack you upside the head if you didn't."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Night, Mike."

He walked out of the room and headed toward the elevators. Once he got to the lobby and left the hospital, he looked up and down the street. He had a choice, and his decision would be based on how unsettled he still felt. Back to the motel...or down to the bar. A couple of drinks wouldn't hurt. He could sure use the chance to unwind. Making up his mind, he headed toward the bar.

Mike sat on a barstool, looking into his drink. He had decided to have just a couple, enough to take the edge off the bitter hurt he was trying to get rid of. Maybe talking to Carolyn would help, but not if he was still angry. He didn't want to make things worse, and he knew how he got when he was pissed.

He was in the middle of taking a drink when someone stumbled into him, knocking the drink out of his hand. "Hey, watch where you're going," he growled.

The man who had stumbled into him was an inch or two shorter than he was, but he was much stockier. Taut muscle stretched the fabric of his t-shirt. Mike sized him up as he stepped back, folding bulky arms over a broad, solid chest. "You want to make something of it?" he snarled belligerently.

Mike was in no mood to deal with an arrogant drunk, but he had never backed down from a challenge either. He got off the barstool and stood up to his full height. "I don't think you want to mess with me, pal."

The man reminded him of a small mountain. Uncrossing his beefy arms, he glared at Mike and, without warning, swung. He hit hard, a jackhammer blow that sent Mike slamming into the bar. Half-drunk, angry and too stubborn for his own good, Mike got up from the floor and charged the mountain.

It took four men to break up the fight. The bartender pointed a finger in the mountain's face. "I warned you, Garrison. One more fight and that was it. Get the hell out of my bar before I call the cops."

Garrison glared at the bartender, then pulled away from the men who held him and stumbled out of the bar. The bartender turned to Mike. "And you..."

Mike held up a hand. "I don't want any trouble. I'm going."

He limped out of the bar, favoring an injured knee. He felt blood rolling down the side of his face, but he ignored it. Why did things keep going from bad to worse for him?

She didn't know why, but she didn't head back to the motel right away. Instead, she drove around for a while to help calm herself. Kiska was sleeping in the backseat, and she had the radio turned up a little.

As she continued down the street, she saw a man limping down the sidewalk, and she slowed the car down to ask if he was all right. But as she pulled up alongside the man, she froze. "Mike?" There was no other traffic around, so she pulled the car over and jumped out, rushing over to check on him. "Mike, are you all right?"

He pulled away from her, then stopped himself. He shook his head and looked at her. "Yeah...yeah, I'm okay."

She could see the blood on the side of his face, and she took a shaky breath. "No, you're hurt. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

He hesitated a moment, before deciding that having her help him get cleaned up wasn't particularly a bad idea. He moved unsteadily toward the car.

She saw him falter, and she quickly wrapped her arm around his waist to steady him. Then she helped him to the car.

He didn't resist her help, gently wrapping his arm around her and letting her guide him to the car. Once in the passenger seat, he leaned back and softly groaned. "This is gonna hurt in the morning."

She shook her head and carefully shut his door, then walked back around to the driver's side. Without a word, she slid into the driver's seat and started the car.

Once they were moving, she glanced at him and gripped the steering wheel tightly. "You're a mess," she muttered, staring at the road ahead of her.

"Yeah...I figured."

She sighed and reached out, resting her hand gently on his leg. "I'm glad you're okay."

"I suppose okay is a matter of perspective, 'cause if you ask me, I've never been 'okay'."

She withdrew her hand and rested it on the steering wheel again. "Well, you're in one piece, and you're not too drunk. That's all I'm concerned about right now. That and getting you cleaned up and in bed. You're probably going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

"That's a given."

"I suppose it is." The rest of the ride went by in silence, and when she pulled into the parking lot of the motel, she turned the car off and said, "Stay right there."

He looked at her curiously but he had been in enough arguments tonight. He wasn't up to another one.

She climbed out of the car and carefully retrieved Kiska's car seat, then shut the door and walked back over to Mike's door. Very carefully, she opened his door and helped him out. "I'm not going to let you fall flat on your face," she muttered, sliding her arm around his waist again as she kicked the door shut.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

The first thought that popped into his head was where was that concern earlier, when she all but accused him of walking out on her when he'd done no such thing. But, wisely for once, he kept his mouth shut and just let her help him to the room.

Once she had gotten them into the room, she reluctantly released her hold on Mike, then placed Kiska's car seat on the bed. Then she opened her suitcase and began sifting through it.

Finally she found the first aid kit, and she closed the suitcase and stood up again. "Sit down, Mike," she said quietly, opening the kit. "Please."

He waved a hand. "Get the baby settled first. I'm not going to bleed to death."

She ignored him. "She's fine, Mike. But you're bleeding all over the place."

He gently grasped her wrist. "Get her out of her car seat, babe, and get her comfortable. I'll go bleed in the bathroom."

"Fine." She put the kit down, then walked over to her daughter's car seat. "Come on, beautiful," she murmured, picking Kiska up and crossing the floor to lay her in the playpen. After covering her with a blanket, she grabbed the first aid kit again and walked into the bathroom.

He was sitting on the side of the bathtub, watching the blood drip from the side of his face onto the tile floor.

She grabbed a wash cloth and dampened it with warm water, then crouched down in front of Mike. With gentle hands, she reached out and cupped his cheek, then slowly wiped the blood away that had trickled down the side of his face.

He winced when she got to the nasty laceration that ran from his temple to his cheekbone. "Ow..."

"Sorry, babe. It's a nasty cut," she murmured, reaching for the peroxide.

"Wanna get me a scotch and soda?"

She shook her head as she smiled. "Not a chance." Pulling away, she said, "This is probably going to hurt." Then she opened the black bottle and laid the cap on the floor.

"How about bourbon...Jack and coke?"

"Dream on, baby." She carefully grasped his chin and gently tilted his head to the side. "Don't move."

When the peroxide touched the side of his head, he launched himself off the side of the tub, slamming into the doorjamb. He fell back against the door and swore.

She set the bottle down and moved over to his side, gently grasping his shoulders. "Are you okay?" she demanded, instinctively moving her hands over his body.

"No, I'm not okay. I'm bleeding and I just ran into a door." He thought about that and started laughing. "God...this is going to hurt in the morning."

She fell back and sighed, shaking her head. "Oh yeah, tomorrow is definitely going to be fun," she muttered, grabbing a piece of gauze from the kit. Tucking her legs under her, she tenderly cupped his cheek in her hand and blew softly against the wound.

"What are you doing?"

"Drying the peroxide so I can put the gauze on it," she answered softly.

He sighed. "Keep doing that."

She smiled and continued to blow softly against the wound. A few moments later, she gently placed the gauze against it. "Is there anywhere else that hurts?" she asked.

"My eye."

She looked at his eye and groaned. "You're going to have a nice shiner. I'll go get some ice," she murmured, carefully taping the gauze in place.

"Hurry back."

She nodded and gently kissed the injured area. Then she rose to her feet and said, "Stay right here."

He slid down to the floor and leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and waiting for her to return.

A few minutes later, she returned with a bowl of ice, several plastic bags, and a wad of paper towels. Easing into the bathroom, she set her supplies down and crouched down in front of him. "Hey, I'm back."

"Missed you," he muttered.

She smiled and filled one of the bags with ice, wrapping it in several paper towels before she gently pressed it to his eye.

"You were limping. Did you hurt your leg too?" she asked, gently picking up his hand and guiding it to hold the ice pack over his injured eye.

He held the ice pack over his eye and murmured, "I, um, I think he kicked me in the knee. Wuss..."

She reached down and gently rolled up his pant's leg, frowning deeply. "That's really going to hurt tomorrow," she said quietly, making another ice pack and carefully pressing it against his knee.

He groaned and settled back against the wall. "I think I'll just stay here for the night."

She looked up at him. "No, we need to get you onto one of the beds, or the pain will be even worse. I can promise you that."

"But it's cool down here...and comfortable."

"I'm sure. But you're not sleeping here." She rose to her feet and began putting the supplies away. Once she was done, she stood in front of Mike and extended her hand to him. "Come on. Let's get you into bed before the stiffness really sets in."

He set his hand in hers and tried to stand, stumbling a few steps toward the bathtub.

She quickly wrapped her arms around him and steadied him. "Slow down, Mike," she urged, tightening her arm around him.

He rested his head against the wall and snickered. "I suppose a shower's out of the question?"

"Not unless you can stay on your feet for ten minutes by yourself, tough guy."

She looked him up and down, then gently pulled him in the direction of the beds. "Come on, Mike. We both need a little sleep."

He groaned as he sprawled across the center of the bed. He watched the room spin around him for a few minutes before he laughed, then closed his eyes and faded out.

She looked at him oddly, then sat down on the bed beside him. "Idiot," she muttered, gently straightening his legs out before she pulled the blanket around his sleeping form. She stayed awake for a little while longer, and when he reached out for her in his sleep, she was surprised, but didn't fight him. Instead, she stretched out beside him and leaned against his chest. "Good night, Mike," she whispered before sleep claimed her.

The sound of her daughter's whimpers woke her, and she opened her eyes and groaned. She tried to move, but Mike's strong arm was wrapped tightly around her, and she gently pushed it away. "What's wrong, baby girl?" she asked, carefully sliding out of the bed and walking over to the playpen. Kiska looked up at her with bright eyes, and she smiled and picked her up, then sat on the empty bed.

After changing her diaper, Carolyn settled back against the pillows and moved her shirt away, then settled her down so she could nurse.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was after eleven, and she groaned. She needed to go to the hospital... they needed to go, to find out the results of the DNA test. Kiska stopped nursing, and she absently placed her on her shoulder and began patting her back gently.

After burping her, Carolyn stood up and laid Kiska in the playpen again. Then she walked over to Mike's bed and sat down, running her hand along his side. He stirred, but didn't waken, and she slid her hand under his shirt and caressed the bare skin beneath. "Mike..."

His eyes still didn't open, and she rested her hands on either side of his body, suspending herself over him. Then she leaned down and pressed her lips against his neck. "Mikey..." she murmured in a low, teasing voice. "Open those eyes for me." She moved from his neck to drop soft kisses on his eyes.

He groaned and tried to turn over, but something had him pinned to the mattress. His eyelids fluttered and opened as he squinted against the light. Slowly Carolyn came into focus. "Uh, morning."

"Good morning, yourself," she murmured, ducking her head to brush her lips against his. She brushed her fingertips lightly against the gauze on the side of his head, and her forehead crinkled. "How are you feeling?"

"Did you see me last night?"

"Yes..."

"And you have to ask?"

She swallowed the retort. "Just checking. Come on, we have to get ready."

"Ready? For?"

"We're going to go find out about the paternity results," she answered, reluctantly pushing herself upright.

"Oh, man...is that today?"

"Sure is."

"All right...all right...let me shower and see if I can turn myself back into a human."

She grinned. "No way, buddy. I'm getting my shower first."

"Not if I get there first."

She leaned over and kissed him deeply, then pushed herself off the bed and took off toward the bathroom.

"Hey! That's cheating." He struggled to his feet, then stumbled as his knee gave out beneath him. He landed on the other bed with a groan. "Oh, man..." He got to his feet, walking carefully toward the bathroom. "Hey, baby...how about...well, got room in there for me?"

She opened the door and began unbuttoning her shirt. "Only you," she said, trying to keep a disinterested look on her face but failing miserably.

"Here. Let me help you with that," he offered, limping forward.

She looked at him, then awkwardly pulled it over her head. "Too late," she teased, tossing her shirt onto the floor.

"Baby, baby...don't tease...I have the hangover from hell."

Her smirk faded, and she walked over to him and pulled him into her arms. "Okay, no more teasing," she murmured, running her hands over his back.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her hands along his back.

She craned her head up to kiss his cheek, then she said, "Still up for that shower?"

"Oh, yeah..."

She smirked and allowed her arms to drop to her sides, then walked back into the bathroom.

He was right behind her.

She walked over to the shower and turned the water on, then wiggled out of her jeans.

He had a lot more trouble getting out of his clothes. His muscles were stiff and sore, his knee wasn't holding his weight and he was still a little unsteady courtesy of his hangover.

When she noticed that he wasn't right behind her, she stepped out of her jeans and walked over to him. "Here," she murmured, sliding his shirt carefully over his head, then moving to unfasten his jeans.

"Easy...my knee's not cooperating very well right now."

She nodded and carefully slid his jeans down. "I am."

As she lowered his jeans, she knelt down in front of him and examined his knee, which had turned a ghastly mixture of green and purple. Without hesitating, she leaned forward and gently kissed the injury.

He shuddered and almost fell over. "Can we just shower, so I can get off the damn thing."

She stood up again and peeled her panties off, then unfastened her bra and dropped it to the floor. "Come on," she murmured, stepping into the shower.

"Oh, man..." He followed her into the shower.

She stood under the pulsating water, closing her eyes as she allowed her muscles to relax.

He came up behind her, running his hands over her wet skin. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."

She grinned and reached for the shampoo. "Hey, I'm getting a shower," she said innocently.

"No comment..."

She gently smacked his hand, then poured the liquid into her hand and began massaging it into her thick curls.

After a few moments, she rinsed her hair, then picked up a bottle of body wash. "Turn around," she purred, squirting a large amount of the liquid soap into her hand.

He did as she asked, careful to keep his balance when his knee buckled.

She gently pushed him to the wall, keeping one hand on his waist to prevent him from falling. Then she began gently washing his back with the body wash. "I won't let you fall," she murmured softly as she leaned over to kiss his shoulder.

He sighed softly and rested his forehead against the tile.

She took a step back, keeping her hand on his waist as she let the water wash away the soap on his back. Once the soap was gone, she washed her own body, then rinsed herself and reached over to turn the water off.

Once the water stopped, he said, "Well, that didn't work."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "I had fun," she replied.

"Fun, yeah, but I still don't feel human."

She reached out and grabbed two towels, handing one to him as she said, "Well, then let's go get you some aspirin and coffee, huh?"

"Lots of coffee," he muttered as he limped out of the bathroom, searching for his bag amidst all the baby stuff.

She followed him out of the bathroom, wrapping a second towel around her head to dry her hair. After checking on her sleeping daughter, she reached into her suitcase and picked out a change of clothes. "Do you want to get something to eat before we go up there?" she asked as she dried herself off and began putting her clothes on.

"I said nothing about eating. I said coffee."

"Mike Logan, not hungry? That's a first," she teased, buttoning her jeans.

"So after you eat, what are we doing?"

"I'm not really hungry. Let's just go to the hospital."

"Nervous?"

"More than you know."

"Let me get dressed...I know my bag is around here someplace...and we'll get going."

She nodded and continued to dry her hair.

It took him long enough to find his bag and struggle into his clothes to annoy him, which just added to his already throbbing head and sick stomach.

She watched him struggle with his clothes, and once he was dressed, she picked up her daughter and carefully strapped her into her car seat. "Ready to go?" she asked, slinging Kiska's diaper bag over her shoulder.

He rubbed his temple. "Sure. I guess so."

She headed toward the door, pausing for a moment to touch his arm. Then she opened the door. "Come on, cowboy," she smiled, stepping out of the room.

Limping, he followed her out to the car. For once, he had no problem letting her drive.

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"Here goes nothing," she said softly as they arrived at the door of the lab.

He touched her back. "I don't know what you're nervous about. You know you're her mother."

"That doesn't make me less nervous," she muttered.

"Why? We went through this yesterday. The baby is gonna have a dad no matter what that paper shows."

"I know. I don't even know why I'm nervous. It's hard to explain." She sighed and rubbed her temple. "I've been nervous and worried since the day she was born. I don't think anything can make that go away."

He leaned in, bringing his lips close to her ear. "Let me recover from this hangover and I'll be happy to try."

She smiled. "Try all you want, but I'm pretty sure it comes with the territory."

"Don't count on it."

She turned her head and kissed him softly, then pulled away and opened the door. "Let's go."

He followed her through the door into the lab, wondering if the knot in his stomach was from his hangover or from what the paper Carolyn was going to get would reveal.

Carolyn walked into the lab with Mike right behind her. "Hi, can somebody help us?" she asked one of the lab technicians.

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to pick up the results of a paternity test on my daughter."

"Name?"

"Kiska Barek."

"Hold on."

The tech returned after a few moments and handed her a sealed envelope. "Here you are."

She accepted the envelope. "Thank you."

Tucking the envelope under her arm, she walked back out of the lab and into the hallway. "Are we... should we go to Bobby's room?" she wondered quietly as she looked at the envelope.

Logan nodded. "I think that would be considerate."

She nodded in response, then took a step in the direction of Bobby's room. "Your leg okay?" she asked, turning her head.

"No, but keep going before I stiffen up and you have to carry me piggyback the rest of the way."

She allowed a smile at that, then headed down the hall.

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"I wonder where they are?" Alex mused as she toyed with the small wooden squares.

"Right here," Carolyn said as she and Mike walked into the room.

Alex grinned at them. "Great timing."

"So I've been told," Carolyn said, glancing pointedly at Mike.

Mike looked at Alex, half-amused. "I could always kidnap your partner again."

"Bobby, where's that copy of the Smithsonian?" she asked, poking her partner gently.

Mike pointed a finger at him. "Don't you dare. That sucker hurts!"

Bobby gave Alex a grin. "He has a point. And he's not a bug."

"Really? Could've fooled me," she snarked, moving to sit beside him.

He kissed her softly and turned back to the game, setting out five tiles to build on her letter 'g'. E-N-E-R-G-Y.

She sighed and fell back against the pillows. "Damn it, how do you _always_ sucker me into playing this?"

He grinned and leaned closer to whisper, "I know how to beg just right."

She gently pushed him away and dumped her tiles onto the board. "You win. We're done," she announced, grinning impishly at him.

"For now," he smirked.

Carolyn cleared her throat. "Sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds, but I've got something we all need to hear."

Bobby looked at her. "What's that?"

She set Kiska's car seat and diaper bag on the floor, then pulled the envelope from under her arm. "The paternity results," she answered quietly as she opened the manila envelope with trembling hands.

"Oh...So what are you waiting for?"

Slowly she slid the paper out of the envelope, and her eyes carefully scanned it until they reached the answer. As it registered in her mind, she sank back in the chair, resting her hand on her stomach. "Oh, my God, it-it's not him..." she whispered, pressing her fist to her mouth.

Mike looked at Bobby, who raised his eyebrows. Mike shrugged. _It wasn't him_...that meant...it was one of them. Bobby looked worried, and Mike knew why. As fond as he was of the little girl, he really did want Mike to be her father. And now...Mike didn't know what he wanted.

Several more long seconds went by, and finally Alex slid out of the bed and carefully took the paper from Carolyn, who just leaned forward and buried her face in her hands.

Alex glanced at her partner, then scanned the sheet until she found what she was looking for. "Mike, she's yours," she said softly.

Mike did not miss the relief in Bobby's face or his body. He had really been worried, and he wondered if it even had anything to do with genetics any more as he looked at Alex. She was also awash with relief, her eyes locked on her partner's. Mike didn't move. He had a flood of mixed feelings about this...oh, shit...he was a father...

Alex slowly handed the paper to Mike, then returned to the bed, wrapping her arms tightly around her partner. She was split between relief and guilt. Relief that the baby wasn't Bobby's, and guilt for even thinking or feeling that way.

Bobby slid his arm around his partner, hugging her to him and glancing at Mike, who was looking increasingly shell-shocked. "Mike?" he said softly.

Slowly, it dawned on Mike that someone had called his name and he looked toward the bed. Bobby tipped his head to the side, curiously, and Mike realized he was the one who had spoken. "I...don't know..." he whispered, hung over and sore and in shock, entirely uncertain of what he felt...other than sick to his stomach. But he didn't want Carolyn to think he was rejecting her or the baby, so he swallowed his nausea and tried to look...less green.

Carolyn finally moved her hands away from her face, but kept her eyes glued to the floor.

"Carolyn, are you okay?" Alex asked softly, but Carolyn didn't answer.

Bobby gently nudged her and motioned toward Carolyn with his head, encouraging her.

She nodded and slid off of the bed, crouching down in front of Carolyn. "Hey, are you all right?" she asked again, gently touching her knee. She still didn't respond.

Bobby threw a pillow at Mike, who glared at him. He motioned him closer. When he stepped within striking range, Bobby smacked him and growled, "Stop looking so sick, dammit."

Defensively, Mike protested, "I...I have a hangover...I do feel sick."

"Well, hide it, for Pete's sake, you moron."

"I'd like to see you...oh, never mind...you never fucking look hungover."

"Take a hint, then. You want to upset her?"

Mike glanced across the room. "Too late. She already looks upset...and she hasn't even looked over here."

Bobby smacked him again. "Don't make it worse."

"Can I hide under the bed again?"

"Again? What do you mean again?"

"Never mind." He sank down in a chair. "What am I going to do?"

"Get over there and talk to her, idiot."

"And say what? I'm sorry."

"You want to take a trip out that window?"

"Okay, okay...keep your shirt on...or maybe...put a shirt on..."

"Just get over there."

Carolyn still hadn't moved, and Alex's frown had deepened. She looked over her shoulder at Bobby and Mike, then back to Carolyn. She finally started to speak in a very quiet voice, and Alex leaned in closer to hear her.

"...should've seen it," she whispered, and Alex squeezed her knee.

"Seen what, Carolyn?" she pried gently.

"Her eyes... they have green flecks..." She took a shaky breath. "I just got... everything I wanted, and I don't know what to do."

Alex nodded. "I think he's just as shocked as you are."

Carolyn finally moved her hands and looked at her daughter- their daughter. They had had a child... she wasn't Cumming's... she was _theirs._ She leaned back in the chair, but her eyes still didn't meet his.

_She's Mike's!_ a voice in her head screamed, and she finally looked up at Mike's ashen face.

Mike walked around the bed and stood there, watching Carolyn, uncertain of her reaction. She didn't seem happy...and he had no idea what to make of it. He looked at Bobby, who nodded at him. When he looked back at her, she was looking his way and he tried not to panic.

She saw him take a step towards her, and with a soft sigh, she stood up and walked over to him, stopping just short of actually touching him.

He had no idea what to do, what she wanted him to do, so he just stood there, staring at her.

He wasn't moving, so she reached a tentative hand out and pressed her palm against his chest.

He fought hard not to tremble, and he looked down at her hand. Then he raised his eyes to meet hers, still confused by her reaction and unsure of his own.

Her hand balled his shirt, and she closed the distance, wrapping her other arm around his waist and resting her head against his chest.

He hugged her, kissing her head. "So...is this a...good thing, or a bad one?"

Another pillow hit him and he shot a look at Bobby.

She tightened her arm around him, whispering, "I love her, and I love you. How could this be bad?"

Alex grinned at Bobby's assault on Mike, and she curled into his side. "He can be an idiot sometimes," she whispered low enough so only Bobby could hear.

"Sometimes?" he returned. He wanted to discuss this with her, but knew it was best to wait. He kissed the side of her head and leaned back on the mattress.

Carolyn felt a tear fall, and she stayed there in Mike's embrace for a few more moments, then slowly pulled away. "Say something, Mike," she urged quietly. "Please?"

He shrugged hopelessly. "Like what?"

She shrugged. "I...I don't know." Then she turned around and walked over to Kiska's car seat, bending over to pick the snuffling baby up. Slowly, she walked back over to the chair and sat down, looking at Bobby and Alex, then Mike. "I am just so... thankful that Cummings isn't her father." She almost spat the last word out.

She retrieved a bottle from the diaper bag and rested Kiska in the crook of her arm, and the baby eagerly latched onto the bottle. The tension was getting to be too much, and finally she said, "So, how about them Yankees?"

"You make being a father sound like a friggin' crime and then you ask about the Yankees?" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Where does that leave me?"

"Out in left field?" Bobby offered.

That sent Alex into laughter, and soon both she and Carolyn were trying to catch their breaths from laughing so hard.

Mike stood near the foot of the bed, hands on his hips, glaring at his friend. Bobby shrugged and gave him an innocent grin.

Finally, Carolyn stopped laughing, and she stood up and walked over to Mike. "It's not a crime," she said, gently pulling him to face her. "And even if he had been, I guess it wouldn't have been the worst thing, because either way, I have you." She turned her head and smiled at Bobby. "And you and Alex too, Bobby."

Bobby gave her a gentle smile. "Just a phone call away," he assured her.

"And if he's there, I'm not too far behind," Alex added with a grin of her own.

"I'd imagine. I just need to be careful about when I call, right?" Carolyn joked.

Bobby's eyes strayed to his partner, and he made no attempt to hide the passion in them. His fingers brushed over bare skin and he let out a soft sigh.

Carolyn's smile disappeared, and she groaned. "Okay, knock it off. Do I need to get a squirt bottle?"

"Depends," Bobby muttered. "What are you going to put in it?" His eyes sparkled with a playful mischief. "If I remember right, Carolyn..."

"Shut up!" she snapped playfully.

Alex looked at Mike and poked her partner.

"What?" he objected.

She fell back against the pillows, then waited a moment before grabbing his sides playfully.

With a cross between a groan and a chuckle, he covered her mouth with his. He was feeling much better and lately his thoughts were preoccupied...by her.

Carolyn groaned again and turned away from them, facing Mike again. "Now I know how you feel. Do they ever stop?"

Mike finally grinned. "Nah. It's about time, huh?"

She smirked. "Definitely. Two of the world's greatest detectives, my foot," she said with a laugh. She looked down at her daughter- their daughter, and a thoughtful smile crossed her face.

"Want to feed her?" she asked softly.

"Um...not yet...er, not right now...hangover, remember?"

She nodded. "Okay." Kiska began squirming and snuffling in her arms, and she settled her into the crook of one arm and offered her the bottle, which she latched onto eagerly. Making content little noises, Kiska closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into her mother's arms.

She watched her daughter for a few moments, then looked up at Mike. "You... uh, ready to go?" she asked quietly, nodding at Bobby and Alex, who were still kissing.

"Yeah. Let's get outta here before we see something she shouldn't see for another twenty...uh, forty years."

She grinned and nodded toward the diaper bag and car seat. "Can you get that? If I take her bottle away now..."

"Yeah, I got it." He stooped over and picked up a pillow, tossing it back at the bed as he grabbed the two items. "Later, guys."

Alex pulled away from Bobby long enough to glare at Mike. "Smithsonian..." she threatened.

"Yeah...yeah...Go back to what you were doing."

She grinned and pulled Bobby in for another kiss.

With a soft groan, he melted into her embrace.

Carolyn rolled her eyes and headed out of the room, with Mike behind her. Once in the hall, she said, "Let's get back to the motel so I can get your pants off and take a look at that leg."

"You get my pants off and you'll have to deal with more than my friggin knee."

She grinned. "I know. You owe me another shower."

TBC...

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it, everybody. Mike's Kiska's daddy. Next chapter, we see how everyone's handling the news. Thanks for reading, and please drop us a line and let us know how we're doing!


	15. Daddy's Little Girl

Well, everyone, it seems that there might actually be an end in sight for this little story... Amazing. Infinity Star and I are still discussing it, but we're going to end the story with one of two possible huge events. What those events are... well... ya'll will just have to see. And before ya'll start to freak out, we have already decided to continue this story in a series. So when we wrap this story up, hopefully the next one will be posted soon afterwards. Parts of this chapter is definitely **M**... (smirks evilly) Three smut scenes in one chapter... wow... And we give Mike a couple of good scares. Lots of goodies in here for our fellow shippers tossed in here for good measure, too! Enjoy this update, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Nope, not ours.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Back at the hotel, she pushed him toward the bed, then laid Kiska on the baby quilt that was still spread out over the floor. Then she grabbed the baby play gym and carefully placed it over her, within easy reach. "There you go, beautiful," she cooed.

Mike laid on the bed, watching her with the baby...his baby. The thought made his head spin.

She stood upright and watched Kiska for a moment, then walked over to where Mike was laying. "What are you thinking about?" she asked, kneeling down in front of the bed and rolling up the leg of his pants.

"How to stop my head from spinning."

She smiled and continued rolling the leg of his pants up, until she reached the intended area. "Ouch," she muttered as she looked at the swollen injury.

"Ya think?" he muttered.

She shook her head and carefully rolled the material down again. "You want to eat now?"

"I guess I can try."

"Good." She pushed herself up onto the bed and sat beside him, leaning down to smooth his hair back.

"Um...hey...if I ever start to make you want to say father...like it's a disease or something...will you let me know?"

She kissed his forehead softly, whispering, "Yes."

"Um, I don't really feel like going anyplace. Would you mind running out to get something for us to eat? I'll...watch Kitkat."

She raised an eyebrow. He was actually volunteering to watch her- their child? She couldn't stop the smile that appeared as she said, "Sure. I'll be back as soon as I can."

He gave her a half-smile and watched her leave. Then he dropped down onto his stomach by the baby. "Well, Kitkat, it's official. You've got a dad, and I'm it." He stroked her arm. "I don't know whether to laugh or apologize. But I guess either way, we'll survive."

He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. She turned onto her side and, resting her hand on his chin, she went to sleep.

When Carolyn came back from the diner, the sight that greeted her brought tears to her eyes and sent her searching for her camera. After putting the food down and taking several pictures of Mike and Kiska, she retrieved a photo album and a box of pictures, then sat on the bed closest to the sleeping two.

She opened the photo album to an empty page, then opened the box of pictures and began sorting through them, occasionally stopping to pick one up and slide it into the album.

Mike rolled over and slowly opened his eyes. He looked around the room, finally spotting Carolyn on the bed. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Photo album," she explained, holding up the book for him to see.

"Oh."

She motioned to the Styrofoam containers. "Lunch. You still feel up to eating?"

"I guess." He sat up and leaned back against the bed, accepting the container from her.

She smiled and continued working on the photo album as he ate lunch. As she looked at pictures of Kiska, a thought came to her mind, and she looked at Mike. "Hey, do you have any baby pictures?" she asked curiously.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No."

"Let's just say my mother wasn't exactly worried about getting pictures of her little disability."

She frowned deeply, then picked out two of the pictures, one of her nine months pregnant, the other of her a few hours after Kiska's birth, and handed them to him. "Michelle made sure that didn't happen with Kiska," she said quietly.

He looked at the pictures and handed them back with a small smile. "Good for her. Sorry I don't have anything for you to compare her to."

She placed the pictures back into the box. "Bobby probably won't be in the hospital much longer. I'm probably going to start looking for a place in New York."

"He'd have been out a week ago if I hadn't pounded him."

"Knock it off, Mike. It's done, he's going to be okay. Stop punishing yourself."

"I learned from the master."

She glared at him. "Stop it, or you can forget that shower."

He was quiet for a long minute. "You know how stressful it can be trying to find a place you can afford."

"Yeah, I've done it before. But unless I go back to my other place, I have to do it."

"What if you had another option?"

She looked at him. "What other option?"

"Stay with me."

Her eyes widened. "Mike... what are you talking about?"

"I may not have the fanciest place in the city, but it's comfortable. You and Kitkat are welcome to stay with me."

She brushed a stray curl out of her eyes and thought for a moment. "Okay, but only until I can find a place. In the city, of course." She tucked another picture into the album.

"Whatever. I won't chase you away."

She put the album down and scooted closer to him. "Give me an honest answer, Mike."

"Um, what's the question?"

"Do you want us there? And I don't mean for a week or a few months. I mean, for good."

"Maybe I'm not the one who should be answering that question. Do you think you can handle living with me for more than a few months?"

She grinned. "I'm sure I could. But we're talking about sleepless nights, little frilly pink things everywhere..."

"I'll adjust. It's not like I'll be bringing home any dates or anything. And I'm used to Bobby laughing at me."

Her smile faded. "But what about Kiska? You only have one bedroom."

"She's three months old. I don't think she's ready for her own room yet."

"A nursery, Mike. She needs a nursery for the changing table, her crib, the rocking chair, and everything else that you were surprised by."

"We'll find a place for everything. And the stuff she doesn't need right away, we can keep at Bobby's place. He doesn't live far and he has a bigger apartment."

"Mike, I'm not sure. I mean, with all of my stuff, and the baby's... This is big."

"So's becoming a friggin' father, Carolyn. That's bigger, as a matter of fact."

"You're right. So was becoming a mother. This is big for all of us."

"And moving in with me is an issue?"

"Not moving in with you. I want to. I'm just worried about space." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I guess that's pretty silly, huh? We can make this work no matter where we are."

"I do the best I can with what I can afford, you know."

"I know." The corners of her mouth turned up in a small smile. "You know this means that when she wakes up, she's going to be waking both of us up, right?"

"Do you remember how I sleep?"

"Yes. I'm just telling you what to expect, so we're not flying in blind." She crossed her legs under her. "I'm going to have to put foam padding everywhere in your apartment in a few months, just so you know."

"Why don't we just get rid of the furniture?"

She laughed softly. "That might work. But where would you sleep when I kick you out of the bed for snoring?"

He laughed. "I'll go to Bobby's."

"And when a hormonal Alex screams at you for being there?"

"I meant the couch, Carolyn."

"I know."

"I can see her flipping out if I try to sleep between them, but unless she's already sent him to the couch, I won't bother her. Are you already planning to kick me out of bed?"

She smirked. "Maybe," she teased.

"Great."

She reached out and brushed her fingers against his cheek, then returned her attention to the photo album.

He had a feeling he was in big trouble.

A few minutes passed quietly, until the sound of music started, and Carolyn raised her head and grinned at Mike. "Someone's awake," she announced softly.

"She plays music?"

"The play gym. She can reach up and touch the toys, and each one does something different, like lighting up or playing music."

"Nice. She already has toys that make noise."

"Of course."

She slid off of the bed and tucked the photo album and box of pictures back into her suitcase. Then she walked around the bed and climbed onto it, draping herself sideways across the mattress and resting her head on his uninjured leg.

"So...what now?" he asked.

"I was just about to ask you that."

"I have no idea."

She mimicked his actions. "Me neither. That kind of makes me feel better."

"It makes you feel better that I'm clueless? That worries me."

"It makes me feel better that we both are clueless."

"Funny...it makes me nervous."

"The only time you're not nervous is when you're drunk, Logan," she teased.

"There's an idea."

She playfully smacked his leg. "Not again. You're still recovering from last night."

He sighed. "It was worth a shot. Of course, it's not a lot of fun without my drinking buddy."

"No, I imagine not."

She grabbed a pillow and tucked it under her head. "So... maybe we should try to figure this out now, before we both start running around like a couple of headless chickens."

"I don't have the slightest clue how to raise a kid. I'm lucky I survived my own upbringing"

"I don't have any ideas either. I mean, I had nine months to get ready, but when she was born, I realized that you could have all the time in the world to get ready, but you're never really ready."

''Sweet. So how do we not screw her up for life? I didn't even know how to hold her."

"Neither did I. But I learned. And we turned out okay, so I think she has a pretty good chance."

"Oh, yeah...I'm convinced."

"Hey, you know about my childhood, and you seem to think I'm okay."

"And you know about mine and I'm not."

She pushed herself up and gently pushed him back against the pillows, then rested the upper half of her body on his chest. "Mike, I don't know what your mother told you, and sometimes, I don't think I want to know. But know this: I know you're a good person. You didn't turn your back on me when I came back, and you didn't run when I told you why I had gone. A lesser man would have. Sure, there are more polite, more "refined" men, but I don't want them. I want you."

"You're right about one thing, sweetheart--you really don't want to know."

She shifted a little and rested her head over his heart, her hand resting on his shoulder. "I'm here, if you ever need someone to talk to."

"Thanks, but that's not gonna happen. I've got my demons locked away and they're not coming out to play. Ever."

She sighed softly and closed her eyes. "Well, I am."

He kissed her head. "Don't play with fire, honey. It will consume you."

"Too late for that."

She shifted on his chest and stretched a little. Deciding to change the subject, she fingered the soft material of his shirt as she said, "So, what are you going to do when her first word winds up being daddy?"

He snorted. "If I'm not careful her first word is going to end up being 'asshole.'"

She laughed outright at that. "Oh, I'm sure that Bobby would just love coming over and hearing her say that. He'd probably say you taught it to her on purpose."

"Yeah, he would. And then he'd smack me upside the head and tell me to watch what I say around her."

"Probably. And then Alex would probably smack you both."

"I don't know...I think she'd be on his side on that one."

She shrugged one shoulder and grinned. "You know what's going to be really fun?"

"Oh, please tell me."

She poked him. "Moving."

"Actually, Bobby and I have a blast moving people. We moved Alex to Rockaway."

"Well, this isn't going to be exactly the same."

"Why not?"

"That was what, ten miles?"

"I don't know. I didn't take notice."

"North Carolina."

"N-North Carolina? That's gonna cost you more than a case of beer, sweetheart."

"You said that you and Bobby could have found me, if he hadn't been distracted by what was happening with his mother, and I knew you would have. So I found this tiny town and stayed there." She shifted again and rested her head under his chin. "And don't worry, I'll find a way to make it up to you."

"Us, baby--I'm not doing all the work by myself."

She smiled. "I know you're not. And it's definitely going to be fun."

"Not as fun as telling them we're going on a road trip."

She lifted her head and linked her hands behind his neck. Then she covered his lips with hers, kissing him slowly. Several moments later, she pulled away and rested her forehead against his. "You are going to be an amazing dad," she murmured, kissing the tip of his nose.

"I don't know. I'll try to do right by her, but I just don't know."

She smiled. "Well, we'll figure it out. Together," she assured him softly.

"When we gonna let the closet lovers know about our road trip?"

"Hmm... Soon, preferably."

"Yeah...good idea."

She heard Kiska begin to coo softly, and she slowly sat upright and slid off of the bed, sitting down beside their daughter with her back against the bed.

"Mike, give me your hand," she instructed softly as she picked Kiska up and returned to the bed.

He held his hand out to her, curious.

She scooted a little closer to him, then took one long finger. "Let me show you something." Carefully, she pressed his finger to Kiska's palm, letting her hand fall away as Kiska's tiny fist wrapped around his finger.

He smiled. "She has some grip."

She laughed. "Yeah, she does. And she's ours."

He studied the baby. "This is a little different from having a car or a dog, though."

"I know." She rested her head against his shoulder. "It's a lot different. A dog can't call you daddy or say that it loves you."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Have you ever had a dog, Carolyn?"

"Yes."

"And you never realized that dog loved you?"

"I know they can. Maybe we should have this conversation when she starts to talk."

"Why?"

"Because the first time she says, 'I love you, Daddy,' or 'I love you, Mommy', well..." She nuzzled his neck softly. "You're never going to be the same."

"Well, all that started when she was...well...uh...this morning."

She pulled away slowly. "Maybe we should take a nap. It's been a long day for all of us."

"I just had a nap."

"Okay... what do you want to do?"

"I have a lot to sort through in my head."

"Okay. You take care of that, and I'm going to take a nap."

"Yeah...okay."

She looked at Kiska, then carefully laid her on the quilt again. Then she lifted herself up onto the bed again and laid down on her stomach, stretching out beside him and burying her face in the pillow.

He waited until she was asleep and then he got up and walked over to the window, looking out and letting his mind wander. His life was never going to be the same again.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

"Bobby, stop pacing!" Alex sighed as she sat cross legged on the hospital bed.

Stopping in mid-stride, he looked at her, then walked over to the window and leaned against the wall beside it, shifting his weight and fidgeting. He had recovered much of his usual energy and he was fed up with being in this hospital room. He just wanted to go home.

Sensing his agitation, she slid off of the bed and walked over to him. "You've been in here for almost two months," she murmured as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his back. "Another hour won't kill you."

He tensed and shuddered at her touch. "Don't bet on it," he grouched.

She tightened her arms around him and began rubbing his stomach gently. "Just relax. I get to take you home in an hour," she whispered, kissing his shoulder as one hand slid under his shirt and stroked the bare skin beneath. "No more being interrupted by Logan. We can lock all the doors, turn off all the lights..."

His body shuddered and he turned in her arms, pulling her into a tight embrace. His mouth covered hers, hungry, searching...

The door opened and Mike strolled in. He stopped and shook his head. "Aw, jeez...do you two ever give it a rest? I'm beginning to get a complex here."

She groaned and rested her head against his chest. "Son of a..."

Carolyn walked in behind Mike, carrying Kiska's car seat and diaper bag. "I told you we should've knocked."

Bobby shot a dark glare in Mike's direction. "What the hell do you want?"

"Well, that's a fine greeting. You're getting out of here today. What are you such a grouch for?"

"Because you keep barging in here," Alex growled, her voice muffled by the material of Bobby's shirt.

"I haven't been here all day. How is it my fault that every time I come in here you two..."

"Don't go there, Logan," Bobby snapped.

"You know what? I want you to get out of here. So I'm going to leave before you piss me off and I prolong your fucking stay."

"Hey, hey, hey," Carolyn said, stepping in front of Mike. "Cool it, you two."

Mike was still frowning. "I didn't do anything this time."

Bobby pulled away from Alex and turned back toward the window. He pressed his forehead against the window. He wasn't going to admit to anyone else that his chest was on fire. The oral medicine just wasn't keeping it at bay. But it would improve and he was not going to stay here for another week so he could get more of the IV medicine he hated. He'd been fine sitting around doing nothing, but once he got up and started moving around, it got worse. He would just have to take it easy while his ribs healed. In the meanwhile, the pain would keep him on edge and irritable.

Alex rested one hand against his back. "Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"I-I'll be fine."

She frowned, but remained silent.

Carolyn sat down in a chair by the bed, placing Kiska's car seat by her feet.

The hour passed in near silence, until the door finally opened, and every head in the room looked up at the intruder.

Dr. Jacobs stopped and looked around the room. His eyes settled on Bobby and he could tell that his patient was tense and uptight. "Would all of you mind waiting outside while I give Bobby a final once over before I sign his discharge papers?"

Carolyn looked at Mike and quietly left the room to wait in the hall.

Mike glanced at Bobby, then followed her through the door.

Alex leaned up and kissed Bobby's cheek softly. "Love you," she murmured, walking away from him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, he was alone with the doctor. Jacobs crossed his arms and studied him. "How do you feel?"

"I...I'm all right."

"Your body language says differently. Why are you so uptight?"

Bobby walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, looking at the doctor. "I...have to get used to being up and about again. Some discomfort is to be expected."

"Discomfort?"

"I will not stay any longer," he growled. "I'm leaving today, with or without a piece of paper from you that says it's all right."

"Your ribs are causing a lot of pain, aren't they?" When Bobby looked away and did not answer, he went on. "I'll change the prescription I'm giving you to something stronger. I agree with you that being up and about will cause more discomfort, and I'm glad to see you're not letting it keep you down. You'll recover faster. But don't overdo it. Now let me examine you so we can get you out of here."

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

"I can't wait to go home," Alex said, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wall.

Carolyn smiled at her. "Me too, but I am not looking forward to another three hour trip with two kids."

"Hey," Logan protested. "I won't fight with Kitkat."

She laughed. "Well, I wasn't meaning Kiska, but..."

"Oh...well, I can't make any promises about fighting with him."

"Oh God, I can see it now," Alex groaned. "They'll be singing car songs and asking if we're there yet every five minutes."

"That's why I have duct tape," Carolyn said cheerfully, patting her purse.

Mike snorted. "Something tells me there won't be much singing, but you can count on me for the 'Are we there yet?' part of it."

"Maybe we should bust out the duct tape right now," Alex suggested.

"Ha ha."

"Yeah, I know. I'm hilarious."

The door opened and Dr. Jacobs stepped out into the hall. "You can all go back in now. I need to write a prescription and get the paperwork in order, and then you can take him home."

"Thank you, Doctor," Alex said, wasting no time in walking back into the room.

"Alex...a moment, please," the doctor called to her before she got through the door.

She turned and looked at him curiously as she stepped from the door and faced him. "Yes?"

His voice was quiet. "I want your honest opinion of how you think he is doing."

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "I think... he's still in pain, but he won't talk to me about it."

"I don't want to know what he says. I want to know what you see, what you feel. You know him better than I do."

"I think he is hurting, but he's gone through hell and back these past couple of months. He wants to go home, and if he were hurting too badly, he would tell me." She leaned against a wall. "He doesn't exactly know it yet, but he won't be alone when he does go home."

"Are you planning to stay with him?"

"Whether he likes it or not."

Jacobs smiled. "That reassures me a lot. I know he is anxious to be back to full health, but his ribs are going to take time to heal--at least another two months. He needs to follow up with his doctor in two weeks. He can return to his normal activities as tolerated, but I would discourage contact sports for at least six months. Take care of him as much as he'll let you, Alex. His energy levels will return faster than those ribs will heal. Don't let him overdo it, or his full recovery will be delayed."

"I'll take care of him. He's probably going to get sick of me, because I don't plan on letting him out of my sight soon." She grinned. "And if something happens, and I can't be around, I have a couple of backups."

He smiled. "Good. Good luck."

"I have a feeling I'll need it. Thanks."

He gave her an encouraging smile and headed away down the hall.

She turned around and headed back into the room, smiling confidently.

Bobby was looking out the window when they came back into the room.

"Hey, partner. Ready to go?" she asked, resting her hand on his back.

He looked over his shoulder. "As soon as I sign the paperwork."

He rolled up his sleeve without comment, but he gave her a smile. She gave him the injection, reviewed his discharge instructions and gave him his prescription. Then she smiled at him. "Take care of yourself."

"Thanks."

She smiled at the nurse, then slid her hand into Bobby's and said, "And it's off to Manhattan we go!"

Her grin widened as the four of them walked out of the hospital room. Once they were outside, she squeezed her partner's hand and said, "Don't argue with me."

He raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't."

"I have a feeling you will, though."

"You didn't tell him, Alex?" Carolyn questioned.

She shrugged one shoulder and said, "He'll find out."

Bobby looked suspiciously from one woman to the other. "Tell me what?"

She patted his arm and smiled at him. "You'll see."

He groaned and looked at Logan, who shrugged.

They continued walking, until they reached the dark SUV. Alex opened the passenger door for her partner and crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for his reaction.

He stared into the car, blinking in confusion at the numerous pillows, then turned to look at her, frowning darkly.

She lifted one hand. "Not a word, or we're marching right back into that hospital for another week, big guy."

"Okay," he grumbled, turning away from the car.

Carolyn unlocked her car and opened the door to the backseat, tossing the diaper bag in. "Give her to me, Mike," she said, extending her arm.

He handed her the car seat and trotted after Bobby, motioning to Alex. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, catching up to him. "You're really being an ass, you know."

"You'd know about that, wouldn't you?"

"Do you really want another two week stay here?"

Alex caught up with the two men and reached out, grabbing her partner's arm. "What the hell, Bobby? I'm just trying to watch out for you!" she snapped, glaring at him.

Bobby hung his head, feeling ganged up on and struggling not to lash out again. He ran his hand over his hair, agitated, and raised his hands. "Sorry," he muttered, turning to head back toward the car.

Mike looked at Alex, puzzled.

She shrugged and followed her partner back to the SUV. _This is going to be a long drive,_ she thought, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

"Are we ready?" Carolyn asked after Kiska was safely buckled in her car seat.

Mike walked around to the driver's side of her car, holding his hand out for the keys. He glanced at Alex.

"Call me if someone needs an attitude adjustment."

Carolyn glared at Mike's extended hand and shook her head. "No way, buster. I haven't been gone that long."

"But I drive faster than you do. I want to get home."

She shook her head again and kissed his cheek, then slid into the driver's seat. "We're not in a race, Mike."

"No, Mike. I can handle him," Alex stated as she walked around the front of the SUV. "Have fun."

"Ditto, sweetheart."

She grinned and lifted herself into the driver's seat. Glancing over at her partner, she started the vehicle, then reached out and touched his leg.

He closed his eyes, but he didn't say anything.

She squeezed his leg silently, then brushed her fingertips across his forehead. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, baby, but I just wanted you to be comfortable."

"That's not going to happen," he said softly. "Please. Alex...don't..."

She leaned across the console and kissed him softly, then gripped the steering wheel in a white knuckle grip as she carefully guided the SUV out of the parking lot.

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Alex smiled as they pulled up to her building, and once she had parked, she turned off the engine and leaned over the console to watch her sleeping partner. A stray curl had fallen across his forehead, and she reached out and gently brushed it back. "Bobby, wake up," she whispered, kissing his temple.

He stirred, shifting and swallowing a groan. Opening his eyes, he looked around. The surroundings were familiar, but his mind was still blurry. "Wh-where are we?"

"At my apartment," she answered, unbuckling her seatbelt and pulling the key out of the ignition. She saw Carolyn's car pull up beside them, and she said, "I'm going to go make sure they're all in one piece."

Carolyn parked her car alongside Alex's, then turned the car off and climbed out to stretch her stiff limbs. "Come on, Mike. Stretch your legs."

Mike got out of the car and glanced at Alex. "He give you a hard time all the way home?"

"No. He slept most of the way," she answered, raising her arms above her head.

"I was hoping he would," Carolyn muttered, motioning in Mike's direction. "But no such luck."

Mike gave her a mischievous grin. "Just getting you ready for toddlerhood." He walked around the car and headed to the passenger side of Alex's car.

Carolyn shook her head and leaned against her car. "That's it, I'm slipping something into his coffee on the way to his place," she grumbled.

Mike pulled open the passenger door and looked at Bobby. "Feeling any better?"

Bobby shrugged. "It doesn't hurt quite so bad."

"What was with you this morning? You really were an ass."

Alex stepped around the SUV and leaned against the side, silently watching Mike and Bobby.

"I'm sorry. It's...complicated. I'll work it out."

"You're scared."

Bobby turned in the seat and looked at the sidewalk. "Yes," he said very softly.

Mike leaned closer, to keep his voice low. "Talk to her, man. Don't take it out on her."

He gently clapped a hand on Bobby's shoulder and said, "I'll call you later. I have to figure out a way to squeeze two girls into my apartment. I might be sleeping in the tub tonight."

"Good luck. You can crash at my place if you get voted into the tub."

Mike laughed. "Thanks. I appreciate that."

"Mike, are you ready to go? I think Miss Priss is getting fussy," Carolyn stated as she watched their daughter wave her arms in the air.

"Yeah. Let's go."

She tossed him the keys, then turned around and hugged Alex. "Call if you need us, all right?"

"Thanks. The same goes for you," Alex assured her as she returned the hug.

Carolyn pulled away and climbed into the passenger seat of the car, and Alex watched them pull out of the parking lot and disappear into the darkness. Once they were gone, she walked over to Bobby's side of the car and took his hand.

"Come on, Bobby. Let's get you inside."

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Carolyn followed Mike up to his apartment, her stomach churning with every step. "I think I'm going to lay down," she said as she waited for him to unlock the door.

"Sure. I'll watch TV with Kitkat."

"I'm sure you'll both have fun. She loves Spongebob," she stated as she carried Kiska's car seat into his apartment.

"Spongebob? What's a Spongebob?"

She chuckled and sank down onto the couch. "It's a cartoon, Mike." At his blank expression, she shook her head and lifted Kiska out of her car seat, pulling her legs up onto the couch and crossing them as she laid the baby in the crook of her arm.

"Want me to get the stuff from the car?"

"You don't need to bring in everything. Just the playpen, the blanket, and the diaper bag."

She settled back against the couch and grabbed a pillow, tucking it between her elbow and the arm of the couch. Pulling her shirt up, she carefully adjusted Kiska so she could nurse, then waited for Mike to return.

Once down at the car, Mike pulled out his phone as he opened the trunk. Leaning against the car, he waited for Bobby to answer. "Hey, am I interrupting anything?"

_No._

"Damn. I sorta got used to it."

_Ass._

He laughed. "Yeah. Feel better?"

_A little._

"You guys talk it out?"

_Not yet._

"When are you going back to your place?"

_I don't know. Why?_

"Because I get the feeling if I show up at Alex's door with a six-pack, she'll shoot me."

_Probably. Give me a little time. I need to work this out with her._

"All right. So what do I do if I get overwhelmed by estrogen?"

_You can come over. Just don't bring any beer...yet._

"All right. I'll call you later."

He closed the phone, grabbed what he could carry out of the trunk and slammed it shut. With a sigh, he headed back into the building. His life would never be simple again and he couldn't believe it was Bobby Goren who was going to help him keep his sanity. But the thought made him smile. It was nice, for a change, to not be the only guy in the squad raising the captain's blood pressure.

Carolyn looked up when the door opened, and she smiled at Mike. "Shh, she's sleeping," she whispered.

"I thought you would be, too."

"I'd like to be, but she was hungry. Like you."

"What can I say? Like father, like daughter."

Like father, like daughter... that phrase struck her, and she shifted carefully on the couch. "Yeah..."

"What? Don't go getting all wiggy on me."

"Wiggy? Mike, you are something else."

"Hey--I didn't go running for the hills, like I think you were afraid I would."

"I didn't say that. It just... hit me, you know?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What did?"

"That... she's yours. I mean, I knew it, but just hearing that..." She ran a hand through her hair. "I guess it made it real."

"Talk about a wake-up call."

"Yeah. It's not a bad thing, don't get me wrong." She patted the seat beside her.

"Not bad for you...I'm not so sure about Kitkat, though."

She leaned against him and sighed quietly. "We're parents." She mulled that over in her mind repeatedly.

"Scary, huh?"

"It has been for a year."

"Well...you don't have to do it alone now. Neither of us do, really..."

She adjusted the sleeping baby carefully and settled her head on his shoulder. "I guess... that's what's taking the most getting used to."

"Not doing it alone?"

"Yes. But now..." She struggled to put her thoughts into words. "This feels right. I know I'm going to screw up, but between the two of us, I think she has a pretty good chance."

"You're going to screw up? Hello--have you met me? Screw-up is my middle name."

She smiled. "Maybe, but I've messed up plenty so far, so don't get aggravated with yourself."

"Just wait...we've only just got started."

"Well, now that you mentioned it... Why don't you try holding her for a few minutes?" She thought for a moment, then added, "For practice, since you're so afraid of dropping her."

"I've been doing better."

"Yes, you have." She gently laid their sleeping daughter in his arms, then stood up and stretched.

"I...I am really sorry, Carolyn."

She looked at him. "Why are _you_ sorry, Mike?"

"Because I did this. I put you...put us...in this situation. I...I have always been careful."

"Mike..." She sighed softly and sat down beside him. "This isn't your fault. If anything, it's mine for taking advantage of you like I did. I should be the one apologizing to you."

He snorted. "There's a switch...Carolyn...you did not take advantage of me. No woman has ever taken advantage of me. I knew exactly what I was doing. And I knew better. I should have been more careful."

"You didn't even remember it," she countered.

He shook his head. "That's no excuse."

She slid her arm around him. "I'm not saying that it is. But I wouldn't have changed it," she admitted softly.

"I can't say I regret her...but the circumstances...and even just...having a kid..." He sighed. "Tell me something?"

"What?"

"If you hadn't been pregnant, would you still have run...and stayed away?"

She closed her eyes. "Do you really want me to answer that question, Mike?"

"Yeah...I do."

"I really don't have one for you, Mike, because I don't know. If I hadn't been pregnant... I just don't know." She shifted against him so her back was pressed to his side. "But I'm thankful that I did come back. I love you, Mike."

"I'm glad you came back, too. I love you...even if you did turn my whole life upside down. That can't be a bad thing."

She smiled. "She turned my life upside down, and I definitely don't think it's a bad thing."

"Amazing how someone so small can cause such an uproar."

"She's the best thing I've ever done in my life," she whispered, sitting up so she could touch Kiska's cheek with her thumb.

"Would you get mad if I told you I still don't know how I feel?"

She thought. "No, because you're being honest with me."

"Yeah...I get that."

"Good." She looked around the apartment, then rested her head against his shoulder again. "You have a bony shoulder, you know."

He chuckled. "That's me. Bony."

Laughing, she poked him gently and nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder. "But I wouldn't change a hair on your head."

"That's good. I like my hair the way it is."

"I'm sure you do."

She stretched again, then yawned and rose to her feet. "I'm going to sleep." She nodded towards their daughter. "You want to lay her down and come with me?"

"Sure, but give me a minute. I'd like to hold her a little while longer. I'll be in soon."

She smiled softly at them, then walked into his bedroom. She had only been in the room a handful of times, and it was truly the essence of Mike Logan. She inhaled deeply, then slid her shoes off and climbed into the bed. Slipping between the sheets, she sighed contently as she laid her head on the pillow. Sleep was only moments away.

Mike settled back into the couch and got comfortable. He studied the sleeping baby, searching in her features for something of himself and feeling uncertain about finding it.

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Alex smiled as she walked around her apartment, pausing to water a dried up plant. She had missed being home more than she realized. Glancing over at the couch, she realized that the sight in front of her made it that much sweeter.

Bobby was stretched out on the couch with his eyes closed, and her smile widened. Placing the glass on the counter, she walked back over to the couch and knelt down beside him, then rested her hand on his arm. "Hey, are you hungry?" she asked softly.

With effort, he forced his eyes open and looked at her. "Uh, no, not really," he answered.

She caressed his arm slowly with her fingertips. "Why don't you go lay down in the bed? It's a lot more comfortable than this old couch."

The corner of his mouth turned up a little. "It's all right. The lumps are all in the right places."

"Come on," she coaxed gently. "Or do I need to club you over the head and toss you into a bag, then drag you in there?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I'd like to see that," he smirked.

She shook her head. "Okay, maybe I can't do that. But I can always call someone to help."

"Call Logan. He's used to walking in on us."

She turned around and sat on the floor with her back against the couch. "I'm sure he is. And I'm sure he'd just love to walk in. But that's why I have deadbolts." Her head turned, and she looked up at her partner. "Come on, get in the bed. I'll even lay down with you for a while."

He groaned softly and leaned over to kiss her neck. His hand strayed over her shoulder to toy with the top button of her shirt. "An invitation?" he murmured into her ear before he gently nipped her earlobe.

"If it'll get you to lay down..."

His tongue trailed along the hollow behind her ear. "I am laying down," he whispered.

"You know what I mean. In the bed," she hissed.

He closed his eyes and softly groaned. "Okay...you win."

A grin curved her lips, and she kissed his forehead, then rose to her feet. "When do I not?" she teased, walking away from the couch.

He watched her walked away and sighed. She had a point. Slowly, he sat up and eased himself to his feet. He followed her to the bedroom, stopping in the doorway to lean against it and watch her.

She walked over to the bed and sat down, then pulled her shoes off. Glancing at him, she said lightly, "Come on. I won't bite... hard."

He crossed to the bed and sat beside her. "Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can, Bobby."

"I just...I'd like to know...why."

"Why what?"

He sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees as he looked at the floor. "Why...me, Alex?"

She sighed and moved closer to him, snaking her arm around his shoulders. "Why do I want you?"

He nodded. He had been trying to figure it out, but he remained at a loss.

"Hmm..." She pulled away from him and settled back against the pillows. "Come over here."

He hesitated for a moment before he stretched out beside her on the bed, draping his arm across her waist.

She rested one hand on his arm, and the other began running slowly through his hair. "I love you... because of the way you smile at me, and the way that you somehow manage to look like an eight year old boy, even when I'm mad at you. I love how you remember the little things, and when you make me mad, you make me forget a few seconds later."

She kissed his head softly and rubbed his arm. "But I think... my favorite thing about you, is your heart."

He looked at her through half-closed eyes, relaxing as her hand continued to sift through his hair. "My heart?"

"Yes, your heart. I love how when you let someone in, you care about them with such a passion..." Her hand drifted down to his neck. "You are so amazing. I can't think of another man who would willingly step up like you did."

"S-step up?"

"With Kiska. You were willing to be there for her and Carolyn, even before you knew she was Mike's."

"Oh...well...a baby needs a father...a real father." He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. The trip home had taken more out of him than he wanted to admit.

She began tracing obscure patterns on his skin. "I'm glad you're home."

His eyes were just about closed and he mumbled incoherently as he drifted off. His head rested against her shoulder and he slept comfortably.

She carefully shifted and pulled her thick comforter over the both of them, then tightened her arm around him. "You're home," she whispered, kissing his lips softly. "And I'm not letting you go again." She continued stroking his soft hair, until she finally drifted off herself.

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The room was dark when he stirred. The first thing he was aware of was the warm body pressed against his. Sliding a hand gently under her shirt, he caressed soft skin as his lips brushed hers.

She felt his hand on her skin, and she groaned and buried her face in his chest.

He nuzzled her, breathing softly in her ear as he whispered, "I love you."

Shivering, she fingered his shirt and murmured, "Love you, too."

He sought her mouth and kissed her deeply, sliding his tongue past her lips. His hands sought the areas of her body that elicited soft moans from her throat.

She carefully rolled over, planting her knees on either side of his abdomen and sitting upright. Under his watchful eyes, she grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, tossing it to the floor before she leaned forward and claimed his mouth with hers.

He groaned into her mouth and enjoyed the feel of her skin under his hands. As the tension in his body increased, he became more urgent, demanding.

She rested her hand carefully on his chest, while the other moved to unclasp her bra.

His senses went into overload and his brain shut down. He allowed himself to simply respond to her, drawing her to the edge with a skill born of long experience. The major difference was that with her, his passion was driven by love.

She brought him to the edge, then pushed him over, kissing his neck softly as she did.

His body shuddered and he groaned deeply as he climaxed hard. He made certain she followed him before he allowed his body to settle. Then he drew her against him, holding her close and wishing he never had to let her go.

She settled against him and drew the blankets over their entangled limbs. "Love you." She pressed her lips to his temple again, then pushed the blanket away from herself and rose out of the bed.

She pressed her lips to his temple again, then pushed the blanket away from herself and rose out of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom. I'll be right back," she assured him.

He settled back into the pillows and sighed softly. His mind was returning to its previous level of activity, and he was wondering what had happened to change things so dramatically for him.

She returned a few minutes later, sliding in between the sheets with him and draping her leg over his. "See? I told you I'd be back," she said affectionately.

He pulled her closer and gave her a soft kiss. "How did I ever get so lucky?" he whispered.

"Why do you always think it's you who's the lucky one?" she asked, brushing her thumb along his forehead. "I happen to think I'm very lucky."

He laughed, but it was tinged with bitterness. "I know how things are," he muttered. "I know how I am."

"What are you talking about?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "You think you know me, Alex, and you do know me better than anyone. But...you really don't."

She raised herself up a little, resting her head in her palm. "What don't I know?" she pressed gently.

"I have...a very dark side...that I keep well suppressed. Believe me, I did not grow up unscathed."

"I didn't think you had." She rested her hand palm down on his chest.

"A child...can't grow up...like I did...and not be, uh, damaged."

"That's true." She gently smoothed his hair back, then kissed his forehead.

Her gentle ministrations prevented him from becoming agitated. "There's a lot of damage inside me that you have no clue exists."

"I never claimed to know every single thing about you, Bobby. You know how I am. I don't push you. I know you'll tell me... when you're ready."

"I just want you to be aware of what you're getting yourself into."

She frowned a little. "I know what I'm doing, Bobby."

"I know you think that."

She pulled her leg away, then rested her head beside his. "I don't know why you can't see it. I love you. I've loved you for years, and I'm not going to stop. Ever. I really wish you would just understand that nothing you can say could change that."

"I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm just being honest with you. I don't want to get blindsided later when you decide that dealing with me is more than you bargained for."

She pressed herself into his side and laid her head on his shoulder. After contemplating that for a minute, she said, "Okay, Bobby, here's what I want you to do. I want you to tell me, right now, what you think are the worst things about yourself." She tightened her arm around him. "If you don't think you can say something, pick something else you can say. Let me decide if this is more than I bargained for."

"We could be here for awhile."

She nuzzled her face into his chest. "I'm not going anywhere. Are you?"

"I hope not."

"I won't let you." She reached across him and gently closed her hand over his arm.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

"Absolutely."

He sighed, unable to suppress his nervousness.

She kissed the corner of his mouth, then gently ran one small hand over his stomach. "Just a little at a time."

"Fine. Lt's start with the rage."

She fingered the hair on his chest and listened patiently.

"I...I can be goaded to that point, and...I ...I guess I'm not the man I thought I was."

"Everyone has a boiling point, Bobby. I thought I could control my anger... and I wound up hitting your brother."

"This was beyond anger, Alex. This was rage...I could have killed a man."

"But you didn't," she reminded him gently. "Because you're too strong for that."

He shook his head. "He pushed me over the edge. I-I would have done it if he hadn't kept goading me. But when he said I had it in me...the ability to kill...like father, like son...that knocked the sense back into me. But he showed me what I'm made of. He showed me who I am."

"Bobby... that's not who you are. I know who you are," she stated, resting her forehead against his.

He shook his head. "That's what I mean, Alex. You don't know."

She sat up in the bed, but kept her hand on his chest. "Okay... I know that you're a man who stands by his beliefs. When you hurt, you push everyone away, including me. You think that there's something wrong here, because there's nothing you could have done to make me love you. I know that because I feel the same exact way. You're a man who stood by his ill mother, and after years of hell, welcome your brother back with open arms."

"Some would call that stupidity."

She raised her hand. "It's not stupidity. It's loyalty. That, and an understanding of what so many victims have been through, keeps you coming back to work day after day. And the fascination you seem to have with the entire world." She rested her hand over his heart. "You have... such a good heart. But you hide it so much, because you don't want what little of it that's still intact to be broken. And for every reason you can give me for us not making it, working out, having a relationship, or whatever you want to call it, I can think of two good reasons why it's a good thing."

..._what little of it that's still intact_...could she really know him that well? He looked at her, eyes bright with an emotion he could not define. He brushed her hair back away from her face. "Y-you have no idea...h-how it was for me...growing up. It...it took so long, uh, for me to...um, to...get past it. I'm not sure...that will ever happen. But I keep trying. You...don't seem inclined to...fix me. So if you can love me...knowing that I'm, well, damaged goods...All I can really say is...uh, thank you...And I hope you know...how much I love you, too."

She smiled tenderly at him, running her fingertips along his chest to his stomach. "I know you love me, Bobby. My only regret is waiting so long to act on it. It took nearly losing you for me to really open my eyes, and I'm sorry for that."

"I don't blame you for waiting. Like I told you once," he smiled softly. "I'm an acquired taste."

"Yes, you are. But I wouldn't change anything about you." She pulled him back into her arms again and sighed softly. "Nothing."

"You'll change your mind," he said softly. "But hopefully, it won't change your heart."

"I won't change my mind." She covered his lips with hers, her hand trailing through his hair. "You'll see."

"I'm not going to count on that," he kissed her lightly. "But I'll be happy for whatever we have, whatever develops. Just promise me something?"

She returned the kiss, then pulled away, her fingertips lightly tracing his jaw. "What?"

"When things start to change...for the worse...if you ever start to think about...leaving...please...talk to me. If we can't work it out, I can accept it...if you've given me a chance to make it right."

Her eyes watered, and she tightened her grip on him slightly. "I will."

He pulled her close and drew in a deep breath, letting it out with a shudder. Brushing his lips across her temple, he tipped his head to the side, bringing his lips into contact with her. With gentle pressure, he eased her back onto the mattress and with tender affection and a gentle touch, he let her know what she meant to him.

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"I shouldn't be gone for more than thirty minutes. An hour, at the most," Carolyn stated as she tucked her keys and cell phone into her purse. "Call me if anything happens."

"Oh, don't worry. I have you on speed dial."

She smiled and kissed his forehead, then Kiska's. "I love you, baby girl," she murmured. Then she turned and kissed him deeply. "And I love you, too."

He groaned softly. "I love you, too. And we'll be okay."

She stood upright and smiled at them both. "I know." Then she turned around and headed toward the door. At the door, she turned and looked at them again. "Kiska, you keep an eye on him, okay?" she asked, humor lacing her voice. The baby gurgled and cooed, and she said, "I'll take that as a yes."

"I have a five month old babysitter. Sweet."

She smiled at him and walked out of the apartment.

Mike leaned over and lifted the baby from the couch beside him. He kissed her. "Hungry, little miss? You stay put and I'll get you some bananas."

He set her back on the couch and went into the kitchen to retrieve a small jar of baby bananas and a spoon. He opened the jar and sniffed the food. "Are they sure these are real bananas?"

He heard a soft thud, a moment of silence, then a loud scream. He dropped the jar and ran back into the living room. The baby was no longer on the couch. "Where'd you go?" he demanded, half-panicked. "Kitkat?"

He found her under the coffee table, screaming. "Aw, man...your mother's gonna kill me. I told her I was gonna break you."

Gently, he pulled her out from under the table and, sitting on the floor, pulled her into his arms and rocked her, shushing and soothing. "I don't have to get an ambulance, do I?"

As she settled, he examined her from head to toe, unable to find even a red mark. "Scared yourself, huh? You sure scared the crap out of Daddy."

He stopped...Daddy...wow...He was a father, her father...He pulled her against his chest and held her.

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Carolyn sighed happily as she reached Mike's apartment door, and she slid the key into the lock and turned it, then stepped inside. "Mike?" She took another step, looking at the floor in surprise. The entire floor was covered in blankets and pillows... She set the bags down, her eyes scanning the room until she saw Mike. He was stretched out on the couch, with Kiska sleeping on his chest and one of his large hands resting on her back.

Carefully picking her way around the pillows, she reached the couch and touched Mike's forehead, then their daughter's back. And that's when she saw the bananas covering his shirt and decorating his hair.

His eyes opened, and she grinned at him and asked, "Who was feeding who, babe?"

"Ha ha..." He stretched, careful to keep the sleeping baby balanced on his chest. "I think I'm wearing more bananas than she ate."

"Looks like it." She looked around the room. "And what happened in here? Did you and Bobby organize a sleepover with the entire precinct?"

"Gimme some credit. I didn't call him this time."

"Good." She sat down beside the couch, pulling a pillow underneath herself. Then she rested her head against his shoulder and watched their sleeping child.

"Did I miss something? There are pillows and blankets everywhere, and since there was no sleepover..."

"Oh...well, we had a little...misunderstanding."

She raised her eyebrows. "Mike, she's five months old. Don't tell me you've already taught her to argue."

"She's female. She doesn't need any help from me to learn how to give me a problem."

"What are you talking about?"

"I went into the kitchen to get her something to eat and she rolled off the couch and under the table. Scared the crap out of both of us."

Carolyn's eyes widened, and it was several seconds before she could form a response. A small laugh escaped, and she fell back on the floor and motioned to the blankets. "And you decided to cover the floor with blankets and pillows..."

"In case you haven't noticed, she doesn't bounce. She screams."

She reached over and gently lifted Kiska off of his chest, careful not to jar her as she cradled her in her arms and looked at her. After a few moments, she sighed and let her head fall back against his arm. "She's fine. I'm surprised you didn't call 911."

"Don't think it didn't occur to me."

"Well..." She turned her head and kissed his arm. "Looks like we got through our first crisis..."

"First?"

"Fine, second. I think we're doing all right."

"We have a whole lifetime of crises to weather, don't we?"

"Yes."

"Great. Parents actually survive childhood, huh?"

"Of course. And it starts all over again when they become grandparents."

Kiska began moving in her arms, and she pulled away from Mike's arm and looked at the baby. "Did you and Daddy have a good time?" It slipped out of her mouth before she realized it, and once she did, it occurred to her how easy it was to say it. She looked at Mike, then pushed herself to her feet and began walking around the room.

Daddy...There it was again. And it didn't make him freak out. He was making progress.

She walked back over to the couch and freed one hand, gently pushing his long legs out of the way before sitting down. "Here, go see Daddy," she murmured, gently placing Kiska on Mike's chest before sinking back against the couch. "I bought some groceries so I can make dinner tonight. Your fridge was shockingly empty."

"And that surprises you?" he asked, leaning back and settling the baby against his chest.

She thought for a minute. "No, guess not."

"All right, then."

She tossed her head back and let out a laugh, then rose up off of the couch. Picking up the bags and carrying them into the kitchen, she called, "What do you want for dinner? Chicken or spaghetti?"

"How about chicken? I'm spaghettied out from the hospital. It was the most edible dish they had."

"Chicken it is." She began sorting through the bags until she found the pack of chicken, then pulled it out and set it on the counter. As she moved around the kitchen, she was surprised to see a small radio, and she reached over and plugged it into an outlet. Finding a static free station, she turned it up a little, then continued sorting through the bags and putting food away.

A slow song came on over the airwaves as Carolyn began cutting the chicken, and she hummed along with the melody.

_I know a girl _

_She puts the color inside of my world _

_But she's just like a maze _

_Where all of the walls all continually change _

_And I've done all I can _

_To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands _

_Now I'm starting to see _

_Maybe it's got nothing to do with me_

_Fathers, be good to your daughters _

_Daughters will love like you do _

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers _

_So mothers, be good to your daughters too_

She found a glass pan in one of the shelves, and she turned the oven on before placing the cut chicken in the pan. "What kind of vegetable do you want, Mike?"

"Vegetable? That word isn't in my vocabulary, honey."

She rolled her eyes and opened the oven, placing the chicken inside. Then she set the timer and walked back into the living room, curling up in the chair near the couch. The song continued to filter into the living room, and she toed off her shoes and tucked her legs under herself.

_Oh, you see that skin?_

_It's the same she's been standing in _

_Since the day she saw him walking away _

_Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made_

Mike looked over at her. "She seems to be comfortable."

She raised her head and looked at their daughter. "She is," she confirmed, resting her head against her hand.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You seem...bothered. I'm a detective. I can sense these things."

She offered him a smile. "I'm not bothered." She shifted upright, stretching her arms above her head. Kiska raised her head a little and turned it in the direction of Mike's head, and she couldn't help but smile. "She's watching you."

"I'm doomed. With two of you keeping an eye on me, I'll never get away with anything again." He kissed the baby's forehead.

"Well, at least you won't get into any more trouble." She tilted her head and reconsidered that. "No, wait, I'll take that back. You'd still find a way to get into trouble."

He laughed. "Nice to see you have faith in me, Barek."

She shrugged. "Hey, I'm telling the truth."

"I will admit...sometimes getting into trouble is a lot of fun."

"I'll take your word on it, babe."

"Look on the bright side...I've managed to unwind Goren a few wraps."

"And I'm sure Alex adores you for it."

"She should."

She slid off of the chair and walked across the soft floor, sitting down in front of the couch with her back to it.

_So fathers, be good to your daughters _

_Daughters will love like you do _

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers _

_So mothers, be good to your daughters too_

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, then rested her chin on her knees. "I see you in her," she said softly, letting her head fall back to rest against the couch cushion.

He ran a hand over her head and gently played with her hair. "Really? Cause I don't."

She closed her eyes and sighed softly at his touch. His hand continued to toy with her hair, and she raised one hand and caught his hand, squeezing it tightly. Changing the subject, she said, "How about potatoes? Or corn? All men like those... right?"

"Potatoes are good. I'm a meat and potatoes guy."

She grinned and released his hand. "Figures," she teased.

He leaned over and kissed her head.

Kiska cooed softly, and she smiled and turned around, lifting their daughter into her arms. Then she rose a little and sat on the edge of the cushion, using her free hand to push him against the back of the couch.

"What? You gonna let her help you in the kitchen?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. I just wanted to hold m- our kid," she stated, leaning back so he was pinned between her and the couch.

"That's heavy, isn't it? Our kid..."

She bounced Kiska gently in her arms, nodding thoughtfully. "Heavy in a good way."

"I'm glad you think so."

They sat there for a few minutes, until Kiska started to squirm against her and fuss. Carolyn furrowed her brows, then let out a soft laugh when the realization dawned on her. "She wants you."

He held out his hands to the baby and drew her back into his arms. "It's my magnetic personality. Women just dig me."

She laughed. "This is frighteningly true."

He grinned. "What can I say."

"She's daddy's little girl already."

That gave him pause. _Daddy's little girl_...He kissed her little nose and smiled when she giggled.

Carolyn smiled and reached over, resting her palm against his cheek. Then she kissed him softly. "Who knew that any woman could wrap you around her finger?" she teased.

"Yeah, imagine that. I'd have never believed it."

"Me neither." She kissed his forehead again, then stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

_Boys you can break _

_You'll find out how much they can take _

_Boys will be strong _

_And boys soldier on _

_But boys would be gone without warmth from _

_A woman's good, good heart_

She put away the last of the groceries, then retrieved the final item from the bag, smiling at it before she tucked it back into the bag and closed the bag. The song that had been playing was ending, and she turned the radio up a little louder before opening the oven door to check on the chicken.

_On behalf of every man _

_Looking out for every girl _

_You are the god _

_And the weight of her world_

_So fathers, be good to your daughters _

_Daughters will love like you do _

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers _

_So mothers, be good to your daughters too_

_So mothers, be good to your daughters too _

_So mothers, be good to your daughters too_

Soon the chicken and vegetables were done, and she hummed softly as she dished the food out onto two plates. Setting the plates on the table, she retrieved a bottle of water and a beer from the fridge, then closed the door and made her way back to the table. "Mike? Come eat," she said, sitting down in front of her plate.

He got up from the couch and sat down at the table with the baby in his lap. "Smells good."

She smiled at the sight and took a bite of the chicken. "Someone has to be able to cook," she teased lightly, taking a sip of her water.

"That's definitely not me...hence the empty fridge."

She took another bite of chicken. "This is nice. A little domestic, but nice."

"You got something against domestic?"

She chuckled. "Honestly? I never really saw myself as the domestic type, remember?"

"I never saw myself as a father. Things change."

"Yes, they do." She turned her head and smiled at them. "It's strange."

"Strange? What's strange?"

"She's always been a happy baby, but now? I don't know where she gets it."

"Gets what?"

"Look at her. I've never seen her _that_ happy."

"What can I say? I have that affect on women."

She shook her head. "Arrogant," she teased, reaching over to poke him in the side.

He laughed. "Just being honest."

She snorted, holding her hand over her mouth.

"Now what?"

Shaking her head, she lifted her fork and took a bite of the baked potato.

He huffed and looked at the little girl on his lap. "Mommy likes to keep me in the dark about things. Maybe when you get a little older, you can fill me in."

She laughed again. "Not a chance, babe. We've got you outnumbered, and it's staying that way."

He grinned and kissed the top of the baby's head. "We'll see what Daddy's little girl has to say about that when she gets older."

"Oh, I can see it already."

He cocked an eyebrow at her then turned his attention to eating his dinner and keeping it away from curious fingers.

She focused on her dinner, occasionally raising her head to steal glances at the two people sitting beside her. When her plate was empty, she stood up and picked it up, then carried it over to the sink. "Want me to take her?" she offered, noticing that he was only halfway done with his dinner.

"Nah, we're fine."

She leaned over and kissed the top of his head, then returned to the kitchen and began washing the dirty dishes.

As she filled the sink with soap, a soft melody began to strain through speakers, and she paused for a moment to listen.

_In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero _

_I am strong and wise and I know no fear _

_But the truth is plain to see _

_She was sent to rescue me _

_I see who I wanna be _

_In my daughter's eyes_

Her heart tightened, and she looked over her shoulder at the table, where Mike and Kiska were sitting.

_In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal _

_Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace _

_This miracle God gave to me _

_Gives me strength when I am weak _

_I find reason to believe _

_In my daughter's eyes_

She bit her lip and wiped her eyes with the back of her arm, then leaned over the sink and listened as Mike laughed.

_And when she wraps her hand around my finger _

_Oh, it puts a smile in my heart _

_Everything becomes a little clearer _

_I realize what life is all about _

_It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough _

_It's giving more when you feel like giving up _

_I've seen the light _

_It's in my daughter's eyes_

At the table, Mike laughed as Kiska reached toward his plate and grabbed a fistful of mashed potatoes. "Hey, Carolyn...get a load of this!"

She wiped her hands on her jeans and walked back to the table. "What?" Then she saw their daughter, and she let out a laugh.

The baby had mashed potatoes smeared over the lower half of her face and she was reaching toward Mike's plate for more. He was watching her and laughing. "A meat and potatoes girl."

She walked over to her purse and searched through it, retrieving a camera. "Kiska, look at Mommy," she called, raising the camera to her eye.

Kiska looked up at Mike and reached her hand to touch his mouth. He gave her an odd smile. "Yum. Potatoes and baby spit. My favorite."

Carolyn grinned as she caught the moment with the camera. Snapping a couple more pictures, she tucked the camera into her pocket and sat down beside them. "She's having a ball."

He kissed the baby's neck and she giggled. "Go on to Mommy now, Kitkat. I have to jump in the shower because I've got work in the morning."

She picked the baby up and settled her against her shoulder. "You need a bath too, little lady," she smiled, kissing Kiska's forehead. The baby giggled and grasped her shirt.

_In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future _

_A reflection of who I am and what will be _

_And though she'll grow and someday leave _

_Maybe raise a family _

_When I'm gone, I hope you'll see _

_How happy she made me _

_For I'll be there _

_In my daughter's eyes_

Mike got up from the table and carried his plate and glass into the kitchen, setting them in the sink. On his way past them, he gently kissed the baby's cheek and then Carolyn's. "I guess we're gonna have to get a crib, aren't we?"

She smiled and nodded. "Eventually. But I have one for her at my other place."

"A thousand miles away...not exactly convenient."

She shrugged. "Okay, I guess I'm going shopping tomorrow," she said, brushing her lips against his.

"Maybe we can meet for lunch."

"Sounds good." She turned around and walked into the kitchen, rinsing the dishes and stacking them on a dishtowel with one hand. Kiska cooed happily as Carolyn held her securely to her hip.

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Alex sighed as she paced the floor of her bedroom. She had gotten the call that she had been dreading a lot sooner than expected. Ross needed her back, tomorrow. She rubbed her eyes, then laid down on the bed and stretched out, resting her head on the pillows.

Slowly Bobby rolled over with a soft groan. He tried to catch his breath, but the pain kept him from drawing a deep breath. He kept his eyes closed, struggling silently. Without opening his eyes, he could tell the room was spinning, and he felt nauseous. He swallowed another soft groan.

When Bobby moved, Alex immediately rolled onto her side and rested her hand on his shoulder, stroking his skin softly. "Hey," she whispered.

He heard her, but couldn't answer right away. He sought her with his hand, gently resting his hand on her hip. He slowly rolled toward her, pressing his cheek against her shoulder.

She sighed and gently eased her arms around him, stroking his hair tenderly. She could feel his tension and pain, and she didn't like it. "Relax," she murmured quietly, leaning over to kiss his forehead softly.

He tried to relax, but the pain in his ribs worsened, making it impossible for him to let go, even with her gentle caressing. Waking for him was always the worst of it, when the pain was at its peak. Today it was worse than it had been in a long time, probably because of the previous day's activity.

She felt his tension grow, and she reluctantly slid away from him, pushing herself out of the bed. Quickly, she walked into the kitchen and grabbed his painkillers, then filled a glass full of water. "Here, Bobby," she murmured as she walked back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. "Take this."

Slowly, he eased his eyes open and stared at the pill sitting in the center of her palm. With effort, he eased himself to a sitting position and took the painkiller from her hand. After swallowing it with the water, he rested back and closed his eyes. A sheen of sweat coated his body and he shuddered. But he reached a hand toward her.

She slid into the bed and gently guided him to lay on his side. Then she tucked him snugly into her arms. "Shh," she whispered, pressing her lips to his temple. "Try to sleep."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and held tightly to her, pressing his forehead into her abdomen. It took time, but gradually, as the medicine began to take effect, he started to relax. But he kept his snug hold on her. As he relaxed, he let his fingers slowly caress her skin and, placing a soft kiss on her stomach, he slowly rolled away from her so he could look at her face. He smiled, almost embarrassed. "Sorry."

She frowned. "Don't." She ran a hand through his hair and pulled him closer. "I want you here, and I want to do this. I like looking out for you."

"That...that's a big job, baby."

"I don't care. You'd do it for me."

"That's...uh..." ...different? How was it different? It wasn't..."Uh, thank you," he murmured, still unsettled.

Her smile disappeared, and she rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes.

He closed his eyes as well, and his breathing eased. He turned his head and leaned in, seeking contact, reassurance, but not at all certain why he needed it. He just knew that he did.

_Every now and then, I get a little lost _

_My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed _

_Every now and then, I'm right upon the edge _

_Dangling my toes out over the ledge _

_I just thank God you're here_

She allowed her hand to rise and caress his cheek. "Bobby, I have to talk to you about something," she finally said quietly.

His gut clenched in apprehension. "Uh, about what?"

"Ross called me."

"Is something wrong?"

She sighed. "He needs me back... tomorrow."

"T-tomorrow?"

She shivered and tightened her arms around him. "Yes. He said that he had already given me a lot of slack by letting me stay with you in New Jersey. He wants me to come back tomorrow morning."

He nodded slowly. "I-I'll be all right."

Her heart constricted, and she slowly freed one arm, sliding it under his shirt to run along his back. "Don't worry. You'll be able to come back soon, and you know... You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you want to."

He caught his breath softly as her hand skimmed over his skin. "I'm not up for doing a lot just yet. I really will be okay. I...feel bad that you've missed so much work on my account..."

"Of course you're not," she said with a small grin. "Your ass is on desk duty, and it's staying there so I can keep an eye on you." Her hand continued to move over his back, and she rolled onto her back and pulled him into her side. "It's... weird."

"W-weird?" he murmured as he gently nuzzled her ear.

"Just... this. I never thought that we'd get here..." She sighed contently and shifted to tuck her head under his chin. "But here we are... and I wouldn't give this up for anything."

"Really?' he whispered, trailing his tongue along the outer edge of her ear and drawing her earlobe between his lips. His breath sighed past her ear and his fingers caressed her skin.

"Of course." She grinned and slid her arms around him, pulling him closer.

"I've always thought.." he trailed off.

"Always thought what?"

"How fortunate...I was to get you as a partner...and how...lost...I would be...without you."

_Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun _

_Cause when I'm a firecracker coming undone _

_When I'm a fugitive ready to run _

_All wide eyed and crazy _

_No matter where my reckless soul takes me _

_Baby you save me_

She draped her leg over his and kissed him deeply. "I'm lucky to have you. You keep me from losing it every day."

He chuckled softly into her mouth and pulled back a little. "I keep you from losing it? Be real, Eames."

"You do, Goren," she argued, putting an emphasis on his last name. "You do."

"You have no clue, baby," he whispered against her hair as he kissed her head.

She craned her neck upwards and caught his lips with hers. "You'll be okay tomorrow... I'll try to come home as soon as I can." She eased her arms around his neck and smiled. "Besides, someone has to keep Logan in line."

He watched her through heavy lids. "You are certainly up to that task," he murmured softly.

"I'll beat him into submission," she laughed, pushing herself upright and carefully pinning him against the mattress.

"You can stop by my place for a Smithsonian if you need to," he teased.

"Yay."

He slid his hands under her shirt and softly growled, "Come here."

She froze where she was, and her smile disappeared. She couldn't do that. And somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered when it was really going to sink in for him.

He frowned at the sudden change in her demeanor. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and shifted again, resting her head on his chest. "Come here," she murmured, sliding her arms around him.

"What? Talk to me, Alex. What's wrong?"

She sighed heavily and rolled onto her side, but kept her hand on his chest. "Bobby... do you want to live here?"

He stared at her, blinking, taken aback by her suggestion. "I, uh...what?"

"In the hospital... you said that it wasn't the right time to talk about it." She ran her fingertips along his chest. "How do you feel about this... here." She motioned between them. "Right now."

"It feels...good."

She let out a relieved sigh. "Good." Then another thought came to her. "We need to... to take you shopping soon."

"Shopping?" Then he remembered..."Oh..." He looked away and closed his eyes, his chest tight with pain once more.

She immediately felt guilt pour through her, and she draped her arm over his chest, gently caressing his side with her fingertips. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" he frowned, bringing his gaze back toward her. "For what?"

"I... I hate when you're hurting. And I just..." She rubbed at her eyes furiously, blinking rapidly.

His brow furrowed and he stroked her cheek. "No apologies," he whispered.

She sighed heavily and curled herself into his side. "I'll miss you tomorrow," she whispered, carefully pulling his arm around herself.

"You're upset now," he observed.

She didn't even try to deny it. She just buried herself further into his side, losing herself in the pattern of his breathing.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"Did I do something?"

_It's hard loving a man that's got a gypsy's soul _

_I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know _

_The perfect thing to say to save me from myself _

_You're the angel that believes in me like nobody else _

_And I thank God you do_

She raised her head and looked into his dark, troubled eyes. "No, Bobby. You didn't do anything." Then she tightened her arm around him and kissed his neck softly.

"Then...then...why are you upset?"

"Because... Some bastard had the nerve to do what he did..." She shook her head again. "Just come here."

"Alex," he whispered. "Don't feel badly on my account. I, um...I'll get past it."

"You shouldn't have to. That shouldn't have happened," she growled, anger broiling in her stomach. "You didn't need it, on top of everything else."

"It happened," he soothed. "Please...don't..."

"No, Bobby." She carefully pulled herself away and stood up, then began pacing the floor. "It wasn't right, and when I find whoever was responsible..."

He sat up. "And was it right that my mother was schizophrenic? Or that I don't know for certain who my father is? Is it fair that I almost died in a car wreck? Come on, Eames...life just isn't fair. I learned that a long time ago."

She stopped pacing and returned to the bed, wrapping herself tightly around him. "I'll kill them." She couldn't explain her sudden, ferocious need to protect him, but she couldn't fight it. "I love you," she mumbled, hiding her face in his neck. "I love you."

"Then...let it go."

She gently pushed him back against the pillows, draping herself over his chest and resting her head on his shoulder.

He put his arms around her and held her firmly to him. "I love you," he whispered against the side of her head.

"Love you, too." Her eyes darkened, and she slid her hand under his shirt. When he made no move to stop her, she grasped the hem of his shirt and carefully slid it off of him, throwing it carelessly to the floor. Then she lowered her head and dropped soft kisses along his chest.

He groaned and gently stroked her hair, making no move to stop her.

Her fingers played with the waistband of his pants, but she raised her head again and kissed him deeply, allowing herself to taste the dark recesses of his mouth.

A deep groan rumbled through his chest and he held her closer, pressing his hips into her and sliding his hands into her shirt to undo the clasp of her bra. How easily she was able to ease him from upset to arousal, and he lost himself in the depths of her kiss.

_Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun _

_When I'm a firecracker coming undone _

_When I'm a fugitive ready to run _

_All wide eyed and crazy _

_No matter where my reckless soul takes me _

_Baby you save me_

She made a purring sound in her throat and slid her own pants off, then grabbed the waistband of his pants and gently slid them off of his hips. She hummed quietly as she ran her hand softly over his bare hip. When he shivered under her hand, she smiled and used her free hand to pull her shirt off.

His breath was staggered as he brought his hands up to caress her breasts and he murmured, "Beautiful."

She blushed, her hand wandering from his hip. She touched him tenderly, almost tentatively, her actions emboldened by his sharp intake of air. "I don't know how I'll survive at work," she said slyly.

"Not sure...I'll survive here without you," he whispered, finding the words with difficulty.

_Well I know I don't tell you nearly enough _

_I couldn't live one day without your love_

"That's not what I meant," she purred, carefully planting her knees on either side of his waist. "When you come back..."

He grinned. "I'll be good...promise."

"You're not the one I'm worried about."

He laughed softly. "I'll make sure you behave, too," he murmured softly, followed by a groan when she shifted her weight against him.

She arched an eyebrow. "When have you ever been able to do that?" she questioned with a smirk.

His soft smile did not fade and he reached up to thread his fingers into her hair and draw her back down to his body. "We'll...manage," he replied.

She lowered her head and kissed him, gently pushing his lips apart with her tongue. With a soft groan, she lowered herself down on him, one hand curling tightly around his forearm.

He drew in a sharp breath, then relaxed as she began responding to his movements. The pain in his chest was fully eclipsed by the need that focused in the center of his being. Whispering encouragement into her ear, he urged Alex to the edge of her control.

_When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves _

_Up on a high wire that's ready to break _

_When I've had just about all I can take _

_Baby you, baby you save me_

She buried her face in his shoulder, biting down lightly on him as she shuddered and fought to remain in control. Her pace quickened, and she groaned softly and kissed her way back to his lips.

His kisses were intense and hungry, his hands roaming over her body without conscious direction. Her quickened pace and deep moans drove him closer and closer to the edge of his own chasm.

She spiraled over first, burying her face in his neck again as she quietly sighed his name. "Bobby..."

He followed right behind her, groaning deeply as he thrust his hips against her. He kissed her again, deeply, then struggled to catch his breath.

She waited a few moments before moving shakily away from him. Then she snuggled into his side, keeping her head on his strong shoulder.

He still struggled to catch his breath, and his chest was on fire. Another soft groan and he closed his eyes against the spinning room, tightening his arm around her and pressing his lips against her head.

"Love you," she mumbled sleepily.

He lightly caressed her back and answered, "I love you, too."

She smiled and draped her arm over his waist, pulling him tighter against her as she tumbled into sleep.

Slowly, his breathing finally eased and the fireband around his chest cooled and loosened. He breathed a sigh of relief that she had not noticed how much pain he'd been in, and his body slowly relaxed again. Once the pain subsided, he was able to sleep as well.

_When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun _

_When I'm a firecracker coming undone _

_When I'm a fugitive ready to run _

_All wide eyed and crazy _

_No matter where my reckless soul takes me _

_Baby you save me_

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Carolyn was putting away the last of the dishes when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, and she grinned. "Hi."

_Don't know how you do it _

_Like there's nothing to it _

_You just look my way _

_You come a little closer _

_I lose my composure _

_Don't know what to say_

He kissed the back of her neck. "Hi."

"You smell good," she commented.

His reply was a grunt as he nuzzled her neck some more. "Where's Kitkat?"

"Laying on one of the pillows. She didn't want to let me do the dishes."

"She is a little attention hog, isn't she?"

"Just like you," she stated, drying her hands before turning around in his arms to face him.

_I know you well, you smile, I melt _

_And somewhere inside, oh, baby, I_

"Let's hope not," he laughed.

She looked him up and down, and a lazy grin curved her lips. She loved seeing this side of him: completely relaxed and at ease. He was wearing a pair of jeans that were unbuttoned, and nothing else. His hair was still dripping, and she wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him hard.

He pulled her close, returning the kiss as he untucked her shirt from her pants.

_Shiver, tremble, I never _

_No I never once felt so much _

_It shakes me how you take me _

_Deeper than I've ever been _

_It's to the core, under my skin I shiver _

She moaned softly and ran her hands over his bare back. His muscles tensed and relaxed, and she smiled.

He pressed her back against the counters, then suddenly lifted her so she was sitting on the countertop beside the sink.

She grinned and wrapped her legs around him, effectively trapping him there. Then she slid her arms around him and pulled him closer.

He responded to her, opening her shirt and pushing her slacks down off her hips.

_I love the way you whisper _

_Slowly, softly lingers _

_In my ear _

_You move a little lower _

_The world starts spinning slower _

_And it disappears_

"Mm..." was her only response to his actions, and she closed her eyes and rested her head against him. His hands were gentle, and she kneaded his back almost unconsciously. Arching against him, she murmured his name. "Mike..."

He covered her mouth with his and softly groaned. It took only a moment to push his jeans down and lower her onto him. He gasped softly, then kissed her again.

She tightened her arms around his shoulders and moaned softly into his mouth. She emitted a small noise as he moved deeper into her, and she bit her lip to keep from screaming.

Bracing her against the counter, he sought the right angle for her, judging his success on her response to him.

_Your lips so close, we kiss almost _

_Just barely touch, but that's enough_

She tried to hold on, but it was too much, and she groaned into his shoulder as she fell over the abyss. "God, Mike..."

_To make me shiver, tremble, I never _

_No I never once felt so much _

_It shakes me how you take me _

_Deeper than I've ever been _

_It's to the core, under my skin _

_I shiver_

_Oh, it shakes me how you take me _

_Deeper than I've ever been _

_It's to the core under my skin _

_I shiver, tremble, I never _

_No I never once felt so much _

_It shakes me how you take me _

_Deeper than I've ever been _

_It's to the core under my skin _

_I shiver _

_Oh, shiver_

He obliged her moments later, groaning as his body trembled against hers. Breathing hard, he kissed her neck and murmured, "Geez, baby..."

She smiled and pulled his head to rest against her breast. As she tried to catch her breath, she pressed her lips against his damp hair. "You know," she started in an affectionate, lazy voice, "I'm pretty sure you've ruined me for anyone else."

"Oh? How's that?"

"I think just now was a good example," she purred, running her fingertips along his bare skin.

"You've never done it in the kitchen before?"

"Not like that."

He laughed, a low, husky sound. "I got more where that came from," he grinned.

She groaned and eased herself off of the counter, leaning heavily against him. "That's a scary thought," she teased.

"Isn't it, though?"

She smiled and rested her hand against his chest so she could pull up her pants. Fumbling with the buttons of her shirt, she smiled up and him and leaned up to kiss him gently.

When she pulled away, she caressed his cheek and said, "I have to give the baby a bath still."

"Have fun with that. I have enough trouble handling a dry baby. The last thing I need is a wet, slippery one."

She reached over and turned the knobs of the sink, adjusting the water until it was just right. "You want to get her?" she asked, laying a small towel beside the sink.

He headed out into the living room. "Oh, man...not again."

"What, Mike?"

"Where'd she go?"

She turned the sink off and quickly jogged into the living room. Letting out a sigh of relief, she scooped the baby up in her arms from her hiding place behind the couch. "She's right here. Calm down."

"She's gonna kill me one of these days. Little Houdini."

She smiled a little at him, then carried the baby into the kitchen, shifting her into the crook of her right arm as she used the left to turn the water on again.

She filled the sink halfway with warm water, then laid Kiska on the towel and carefully removed her onesie and diaper. "Bathtime, baby!" she cooed, gently tickling the baby's stomach.

Kiska giggled, and Carolyn smiled and carefully sat her in the sink. "She loves getting a bath," she stated, gently splashing the water at the baby. The baby squealed and splashed the water, then raised her head and looked around.

Mike leaned against the refrigerator, watching Carolyn bathe the baby.

Carolyn looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, then continued gently washing the mashed potatoes away from Kiska's little face and hands. A few minutes later, she said, "Mike, can you grab a diaper and a onesie for her, please?"

"Yeah, sure." He started toward the living room, then stopped. "Uh...I know what a diaper is, but what's a onesie?"

She laughed. "What she normally wears, Mike. A little one piece outfit."

"Gotcha."

As he disappeared into the living room, she carefully picked their daughter up and laid her on the towel, wrapping her gently in the material before cuddling her against her shoulder.

"Someone's getting tired," she murmured, resting her hip against the kitchen counter. Kiska yawned and laid her head on Carolyn's shoulder, but she wasn't surprised when the baby extended her hand toward Mike.

He reached out and touched her fingers, then leaned over and kissed them. Kiska giggled.

She shook her head as she laughed, and she carefully laid the baby on the counter. "Hand me the diaper," she said, carefully pushing the towel away.

A random thought popped into her mind as she carefully dried the squirming baby. "You said you're going back tomorrow... You think they'll partner you with Alex?"

"I think that's the plan. Why?"

"Just wondering. You two work well together." She accepted the diaper from him.

"Sure we do. She carries a stick and packs one hell of a wallop."

"Exactly what you need," she joked. Fastening the onesie, she picked the baby up again and laid her on her shoulder, rubbing her back gently. "It's going to be lonely around here tomorrow without you hollering about something every few minutes," she teased, kissing him gently.

"I can call."

"I'll count on it." She walked past him and opened the fridge, retrieving a bottle before she walked into his bedroom and sat on the bed. "He really loves us, baby," she whispered, leaning back against the pillows and offering the bottle to Kiska, who eagerly accepted it and snuggled into her arms.

Mike walked around the living room, picking up the pillow and blankets and piling them off to the side.

After a few minutes, she looked around the room. Kiska began pushing the bottle away, and she laid her on her shoulder and patted her back.

A burp sounded in her ear, and she brought her knees up and rested Kiska against her legs, playing with her mouth. "Cutie pie."

Mike came into the room and pulled off his shirt, sighing. "I hope I survive this," he muttered as he laid down on the bed.

She smiled at him. "You will," she murmured reassuringly.

"You know how I am. Alex is going to kill me..."

She leaned over and kissed him softly, then lifted Kiska into her arms. "She won't kill you. Maim you maybe, but not kill you."

"Maim...that's a change of pace."

"Here, say good night. She needs to go to sleep."

He took the baby from her and kissed her. "Good night, Kitkat."

Carolyn slid off of the bed and accepted the sleepy baby again. "Sweet dreams, baby," she murmured as she laid the baby in the playpen and covered her with a blanket.

Mike rolled onto his side and sighed. He was tired and tomorrow promised to be a very long day.

She laid back down beside him, turning on her side and sliding her arm over his waist. "You'll be fine," she whispered, gently stroking his stomach.

He sighed softly, rolled over far enough to kiss her and said, "Good night, sweetheart."

"Night." She tightened her arm around his waist and kissed his neck before closing her eyes. "Love you."

TBC...

A/N: So, what'd ya'll think of this one? It was definitely fun to write and see Mike's attitude change toward baby Kiska. Hehehe. While we were writing this chapter, I had wanted to give Mike a good scare, and we came up with this.

And I think we broke a record with the number of songs in this chapter. The songs are, in order, John Mayer's Fathers, Be Good To Your Daughters, Martina McBride's In My Daughter's Eyes, Kenny Chesney's You Save Me, and last but not least, Jamie O'Neil's Shiver.

The next chapter takes place about a week after this, and from now on, we hope to have longer time leaps and slightly shorter chapters. But you never know with these things... Heh... Well, I'm gonna shut up now. Ya'll know the drill. Please review, and we'll be back with another update soon! TTFN! Hahahha...


	16. Happy Birthday, Bobby

Wow. Well, here it is, everyone. This is the final chapter of How Could This Happen To Me?, the longest story I've ever written. I told InfinityStar that I hated to see the end of it, and I do. But we're pretty sure that everyone will love this last chapter, and by the end of it, will be eager to see the sequel. So here it is. The final chapter of How Could This Happen To Me? Enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: They're not ours... We know, we know!

We'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story, added it to their favorites, or added it to their alerts. We appreciate each and every one of ya'll! Thanks again!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Carolyn grumbled as the persistent knocking continued. "This had better be good," she muttered as she crossed the living room floor. Reaching the door, she looked through the peephole, then unlocked the door before opening it. "Alex, what's going on? Is everything okay?"

Alex clutched the small bag in her hands even tighter, her face pale. "Can I come in?"

Carolyn opened the door further and moved aside, and Alex walked in. After closing the door and relocking it, she motioned for Alex to sit down on the couch. Once they were both situated, she looked at the blond woman and said, "Okay, Alex, it's midnight. What's going on?"

A smile spread across Alex's face, and she opened the bag and dropped the contents into her lap.

Carolyn's eyes widened, and she inhaled sharply in surprise. It was a home pregnancy test... She looked up into Alex's dancing eyes. "Really?"

Alex nodded. "I think so. I'm late, and I've been getting sick. I don't think Bobby's noticed, but if I wanted to be sure..." She looked at the box, then at Carolyn again. "Can I- I mean..."

Carolyn realized what she was asking, and she grabbed the test and pulled Alex up, then shoved the test at her. "Go!" she said a tad too loudly, and Alex grinned when she clapped her hand over her own mouth.

Alex grinned and disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom, while Carolyn waited in the living room. A few minutes later, Alex walked back out with the test. "Two minutes," she stated, sinking down onto the couch.

Carolyn joined her, linking her hands in her lap. Neither of them could keep grins off of their faces. "So... if you are, when are you going to tell him?" Carolyn asked curiously.

"You know what Saturday is, right?"

She thought for a moment, then finally said, "Bobby's birthday."

"Yes. And if I am..." She grinned. "I'm going to give him this."

Carolyn couldn't contain her laughter. "Really? He'll love it."

Alex's face relaxed into a contented grin. "Yes, he will."

They lapsed into silence, until Alex looked at her watch and said, "It's time."

Carolyn grinned and unconsciously held her own breath.

Alex tried to steady her racing heart as she looked at the test and interpreted the results. "It's... positive! I'm pregnant!" she stated, trying not to shout with excitement.

Carolyn squeaked and hugged Alex tightly. "Congratulations! This is great!"

From the bedroom came an annoyed, "Would you two hold it down out there? Some of us have to get up in the morning!"

Alex slowly pulled away and stared at the test. She was pregnant again. Morning sickness, mood swings, no coffee... She was sure that she couldn't be happier.

Carolyn sighed, annoyed. But it quickly faded, and she hugged Alex again.

Alex looked at her watch and groaned softly. "I need to get back home, before he wakes up," she said, pushing an errant stray of hair out of her eyes. "Thanks."

Carolyn smiled warmly. "You're welcome, Alex."

Alex looked in the direction of her bedroom and called softly, "You be nice, grouch."

Carolyn quirked an eyebrow. "You really think he's going to listen?"

"Nope. But I'll beat it into him one day. Don't worry." Alex stood up, still holding the pregnancy test. "Sorry about the timing. Thanks again."

"Don't worry about it, Alex. I'm so happy for you two," Carolyn assured her.

She nodded and smiled at her again, then walked out of the apartment. She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. Bobby's baby. She grinned the entire way home.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

Alex couldn't keep the ridiculous grin off of her face she knew was there as she flitted around the apartment. Carolyn, Mike, Bobby and the baby were in the living room, and she could hear laughter floating through the apartment. Resting her hand over her belly, she whispered, "It won't be long now."

Carolyn was laughing as she rested against Mike's side. But her mind kept straying back to Tuesday night, and she bit her lip to keep from blurting out the big secret.

Bobby was sitting in the middle of the floor, sitting Kiska in front of him, trying to get her to balance, catching her when she toppled over, giggling.

Carolyn smiled warmly at Bobby and her daughter, and in her mind, she could see him with his own child. She turned her head and smiled at Mike, then returned her attention to the scene in front of them.

"Kiska," she cooed, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. When the baby looked at her, she grinned and said, "Humor the poor guy, baby."

Bobby laughed. "We're fine."

Smiling, Carolyn leaned back against the couch, resting her hand on Mike's leg.

Bobby moved suddenly, lifting the baby from the floor and nuzzling her neck. She laughed out loud and he chuckled softly.

Alex walked back into the living room, pausing for a moment to look at Bobby and the baby before she disappeared into the kitchen.

He raised an eyebrow at her departure. Getting to his feet, he kissed the baby and placed her in Mike's lap, following Alex into the kitchen. "Hey...everything okay?"

She smiled and tilted her head up, kissing him softly. "Everything's fine," she promised.

"You're not upset?"

She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and nodded. "Don't worry, Bobby. Just sit back and enjoy your birthday," she murmured, winding her arms around his waist.

"I can think of something I'd rather do than sit around," he whispered, pulling her close.

She shook her head and trailed her fingertips lightly along his spine. "Don't worry. That present comes later," she purred, pulling him down for another kiss.

He relaxed in her arms, giving himself over to her kiss.

Mike came into the kitchen. "Hey, Alex...aww, come on..."

Alex growled and freed one arm, swiping at Mike.

He easily ducked away. "You're giving me a complex."

"Shut up."

He laughed. "I was gonna ask if you have any beer."

"That's a first," Alex muttered sarcastically. "In the fridge."

Mike walked to the refrigerator. "You guys want one?" He tossed a beer at Bobby, not waiting for his answer. "Alex?"

She started to say yes, but then shook her head. "No thanks." She reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water instead. She opened the bottle and took a sip, then leaned back against the counter.

Carolyn walked into the kitchen, balancing Kiska on her hip and holding her there with one arm while she reached into the refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of water for herself.

Bobby poked the baby's belly, making her giggle again.

Alex smiled contently and took another sip of water, and Carolyn caught her eye. They exchanged secretive smiles.

Breaking the eye contact, Alex glanced at the cake sitting on the counter, and she felt like she would burst before they got to the presents. Placing the bottle on the counter, she walked over to Bobby and pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around him in a warm hug.

"What's that for?" he murmured into her ear.

"Nothing. I love you."

He kissed her and rested his cheek against her head. "I love you, too," he answered.

Carolyn adjusted the baby on her hip and smiled at Bobby and Alex.

Mike walked past them, gently smacking Bobby on the shoulder. "Come with me, man."

Alex was tempted to hit Mike, but she slowly pulled her arms away, then leaned up to kiss Bobby's cheek softly.

He smiled at her and left the room with Mike. Once they were out of the room, Bobby asked, "What's up?"

"They are up to something," Mike said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder toward the kitchen. "They've been whispering and laughing all week."

"What makes you think they're up to something?"

"Your detective skills getting rusty? Or are you just getting complacent playing house here?"

Bobby frowned at him. "Don't be an ass. Where the hell am I supposed to go? Your place?"

Mike laughed. "Sure. You can have the bathtub."

"So what if they're up to something? What are you worried about?"

"Whenever women get together and start whispering, I get nervous."

"Paranoid?"

"Experienced."

Once the men were out of earshot, Alex ushered Carolyn into a corner. "This is killing me!" she groaned quietly.

"I know," Carolyn laughed. "I'm surprised they haven't figured it out yet... Well, Bobby, at least."

Alex shrugged. "Hey, Mike's pretty smart, too."

"But I don't think he's going to figure it out, unless we're not careful."

"I've been careful," Alex said defensively. "Well... I think I have."

Carolyn giggled. "Alex, you turned down a beer for water. And you're practically glowing. Good thing he's finding out today."

"Yeah, it's a very good thing. I don't think I could keep this up for another day."

They both chuckled, and Alex reached for the baby, gently lifting her into her own arms. "I can't believe I'm going to have one of these," she said in soft awe as she cradled the baby in her arms.

Carolyn placed her hand on the blond woman's shoulder, squeezing it affectionately . "You're going to be a great mom, Alex. Don't worry about it."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

Alex smiled in appreciation, then handed the baby back to her mother, who settled her on her shoulder.

Bobby appeared in the doorway, leaning his tall frame against doorjamb. "What's going on in here?" he asked with a soft smile.

Alex returned his smile. "Just girl talk."

He studied her, a trace of a smile on his face. Then he let the smile show and walked away, taking a drink of his beer.

Alex sighed and leaned against the wall, resting her hand on her stomach.

Carolyn rubbed Kiska's back, then turned her dark eyes on Alex. "Let's get back out there, before they think something's going on."

Alex sighed. "I'm pretty sure they already think that," she said as she followed Carolyn into the living room.  
Carolyn went to the couch to join Mike, passing the baby into his arms. Alex remained on her feet, looking at the kitchen pensively. Finally she said, "Bobby, do you want to go ahead and cut the cake?"

"If you want," he replied.

She smiled and walked into the kitchen, then grabbed the candles and stuck them into the cake.

The others made their way into the kitchen as Alex lit the candles, and she grabbed Bobby's arm and pulled him in front of her. "Happy birthday, baby," she whispered, winding her arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder.

He looked down at her and smiled, kissing her temple.

"Make a wish," she murmured, stroking his arm lovingly.

"I already have everything I want," he said softly.

_Not everything... yet,_ she thought, watching as he blew out the candles.

As she handed him a knife and placed a stack of paper plates on the counter, she nodded discreetly at Carolyn, who handed Kiska to Mike and walked out of the kitchen.

Mike looked at Alex, his eyes narrowing. "What are you two up to?"

She shrugged innocently. "She's just bringing out the presents." Then she turned on her partner, and a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes.

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?"

She picked up the knife and cut a small piece of cake, then delicately picked it up. Grinning, she held it to his mouth and fed it to him.

After letting her place the cake in his mouth, he leaned closer and kissed her.

She wound her arms around his neck and pulled him close, tasting the remnants of the cake. "Good cake," she whispered, resting her forehead against his.

Carolyn reappeared, balancing two wrapped presents in her arms, one noticeably smaller than the other resting on top. With a grin, she placed the presents on the counter.

Bobby looked at the woman in his arms. "What are you up to?" he murmured to her.

She couldn't wait any longer. She picked up the smaller of the two presents and handed it to him. "Find out for yourself," she murmured, smiling widely.

He looked at the small package, then at her. A smile touched his mouth. He unwrapped it and opened the small narrow box. Silently, he stared at the contents. "Alex?"

She just grinned and remained silent.

Mike leaned over and looked into the box. "Is that what I think it is?"

Bobby nodded, his eyes now locked on his partner's. "Y-yes," he said softly.

"She peed on a stick and gave it to you for a birthday gift? Nice..."

Carolyn reached over and smacked Mike, and Alex wrapped her arms tightly around her partner. "There's one more present," she whispered, touching his cheek softly with her fingertips.

"Later," he murmured, pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply.

"Here we go again," Mike muttered. "Don't you two ever give it a rest?"

"Mike..." Carolyn hissed warningly.

"What? Every time I walk into a friggin' room..."

She leaned over and slid one arm around his waist, then kissed him, mindful of the baby in his arms.

He laughed quietly. "They say you should make noise walking in the woods so you don't startle any bears. I'm gonna start doing that around here."

She rolled her eyes.

Pulling away reluctantly, Alex rested her hands on the back of Bobby's neck and linked her fingers, smiling. "I've already been to the doctor."

He cocked an eyebrow. "And I missed it?"

She tipped her head to the side. "Sorry, baby. But I wanted it to be a surprise for your birthday."

His face softened. "You couldn't have given me a better surprise," he said.

"That was the longest five days ever," Carolyn muttered.

He turned his head toward her. "You knew?"

Mike nudged him. "I told you they were up to something."

Carolyn turned pink, and Alex ran her hand over his side. "Sorry, but I had to tell somebody. And big mouth over there would've ruined it."

Mike laughed. "Shows how much you know."

"And I needed someone to go with me to the first appointment."

Bobby was glaring at Mike. "You knew, too?"

Alex grinned and tightened her arms around him. "He didn't know. Carolyn went with me."

Bobby shook his head, gently pushing her to the side so he could advance on Mike. "No...he did know..."

Mike held up his hand. "I wasn't about to ruin this for her, man. She was too excited about surprising you. I have a heart."

Both Carolyn and Alex looked at him. "How the hell did you know?" Alex demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

Mike held the baby in front of him. "You woke me up the other night, remember? I heard you talking and figured it out."

Bobby turned to look at Alex. "The other...night?"

She shrugged and chewed on her lower lip. "I wanted to be sure, so I went out and bought a test. Then I went to their place for support. I was sure Mike would sleep through the whole thing..."

"And where was I?"

"Sleeping."

"I don't sleep that heavily."

Mike snorted. "You do when you're doped up."

Alex glared at Mike. "Ass," she muttered under her breath.

"Well..."

"Shut up, Mike," Bobby waved a hand at him but kept his eyes on Alex.

She glared at Mike again, then reached over and picked up the other present. "You were sleeping, and I was careful." She handed him the present.

He took the gift and tipped his head to the side. "I want to know how you left without waking me up, Alex. I-I know...when you aren't there."

"Bobby, I don't know why..." She groaned and sighed when it dawned on her. Leaning forward, she touched his hair gently and whispered, "That was the night when you could barely talk and you wouldn't let go of me, you were hurting so badly. I gave you the painkillers, remember?"

"Like I said..." Mike began.

Alex shot him a deadly glare, and Carolyn wrapped her hand around his forearm and applied pressure.

He shrugged. "I'm just being honest," he protested.

Satisfied that Carolyn had Mike under control, Alex returned her attention to Bobby. "I think you'll like this one, too," she said, kissing his cheek.

He met her eyes, then opened the gift. The front cover was adorned with little ducks and teddy bears, and two words on a piece of paper taped to it that gave him pause. "Baby Goren."

With one finger, he traced the words.

She rested her hand over his, then squeezed it gently. "Happy birthday, Bobby."

For a long time, he didn't say anything. Then he slowly raised his eyes to hers. "My...baby..."

She smiled widely and rested her hand over her flat stomach. "Your baby," she confirmed.

"I...I...never..." He trailed off and closed his eyes.

Her smile faded a little. "You never what?" she pried gently, caressing his cheek slowly.

He struggled for a moment. "I never thought...I would ever..." He shrugged, trying to make light of the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I never thought I'd get a chance to prove...I can be a better father than my own was."

She sighed softly and gently pulled the book out of his large hands, then laid it on the counter. Then she wrapped him tightly in her arms, pressing her face into his shoulder.

He brought his mouth down to her ear and whispered, "Thank you."

She smiled and kissed him softly, then pulled away, wiping impatiently at her hazel eyes. "Damn hormones," she muttered as more tears fell against her will.

He smiled and gently kissed away the tears. "I, um, I really need to sit down," he said.

She sniffed and pulled away. Then she looked at the cake and said, "Go sit down. I want some of this cake."

As he walked past Mike, he reached out and smacked the back of his head. "Give your daughter to her mother and come with me."

Carolyn smiled and accepted the baby, then grabbed a plate for herself.

"This looks good," she said as Alex cut a slice of the cake and placed it on Carolyn's plate.

"I'm not in trouble again, am I?" Mike asked as he followed Bobby into the living room.

"Not with me," Bobby answered.

"So what'd you smack me for?"

"You deserved it."

"For?"

"For not telling me Alex was at your place the other night."

"She's a big girl...anyone fool enough to mess with her deserves to get their head handed to them on a platter."

"So why do you keep antagonizing her?"

"Because it's fun. I'm not trying to hurt her."

Bobby settled back into the corner of the couch, closing his eyes.

"You all right, buddy?"

Bobby nodded. "Just...overwhelmed...and really tired."

Alex and Carolyn walked back into the living room, and Alex's brow furrowed as she sat down beside her partner.

"Here," Carolyn said, handing Mike a piece of cake and a fork on a paper plate.

Alex placed her plate in her lap and turned her head so she was facing her partner. "Hey, are you going to be okay?" she asked softly, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead.

He nodded, but didn't open his eyes. His hand rested on her thigh.

She covered his large hand with her smaller one and squeezed it, then brought it up to her lips.

Carolyn took a bite of the cake, then sighed in complete bliss. "Delicious..."

Alex turned her head and looked at her in amusement.

Bobby opened an eye halfway, looking at her while she was distracted. He moved his hand, gently sliding it along her inner thigh.

Alex inhaled sharply and grabbed her partner's hand, holding it still. Then she slid closer and curled into his side, bringing her legs up onto the couch and tucking them beneath herself.

He moved his thumb against her, a ghost of a smile quirking one corner of his mouth.

Careful not to turn her plate over, she reached behind herself and pulled his arm around her.

"What's the matter, baby?" he murmured.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," she whispered reassuringly, stroking his arm tenderly.

Carolyn watched the scene in mild amusement. "Think they know we're still here?" she asked Mike with a grin, her amusement growing as she watched his attempts to keep his plate away from their daughter's curious little hands.

"I think they just don't care...hey, you little mooch..."

Carolyn grinned and took another bite of the cake, then settled back into the chair.

Alex slowly pulled away from Bobby and smirked at Mike. "We know you're here. We just like scaring you," she stated, emphasizing the statement by snuggling into Bobby's side again.

He turned to Alex and grinned broadly. "You don't scare me, sweetheart. I like to watch." Then he groaned when the baby grabbed a fistful of cake from his plate. "Here, honey, go to Mommy. I tried."

He passed the baby to Carolyn and shrugged. Kiska shoved her icing-covered fist into her mouth and smiled at him.

Carolyn took the baby and settled her into her lap. "You love torturing your daddy, don't you?" she cooed, kissing the top of her daughter's head.

Alex rolled her eyes at Mike and rose to her feet. "Here, Carolyn, I'll clean her up for you," she volunteered, and Carolyn handed her the cake covered baby.

Bobby smacked Mike's shoulder. "Do you have a death wish?"

He laughed softly. "I would have thought by now he'd have figured out that when the beehive's been disturbed, you don't keep poking it with a stick."

"You know he has to learn the hard way."

Mike smirked. "Maybe I like being stung...by the right bees."

Carolyn crinkled her nose at him and rose to her feet, joining Alex in the kitchen.

Alex heard Carolyn walk into the kitchen, and she smiled at her. "She's having fun," she laughed, motioning to the baby who was chewing on a washcloth as she sat in the warm water.

Carolyn grinned. "She loves her bath."

After a few moments, she walked back into the living room and picked up the diaper bag, then walked back into the kitchen.

"You're great with her," Carolyn said thoughtfully as Alex picked Kiska up and wrapped her in a towel, then cuddled her close.

"Lots of practice," Alex said with a smile. With careful hands, Alex gently laid her on the counter, then retrieved a diaper from the diaper bag. "I... kind of this first one is a girl," Alex said quietly as she fastened the onesie, then handed Kiska to Carolyn again.

Carolyn smiled warmly. "I'm sure Bobby's going to be thrilled either way."

"Yeah, he will," Alex murmured, settling her hand over her stomach.

Bobby strolled into the kitchen and retrieved a pill bottle from the top of the refrigerator. Stepping up behind Alex, he looked over her shoulder at the baby. Gently poking her in the stomach, he smiled when she giggled and squealed happily at him. Then he nuzzled Alex's neck, trailing his tongue along the soft skin where her neck and shoulder met. Stepping away, he dumped a tablet into his hand and returned the bottle to its place.

She smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling him to her. "Hi."

"Hi," he answered softly, slipping his arm around her.

Carolyn smirked at them, then carried Kiska out of the kitchen. "Your aunt and uncle are a little distracted right now," Alex heard her say.

Bobby chuckled softly and drew her close. "Just a little," he agreed, kissing her.

Her knees buckled slightly, and she slid one hand under his shirt, while the other fingered the waistband of his pants. "Maybe."

"Oh, baby," he groaned.

Carolyn heard the two in the kitchen, and she perched herself on the arm of Mike's chair. "I wouldn't be surprised if they lock themselves in their bedroom right now."

"What makes you think they'll make it to the bedroom?"

"Good point." She gently pushed him over, then settled down beside him, draping one leg across his and turning her body to the side. Then she kissed his temple.

He sighed. "Maybe we should get going, before Kiska gets an education we don't want her to have yet. Of course..."

She smiled and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Okay, let's go."

Alex ran her hands through her hair as she walked back into the living room, and she raised an eyebrow when she noticed that Mike and Carolyn were on their feet. She turned and glanced at her partner. "How long were we in there?"

"Not long enough," he said with a grin.

Moving past her, he grabbed his drink and swallowed the medicine. Looking at Mike, he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Home, buddy. As much as I would love a floor show, I don't think Carolyn's quite into that." He grinned at Alex.

"I have that Smithsonian, and I sure as hell know how to use it," Alex growled, raising her hand.

"Since when do you stock Smithsonians?"

"Since I figured out they're very useful to smack you with."

Carolyn smirked and shifted Kiska onto her hip. "Come on, Mike, before Bobby and I decide to let Alex shoot you."

"Hey...why are you ganging up on me?"

"Because we can."

He looked at Bobby for help. Bobby grinned. "I'll hide the Smithsonians," he promised.

"Thanks...and make sure you don't leave any big sticks laying around."

"Where's the fun in that?" Alex asked, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting out her lower lip.

Bobby stared at her and Mike nudged him. "I'll call you tomorrow. Happy birthday, pal."

Drawing his attention away from his partner, he grinned at his friend. "Thanks, Mike."

Pulling him into a brief hug, Carolyn smiled at Bobby and said, "Happy birthday, Bobby."

"Thank you," he answered with a soft smile before he leaned over to kiss the baby. "Be a good girl," he said, gently tapping her nose.

With a giggle, she held her arms out to him. He took her in his arms and hugged her before handing her back to her mother.

Carolyn settled Kiska on her shoulder again and rubbed her back. Then she looked at Alex and murmured, "She's got the both of them wrapped around her little fingers."

Alex grinned. "Yes, she does." Alex handed Carolyn the diaper bag, then kissed the baby's forehead and gently tickled her belly, making Kiska giggle.

Carolyn kissed her daughter's soft curls, then gently nudged Mike with her elbow.

"Okay, I'm coming," he said. He winked at Bobby. "Have fun. I'd say don't do anything I wouldn't do...but I have yet to find something I won't do."

Alex and Carolyn rolled their eyes simultaneously.

Alex waited until the door was closed, then she walked over and locked it. Then without warning, she strode across the floor and pushed her partner down onto the couch, following him with a wicked grin.

He grunted softly as his injured ribs flared, then wrapped his arms around her. "What's that grin for?" he asked.

She shrugged, her hand straying down to finger his belt.

He pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it to the floor, then he ran his fingers over her abdomen.

She paused for a moment to run her fingertips along the side of his face. "Why don't we go to the bedroom?" she suggested, shifting so that she was sitting on the edge of the couch.

"I'll go...anywhere for you," he murmured, distracted as he caressed the soft skin of her back.

She smiled warmly at him, then kissed him. "Come on, then," she whispered, sliding her hand into his.

He got to his feet, swallowing another groan, and let her draw him down the hall to the bedroom. When she stretched out on the bed, his eyes roamed over her body and a small smile played at his lips.

She gently drew him down, her hands wandering along his back. Then she slid his shirt off and threw it to the floor.

He brushed his mouth along her collarbone, removing her bra to lavish attention on her breasts, each in turn. Then he continued his way over her soft skin, managing his body's powerful reaction to her soft moans with difficulty. When he got to her abdomen, he stopped for a moment, grazing his fingers over her flat muscles. "Hello, baby," he whispered, unable to keep the awe from his voice. Placing another soft kiss on her skin, he worked his way back to her chest.

She shivered beneath him, and when she heard his soft words, she couldn't hide the tears that shimmered in her eyes.

He continued his ministrations, both with his mouth and his hands. Each soft groan hit him harder and his gentle touch became more urgent; he nipped and sucked a little harder.

Closing her eyes, she slid her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her, murmuring his name softly.

He pushed her slacks down over her hips, his mind and his body on fire.

She wiggled out of her slacks and kissed the top of his head before she returned her head to the pillows. She made a soft purring sound at the back of her throat as she tightened her arm around him and tugged at his jeans with her other hand.

He made short work of sliding out of his jeans, quickly returning his attention to her body.

She slid her fingertips along his chest and down to his abdomen, then eased her legs around his waist. She could barely breathe, but she desperately craved the feeling, and his touch. She could never get enough of either.

Her response to him drove him on. He gently eased himself inside, knowing only one way to quench the fire that consumed him. When she began moving beneath him, he nearly lost it.

She watched him through heavy lidded eyes as he moved above her. Everything else seemed to blur, except his face, and she cupped his cheek in her right hand and caressed his skin with her thumb.

He groaned, burying his face in her neck and breathing in the scent of her skin. Trailing his tongue along her collarbone, he gently nipped her skin. "Love you," he moaned against her skin.

She trembled involuntarily and held him tighter to her. "Love you, too," she whispered, caressing his back. "More than you know." She gently framed his face and pulled his head down to hers, then kissed him deeply.

He returned her kiss with passion, exploring her mouth with his tongue as his hands explored her body. He was confident and skilled, continuing to draw deep groans from her that rumbled through her chest and into his body.

She felt her own release building, and her movements became more frantic, more desperate. Feeling his lips against her skin, she tightened her legs around his waist and ground out his name. "Bobby..."

He responded to her desperate movements, quickening his pace and driving his own buildup toward release. He groaned when she growled his name.

As she finally reached her peak, she groaned softly and threaded her fingers through his hair. She called his name again as she attempted to draw him over the edge with her.

When she tightened around him and called out his name, it was all the encouragement he needed. His body shuddered with his release and he groaned into the crook of her neck, breathing hard against her skin.

As the haze faded, she smiled contently and caressed his back, then kissed the side of his head. "Wonderful," she breathed, smiling against his hair.

"Alex," he whispered, his fingers lightly stroking the skin of her lower abdomen.

"Hmm?"

"I love you," he replied. "And...thank you."

"For what, Bobby?"

"For...being more stubborn than I am."

She smiled. "Some people would think that's a bad thing."

"No...it's not. If you weren't...we would never have had this."

"Maybe you're right. But here we are." She hugged him and cupped his cheek in her hand, tilting his head up gently. Then she kissed him tenderly. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"Not without a fight," he murmured, half-asleep.

"Not without a fight," she whispered, caressing his back and smiling when he rested his head against her chest and closed his eyes. "Because I love you."

A soft moan rumbled through his chest. "Love you," he returned, relaxing against her, sated, content and sleepy.

She tightened her arms around him and cradled him in her arms. "I love both of you."

Placing his hand over the area where his baby grew within her, he surrendered to sleep.

She looked down at his sleeping form, then where his hand rested, and she let out a soft sigh. "I love you, Bobby," she whispered, caressing his hair slowly. Then she laid her hand over his, and her smile grew. She waited a few minutes before she shifted and pulled his arm over her waist.

Sleep had never been sweeter.

The End

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it. Mike and Carolyn have their daughter, and Bobby and Alex are expecting. That's a great thing for all shippers. Hehehe. (sniff) I'm just so sad to see this story end. We both are. But there's already a sequel in the works, so for everyone who read that story, be on the look out for Betrayal. Thanks once again for reading, everybody, and please leave us a little review!


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